


Home Is Me, You Are Mine

by allstoriesintheend



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe, Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Red Room, Romance, Tragic Romance, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 157,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3981400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allstoriesintheend/pseuds/allstoriesintheend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He saw her for the first time on a Thursday night. </p><p>The flash of red caught his attention, but it was the blonde curls that held it. Bucky stopped completely, turning to face the girl that had captured his gaze.</p><p>“Ruby,” Bucky repeated, bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “A pretty name for a beautiful dame.”</p><p>He was allowed the pleasure of seeing that faint blush start to spread on her cheeks, and with a burst of confidence, Bucky licked his lips. There wasn’t any harm in asking.</p><p>“Care to dance, doll?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**  
  
1943**   
  


* * *

He saw her for the first time on a Thursday night.  
  
            Bucky Barnes had stepped foot into the Dance Hall with the intention to meet a few pretty dames for himself and his best friend, Steve, to take out the following night. It was always best to come to these things alone; if any girl caught sight of Steve before Bucky managed to secure dates, then Steve would never get the chance to take a girl out. No, Bucky’s charm alone was enough to win over two girls.  
            Wearing his best slacks and shoes, Bucky made sure that his freshly ironed shirt was tucked in properly before he started to move through the crowd, heading toward the bar. He was legal, of course, but if his father found out that Bucky had drank more than two glasses, he would be getting a clip around the head and a long discussion about wasting his money. Bucky felt like he had earnt himself a third glass tonight after the double shift he had pulled at the docks. He had already helped out his father that week and had a little left over, so surely he could sneak in a third drink without him even realising.  
  
             “I didn’t think you were coming, Barnes!” A loud voice cut over the band and a firm hand clamped down onto Bucky’s shoulder, making him turn. He was met with the face of a man older than himself, to whom Bucky shot a cheeky smirk. Shrugging the hand off, Bucky waved over his shoulder.  
  
             “I never miss a chance to impress the dames.”  
  
             “Plenty of ‘em here,” the man grinned. “Most of ‘em got boys overseas. Lookin’ to show a lonely girl a good time?”  
  
            “Aren’t I always?” Bucky smirked. His name was well-known around a Dance Hall, if he were to say so himself. He had never had a night out when a girl hadn’t agreed to a date with him. The man, Thomas, worked with Bucky at the docks. There was no doubt in Bucky’s mind that he had already checked the room out for him – he knew Bucky’s type – and would be directing him to girls any moment now.  
  
            “You got a couple of dames over by the bar. They look like your kinda girls.”  
  
            “Blonde?”  
  
            “Nah, both brunettes.”  
  
            “Any idea what they’re drinkin’?”  
  
            “They were on soda when I was over there. Better hurry though, Barnes. Not gonna get dates for you and your boy if you don’t move. Lotta guys were checkin’ them out.”  
  
            “I ever told you how much of a good friend you are, Tom?”  
  
            “Yeah, yeah. Save your sap for someone who gives a damn.” Thomas waved him off, allowing Bucky to travel around the dancefloor to get to the other side of the hall, where the bar and the girls he had been directed to were.  
  
             Boys his age had a clear divide – there were those who loved to stay by the bar and drink, and there were those that liked to pull a girl to the middle of the room and dance with her, and Bucky was the latter type of boy. His mother had taught him to dance and often Bucky had spent many a night entertaining his parents by dancing with his little sister to one of their mother’s records. Even now, he would still grab hold of his sister’s hand and waltz with her, even though the two of them were much older and the records were less frequent.  
            So, it was no surprise that when he reached the girls that he was going to ask them for a dance. A few spins around, a drink or two, and Bucky would then make his move. He needed dates for himself and his best friend tonight and damn everything if he wasn’t walking out of there with the promise of picking two dames up the next night.  
  
            Of course, that was all before he saw her.  
  
            The flash of red caught his attention, but it was the blonde curls that held it. Bucky stopped completely, turning to face the girl that had captured his gaze.  
            She was standing with a small group made up of three other girls, but she was the only one that Bucky had his eyes on. Her dress wasn’t unlike anything other girls were wearing, but it was the colour that intrigued him. The colour matched the shade painted on her lips perfectly, making her stand out from the rest of the girls. Not many dames wore red, if his visits to Dance Halls were anything to go by. He had been told once before by one of the men at the docks that dames who wore red were only looking for a ‘good time’, but Bucky doubted that this was the case with this particular girl. She didn’t look like the type. As his eyes travelled back from looking at her dress, he noticed the pink tinge on her face, and her eyes – blue, beautiful and locked on his. Bucky felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. It became increasingly difficult to try and remember how to breathe as she looked at him, and the moment the corners of her mouth twitched upward, he was fairly certain that he would never look at another girl the way he was looking at her now. Her expression was one of shyness, and the blush on her cheeks only accentuated that. All too soon he had forgotten about the other girls at the bar and was making his way over to her, until a slender hand caught him by his bicep. Bucky shut his eyes and groaned inwardly, before he turned to face the girl that had grabbed him.  
  
            “Hey Connie.” Her name came out as an exasperated sigh on his lips, but he still tried to flash her a small smile.  
  
            “You going to ask me to dance?” His tone went unnoticed by her as she batted her eyelashes at him, looking up hopefully.  
  
            “Actually, I was –”  
  
            As he turned, the girl who had been holding his gaze was no longer there. He scanned the room for blonde curls and red lips, but she was nowhere to be found. He cursed himself for not pulling out of Connie’s hold quick enough, before then turning to the little brunette. Connie was practically beaming at him, and Bucky couldn’t have been less interested. If it was the blonde in front of him then he would have lost the ability to speak then and there. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the blonde, and Connie was still waiting for his answer. Sighing inwardly, he glanced over his shoulder, making it look as though he was looking to the dance floor when instead he was looking for a flash of red that again evaded him. If Connie was all he was going to get tonight, then he would have to take her. After all, she was always good fun on a date and she had more than enough friends to set Steve up with. When he turned back around to Connie, he flashed her a fake smile and nodded behind him.  
  
            “Wanna go for a spin?”  
  
            Girls like Connie were the kind of girls that loved fast-paced dancing, and coincidentally, that was what Bucky was best at. He loved spinning a girl around until she started to giggle, but it wasn’t just the way the girl acted when they danced. No, Bucky loved moving to the beat of music. If anyone asked him, he would deny it until his voice went hoarse, but he knew it to be truth. Dancing was his passion. Though he couldn’t compare to the greats – Fred Astaire was undoubtedly the best dancer that Bucky had ever seen – he tried his best. His mother had taken him to his very first moving picture, and Bucky had been mesmerised by the dancing that he had seen. So much so that when he returned home, he tried to dance with his mother the way he had seen the couple on the screen do. His mother had said that he could be a great dancer one day with the way Bucky moved, but that was a dream that had quickly been extinguished years later by his father. He certainly didn’t want anyone to see him as a ‘fairy’, as his father so eloquently put it. When Bucky tried to point out that none of the men that he had seen in the pictures had been fairies, he had received a sharp clip around the back of his head and told that it wouldn’t be discussed again. Dancing became a hobby, and not a career choice. It was just as well, he supposed. After all, working at the Docks brought in enough money, whereas he would have been out on the street if he couldn’t find dancing work in New York.  
  
            “You sure know how to dance!” Connie was grinning as his hands came to rest on her waist, stilling her from her latest spin.  
  
            “I got a great partner,” Bucky smiled back at her. Connie’s cheeks gained a pink tinge, and Bucky nodded back to the bar.  
  
            “Let me get you a drink.”  
  
Connie’s response was to nod and leave the dance floor in the opposite direction, murmuring that she would get them a table as she passed him. Bucky watched her go and then headed back toward the bar, knowing that soda would be good enough for Connie. She wasn’t an expensive date, which Bucky always liked about her. As much as he liked to take a dame out and spoil her, he also needed to stop spending his money so carelessly. He didn’t need another argument starting with his father over his lifestyle.  
            The bar was no less busy than it had been when Bucky had first walked in, which only made him sigh. He didn’t have a chance at the moment to get close enough to order a drink, but instead of going to find Connie, Bucky decided to go for a smoke. Five minutes wouldn’t hurt. He would just tell her that there was a wait at the bar and make it up when he took her on a date the following day. Turning on his heel, Bucky headed toward the doors of the Dance Hall – and stopped in his tracks when his eyes found the blonde that they had locked with earlier. There she was, and not alone, either. Bucky tilted his head curiously, seeing her flush the kind of red that meant a girl was uncomfortable. The blonde was shaking her head, raising her hand as if to deter the man in front of her, but that seemed to be the exact opposite of what it did. Instead, he leaned closer, taking hold of her hand. Her eyes widened and she leaned away from him, looking around for some form of help. That was when Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. Straightening up, he started to move closer to them, now able to hear the verbal exchange.  
  
            “Please, I’m just waiting – ”  
  
            “Just one dance, sweetheart. That’s all I’m asking.”  
  
Slurring. That didn’t sit well with Bucky at all. Slurring came just before men started to get too hands-on with dames. While Bucky wasn’t one to turn down a drink or two, he never drank enough to make him slur his words. Getting drunk was something that was never in his interests. As the man’s hand started to creep up the blonde’s arm, Bucky took the last few steps toward him, placing a hand on his shoulder. The blonde’s eyes widened even further, her gaze now flying up to look at Bucky.  
  
            “Excuse me pal, but you’re gonna have to back off.”  
  
            “Who says?” The man shrugged the hand off of his shoulder, turning around to face Bucky. He had a couple of inches on the man, which put Bucky more at ease. While he could hold his own in a fight – and had done many times over because of Steve – it wasn’t something he liked to involve himself in too often. Bruises meant that moving heavy crates became more difficult at work the following day.  
  
            “I do. The dame’s with me. Aren’t you, doll?” Bucky looked over to her, flashing a small smile in a silent question. In response, she gave a soft nod, now refusing to look at the man between them. A silent thank-you passed his lips while the man stepped from between them, making Bucky move closer.  
  
            “This was who I was waiting for.”  
  
            “Sorry pal, this girl’s taken. Better luck next time.”  
  
The man gave a shake of his head and left muttering under his breath, working through the crowd of people to get to the dance floor. Bucky kept his eyes on him to make sure that he wasn’t going to come back, and then breathed out a sigh of relief.  
  
            “For a second there, I didn’t think you were gonna play along.”  
  
The blonde took a step away from Bucky, giving him a wary look. He took a step back from her too, allowing her to have her personal space back.  
  
            “Are you going to try and sweet-talk me too?”  
  
            “Me? I just saw that you needed some help. Drunk guys ain’t exactly the kinda guys that I like.”  
  
            “And I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re not a drinker?”  
  
            “I like drinkin’ just as much as the next guy,” Bucky shrugged, “but nowhere near as much as that guy did. Could smell the liquor on him the second I got close.”  
  
That seemed so silence her for the moment, so Bucky took the opportunity and gave her an acknowledging nod of his head, and held his hand out.  
  
            “My name’s Bucky.”  
  
She glanced at his hand, and for a moment, Bucky thought that she was going to ignore it completely, but a gentle hand found his own. A grin started to form on his lips, letting blue eyes meet blue.  
  
            “Ruby.”  
  
            “Ruby,” Bucky repeated, bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “A pretty name for a beautiful dame.”  
  
Bucky was allowed the pleasure of seeing that faint blush start to spread on her cheeks that he had seen when their eyes had met for the first time when his lips brushed against her skin. With a burst of confidence, Bucky licked his lips. There wasn’t any harm in asking.  
  

          “Care to dance, doll?”  
  
Her hand slipped from his and she shook her head, making her blonde curls move with her. Bucky dropped his hand back to his side, eyebrows knitting together in a slight frown.  
  
            “Thank-you for what you did, but I’m not going to dance with you.”  
  
            “Why not?”  
  
            “Because you have a girl waiting for you already.”  
  
His face fell. Connie. Connie had caught him at the bar when he had been about to make his way over to her. Of course she had seen him dancing with the brunette. Ruby seemed to notice him faltering, which only made the corners of her mouth twitch upward.  
  
            “Don’t keep her waiting now, will you?” Ruby clutched her purse tightly, starting to move away from him. Bucky couldn’t help watching her go, looking at the curls in her hair and the red of her dress.  
  
            “Where are you goin’?”  
  
            “Home.” Ruby glanced at him over her shoulder. “And you should go back to your partner.”  
  
            “Am I gonna see you again?”  
  
            “Probably not.”  
  
This time, she didn’t turn around. Bucky’s heart dropped at the thought of not seeing her again. She was without a doubt the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen, but after speaking to her, it was more than that. She was the only girl that Bucky had ever met to turn down a dance. That made her stand out from the other girls he knew. Girls all over knew who he was, not that he would brag about that, and none had ever refused him for a dance. Yet, this girl had. She had put him in his place with just a simple selection of words, and it had left him dumbfounded.  
  
            “Well, it was nice meetin’ ya!” Bucky called to her, but there was no response. Instead, he had to watch the blonde disappear through the Dance Hall doors, where a group of girls were waiting for her. He licked his lips once more, already picturing her face even though he had seen her only moments ago.  
   
           “Ruby…”  
  
            That was a name he wouldn’t be forgetting.  
  
            

* * *

 

            Sundays were easily Bucky’s most despised day of the week, for no other reason than it was the day his sister woke him up two hours before they had to go to Church. Bucky could have easily slept in and woken fifteen minutes before they had to go, but Becca refused to let him. After all, how could he be expected to cook breakfast within such a short space of time? Sunday was the day that Bucky had to make breakfast for the three of them, and Becca told him that she looked forward to it every week. According to her, he made eggs far better than their father did. That reason was exactly why Bucky felt the edge of his thin mattress dip on Sunday morning, and felt a hand grab his shoulder and shake it.  
  
            “Wake up!”  
  
            “Go away, Bec. I’m sleepin’.”  
In an attempt to get away, Bucky tugged the blankets up but the weight of his sister held them firmly in place. She wasn’t going to let him turn over, no matter how much he wanted to.  
  
            “Come on! Dad said he got a surprise for us!”  
  
            “Great,” a yawn passed his lips as he tugged his pillow over his face. Becca pulled it off as soon as his hands left the corners, hitting it back down over his face.  
  
            “Hey! Watch it!”  
  
            “Get up!” Becca hit him again while he failed to catch the pillow, until he sat up and scowled playfully at her. Becca shot him a grin, holding his pillow tightly to her.  
  
            “Dad said you can’t hit me, because I’m a little lady.”  
  
            “Dad ain’t here,” Bucky grinned, shoving her backward onto the end of the bed. Becca started giggling and tried desperately to cling to the pillow, but it was no use. Soon it was tugged out of her hold and Bucky was now using it to hit her, laughing along with her giggles.  
  
            “I’m gonna tell!”  
  
            “Don’t go squealin’, Bec!”  


            “Bucky! Rebecca!”  
  
Their laughter immediately fell silent, and the pillow slipped down to the floor. Their father’s footsteps came closer to the door, but he didn’t enter. Instead, they both flinched at the hard rapping of his knuckles against the thin wood.  
  
            “Bucky, it’s your morning.”  
  
            “Becca was just coming to get me up.”  
  
            “Then be quick about it. Rebecca, it’s your turn to iron our Sunday clothes.”  
  
            “Okay, dad.”  
  
The two waited until they heard their father walking away, and then Becca was getting up off the bed and taking the hung up shirt and slacks off the clothes hanger. Bucky slipped out of bed, straightening out his white vest and tucking it into his pyjama bottoms while his sister opened the door of his room, disappearing down the hallway as Bucky made his way to the kitchen.  
  
            Their home wasn’t the biggest, or even the best looked after, but it was more than suited to the three of them. When his mother had been with them, their home had always looked beautiful and well-kept. It wasn’t that his father didn’t look after the house, of course. It was that his father didn’t know how to look after the house that was the problem. George Barnes tried, and Bucky knew that. He couldn’t ever put his father down as someone who didn’t try, but it simply wasn’t in his blood to know how to look after a family home. He was an Army man through and through, even after retiring from that life. Bucky’s mother had been so different that he often wondered how a woman like her had fallen for a man like his father, but then again, he supposed that was just how love worked. That’s what his mother had said, at least.   
            The walls were still holding the slick of paint that Bucky and his father had given them years ago, and there were a handful of pictures that hung in the main room. A picture of his mother and father on their wedding day, a picture of himself when he was a couple of months old and one of Becca too, the two of them together, and then a family picture of all four of them. There wasn’t much that indicated it was a home, but there was enough. As Bucky passed the main room, he saw his father in his armchair with the Sunday paper already open. Deciding against greeting his father, Bucky went straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for his family.  
  
            Almost twenty minutes later, Becca came into the kitchen wearing a grin. Bucky rolled his eyes at her, starting to plate up breakfast. Even with the war going on overseas, the amount of food they ate wasn’t much different than what it had been when their mother was around.  
  
            “Breakfast is ready, Pop!”  
  
Becca got the table ready as their father walked in, making his way to the cupboard under the sink. Bucky and Becca both watched him out of the corner of their eyes as he moved, curious as to what he was doing. It was only when he stood back up with a grin and held out the item in his hands that their faces lit up. Chocolate milk. Now that was spoiling them.  
  
            “Rebecca, get the mugs. If you’re good, it will last until Wednesday.”  
  
            “Okay, daddy!”  
  
Bucky grinned as he put the plates down, looking over at his father passing the glass bottle to Becca. If they were lucky, it would last them until Wednesday. They could pace themselves with this. It was a rare treat to get something like chocolate milk, and they would want to make it last as long as possible.  
  
            “Don’t pour me any,” George told her. “I’ll have something else.”  
  
            “Come on, Pop. Have some with us.”  
  
            “Bucky –”  
  
            “Please?” Becca interrupted, holding out his mug. “You should have some too. It’s special for all of us.”  
  
George sighed inwardly, trying to avoid the wide-eyed blue gaze of his daughter only to be met with the encouraging look of his son. He breathed heavily and then flashed a small smile at Becca, nodding.  
  
            “Okay, honey. Pour me some too.”  
  
            “And quick, Bec. Breakfast is gonna get cold.”  
  
            It seemed to be in no time at all that they had finished breakfast, put on their Sunday clothes and were out the door on their way to Church. While George Barnes had a car, it was rare that they used it. Now it tended to sit on the street of their block, unused. Everything was near enough walking distance for them anyway, besides Becca’s school. Bucky could walk to and from work every day, and they lived on the same block as Steve and his mother, Sarah. As Becca linked arms with their father, Steve was helping his mother down from the steps that led to their home. Bucky initially smiled at the two and nodded his head to Sarah, who had become like a second mother to Bucky from the amount of time the two boys spent together. With Becca on one arm, George held his other out for Sarah to take so that they could walk as a three, and leave the boys to walk in front of them. As soon as they were a distance in front of their parents and Becca, Bucky slung his arm around Steve’s shoulder like he tended to do.  
             
            “What’s the word, pal?”  
  
            “How about you tell me? You took Connie home the other night, didn’t ya?” Steve shrugged Bucky off, giving him an innocent grin. “You’re the one with all the stories.”  
  
That made the slightly older boy scratch the back of his neck, forming the smirk that made dames weak at the knees. Steve knew all of the stories and everything that Bucky had ever done with a girl – which is why he never got turned down for a date.  
  
            “Punk,” he nudged Steve lightly, “Yeah, I did, and her folks weren’t home either.”  
  
            “You’re gonna have to start goin’ steady with her if you keep this up.”    
  
            “Nah. Connie likes goin’ on dates, but she doesn’t wanna go steady with a fella like me. She’s got her eye on some other boy across town. Works in the bakery.”  
  
            “Then what’s she doin’ hangin’ off your arm?”  
  
            “I told ya, she likes goin’ on dates,” Bucky shrugged, “I know what she likes.”  
  
            “Yeah, you’ve told me.”  
  
            “Hey, Mary-Beth seemed like she liked you.”  
  
            “She’s about five inches taller than me,” Steve gave him a flat gaze. “She looked my way once the entire night.”  
  
            “I don’t believe that. Connie said that she liked ya.”  
  
            “Was that before or after you took her home?”  
  
            “Aw, shut up!” Bucky rolled his eyes, earning a raised eyebrow from Steve. “I didn’t go all the way with her. Just a couple o’long kisses.”  
  
            “Yeah right,” Steve chuckled. “And then you’re gonna tell me that Becca’s gettin’ married.”  
  
            “Hey!” Bucky pointed at Steve, then glanced over his shoulder to his little sister. “Ain’t nobody marryin’ Becca unless I give permission. That’s my little sister, ya punk.”  
  
            “Boys are too scared to ask her on a date anyways. They know you live there too.”  
  
            “Damn right. No boy is gonna make my sister cry.”  
  
            “Naw, you do enough of that on your own.”  
  
            “I ain’t made Becca cry in years! Except that time I got oil all over her dress a couple of weeks back.”  
  
            “She got over that yet?”  
  
            “You kiddin’?” Bucky snickered. “Told her I’d get her a new one anyway. I just gotta save up a couple more bucks and I got it covered.”  
  
            “You said you didn’t have anythin’ to pay for the other night,” Steve started to frown, which made Bucky double back on his words.  
  
            “Becca’s dress can wait. Ain’t like she’s goin’ anywhere to wear it anyways. She’s only fourteen, Steve. I ain’t takin’ her out dancin’ until she’s old enough.”  
  
            “You shouldn’t have done it. I could have helped out –”  
  
            “Let it go, alright? You and your Ma need the money. I ain’t got a problem with payin’ for a couple of drinks.”  
  
            That much was true. Bucky wasn’t old enough to remember much about Joseph Rogers, but he knew from his own father that he hadn’t been a good man. George said that he liked alcohol too much, and that’s what had killed him. Bucky only ever remembered playing with Steve when Steve came over to their house with Sarah, who had always had a very timid but kind look about her. Her and his own mother became close friends as Steve and Bucky did too, meaning the boys could spend more time together. Bucky had heard once or twice his mother telling Sarah that she should leave Joseph, and Sarah insisting that it ‘wouldn’t happen again’, and ‘he’s just had a bad day’. Bucky paid no mind to it, of course. He had far too much fun playing with Steve to care about the troubles that their parents were having. Ever since Joseph had passed, Sarah had worked two jobs to keep up with her son’s medication costs, her bills, and everything else that adults had to pay out to keep their family supported. Bucky knew that his parents had tried to help out when they could, even though Sarah refused several times to take their support, but now times were tougher. Steve had started working at seventeen, a year after Bucky had, and unfortunately every job that Steve had never lasted more than a couple of months due to how often he grew sick.         There weren’t many places that would take Steve on either with all of his medical conditions, which Bucky agreed with but never voiced this to Steve whenever he came back from an interview where he had been turned away. Stores were good for Steve. Places that their families had always shopped were willing to take him on, because they knew he could be a good worker when he wasn’t sick. The grocery store was his latest employment, and whatever he earnt, half of it went to Sarah to help keep their home stable. Bucky did the same with his father, but they weren’t as poor as Sarah and Steve were. That’s why whenever Bucky dragged Steve on a date, he always made sure to have enough money for all four of them. It was the least he could do, he supposed.  
  
            “Thanks,” Steve’s voice had become a murmur as they reached the Church steps, pausing only for their families to catch up. “I really appreciate it.”  
  
            “Aw come on, Rogers. You’re gonna make me blush.”  
  
As their families caught up – Becca now untangling her arm from her father’s to link with Bucky instead – George’s eyes found Bucky.  
  
            “Rebecca’s going to sit with you and Steve down at the front today.”  
  
            “But –”  
  
            “No, Bucky. You’ll go and sit at the front with your sister. It might do you some good to pay attention for once.”  
  
That silenced Bucky. Becca took the arm of him and then took one of Steve’s, leading the two boys inside the Church with their parents following.  
  
            If Bucky was going to be honest, Church had never been something he enjoyed. He tolerated it for his mother, but with her gone, it didn’t hold that much of a place in his life. Church was Church. It didn’t matter if he prayed or not, his mother was still dead and there was nothing that could bring her back. He didn’t believe that she had been taken for a higher purpose, he simply believed that she had been taken. It was as simple as that, to him. Unfortunately, his father forced him to come to Church every Sunday, despite several arguments over his job. If Bucky worked the morning shift at the docks on a Sunday, he would be paid double. That didn’t sit well with George. He was insistent that Bucky needed to attend Church. That was what irritated Bucky. It wasn’t by his own choice that he was attending every Sunday. It was the choice of his father, and as long as he lived under his roof, he had to do what he was told like he was still a child. So, like the good brother he was, Bucky allowed Becca to lead him to the third pew from the front and settle in it, looking at his friend next to him. Becca seated herself on the other side of Steve, so Bucky was at least thankful for that. He would be able to talk to Steve during the service.  
  
            “Come on, it ain’t so bad,” Steve whispered to him as people filled the pews. “It’s only once a week, pal.”  
  
            “Steve, you like Church.”  
  
            “So? It’s only a couple hours. Not like your Pop’s makin’ you stay any longer than that.”  
  
            “Yeah, yeah…”  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes as he slipped down to rest comfortably in the pew – and then almost shot straight back up. There was no mistaking the girl that was settling down in the pew in front of him. Those curls belonged to the girl he had been thinking about the entire night he had been on a date with Connie.    
  
Ruby was sitting directly in front of him.  
  
**  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

            From the second Ruby had seated herself, Bucky had been fighting the itch to lean forward and talk to her. However, this wasn’t the Dance Hall, and she wasn’t alone. Beside Ruby were who Bucky assumed to be her siblings – two sisters and a brother – and then her parents at the very end of the pew. Even from just the back of them, Bucky could tell that they weren’t the kind of family that would live near him. No, Ruby was an uptown girl. Her parents gave that away, so why were they sitting in a Church with the majority of Brooklyn’s working class? Bucky didn’t know. He didn’t have a damn clue why a family such as hers would be here, unless they had been visiting Brooklyn and didn’t like to miss Church. It wasn’t uncommon for folks from New York to take trips to come to Coney Island, so that must have been what they were doing. Ruby was visiting. She didn’t live near where to he lived. There wasn’t a chance of that. As he looked at her, studying those blonde curls, he received a sharp jab to his ribs.  
  
            “Ow! What the hell?” Bucky hissed at Steve.  
  
            “You’re gonna fall off your seat, Buck,” Steve whispered back to him. It was only then that Bucky realised he had been slowly edging forwards to Ruby. Shuffling back, he sunk down in the pew again, keeping his voice low so he didn’t attract her attention. Unfortunately, Steve Rogers was no fool. He noticed Bucky staring at the girl and turned to him, raising an eyebrow.  
  
            “Don’t tell me that you’re gonna hit on a dame while we’re at Church.”  
  
When he didn’t get a response, Bucky’s ears were met with a very harsh hiss of his name, forcing him to roll his eyes at his best friend.  
  
            “Relax, Steve. I ain’t gonna ask her out.”  
  
            “That counts when we get outside, y’know. You can’t hit on a girl in front of her family.”  
  
            “I’m not gonna!” Bucky hissed back. Ruby turned her head to the side and Bucky took a deep inhale of air, but luckily she didn’t turn to face him. She had involved herself in a conversation with both of the blonde girls next to her. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Bucky looked at Steve again. It was then that Steve’s eyebrows knitted together, gesturing to the pew in front of them.  
  
            “You know that girl?”  
  
            “Keep your voice down, huh?” Bucky grumbled, then nodded. “Kinda. Met her the other night.”  
  
            “And what, she turned you down?”  
  
Bucky pointedly looked away from Steve, which made the smaller man’s eyes widen in shock. Of all the girls that Bucky had ever asked on a date, he had never known one of them to say no. Bucky just had a way with girls that other boys their age didn’t. He had always been like that, ever since their days at high school. Steve had known him had a handful of steady girlfriends, but none seemed to be the one that Bucky was looking for. Steve had always thought him too hard to pull into a decent relationship. Bucky kept the girls he went on dates with as friends rather than singled one out to make her his girl. He enjoyed having options, so to speak. Steve was lucky if just one girl met his eyes accidentally, but he could never have several just waiting for him to take them on a date like Bucky could with just one flash of his grin. That’s who Bucky was. He was a ‘Charmer’, as Sarah had always said.  
  
            “What’d you do to her?”  
  
            “What?” Bucky raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.  
  
            “What did you do to her to make her turn you down?”  
  
            “I didn’t do anythin’ to her. I asked her to dance and she said no.”  
  
            “Come on, Buck. Girls don’t just… Do that to you.”  
  
            “This one does.”  
  
            “Tell me what happened. I know you aren’t sayin’ everythin’.”  
  
            “Some guy was all over her, so I went over to tell him that he ain’t got no business with her, and that she was with me. Then I asked her to dance when he’d gone, and she said no because I’d already danced with Connie.”  
  
            “Ain’t that a good thing, then?” Steve frowned. “I mean, you woulda upset Connie if you’d have gone dancin’ with that girl instead.”  
  
            “That’s why she turned me down. She told me to go back to Connie anyways, and then she left.”  
  
            “She looks too upperclass for us anyway, Buck. I bet she woulda expected you to take her somewhere real nice.”  
  
            “Yeah, yeah…” Bucky grumbled. Steve had a point. Steve always had a point, and Bucky supposed that it was a good thing that Ruby had told Bucky to go back to dancing with Connie, but that didn’t mean he was happy about it.  
  
            “Ain’t it ironic?”  
  
            “You still talkin’ about it?”  
  
            “You got girls all over Brooklyn fallin’ around ya, and the one that you actually wanna take on a date won’t give ya the time of day.”  
  
            “How about you shut up, huh?”  
  
Bucky’s tone hadn’t been clipped, but it was enough to silence Steve anyway. Well, Bucky’s tone and the fact that the Church had begun to quieten, drawing everyone’s eyes forward and stopping their conversations. Leaning his head back against the hard wood of the pew, Bucky drew in a deep breath and tried to prepare himself. Boy, was it going to be a long service.  
  


* * *

  
            By the time the service came to an end, Bucky had only almost fallen asleep once. It wasn’t necessarily that he was ignorant, but it was more of a matter of that religion wasn’t as big of a concern in his life as it was in Steve’s, and that was okay with him. He didn’t call Steve out on it, and Steve didn’t call him out on it. That’s just how the two of them worked. Of course, Bucky would have received a clip around the head from his father if he had almost nodded off sitting next to him, so in Bucky’s eyes, it was an all-around good service. That was, until they were standing outside and Bucky turned to the Church doors to see Ruby walking out with one of her sisters. Her eyes caught his and a pink tinge erupted on her face at the same moment he started to scratch the back of his neck. The younger blonde next to her looked Bucky’s way too, then began to smile and talk rapidly to her sister.  
  
            “Shit,” Bucky murmured to Steve, nudging his friend. Steve looked at Bucky and then followed his gaze until he saw Ruby too, and the tops of his ears turned red. But it wasn’t Steve’s reaction or even Ruby’s blush that made Bucky’s eyes widen. It was that her little sister waved at him, then made her way over to him as if they knew each other. Steve excused himself the moment the smaller blonde had started to move, leaving Bucky alone. Ruby tried to catch her, but she slipped her arm out of her sister’s hold and only stopped moving when she was in front of Bucky, looking up at him.  She weighed him up for all of a few moments, until she was smiling at him.  
  
            “Did you ask Ruby to dance?”  
  
            “ _Pearl_!” Ruby’s embarrassed tone found its way to Bucky, but he didn’t stop looking down at her sister. Shrugging, he winked at her.  
  
            “Maybe. How’d you know about that, huh? I didn’t see you there. I woulda remembered seein’ a pretty girl like you.”  
  
            “Ruby told me when she came home,” Pearl said, very-matter-of-factly. “And I’m not old enough to go.”  
  
            “She did? Did she tell you what she said to me?”  
  
            “She said no because you were already dancing with a girl. But –”  
  
Ruby’s hand flew very suddenly over her little sister’s mouth, pulling her back. Bucky watched as Pearl’s eyebrows knitted into a frown, grumbling under her sister’s pale hand.  
  
            “You say somethin’ that bad about me that your sister ain’t allowed to repeat it?”  
  
Instead of getting an answer, Bucky got a change of conversation topic.  
  
            “I didn’t know that you lived around this area.”  
  
Bucky drew back at her words, almost as though she had insulted him. He knew he didn’t live in the best part of Brooklyn, but he didn’t live in the worse part, either. There were far poorer areas closer to where Bucky worked. Whether she was looking down at him simply because he had turned up at this particular Church or not seemed to rile him far more than it should have.  
  
            “Born and bred right here in Brooklyn. I could say the same for you, anyways. What’s a girl like you doin’ slummin’ it down here?”  
  
            “We live here now,” by now, Pearl had gotten free of her sister’s grasp, and was back closer to Bucky than she was Ruby. “We just moved in on Monday.”  
  
            “Is that right? What happened to you guys?”  
  
            “That’s not any of your business,” Ruby’s voice was curt and clipped, to which Bucky raised his hands in forfeit.  
  
            “I wasn’t lookin’ for no argument. You guys just don’t look like the kinda family that’d move to Brooklyn without a good reason to.”  
  
            “Well now we’re here, and if you’ll excuse us, we –”  


            “James!”  
  
Bucky winced as he turned around to face his father, seeing him with Becca, Steve and Sarah. He nodded to his father, gesturing for them to go forward and he would catch up. Once his father had taken a few steps, Bucky turned back around to see Ruby raise an eyebrow at him, crossing her arms. Pearl had disappeared, leaving him alone with the blonde.  
  
            “You said your name was –”

            “It is.” Bucky cut her off, knowing exactly what she was going to say.  
  
            “So why is your father calling you James?”  
  
            “That’s my name too.”  
  
Meeting a serious expression, Bucky sighed heavily and stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets.  
  
            “Bucky’s just a nickname. My name’s James Buchanan Barnes. Named after the President, just like my Pop wanted. I don’t like bein’ called James.”  
  
            “No,” Ruby shook her head lightly, making her blonde curls fall about in a way that made Bucky want to touch them. “James doesn’t suit you.”  
  
            “Well thanks, doll.” His voice turned flat, tugging his hands from his pockets.  
  
            “I’m not a doll.” Ruby’s voice fell flat.  
  
            “You don’t like gettin’ called that? A lotta girls do.”  
  
            “I’m not like the other girls that you know.”  
  
            “No, you ain’t.”  
  
Bucky cast a glance over his shoulder to see his family and Steve’s gone, knowing full well that they would at least be halfway home by now. Turning around, he could see Ruby’s parents talking with a few of the other people that had come out of Church, along with her siblings standing close to them. Against his better judgement, he took a step back toward her.  
  
            “If you won’t dance with me, can I take you out on a date? Like, I dunno, I bet you got a curfew, ain’t ya? I could take you for –”  
  
            “No.” Her tone was clipped, and she took a step back from him for his step forward. “I’m not going on a date with you.”  
  
            “Why not?”  
  
            “You’re not the kind of boy I’d go on a date with.”  
  
Even though he agreed with that – she was far too good for him, and he had known it since he had seen her at the Dance Hall – it still didn’t stop the drop in his expression. Nice girls didn’t go on dates with guys like him. That was the way it was.  
     
         “Yeah, I guess not. Look, whatever, yeah? Forget I asked.” Bucky turned on his heel abruptly, waving his hand over his shoulder to her. “See ya around, Ruby.” 

* * *

  
            “Goodbye…”  
  
Ruby’s voice was quiet, watching him as he walked away. That defeated wave of his hand over his shoulder told her more than she needed to know. He was disappointed that she had turned him down again, but there wasn’t a possibility that she could agree to a date with him. She didn’t know this boy. She didn’t know whether he was the kind of boy that she could bring home to her parents. All she had to go on was what the girls from work that she had been out with on Thursday night told her. Bucky Barnes was a name well-known to girls all over Brooklyn, it seemed. He took girls on dates for fun, and he was skilled in knowing what a girl wanted. That had darkened her cheeks immediately from Andrea’s tone when she had said been told, and then the point had been confirmed by two of the other girls. Bucky Barnes didn’t seem like the type of boy that wanted a steady girlfriend. Bucky Barnes seemed like the type of boy who only wanted a girl to have a bit of fun with, then he would find a new one to take on a date. What Ruby found the most ridiculous of all to believe was that the girls enjoyed it. They enjoyed knowing that one day, maybe Bucky would take them back out on a date again. After all, he had taken Connie on eight, and she had thoroughly enjoyed every single one of them. As the dark-haired boy disappeared around the street corner, Ruby felt an insistent tug on the sleeve of her coat.  
  
            “Well? Did you tell him?”  
  
            “Did I tell him what?” Ruby asked the smaller blonde, watching Pearl roll her eyes.  
  
            “That you think he’s handsome.”  
  
            “I don’t think that.”  
  
            “Yes you do! I heard you telling Em at breakfast on Friday!”  
  
            “You shouldn’t be listening to conversations that you’re not involved in.”  
  
            “Well _I_ think he’s handsome,” Pearl said, crossing her arms as she looked up at her sister. Ruby imitated her pose, until she then pinched the tip of Pearl’s nose and made her giggle.  
  
            “Did he ask you to go dancing with him?”  
  
            “I don’t think he wants me to dance with him anymore, Pearl.”  
  
            “Is that because you said no again?”  
  
            “When you’re older, you’ll understand.”  
  
            “I don’t want to understand when I’m older, I want to understand now! Why did you tell him no again?”  
  
            “Because –”  
  
            “Girls, come along. If we set off now, we’ll be able to get that ice cream we talked about before it closes.”  
  
That ended the conversation between the two quick enough. Within moments, Pearl was hanging onto her father’s hand, her other sister and her mother were walking in the middle, and Ruby had joined the back to walk in line with her brother. Even though it was pointless, she still cast another glance over her shoulder to see if Bucky had come back. Sighing when she didn’t see the sight of a boy wearing a grey shirt and braces, she took to linking arms with her brother instead.  
      
        The words of her unfinished sentence rocked around her head as they walked, making her bite her bottom lip. She had told Bucky ‘no’ for a very specific reason. Bucky seemed like the kind of boy that girls her age fell hopelessly in love with, and Bucky also seemed like the kind of boy that wouldn’t care about breaking her heart. She had known too many boys that had ‘good’ intentions, and then had broken her heart. That was a game she no longer wanted to play in this new place. She wanted a fresh start, and saying no to a boy like Bucky Barnes was going to give her that.  
            

* * *

 

             
            If the truth was to be told, Bucky hadn’t quite gotten over being turned down again by Ruby even when they had reached Sarah’s home. It had become a tradition that every Sunday, they would pick up groceries and then throw together what little amount of a Roast Dinner they could at Sarah’s. It had all started after Bucky’s mother had passed, as before that, Sarah and Steve came to the Barnes household instead. Now the job fell to Sarah, but the four of them pitched in where they could. As they settled down to dinner – it was Bucky’s turn to say Grace, which ended up being no more than a few mumbled words until ‘Amen’ – he found himself pushing food around his plate rather than eating it, which set Sarah off into a wave of panic. Regardless of him reassuring her that he was fine, she still watched until he had cleared his entire plate of his dinner. His loss of appetite wasn’t the best of things to be experiencing, especially with the workload at the docks starting to increase now that they were coming into the summer months. Bucky needed all the strength he could get for all the lifting and extra shifts that he would be working.  
  
            “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Sarah had asked him more than once, but Bucky couldn’t justify his reason for his childlike sulk.  
  
            “He’s just sorry he has to pull a double shift tomorrow, Ma,” Steve cut in. “He’s gotta cut out some of his primpin’ time in the mornin’ to get to work on time.”  
  
            “Aw, shut up, Steve!”  
  
            “Bucky.” His father shot him a warning glare about his language, to which Sarah started to shake her head.  
  
            “Please, George. He wouldn’t be Bucky without his language.”  
  
            “You should hear him when he comes home from the Dance Hall,” Becca looked at Sarah seriously, talking in a loud whisper. “He cusses, sometimes.”  
  
            “I do not.”  
  
            “Yeah you do! I heard you!”  
  
            “Keep makin’ up stuff and I ain’t gonna help you with your homework no more.”  
  
            “Steve will help me.”  
  
            “No he won’t. Will ya, Steve?”  
  
            “She ain’t done nothin’ wrong to me,” Steve grinned at Becca, earning a grin in return. Bucky pretended to hit his hand down on the table, chuckling.  
  
            “Well shucks. My best friend and my own sister turnin’ against me. What do you think about that, Mrs. Rogers?”  
  
            “How many times do you have to be told to call me Sarah, Bucky? Or am I going to have to start calling you James until you understand that?”  
  
            “Not you too!” Bucky groaned, leaning back in his chair. Even George Barnes smiled at the comment from Sarah, giving a shrug that imitated Bucky’s perfectly, even down to the expression on his face.  
  
            “You don’t argue with a lady.”  
  
            “Yeah, yeah…” He tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling instead. Oddly enough, that made him think of Ruby even more, to the point where he almost groaned out-loud. Luckily, he caught himself and sat back up straight, looking at where Sarah and George had now involved themselves in conversation. That was Becca’s, Steve’s and Bucky’s cue to leave the table and go to the sitting room, where all three of them collapsed down onto Steve’s tatty furniture.  
             
            “Why don’t you call Sarah her name around Pop?” Becca asked, looking over at her brother.  
  
            “Ain’t polite. I call her Sarah all the time when Pop ain’t here.”  
  
            “But I call her Sarah.”  
  
            “Yeah, but Steve never called our Ma by her first name. Girls don’t have to go by the same rule.” Bucky waved his hand absentmindedly to her. “Like you wouldn’t ever call Virginia’s Pop by his first name, but I bet you call her Ma by hers.”  
  
            “They’re Mr. and Mrs. Springer.”  
  
            “Ain’t you just a little Angel?”  
  
            “Shut up!” Becca scowled at Bucky, making Steve chuckle. “I bet you’ve never even had to call somebody else’s parents Mr. and Mrs.”  
  
            “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
            “Betty said that you took her sister Cathy out on a date, but you wouldn’t go to the door and pick her up. Do you do that to every girl you take out?”  
  
            “That ain’t a question you should be askin’, Bec.” Bucky frowned at his sister, sitting up straighter in the chair. “Betty shouldn’t be tellin’ you anythin’ about what her sister said.”  
  
            “All the girls at school talk about you, Bucky. They’re waiting to be old enough for you to take them on a date. You’re gonna have a wife before then, aren’t you? You know what dad said.”  
  
            “Pop can say what he wants,” but with his father in the next room, Bucky’s voice had dropped to a mumble. “I ain’t found a girl I wanna settle down with. Drop it.”  
  
Fortunately, she did. Becca’s mouth closed and there was a moment of awkward silence before Steve asked them if they wanted to play one of the old boardgames he had lying around. A mumbled yes from both Becca and Bucky was his response, and so Steve set to getting the game ready for the three of them.  
  
            Bucky rubbed his forehead as he watched, slouching back in the chair again. Becca’s words had triggered something in him. There were only two sets of parents he had met in his entire dating life, and even then, he hadn’t known those girls for much longer. It didn’t bother him, but now his little sister was beginning to notice, and that’s not what he wanted. He didn’t even want to think about the conversations-turned-arguments that he had had with his father over the matter, either. Bucky shook his head, pushing the thoughts away. He wasn’t going to deal with this again. Not when the threat was growing ever closer of the one thing his father kept telling him was going to be the good thing in his life. He couldn’t think about that right now. Trying to lighten his mood, Bucky turned his head to the side and rolled his eyes at Steve, wearing a playful kind of grin.  
  
            “Snakes and Ladders again, bud?”  


* * *

  
            It wasn’t late when they got home from Steve’s, but it was late enough that Bucky had to head straight up to his room rather than go out. His shift at the docks began at five AM sharp, and if he was late, he ran the risk of getting fired. He couldn’t do that, especially with the shipments starting to come in bulk now that Summer was approaching. He needed the money, because when Winter came, his shifts fell short and he would have to pick up work where he could get it. Fortunately this year, the jobs wouldn’t be as dire. He was now twenty-one, and would be able to find bar work somewhere.  
   
           As he changed out of his Sunday clothes and into an old vest – and no pyjama bottoms, Bucky preferred to sleep in his underwear – Bucky’s mind went to Ruby. He cursed under his breath, falling into bed the minute he was changed. How could one girl get under his skin like she had? There were hundreds of girls in Brooklyn, just waiting to be taken out. Yet, he was still thinking about the one girl that didn’t want to go. More specifically, the one girl that didn’t want to go out with him. He wasn’t a bad guy, he decided. He worked hard, he never got drunk, he was always polite when it was needed, and he wasn’t stupid either. He might have dropped out of school, but Bucky knew that he wasn’t as dumb as his looks might have made him seem, so what was her problem with him?  
  
            “Snap outta it, Buck. A dame like that ain’t gonna fall for a guy like you.”  
  
His voice was as blunt as he needed his thoughts to be. Slipping under the thin sheets, he sighed against his pillow.  
  
She wasn’t going to fall for a guy like him, and that was that.  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

            The days at work passed quickly, despite them being long enough that Bucky could have sworn time had stopped moving. It wasn’t the time, so to speak, but the amount of crates that he had had to shift over the course of the week. By Tuesday night, his arms ached. By Wednesday, Bucky’s shoulders were stiff. By Thursday, well. Bucky came home and collapsed into the chair, and then promptly decided that he would never be able to move again. Everything hurt, and even with a hot shower, despite how quick it had to be to make sure they had enough hot water left for his dad and sister, he still felt like his body didn’t belong to him. When Friday came, Bucky felt as though his arms were going to lock in place as he pushed another crate around.  
  
            “You goin’ dancin’ tonight, Barnes?” The older man grabbed the other end of the crate, helping Bucky move it. Bucky felt the sweat trickle down his forehead, wishing that there was some form of shade from the burning sun. His shoulders were starting to darken, bringing out his freckles more and more as the days passed.  
  
            “Nah, Tom. Don’t feel like it.”  
  
            “Somethin’ wrong with you? You ain’t been dancin’ all week!”   
  
That much was true. Ever since he had been rejected from Ruby, Bucky hadn’t felt like dancing. In fact, Bucky hadn’t felt like taking a girl out all week, and everyone who knew Bucky knew that that wasn’t like him. Even Steve was worried that Bucky hadn’t seen Connie or even spoken to her since he had taken her out the previous Friday. He simply couldn’t find it in him to take a girl out – not if that girl wasn’t Ruby. Rejection had hit him hard, and it seemed like it was there to stay.  
  
            “Tryin’ to save my money instead of takin’ dames for a spin. It’s pretty tight at home right now.”  
  
            “How’s your old man?”  
  
            “He’s doin’ what he can, but there ain’t much he can do, y’know? Bec’s even been lookin’ for a job. Told her that she can’t have one until she finishes school.”  
  
            “How’d you know she’s still not gonna get one?”  
  
            “Because I’d find out about it,” Bucky helped Tom shove the crate in line with the others, taking a deep breath in once his hands were off of it. “Ain’t much that goes on in my sister’s life that I don’t know about.”  
  
            “Yeah, used to be like that with my boy.” Tom whistled, leaning against the side of the crate. “I knew everythin’ that boy was doin’.”  
  
            “How’s he doin’ over there? You heard from him yet?”  
  
            “Got a letter last night, just him whinin’ about how cold it is over there and that he misses his Ma’s cookin’. Said they were headin’ in deeper when he wrote it, so who knows where he is now? But he’s still breathin’.”  
  
Giving a silent nod, Bucky looked over at Tom. He knew the man was having a tough time with his son overseas, especially when he was working with someone like himself. Tom’s son, Christopher was three years younger than Bucky, who was the youngest worker at the docks. Christopher had gone to an Enlistment Fair and been shipped overseas quicker than Bucky could keep up with. He was off fighting in the war while Bucky was here moving crates, and sometimes, that got to him. Maybe he should have been over there, helping in the war, but Bucky, well. He had always been selfish, and he had no shame in admitting that. He didn’t want to die. It was that simple for him. Maybe that didn’t make him a true American, but he didn’t. There were plenty of boys fighting the war, and ones younger than him, like Christopher. What good would one more boy do?  
  
            It had been the source of many arguments for Bucky and his father, who was an Army man through and through. He expected Bucky to go to the war and fight for his country, and that was the last thing that Bucky wanted to do. He hadn’t been drafted yet, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to go to any Recruitment Fairs.  
  
            “Hey, maybe your boy’s gonna win the war for us,” Bucky leaned over and clapped a gloved hand down on Tom’s shoulder, giving a tight squeeze.  
  
            “Brooklyn’s hero. They’ll build a statue for him. All the trimmings, that kinda thing.”  
  
            “As long as he comes home, I ain’t bothered.”  
  
            “I hear ya, pal.” Bucky gave another squeeze of Tom’s shoulder and then nodded back to the docks, where the rest of the boys were.  
  
             “Let’s go grab some lunch, huh?”   
  
            By the time he had finished work, Bucky was already dreading the next day. Even though he knew it would all pay off – and yes, he was maintaining a decent amount of muscle – it was still the most pain he had ever been in. He was covered in dirt and grime from the work, and he was fairly certain that whoever came within a three foot radius would be able to smell the sweat that had dripped down his body all day. After lunch, Bucky had stripped out of his shirt and left just his vest on, but it had been soaked right through. But at least they could be washed. He could put on his other work clothes tomorrow, while these were washed and prepared for Monday morning instead.  
  
            Pushing his hair back off his face, Bucky started the short walk home. It wasn’t quite dark yet, but it was beginning to cool down. It was around the time that everyone was either at home, or was on their way home to enjoy their Friday nights. But Bucky would be enjoying his at home with his father and Becca. Maybe he would go to Steve’s house and stay the night, just to keep Steve company while Sarah was working her night shift, but he wasn’t sure yet.  
  
            Starting to whistle to himself, Bucky crossed the street and turned the corner, and walked right into someone. The bag that the other person was carrying dropped to the floor, making Bucky take a deep breath in case anything was breakable, but the sound of shattered glass didn’t reach his ears. He didn’t even look at the person as he bent to pick up the groceries that had fallen – but he had walked into a woman, whose skirt swayed as she backed away from him.  
  
            “Sorry, I shoulda looked before –”  
  
            “No, I should have been looking where I was going.”  
  
That voice made him drop the tin in his hands and made his gaze shoot upward, where a pair of confused blue eyes were looking back at him. For a moment, Bucky forgot how to speak. He had walked straight into the one girl in all of Brooklyn that he couldn’t get his mind off. Ruby gave him an awkward smile, bending down to help him pick the scattered items up.  
  
            “No, I – I got it.”  
  
            “It’s okay, really…”  
  
            “I walked into you. I shoulda been watchin’.” Bucky held one hand up to stop her from getting any further, so Ruby stood back up straight and took a few steps away from him while he cleared up the mess he had made. Thankfully, nothing was broken or damaged, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like the stupidest guy in Brooklyn for not even looking before turning a corner.  
  
            “Sorry.” His voice was a mumble as he held the thin brown bag to him, and Ruby raised an eyebrow. “I, uh… It’s ripped. Look, I’m sorry. Can I carry this for ya? Y’know, to make up for makin’ you drop it?”  
  
            “Oh, no. It’s okay. I can manage by myself.” She made to take the bag from him, but Bucky shook his head and tightened his grip.  
  
            “Please. Just let me apologise like this? A girl like you shouldn’t be carryin’ her own groceries. Let me just walk you back home, huh? I ain’t gonna try anythin’, I promise.”  
  
            “What makes you think that a girl like me isn’t capable of carrying her own things?” Ruby’s arms crossed, and irritation started to cross her face. In turn, Bucky’s expression took one of confusion.  
  
            “I didn’t mean anythin’ by that. It’s dark out, and you’re walkin’ alone.”  
  
            “Look, _ace_ ,” she ignored Bucky’s wince at the name, now tapping her heeled foot on the floor, “I’m quite capable of carrying my own groceries at night. In fact, this isn’t the first time I’ve done it. You certainly didn’t help me the first time and you don’t need to tonight. Thank-you for picking them up, but I can take care of myself.”  
  
            “I didn’t say you weren’t capable of takin’ care of yourself. I offered because the damn bag’s ripped, and judgin’ by the looks of you, you got a long walk back home. I don’t suppose you live anywhere near the docks, do ya? If you wanna be stubborn, go ahead and take ‘em. Just tryin’ to do a nice thing, doll, but if you don’t want it then I’d like to head home before dinner goes cold.”  
  
As Bucky stared at her with narrowed eyes, Ruby’s expression became unreadable. For a long moment, he wondered if he had crossed a line. He had never spoken to a girl like that before, unless it was his sister, but there was something about Ruby that drew him to the surface like that. After minutes had passed, he went to open his mouth to apologise, only to watch her unfold her arms and pull her cardigan around herself tightly.  
  
            “You have to stop at the bottom of the porch and be silent until you’re off of my street.”  
  
            “I can do that.”  
  
Ruby seemed to contemplate his answer before giving a curt nod, turning on her heel to walk in the direction that she had been heading when Bucky had collided with her. He made to walk the same way, easily getting in stride with her.  
  
            “And I’m not your doll. Stop calling me that. I told you I didn’t like it the first time we met.”  
  
            “Can I call you by your name then? Ruby?”  
  
            “…Yes.”  
           

* * *

  
            It took a while for conversation to start. Bucky held the groceries tightly while Ruby kept just a footstep in front of him, and only the sound of her small heels clicking along filled the steadily growing uncomfortable silence. Surprisingly, it was Ruby who started to talk first.  
  
            “Do you work at the docks?”  
  
It was her quiet, gentle tone that almost made Bucky drop the bag. He looked at her first, just to make sure that he hadn’t imagined her speaking, only to find her glancing at him from the corner of her eye.  
  
            “Yeah. Today’s a long shift. Been there since seven this mornin’.”  
  
            “What do you do?”  
  
            “Move cargo,” Bucky shrugged, and then winced at the movement from his stiff shoulders. Holding the bag wasn’t so bad, but moving after he had been locked in position was.  
  
            “That’s it?”  
  
            “There ain’t much to do at a dock.” Pausing, he glanced back over to her. “What about you, huh? You got a job?”  
  
            “I’m a typist.”  
  
            “You work in that new place?”  
  
            “Yes,” Ruby nodded at him. “It’s a nice place to work. It’s similar to what I did before we moved to Brooklyn.”  
  
            “How long you been workin’ as a typist?”  
  
            “A year. Ever since I left school.”  
  
            “So you’re what, nineteen?”  
  
            “I’ll be twenty in October.”  
  
            “I thought you were my age.”  
  
            “How old are you?” Curious blue eyes found his own, to which he shrugged his shoulders and shot her the faintest of smiles in return.  
  
            “I was twenty-one in March.”  
  
            “So you weren’t illegally drinking at the Dance Hall.”  
  
            “Not anymore, I ain’t.” Bucky crossed the empty road with her, and Ruby let out the smallest of sighs. “What, you don’t drink?”  
  
            “I don’t plan on ever drinking.”  
  
            “How come?”  
  
            “Because I believe that if you need to consume alcohol to make your night fun, then you aren’t really having fun at all. You’re lowering your standards and inhibitions to force yourself into having a good time.”  
  
That stunned Bucky into silence. Of everything she could have said, that wasn’t the answer he had been expecting. He thought about what she had said before managing to come up with a simple;  
  
            “Huh.”  
  
            “That’s it? That’s all you can say?”  
  
            “I guess I just ain’t thought of it like that before,” Bucky shrugged. “I just saw drinkin’ as somethin’ you did when you were out with the guys.”  
  
            “And I’m sure you’ve done plenty of that in your time.”  
  
There was that clipped, sharp tone again that had rustled Bucky up in all the wrong ways previously, and right now, the same thing was happening. He turned to look at her, a scowl darkening his features, as she continued to look ahead.  
  
            “Y’know, you got an awful lot of mouth for someone who doesn’t know a damn thing about me.”  
  
            “I know just enough, thank-you.”  
  
            “No you don’t. You think I’m like every other guy down in Brooklyn, right? Just another workin’ class jerk that’s as good as somethin’ you don’t want on your heel. Some of us don’t have it as good as you do, princess. Think whatever you want about where I come from and my kinda friends, but don’t think for a damn second you got any idea about me.”  
  
He had long since stopped moving. If his gaze could burn, well, Ruby would have marks in the back of her cardigan by now. She had stopped walking a few steps ahead of him, but she didn’t turn around either. When she did, her gaze matched his own.  
  
            “You’re a hypocrite. You stand there and you tell me that I can’t assume that I know you, yet you seem to think it’s okay for you to do the same to me? It’s a double standard. Don’t think that you can do to me the exact thing that you don’t want doing to yourself. If you’re going to lose your temper over something, at least make sure you’re not doing that very thing first.”  
  
  
            Bucky clicked his tongue. Now this was interesting. If it was a man that he was having this conversation with, he was more than certain that it would have ended in a fight, simply because Bucky could never control his anger when he argued with a man. Yet, he had never argued with a woman – or more precisely, a woman had never argued with him. Bucky was usually the beginning and end of moments like this, with an apology playing on the girl’s lips. He knew that this wouldn’t be the case with Ruby. In fact, thought that he was going to be lucky if he got away without his pride being severely hurt.  
  
            “Yeah, you’re right. I have been doin’ that to you, ever since I saw you down at the Dance Hall. You’re the first dame to turn me down for a dance. Had to think about what it was that you didn’t like about me, then you said that I wasn’t the kinda boy you wanted to go on a date with. I get it. Someone like you doesn’t wanna be seen kickin’ around with someone like me.”  
  
            “That’s what you’re concerned about? Me not wanting to date you? How small-minded are you, Barnes?” Ruby was scoffing by now, keeping her weight on one foot. “You act like all of Brooklyn has to revolve around you and you seem to hate being reminded that you are not the man that every girl falls to the ground for.”   
  
            “Not every girl looks at me like she’s gonna catch some fatal disease,” Bucky was quick to snipe back at her, earning a raised eyebrow from the blonde. “In case you didn’t know, you’re in Brooklyn now. You gotta lower your standards because the way you’re goin’, you’re gonna find yourself in a whole lotta trouble.”  
  
            “Because I won’t date guys like you?”  
  
            “Because you still think you’re better than all of us down here. You keep that up and more drunk guys are gonna chat you up and not all of ‘em are gonna be as nice as that last guy. Brooklyn ain’t pretty, sweetheart. Not even the girls. You keep actin’ like you are and you’re gonna find yourself with nobody around you but your family.”  
  
            “Now you’re just trying to scare me.” Ruby rolled her eyes. “I may not be from Brooklyn, but I know what men – and women – are like. If that’s how my life is going to be then I’d rather be alone than have people who don’t respect me around. By the way, you’re living up to exactly what I thought about you.”  
  
            “You got me all worked up!” Bucky snapped at her. “You didn’t even give me a chance to show you that I’m not what you think I am!”  
  
            “I don’t want to know!” Ruby snapped back at him, her voice finally louder than his. Bucky shut his mouth and his expression became unreadable, and the silence filled the air around them. It came down to blue eyes staring out blue, until Bucky was the one that sighed.  
  
            “I don’t know what kinda guy hurt you, but I ain’t like him. A no is a no. You tell me no, and I’m not gonna ask you again. I’ll walk you to your door and then you won’t ever have’ta see me again.”  
  
Ruby looked at him for all of a few seconds before she turned on her heel, though this time when she spoke, her voice was much quieter.  
  
            “It’s only a few minutes from here.”  
  
            The rest of their walk was silent, much like it had been when it began. Ruby’s heels clicked along the floor and the bag rustled in Bucky’s arms, but other than that, it was the sounds of Brooklyn at night that filled the empty space between them. He tried to think of something – anything – to say, but he kept coming up blank. He shouldn’t have to apologise for what he said. He hadn’t lied to her, and more importantly, he wasn’t truly sorry for any of the words that had come out of his mouth. Though, he had never lost his temper with a girl that wasn’t his sister before. Still, there was one thing he didn’t doubt – that Ruby would never want to see him again after they got to her house. Once he dropped her off, that would be it. He would have to resist going over to her if he saw her, and he would have to stop thinking about her. There was no use pining after a lost cause.  
  
            He knew they were in a better part of Brooklyn the moment they turned onto her street. These houses didn’t look like they were barely being held up. Heck, some of them even had fancy cars parked outside. Cars that Bucky had rarely seen in person, because the folks that lived in this part of town were always spending their time in New York rather than down in Brooklyn. It was only as he took another step that he noticed Ruby had stopped moving, making him stop a few paces away from her. She turned to him, reaching out her hands for the bag that he had been carrying. He handed it over without question, stepping back as soon as it was securely in her arms. He didn’t think about her gentle hand brushing his rough ones, because that would only drag him back into thinking about her in that way again. If he wanted to get out of it, he couldn’t let simple brushes like that affect him.  
  
            “I guess this is where we part ways, huh?” He scratched the back of his neck, trying not to look too bothered about this being the last time he would ever be this close to Ruby, or even talking to her, for that matter.  
  
            “Don’t worry. I ain’t gonna talk to ya again. I’ll stay outta your way.” He took another step backward, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I’ll see ya around, Ruby.”  
  
            “Wait.”  
  
He had already turned on his heel to leave when she spoke. It stopped him in his tracks, making him frown at her over his shoulder. She had her bottom lip between her teeth as she looked at him, and as the cool air tugged at the ends of her hair and made them dance around, he wondered why she looked so worried.  
  
            “Yeah?” He prompted, starting to feel confused. Had he done something to upset her?  
  
            “What time do you get off work tomorrow?”  
  
            “Five-thirty,” Bucky turned back to face her properly, hands still in his pockets. “Why?”  
  
            “If you want to prove that you’re different,” she paused for a moment, taking a deep breath as her expression began to smooth out, “meet me at Lucy’s Diner at seven.”  
  
            “…What?”  
  
Those were the last words he was expecting to hear from her. She wanted him to take her out so he could prove himself different. He couldn’t believe it in the slightest, if he was going to be honest. After the argument they had just had, he didn’t see why she would even want to be seen again with him, let alone in a public place for dinner.  
  
            “I don’t need a pity date, Ruby. It’s alright, I get it. You don’t wanna go out.” Bucky shrugged at her, trying to believe his own words. It must be a pity date. That was all it could have been.  
  
            “I’m not trying to pity you. You said you weren’t like other boys. I’m giving you the chance to prove that you’re not.”  
  
            “You want me to take you out on a date?”  
  
            “If you still want to.”  
  
Bucky fell silent, trying to figure out exactly what her motive was. He didn’t believe that she truly wanted him to take her out and prove that he was different, but he also didn’t believe that she wasn’t taking pity on him. In the end, he decided that she must just want to prove herself right, but then he found himself wondering what harm it could do if he agreed to go. All he would come home with was wounded pride, which she had already done so successfully that night that he didn’t think she would be able to do much else to him the following night.  
  
            “Seven?”  
  
            “Seven,” Ruby nodded. Her clutch on the bag was getting tighter, as if she was nervous of his answer.  
  
            “I’ll be there.” Bucky offered her the smallest of smiles that he could, but that was still genuine. It seemed to ease her, drawing the corners of her lips to twitch upward.  
  
            “Good. Don’t make me wait for you.”  
  
            “Scout’s honor.” Bucky placed a hand over his heart, allowing his smile to grow as she raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
            “You weren’t a Scout.”  
  
            “Hey, don’t go makin’ assumptions again.” Bucky dropped his hand, giving her a similar look back, but then shook his head. “But you’re right. I wasn’t a Scout.”  
  
Ruby shook her head, breathing out an amused sigh. Bucky’s eyes raked over her face once more, before she took her lip back between her teeth again. He knew that sign, so he nodded as he went to turn back around.  
  
            “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Ruby.”  
  
            “At seven,” she reminded him, “and don’t you be late.”  
   
           “I’m not gonna be.” He held himself back from winking at her and instead waved before he turned on his heel again, heading back the way they had come. As he started moving, he couldn’t control the grin that spread across his face, but he waited until he was around the next corner before he pumped his fist into the air. A date. He had a date with Ruby.                        
  


* * *

 

            By the time Ruby made it through her front door, she was greeted with a loud screech of her name, followed by her littlest sister running from the top of the staircase down to her, skidding to a halt in front. Ruby giggled, trying to balance the bag in her arms and greet her sister at the same time.  
  
            “I’ve only been gone for a few hours, Pearl.”  
  
            “Yeah, but you’re late today! Yesterday you were home earlier.” Pearl followed as Ruby started to walk toward the kitchen, where her mother was stirring the large soup pan on the stove.  
  
            “Oh, there you are,” her mother looked over her shoulder, smiling at her eldest daughter. “What took you so long?”  
  
            “I told you that you were late!” Pearl bounced around in the kitchen, but stopped when her mother’s gaze found her. Ruby started putting the groceries away in silence, earning her mother’s attention back.  
  
            “Well?”  
  
            “The bag ripped,” Ruby explained, holding up the torn brown paper so that her mother could see. “Someone had to help me carry them home. Andrea. She saw the bag rip and decided to help me bring them home. She couldn’t stay though, she had to have dinner with her parents.”  
  
            “That’s a shame. Andrea’s a lovely girl. Perhaps next time she can have dinner with us instead.”  
  
            “Maybe,” Ruby shrugged. Pearl was still listening intently, so Ruby waved her hand at her and nodded toward the door. The younger blonde huffed, leaving the room so Ruby could talk to her mother alone.  
  
            “Mom?”  
  
            “Yes?” By now, her mother was starting to dish out the soup, humming to herself while she did so. Ruby held the tin can tightly in her hands, turning around.  
  
            “Can I go out tomorrow night?”  
  
            “Tomorrow night? Who with?”  
  
Ruby bit her lip, picking at the thin paper around the can. She couldn’t exactly say that she was going out with the boy from Church now, could she? Or in that case, any boy at all. Not one from Brooklyn.  
  
            “The girls are going to the Dance Hall. They want to meet there at seven, and I promise I won’t be out late. The girls said they would walk me home first because I still don’t know the way yet. Can I go?”  
  
Ruby’s mother wiped her hands on her apron, looking across the kitchen to her daughter. She seemed to be thinking, which only made Ruby’s lip sink down into her bottom lip more. At this rate, she was going to draw her own blood before her mother answered her question. With a heavy sigh, her mother eventually nodded.  
  
            “I suppose you can go. Though, I do hope this isn’t going to be every weekend that you’re going to be down at the Dance Hall. Those boys that go there are not the kind of boys your father and I want you to spend your time with. Next weekend, you organise something else for you and the girls to do. Understood?”  
  
            “Yes,” Ruby smiled, placing the can down to cross the kitchen and hug her mother, giving her a light squeeze. She could go out with Bucky. Now she just had to make sure that nobody found out what her real plans were for the following night.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

            Bucky couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t believed it all day, in fact. His walk down to the docks had been full of greeting other people on the street and flashing smiles as the sun beat down on his shoulders. There was a happiness in him that he couldn’t quite describe – he hadn’t been able to that morning when his father asked why he was ‘so damn happy’ in those words exactly, and when Becca had asked, he had just kissed her on the cheek before he left the house.  No, he couldn’t quite contain himself, and that proved evident even when he reached the docks. 

  
            “What’s got into you, Barnes?”  
  
            “I’m workin’ a half shift!”  
  
Well, that much was at least true. He was working a half-shift today, which was why it was just after lunch when he arrived. Even here though, he wouldn’t be mentioning his date to any of the men he worked with.  Not even to Tom, who clapped his hand down on Bucky’s shoulder the moment he saw the young man.  
  
            “Spit it out, Barnes! I know you ain’t grinnin’ like you just got the best –”  
  
            “ _Tom_!” Bucky had been around many times to know exactly how that sentence was going to end, and many times, Tom had indeed been right, but this wasn’t a time like that.  
  
            “What? Usually you only look that happy when you had a night with a girl.”  
  
            “I ain’t had no nights with any girls,” Bucky said flatly. “And I ain’t gonna be doin’ for a while.”  
  
            “What’s the matter with you, huh?” Tom turned to look at him, while Bucky tugged off the thin shirt he was wearing over his white vest. “Ain’t like you to not be seein’ any dames. Even when you got a steady girl, you’ve always got another goin’ at the same time.”  
  
            “Maybe I just wanna wait it out. Wait for a couple more fellas to get shipped overseas and take care of some dames who are gonna be feelin’ real down in the dumps.”  
  
That seemed enough for Tom. In seconds, the man was laughing, clapping his large hand on Bucky’s shoulder and knocking him forward.  
  
            “That’s the smartest dumb thing I ever heard. You’re a proper skirt chaser, ain’t ya?”  
  
            “My name ain’t Bucky Barnes for nothin’, y’know.” Bucky pretended to be popping his shirt collar as he grinned back at Tom, watching the older man shake his head at him while his laughter died down.  
  
            “I guess not, son.”  
  
            “Hey!” A call from a little further down the dock reached them, and the owner was gesturing to the ship that was coming in. “You bozo’s plannin’ on doin’ any work today? Get your asses down here!”  
  
Bucky shoved Tom with his shoulder before sprinting away, laughing as he jogged down the dock after him.  
  


* * *

  
            Five O’Clock passed, and Bucky asked Tom for the time every minute afterward. He was finishing at five-thirty sharp, which left him just enough time to get home, wash, change, and stop off to pick up some flowers for Ruby before he met her at Lucy’s Diner. He would have just enough time if he was quick, and if his father didn’t pull him up about spending his wage again. If he could avoid that conversation – again – then he would make it to the Diner with time to spare. His best slacks and shirt were already ironed and waiting at home, and hopefully his father wouldn’t realise that Bucky would be wearing them the following day for Church. If he did, well. It would only be a slight clip around the ear and Bucky on ironing duty the following weekend.  
  
            “What –”  
  
            “If you ask me the time again, I’m throwin’ you off the damn dock. Where you gotta be that’s so important?”  
  
            “Nowhere,” Bucky easily covered, pushing his hair back off his face. “I just wanna get home.”  
  
            “Yeah, yeah. Keep your damn secrets, kid.” Regardless of the annoyance, Tom did indeed check his watch again and roll his eyes at Bucky. “Ya better start movin’. By the time you get up there and get your shirt, it’ll be quittin’ time for ya anyways.”  
  
The grin on Bucky’s face even drew a chuckle from Tom. He slapped Bucky on the shoulder, gesturing back down the dock.  
  
            “Get outta here!”  
  
Bucky started to jog the moment Tom’s words left his mouth, heading back down to clock out. That was of course, until his boss stopped him before he grabbed his shirt. He faltered, looking at the slightly smaller man.  
  
            “Where are you goin’?”  
  
            “You said I could finish early today, sir,” his voice, while not quiet, still had the edge of a schoolboy trying to explain to the headmaster. “As long as I worked late on Monday.”  
  
            “No, Barnes. I need you to work late tonight, early on Monday. The boys need all the help they can get to move that cargo into the sheds before it goes dark.”  
  
            “But sir –”  
  
            “Stay late, or you quit. Your choice.”  
  
Bucky bit his tongue. He couldn’t afford to lose his job, not with summer coming in so soon. He had always been a good worker here, and it had where he had been since he left school. To lose his job now would get him turned out on the street by his father, most likely, especially if he found out he blew it off just to go on a date. Taking a deep breath, he nodded at his boss and looked away.  
  
            “Alright.”  
  
            “Atta boy, Barnes. Get back down there. It’s only an extra hour.”  
  
            Bucky trudged obediently back down the dock, cursing under his breath. As soon as Tom saw him, he stared at Bucky incredulously.  
  
            “The hell are you doin, kid? Thought you were finishin’ early.”  
  
            “Boss said I’ve gotta stay another hour and help move these or I had to quit.”  
  
            “So you’re gonna be late to meet her, huh?”  
  
Bucky looked to him, frowning. How on earth did Tom know what Bucky had been planning on doing that night?  
  
            “I know you, Barnes. Ain’t a time you’ve stopped chasin’ skirts for any girl, ‘cept this one. She’s gotta be special.” Tom shook his head at Bucky, flashing him a knowing grin.  
  
            “Yeah,” Bucky sighed, leaning on the crate in front of him. “Well I guess I ain’t gonna know now, am I?”  
  
            “Like hell.” Tom took one more look at Bucky and then cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting to the rest of the boys pushing and shoving the crates.  
  
            “Come on boys! We gotta get these crates in quick or Barnes is gonna miss his date!”  
Bucky looked at Tom, ready to thank him, but the man started pushing the crate that Bucky was leaning against instead.  
  
            “Stop sittin’ around! We gotta get your dumb ass to your dame!”  


* * *

  
            The boys worked harder and faster than they had all day, storing the crates as quickly as they possibly could, but they hadn’t been quick enough to finish. The whistle went as they were shutting the doors and locking them, making Bucky’s heart plummet. He still hadn’t been able to finish early, even with all the help from the boys. They were all panting, sweaty messes, and Bucky couldn’t thank them enough, but as the whistle for the end of the day blew, he couldn’t help but feel like it had all been for nothing. Tom was sitting on the floor, exhausted and red in the face, like some of the others who had put everything they had into finishing the shift.  
  
            “Missed your date?” Tom wheezed, watching as Bucky wiped the sweat from his forehead with his dirty vest.  
  
            “Supposed to meet her at seven,” Bucky panted, wobbling unsteadily. He doubted he would be able to move his arms in a few hours, much less the following day.  
  
            “If ya run, you’ll catch her.”  
  
            “Naw. I ain’t turnin’ up lookin’ like this.”  
  
            “Don’t be an idiot, Barnes. These fellas didn’t work their asses off just now for ya to mope about how ya look. Get movin’ and go show that girl a good time.”  
  
            “You don’t understand –”  
  
            “Ya like her, right? Go tell her. Ain’t nothin’ stoppin’ you other than your own damn pride. If she likes ya, she ain’t gonna care about what ya look like.”  
That was exactly the thing stopping him from going. He had told Ruby that he wasn’t just a dirty, working-class Brooklyn boy, and if he turned up for their date looking like this, he thought that would be all she would see. Yet, Tom was making him want to go, and it wasn’t like Bucky Barnes to go down without a fight. He bent over, putting his hands on his knees, before nodding at Tom.  
  
            “Alright.”  
  
            “Good. I’m sick of seein’ you feelin’ sorry for yourself. Get outta here, boy.”  
  
            “I’m goin’!”  
  
            Yet when he started to move, he couldn’t bring himself to run. Heck, he could barely bring himself to jog. He grabbed his shirt and kept it in his grip as he moved, ignoring all the screaming of his muscles and the way his arms were desperately trying to lock in position. If she turned him away now, at least he tried.  
On a good day, the walk to Lucy’s Diner would take around fifteen minutes at the most, and that was coming from home. The docks were a little bit further away, so it took all of Bucky’s will to try and make it there in time. He knocked into people as he passed, shouting apologies over his shoulder and urging himself to round corners and nip across the roads faster than he would have normally.  
  
            He skidded around the corner onto the street that Lucy’s was on, just in time to see Ruby checking her wrist. Bucky halted, catching his breath and taking the sight of her in. She wasn’t wearing red tonight, but a very pale blue dress with a white cardigan around her shoulders. Her hair was pinned up in a style that all the girls did at that time, but somehow, it looked different on her. It looked better. But as Bucky went to step forward, she turned on her heel and started to walk away. His breath caught in his throat as he started to sprint after her, groaning at the trembling of his legs.  
  
            “Ruby! Ruby, wait!”  
  
He shoved past the man walking toward him, earning a string of curse words, but Bucky didn’t even turn to apologise this time. She was almost around the corner, and if she went, then she would be gone. With a last burst of energy, Bucky caught up and grabbed her wrist.  
  
            “Ruby!”  
  
Almost immediately, she yanked her wrist from him as she turned, but the expression on her face was unreadable. She didn’t look disappointed or disgusted. She just looked at him, holding his gaze.  
  
            “You’re late.” Her voice was empty, but Bucky refused to tell him anything but the truth.  
  
            “I had to work –”  
  
            “You said you were finishing early today.”  
  
            “I got held up,” he wiped his hair back off of his face, ignoring how dirty it felt beneath his fingers. “Last shipment took a while to move. Boss said I had to quit if I didn’t wanna stay.”  
  
            “That’s the best excuse you could come up with?” Ruby crossed her arms, and Bucky’s eyes widened. Did she really think that he was lying to her?  
  
            “I’m tellin’ you the truth! You think I’d turn up on a date lookin’ like this?” Bucky then realised that he was only wearing his vest, and quickly made to pull his shirt on and button it up. Ruby exhaled deeply, pointedly looking away from him.  
  
            “The girls asked me to go out with them tonight, but I said no because of you.”  
  
            “It ain’t like I planned on bein’ late! I had the whole damn thing planned. Look, if you’re lookin’ for an easy excuse to get outta this and go meet your friends, then there it is. I’m late to meet ya. I don’t expect ya to give me another chance after I screwed this one up, but I’m gonna ask anyways. Please. Just let me take you out, even if it’s just an hour or somethin’.”  
  
Bucky was almost on the verge of dropping to his knees – partially from the pain shuddering through his legs – but because of her too. He didn’t care if people were staring right now, which they probably were, with a man full of grime asking a classy girl for a date. Her gaze hadn’t come back to him yet, and Bucky’s teeth sank down into his bottom lip. She was just working out a way to say no. That was all she was doing. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to nod and walk away from her, as her blue eyes locked with his.  
  
            “This is the last chance I’m going to give you.” Her tone was firm, her expression hard. Bucky’s mouth had fallen open, not quite believing the words she had just said.  
  
            “You’re sayin’ yeah?”  
  
            “I’m saying that you have one more chance to prove to me that you’re not like other boys, and if I still think you are, then you’re going to leave me alone. Understood?”  
  
            “I got it.” Bucky was quick to nod, stammering over his words. “Last chance.”  
  
            “Good.” Ruby uncrossed her arms, now letting her eyes rake over Bucky’s appearance. Bucky too looked down at himself, then back over his shoulder at the Diner.  
  
            “Come on. I ain’t gonna show you up in there. I’ll take you someplace else.”  
  
  
            It was only after a few minutes of walking that Bucky decided he wasn’t going to try and hold her hand. That’s what he did with any other girl he had took on a date, but of course, Ruby wasn’t like any other girl that he had taken out on a date. She had already yanked her wrist away from him – but as he caught sight of his palm, it was probably best that he didn’t try anyway. His hand was filthy. Thinking of no better option, he stuffed his hands into his jean pockets just to try and discreetly wipe them. It was in that very moment that Bucky realised that he didn’t have his wallet on him – just what he had left in his pocket from yesterday in case he needed to buy lunch today. With that amount, he would barely be able to pay for her meal if he had taken her to the Diner, let alone his own. It was a twisted thankfulness that he hadn’t told her that they would still go to dinner, but on the other hand, he cursed himself. It was almost as though somebody was making sure that anything that could go wrong with this date was happening all in one long, painful sequence. He had to come up with a plan, and quickly. He subconsciously brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck, and then it came to him. They were heading in the right direction anyway. He could make it look like that’s where they were going all along.  
  
            “You like ice cream?”  
  
            “Ice cream?” Ruby lifted a brow, looking at him from the corner of her eye. “Who doesn’t?”  
  
            “Good, ‘cause that’s what we’re gettin’. I know a place just up here that’ll let me in lookin’ like this. Kinda friendly with the owner.”  
  
            “From previous dates?”  
  
            “From my Ma,” Bucky’s voice went flat, looking over to her. “She used to be good friends with his wife.”  
  
Bucky was thankful for the silence after he had spoken, not particularly wanting to talk about his mother at all, if he could help it. Ruby’s lips had pursed when he looked back at her, and he expected her to question that too.  
  
            “Chocolate chip cookie dough is my favourite.”  
  
Bucky then turned to look at her fully, flashing her a smile, and managed to earn himself one back in return.  
  
            “That’s mine too.”  


* * *

 

Thankfully, the owner was kind enough to let Bucky in even if he looked like he had rolled around in dirt and grime for the better part of the day. He even managed to get Ruby to let him pull her seat out for her and make sure she was comfortable before he even went up to get ice cream for the two of them.  
  
            “What’s it gonna be today, Bucky?” The owner grinned over the counter at him, nodding over to the window table where Ruby was waiting patiently, now unbuttoning her cardigan to put over the chair.  
  
            “The usual for me, and one for my date too.”  
  
            “Kinda pretty for you, ain’t she? Ain’t never seen you with a girl like that before.”  
  
            “This one’s different,” Bucky glanced back at Ruby, then shrugged at the owner. “She lives on one of those nice blocks.”  
  
            “Managed to reel in one of those nice girls your Mama was always tellin’ you about?”  
  
            “Maybe. If she stays ‘til the end of the date, I might have another chance with her.”  
  
            “I ain’t seen a girl walk out on you yet.” Two glass bowls were placed in front of him, both with scoops of his – and her – favourite ice cream waiting in them. As the spoons were put beside them, Bucky dug what little money he had on him out of his pocket to pay.  
  
            “Like I said, this one’s different.”  
  
            “If she walks out on ya, I expect to see ya tomorrow to tell me all about it.”  
  
            “You got it.”

 Grabbing the spoons and bowls, Bucky wandered back over to the table and smiled the moment she looked up at him, placing the bowl down in front of her.   
  
            “This place has got the best kinda ice cream. Ain’t nowhere in Brooklyn like it.”  
  
            “I’m not from Brooklyn,” Ruby reminded him, reaching for her spoon. “But I had ice cream with my family last Sunday. We went to the one near Church.”  
  
            “That old place? It ain’t got nothin’ on this ice cream. Try it. You’ll know what I’m talkin’ about.”  
  
Bucky watched expectantly as Ruby scooped up a spoonful of the ice cream, looking at him with a curious expression. He gave her an encouraging nod, still holding his spoon in the dish. As she slowly opened her mouth and ate the ice cream, Bucky leaned forward, looking at her expectantly.  
  
            “Well?”  
  
            “It’s good,” Ruby nodded after swallowing, and Bucky didn’t quite know what to make of that summary.  
  
            “Just ‘good’? You gotta be kiddin’ me. I’m gonna go over there right now and tell Clive that you think his ice cream’s just ‘good’.” Bucky stared at her, trying to remain serious. He pushed his chair back and made to stand just as Ruby started to shake her head and eat another spoonful.  
  
            “You can’t tell him that!”  
  
            “How come? If someone’s gonna break his heart, might as well be someone that he knows.”  
  
            “No! It’s good ice cream. Nice ice cream. It’s –”  
  
She faltered, squeezing her eyes shut tight. Bucky’s eyebrows shot up in confusion, until he realised what had happened. Then he couldn’t help it. He bit his tongue to keep from laughing, but the way his lips tugged up gave away the grin.  
  
            “Stop it!” Ruby shook her head, as if that would get rid of the sting.  
  
            “Aw, I don’t remember it bein’ that bad to get brainfreeze!” Bucky laughed, followed by popping almost half a scoop of mint, chocolate-chip ice cream into his mouth. The moment that he swallowed, he wished he hadn’t. The pain shot straight through him, causing a cold shiver to run down his spine. He squeezed his eyes shut and coughed, wishing that if he pressed his eyes tight enough together, the pain would vanish. Yet, as the second shiver ran down his spine, he heard the giggle from the girl across from him, and he had to admit that the sound of her laughing was more than enough reason to cause so much pain to himself all at once.  
  
            “What did you do that for?” Ruby was asking, giggling in between her words.  
  
            “I didn’t believe ya!” Bucky managed to open his eyes just enough to see the full smile on Ruby’s lips, and then shut them tightly again as the last few aftershocks went through him.  
  
            “I can’t believe you did that, Bucky.” Ruby was still smiling at him when he opened his eyes the second time, wiping them so that he didn’t cause any of the water pricking them to fall.  
  
            “Me either,” Bucky tried to sound like he was ashamed of himself, but he couldn’t. Not after what she had just said to him. “But hey, it got you to say my name.”  
  
            “I suppose it did,” Ruby’s cheeks began to turn that shade of red that he had seen on them that very first night. “I haven’t said it already?”  
  
            “Nope.” He would remember that. Hearing his name in her voice stirred something in him, and from that point on, he wanted to hear her say it again and again.  
  
            “Oh.”  
  
            “Hey, I didn’t call you by your name for a while, did I?”  
  
            “No. You called me that ridiculous term.”  
  
            “But I ain’t said it to ya since. I remember, y’know.”  
  
            “You do.” Ruby was looking at him in a way that he couldn’t quite place, but he didn’t care to try and work out what it was at that particular moment in time. He was far too happy that she had finally called him by his name, and more than that, that she hadn’t asked to go home yet. She was still working through her ice cream – much slower than before, taking much smaller spoonfuls than he was, making him think about slowing down – and talking to him. He must have been doing something right.  
  
            “So, I got somethin’ for us to do.” Bucky leaned his elbows on the table, as if sharing a secret. “Kinda like a game. You get five questions to ask me, and I get five to ask you. Sound good?”  
  
            “I only get five?”  
  
            “Yeah, and they gotta be good questions too. Not somethin’ like… ‘What did ya eat for breakfast this mornin’?’ Somethin’ that ya really wanna know.”  
  
            “So, something like… Was that other boy at the Church related to you?” Ruby scooped up another small spoonful of the ice cream, looking at him curiously.  
  
            “Steve?” Bucky had to grin at her. “Naw, Steve ain’t blood related. He’s just my best friend, and his Ma and mine were real close when we were kids. The girl’s my little sister though – Becca. She’s fourteen. We always go to Church with Steve and his Ma.”  
  
            “Oh. I just thought...” But she trailed off, giving a very light shrug of her shoulders. “What’s your question for me?”  
  
            “What did ya tell your sister about me?” Bucky asked, pausing the movement of his hand. Ruby blushed slightly, looking down at her bowl. “Come on, I know you said somethin’ to her. She wouldn’ta said it otherwise.”  
  
            “I only mentioned that a boy had asked me to dance on the Friday night. I didn’t mention you by name, and I didn’t tell Pearl. I was talking to my other sister, Em. She asked what happened at the Dance Hall because she’s not old enough to go.”  
  
            “How old’s your sister?”  
  
            “She’s seventeen,” Ruby told him, “and that was your second question.”  
  
            “Aw man! You’re countin’ that?” Bucky snapped his fingers. “I thought you woulda let that go!”  
  
            “You said five questions,” a smile crept on her face, “I’m sticking to your rules.”  
  
            “Then I guess I better be careful, huh?” He smiled back at her, clicking his tongue. “Alright, ask me your second question.”  
  
            It took far longer than the two of them finishing their ice cream to get to the end of their five questions. By the end, both were laughing and whatever awkwardness had desperately clung onto them as they had walked into the Parlour had melted away in the warm, comfortable shroud surrounding the two. With every passing question, it was almost as though the two had known of each other for so much longer than a week. Clive had come out from behind the counter more than once to clean the tables as other customers came and left, until Ruby and he were the only two sitting there.  
  
            It was almost closing time, Bucky knew without even looking, so he stood up first and stretched before he offered his hand to help her up. Once he had, he wasn’t entirely sure that she would take it. It was cleaner now, at least, but conversation was one thing, and holding her hand was another entirely. That was more romantic than it was friendly, and maybe she didn’t want that from him. Maybe she was just happy to be friends with him. Then slowly, a delicate hand slipped into his rough one, and her fingers tightened around his own. She allowed him to help her up, and then she kept hold of his hand with a small smile. Bucky couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face when she didn’t let go. He shot a look at Clive over his shoulder as they left, who gave him a thumbs up and winked before the door to the Parlour shut behind them.  


* * *

  
            The silence that surrounded the two of them as they walked now wasn’t uncomfortable. With her hand in his, Bucky felt like he could take on anything at that moment. Their fingers were entwined, and their hands swinging lightly between them. The question on the tip of his tongue was almost begging to be asked, and as they were now, he couldn’t resist it.  
  
            “Hey, Ruby?”  
  
            “Yes?”  
  
He licked his lips, glancing at her from the corner of his eyes. He waited until they had crossed the road and turned onto the next street before he spoke again, taking every inch of bravery he had in him.  
  
            “Can I take you out tomorrow night?”  
  
She didn’t answer at first, which made his heart drop. He had been right. She only wanted to be friends, and nothing more than that. This had been his one chance to impress her, and it hadn’t worked. Friends was all they would have to be.  
  
            “Yes.”  
  
            “Huh?”  
  
Bucky stopped dead, making Ruby jerk to a stop too. His eyes grew wide, staring at her. That had to be a joke. She can’t have truly meant it.  
  
            “What’s wrong?” Ruby was giving him a concerned look, and her fingers tightened ever so slightly on his.  
  
            “You said yes.”  
  
Instantly, an embarrassed smile grew on her face, and a blush started to creep in again. She pulled on his hand just enough to make him step forward, giggling as he finally stepped by her side again.  
  
            “I know I said yes. I’d like for you to take me out again.”  
  
            “You really mean that?” The disbelief in his voice was clear.  A girl like her wanted to go on another date with a boy like him?  
  
            “I could tell you no, if that’s what you want to hear.”  
  
            “No! I just – I didn’t expect ya to say yes. I thought I was gonna drop you off at your door and that’d be the last time I spoke to ya.”  
  
            “I had a nice time with you tonight, Bucky. I’d like it if you took me out tomorrow too.”  
  
The honesty in her voice made the corners of his mouth twitch upward, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. The proud feeling ran back through him again, and they started to finish the now short walk back to Ruby’s block.  
  
            “Then I’m gonna.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

 

            Bucky woke up the following morning far earlier than his sister or even his father did. He tried to turn over and go back to sleep, but he couldn’t. He was far too excited by the prospect of seeing Ruby again today to go back to sleep. After the date had gone far better than he expected, he couldn’t want to take her out on a proper date that evening. Of course, by the time he had gotten in last night, his dad looked ready to explode. Bucky had failed to mention that he wouldn’t be home for dinner that evening, so Becca and his dad had waited for almost an hour to eat before putting Bucky’s dinner in the fridge. George Barnes had clapped his son around the back of his head hard enough to send Bucky surging forward and into the table when he had come in, moving the entire piece of furniture with his collision. George had then shouted at him before Bucky had the chance to explain, which left him simply wincing through the telling off from the growing headache he had gotten.  
That was partly the reason why he was now climbing out of his bed and getting dressed, so that he could at least try to make up for the ruined family dinner. The other half of his reason was that his excitement would eventually get the better of him, but if he got out of bed now, then he might manage to calm down before they got to Church. Bucky never remembered feeling like this over a girl. Not this ridiculously excited and desperate to see her again, at least. It was an entirely new feeling, and it was one that he wasn’t quite sure how to handle just yet.  
  
            He was downstairs before he realised, opening the thin curtains that were desperately trying to block the sunlight out. Bucky couldn’t help the smile that grew when he drew them back, nor could he help it when he stepped into the kitchen to start breakfast for his sister and dad. Becca had no idea, of course, what had happened on the Saturday night, which is why she gave her brother the highest arch of her brows that she possibly could when she joined him in the kitchen.  
  
            “What did you do to upset dad?”  
  
Bucky glanced over his shoulder at Becca, before his attention turned back to the pan in front of him. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin the last of their bacon from not paying attention to the crackling pan.  
  
            “Nothin’.”  
  
            “Yeah right. Dad doesn’t shout that loud unless you got in trouble. What’cha do? Spend your money and get a girl’s name tattooed?” Becca stretched across the table, crossing her arms underneath her.  
  
            “You really think I’d still be breathin’ if I did that and dad found out?” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Naw, I missed dinner, remember?”  
  
            “Oh yeah. What’s her name then? It’s not Maggie’s sister, is it? She has a real thing for you, y’know.”  
  
            “Someone you _don’t_ know.” Bucky smiled to himself, wiggling the pan on the stove. “But I might point her out today if you’re gonna be nice.”  
  
            “It’s not the lady that plays the organ, is it? That would be pretty disgustin’. She’s almost as old as the _organ_.”  
  
            “Would’ya get your mind outta the gutter and go and wake Pop? Breakfast is almost done.”  
  
            “Alright, alright!” Becca giggled, intending on leaving the kitchen, but not before she had dashed over and given Bucky a ridiculously sloppy kiss on his cheek. Bucky elbowed her out of the way, shooing her off with the spatula and kicking her bottom lightly for good measure. Becca bounced out of the kitchen, giggling all the way.  
  
            “I like it when you mess up. It means you wash the dishes too!”  
  
Needless to say, George Barnes still wasn’t impressed with his son when he came down the stairs, following his daughter. Bucky took one look at his father’s glower before he sat himself at the table, having finished plating up breakfast and pouring drinks for the three of them. George sat down in silence, followed by Becca sitting between the two of them.  
  
            “Bucky made apology breakfast,” Becca piped up, when the silence was beginning to get suffocating.  
  
            “Yeah, I, uh –” Bucky stammered, discreetly kicking Becca under the table to get her to stop talking before she opened her mouth again. “I’m real sorry, Pop. I forgot to tell ya I wasn’t gonna be home –”  
  
            “Eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”  
  
Bucky shrunk back to the plate, casting his eyes down at it. He still wasn’t forgiven for skipping dinner. Even with all the other times Bucky had messed up, he couldn’t understand why this one was any different. He had missed dinner. Was it really that much of a big deal to his father that he was going to continue to hold the grudge all day? Even longer than that? That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t the worst thing Bucky had ever done, and it probably wouldn’t be in a couple of weeks either. He thought his father had learned to accept that his son would mess up every now and again, while Becca got to be the well behaved one. Yet, he wouldn’t let it deter him. He was still excited to see Ruby, no matter how bad his father’s mood got throughout the day.  
  
It didn’t take him long to finish his breakfast, but it did for George to finish his. Becca had quietly excused herself almost ten minutes before, leaving Bucky alone in the kitchen with their father. George was still silent even when he finished, leaving the plate in his wake when he left the room, and leaving Bucky to wonder where he had gone wrong.  
  
  
  
            When they finally met up with Steve and Sarah on the way to the Church, Bucky couldn’t have been more thankful. Conversation had been strained between Becca, himself and their father, so he couldn’t help the sigh of relief that came when he was able to break away from walking next to George so he could walk with Steve. As Bucky approached him to step in line, Steve let out a round of sneezes.  
  
            “Hayfever’s kickin’ in early this year, huh?” Bucky clapped his hand down on Steve’s shoulder, giving him a light squeeze.  
  
            “I guess,” Steve shrugged. “Gotta be careful down at the store now, they’re puttin’ out flowers to sell.” 

            “We gotta get you a mask. Can’t have you collapsin’ on the job, right?”  
  
            “I ain’t that fragile, Buck.” Steve’s voice was flat, looking up at his friend.  
  
            “Steve, ya took one sniff of your Ma’s flowers last year and had a fit,” Bucky pointed out. “Ya gotta be careful now they’re puttin’ flowers out. Ask if you can work in the back or somethin’, away from ‘em.”  
  
            “When did you become my Ma?”  
  
            “I’m just sayin –”  
  
            “Thanks, Bucky, but I can manage.”  
  
Bucky fell silent. He knew Steve hated it when Bucky tried to make sure he was okay, even though Bucky was usually always right. Steve was barely half of Bucky’s weight when he was wet through, and riddled with almost every illness that you could have had. Bucky couldn’t help looking out for him.  
  
            “So, you gonna tell me or what?” 

            “What?”  
  
            “The problem that your Pa’s got with you today.”  
  
            “Jesus, Steve, it ain’t even been –”  
  
            “Stop avoidin’ the question.” Steve glanced up at the dark haired boy beside him, earning a heavy sigh in response.  
  
            “I skipped dinner yesterday to go on a date and didn’t tell him. I don’t know what his problem is, it ain’t like it’s not happened before.”  
  
            “No, it ain’t.” Steve didn’t really have much of a response to that. Even if Bucky stayed out late most nights, he was always honest about it. He never hid from his father what he did when he went out – perhaps skimmed over the finer details, but really, his father didn’t need to know that much about his son’s social life – so it wasn’t as though it was a secret.  
  
            “Dunno. Maybe he’s just in a bad mood. Becca didn’t really say anythin’ this mornin’, did ya?”  
  
Steve turned to the other brunette who had now caught up to them, shaking her head.  
  
            “I don’t know why dad’s so angry with you,” Becca shrugged. “Maybe if you point out who you were with, he’ll be less angry.”  
  
            “You were on a date last night?” Steve lifted an eyebrow. “Ya didn’t say that. Thought you were just at the Dance Hall again.”  
  
            “Only got the date Friday. Didn’t have time to tell ya. Almost didn’t have a date too. I got held up at work, almost missed her.”  
  
            “You showed up late and still took a girl out?” Becca asked. “Maggie said that if a boy shows up late for a date, then he wasn’t really interested.”  
  
            “I didn’t show up late on purpose, Bec.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Stay out of it, anyway.”  
  
            “You said you’d point her out to me.”  
  
            “Didn’t mean you could ask about the date.”  
  
            “I think you’re lucky that she stayed around. I’ve smelt you after you’ve come home from work and I’m surprised you didn’t kill her with that stench.”  
  
            “You little –” Bucky reached around the back of Steve for his sister, but Becca was too quick. She moved in front of the two boys, making enough distance between them so that Bucky couldn’t just reach out and grab her. A small elbow knocked against his ribs, and Steve won his attention back.  
  
            “You hangin’ around with Connie again? Maybe that’s why your Pa’s bein’ like this. He doesn’t like Connie’s parents, right?”  
  
            “It wasn’t Connie. I ain’t goin’ out with her again.” Bucky waved his hand. “It’s someone else.”  
  
            “Who?”  
  
Bucky looked ahead, making sure that Becca’s attention was elsewhere. Once he was certain that his sister wasn’t listening to them, and his father was well out of earshot, he began to speak.  
  
            “You remember that girl I pointed out to ya last week? The blonde that sat in front of us? Ruby?”  
  
            “You were on a date with _her_?” Steve’s tone was one of surprise. “You said she didn’t wanna go on a date with ya.”  
  
            “She didn’t, ‘til Friday. I walked her home.”  
  
            “You been stalkin’ her or somethin’?”  
  
            “Steve!” Bucky rolled his eyes, glancing at his friend with a less than impressed look. “Ya really think I’d do that? I was comin’ home from work and it turns out our paths cross over. She works at that new typin’ place.”  
  
            “So what, you took it on yourself to walk her home?”  
  
            “Kinda walked into her and made her drop her groceries. Said I’d walk her home to make up for it, and we got talkin’. Asked if I could take her on a date Saturday; she said yes. That’s kinda about it.”  
  
Steve didn’t really need to know about the argument he had had with Ruby. Not at this particular moment in time, at least. He would tell him later, when the two of them were back at Steve’s house. 

            “How’d it go?” The blush worked on Steve’s face before he could stop it. He had more often than not been told the entire ins and outs of Bucky’s dates, yet it never failed to embarrass him.  
  
            “Different,” Bucky gave him an honest smile. “She ain’t like those other girls I’ve been out with. Let me hold her hand, and that was it. Didn’t even kiss her goodnight. I was late, so we didn’t go out like I was plannin’ to anyway. We went for ice cream at Clive’s, and I walked her home after that.”  
  
            “That’s it?”  
  
            “Yeah. Told ya, she ain’t like other girls. Had to beg her to let me take her out after I was late. If it was Connie, she woulda waited all night. Ruby’s… A different kinda dame.”  
  
            “You takin’ her out again?”  
  
            “Tonight,” Bucky nodded. They had gone over the time briefly as he had dropped her off, talking in whispers outside her door so that they didn’t disturb her parents. “Gonna check with her that she said seven again when we see her at Church.”  
  
            “Ya gonna tell your dad she was the girl before you go off talkin’ to her?”  
  
            “Nah. He’ll probably not be mad when we get home anyways. He’s just pissed he had to put dinner in the fridge for me.”  
   
           “Your neck on the line, pal.”  
  


* * *

 

            Steve and Bucky chatted right up until they got to the Church, until Bucky’s gaze wandered from his best friend to rake over the people waiting around and those wandering inside the large doors. Blue eyes lit up when they landed on the blonde locks of the girl he had been thinking about all day, and Bucky wordlessly shrugged himself away from Steve. He popped the collar on his shirt, glancing over his shoulder at the blond boy.  
  
            “Watch this.”  
  
The confidence was oozing from Bucky as he sauntered over to Ruby, taking in the dress she was wearing today. It was a white dress covered in black polka dots, and her white cardigan was once again pulled over her arms. Her hair wasn’t curly today, but pinned up in a similar way that it had been last night. Her littlest sister was standing by her side again, with her parents and other siblings in front of her. Bucky smiled as he approached them, and when her father raised his eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak to Ruby, she turned to face him. Her lips were painted red, but her gaze had something in it that Bucky didn’t recognise.  
  
            “Hey.” His tone was light, making sure his tie was straightened as he stopped in front of her. He could feel her entire family staring at him, which made the back of his neck heat up. She didn’t give him a smile, or even nod her head at his greeting.  
  
            “Hello…”  
  
            “I was just checkin’ we were still on for –”  
  
            “I’m sorry,” Ruby interrupted him, her voice even and starting to hint at confused. “I don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about.”  
  
            “You’re kiddin’, right? We went out –” His look was incredulous, eyes raking over her seemingly blank expression.  
  
            “Perhaps you went out with a girl that looks like me. There’s a lot of blondes around here that might suit you.”  
  
Bucky couldn’t understand it. He didn’t know what was worse – having her look at him like he was harassing her, or her pretending that last night hadn’t happened at all. Even Pearl wasn’t making any comments today, just looking up at him curiously. He felt himself start to work up, so he rolled his shoulders and shrugged, taking on the easy tone he used when he was talking himself up to a girl.  
  
            “Yeah, I guess so. Must’a just got ya mixed up with another dame. Got that many of ‘em that I can’t keep up.”  
  
  
He expected that to goad a reaction, but it didn’t. Ruby was still looking at him as though she was waiting for him to leave – so he did exactly that. He turned on his heel and sauntered back over to Steve, turning them both away from Ruby and heading into the Church instead.  
  
            “What happened?” Steve murmured. Bucky scratched the back of his neck in an attempt to calm himself down, and to stop the flush of embarrassment that was daring to make itself known on his face.  
  
            “Forget it,” Bucky muttered back, “don’t wanna talk about it.”  
  
He threw himself down in a pew at the back, pointedly ignoring when his father walked past and shook his head, with Steve’s mother and Becca behind him. Steve peeled his coat off as Bucky slouched down, leaning his head back against the wood. What Ruby had said to him, Steve didn’t know, but he knew better than to try and coax Bucky to tell him when his mood turned sour.  


* * *

  
            Ruby bit her lip as she watched Bucky walk away. She felt awful for doing what she had just done, with the guilt pooling in her stomach. She had failed to mention the previous night that he shouldn’t come over to her while they were at Church, and now she had been forced to act like she had no idea who he was. Pearl leaned against her, whispering so that their parents didn’t hear.  
  
            “Why wasn’t I allowed to talk to him?”  
  
            “Because.”  
  
            “That’s not a good reason.” Pearl looked up at Ruby, with her brows furrowing slightly.  
  
            “Girls, let’s go inside.” Ruby’s mother interrupted before Ruby had the chance to respond. Pearl unlinked herself from her sister and walked beside their mother instead, followed by Ruby’s other sister and her brother. Ruby went to walk with them too, but her father’s hand came down onto her shoulder.  
  
            “You don’t know that boy, do you?” His voice, though it was quiet, still had that underlying firmness to it that made Ruby cast her eyes down as they walked.  
  
            “I have no idea who he is, daddy.”  
  
            “I should hope not. Your mother and I don’t want you around boys like that.”  
  
            “I think he was just confused.”  
  
Their conversation got considerably louder as they entered the Church, but only because the Church itself was so quiet.  
  
            “He’s a no good Brooklyn boy, Ruby. You’d be far better off with someone from uptown. Someone respectable. That’s what your mother and I want for you.”  
  
            “I know…” Her voice lowered, and her gaze didn’t move from the ground in front of her feet. She didn’t particularly want to look at her father, or anywhere at all but the ground.  
  
            “I don’t want to see you around anyone like that boy again, do you understand?”  
  
            “You won’t do, daddy. I promise.”  
  
Little did Ruby know, Bucky had heard everything said when she and her father had walked through the doors, and had sunk lower into the pew while Steve’s eyes had widened in realisation.  


* * *

  
            The routine came and went again at Sarah’s house just like it had done the Sunday before, until Bucky was at home and changing his clothes so that he could meet Ruby for their date. A sigh left him, wondering why he was even bothering dressing up nice when she might not even turn up. After what he had overheard in the Church, he wasn’t surprised that she had pretended not to know him. It was a sense of defeat, and one that he hadn’t been expecting after how well their first date had gone. Maybe Ruby was just an excellent actress, making Bucky see what she thought he wanted to, with her agenda and idea being completely different. If she had been acting, then she was one hell of a girl, because Bucky had believed every laugh and smile that she had given him. He picked up one of his dress ties, but then threw it back into the draw. He wasn’t going to wear a tie. A shirt with the sleeves rolled up was good enough, joined by his suspenders and slacks. He had already combed his hair back, washed his face, and made sure he was a far cry from the person who had turned up for their first date – not that it would matter.  
  
            He was already on the way to the front door when he saw his father waiting in the doorway to their living room. He stopped, looking at his father’s crossed arms and raised eyebrow.  
  
            “I ain’t gonna be out too late, Pop. I got work early in the mornin’.”  
  
            “You’re gonna have to stop this soon. Goin’ out with a different girl every night. By the time I was your age, your mother and I were –”  
  
            “Married. I know.”  
  
So that was what his father’s mood had been about that morning. Bucky had the urge to roll his eyes, but decided against it. He didn’t want the foul mood to come back after his father had been so pleasant at Sarah’s.  
  
            “You should start thinkin’ about it too, or enlisting yourself.”  
  
            “I ain’t enlistin’,” Bucky’s voice was flat, “and I ain’t settlin’ down either.”  
  
            “Good men go to war, James. You’d be fightin’ for your country –”  
  
            “Or signin’ my death sentence. I ain’t goin’ to fight, Pop. They got plenty of good men over there, they don’t need –”  
  
            “Do you think I thought about my own life when I signed up?”  
  
            “I ain’t you!”  
  
This was ridiculous. The frustration was building up again in Bucky, and this time he didn’t know whether he could calm himself back down. His father exhaled heavily, his gaze darkening when he looked at his son.  
  
            “No, you sure as hell aren’t.”  
  
            “Ya done? I got somewhere I gotta be.”  
  
His father turned away from him, walking into the living room. Bucky made sure that he watched his father go before he grunted and stormed out of the door, slamming it hard enough to rattle the windows on his way out.   
  


* * *

  
   A slight sense of relief passed over him when he saw Ruby waiting by the flower shop for him. After what her father had said, he was expecting to be stood up, but there she was, blonde locks in soft curls and red painted lips curved into a soft smile. Bucky grunted to himself. That wasn’t going to work tonight. He was already too tightly wound to fall for her charms. 

  
            “You allowed to know me now or somethin’?” He asked when she came within earshot. Her smile faltered, hands going to clutch onto the strap of her bag. Bucky stood in front of her, awaiting a response.  
  
            “You don’t understand –”  
  
            “Naw, I understand just fine. You ain’t supposed to be seen with ‘no good Brooklyn boys’, remember? I heard your dad.”  
  
            “My parents are strict –” Again, she had to bite her lip as Bucky interrupted her.  
  
            “So? You’re nineteen years, old, Ruby.”  
   
           “Can we not talk about this here? Please?”   
  
It was only due to the desperate look in her eyes that he agreed. It wouldn’t look good if they ended up having another argument in the middle of the street, and he knew that if he did get to the point of arguing, the open space would make him lose his head more. He nodded down the sidewalk in front of them, and when she unclasped her hands from her bag so that he could take one, he walked past her.  
  
            “C’mon. Lucy’s Diner’s this way from here.”  


* * *

  
            Ruby kept up with his pace, but always ended up a step behind. It was more like he was leading her rather than walking with her. With what he had just said to her, she didn’t blame him. He had overheard the conversation in the Church. Silently, she hoped she would have the opportunity to explain to him why she had said what she had to her father. The last thing she wanted to do was intentionally upset him. Besides, if she had truly meant those words to her father, she wouldn’t have been there to meet him that night.  
  
Bucky seemed to remember that she was there as they got to the door of the diner and held it open for her, allowing her to go in first. It was quiet, to say the least, and looked like one of the fancier diners in Brooklyn. Well, what she thought might be fancier. Bucky had been planning to take her there the previous night, so they had agreed to come that night instead. There were flowers in vases on each of the tables, and the place was bright and filled with colour. Bucky led her over to a table in the front window, pulling her chair out for her so she could sit down and taking her cardigan when she offered it to him to hang over the back of her chair.  
  
            “This is a nice place,” she commented quietly, placing her bag in her lap as she watched Bucky sit down across from her. He gave her a slight smile, nodding in a way that almost moved his hair.  
  
            “Yeah.”  
  
It was a nice place, Bucky admitted to himself. It was the kind of place he wouldn’t usually go, choosing cheaper diners to take girls like Connie, Cathy and Mary to. He honestly didn’t know why he had done it – it was almost as though he still wanted to prove himself, even if he already knew her answer to him. Still, he shifted forward in his seat and tucked himself more to the table, offering her a menu.  
  
            “You want a drink first? What kinda girl are ya, a milkshake or a root beer?” 

            “Coca Cola,” Ruby smiled softly at him, opening her bag. Bucky lifted an eyebrow, until he realised she was handing him money. “I’ll just have –”  
  
            “You think I’d bring ya out and not have the money?” Bucky snapped at her, making her almost drop the few coins in her outstretched hand. Her eyes were wide, meeting his dark scowl.  
  
            “No, I – I know you don’t earn –” She retracted her hand, hurriedly putting the loose change back into her bag when Bucky cut her off.  
  
            “I earn _enough_.”  
  
            “Bucky –”  
  
            “Why’re you even here, huh? You already decided that I ain’t good enough for ya.”  
  
Ruby’s expression crumpled, casting her eyes down. While he hadn’t drawn attention to them, Ruby felt like every eye in the diner was on the two of them. She felt the embarrassment start to prick her cheeks as Bucky’s glare bore down on her, and then she couldn’t take it anymore. Hurriedly, she pulled her cardigan back on and left, leaving Bucky alone at the table to grunt and shove his chair backward to come after her.  
  
            He couldn’t help himself. All the temper that had been building throughout the day had finally come to a head, and as he followed her quick footsteps, he found himself shouting at her. The skirt of her dress swished from side to side as she walked, and Bucky followed her across the street and onto the next block.  
  
            “Where you goin’? Runnin’ home to your daddy to tell him how bad your date’s gone? Ya can’t, can ya? Daddy doesn’t know his little girl’s out with some punk who works at the docks, does he?”  
  
There was no response, but they were turning heads as they passed. Ruby’s heels clicked along the paved ground, while Bucky’s footsteps sounded heavy as he chased her. 

  
            “Yeah, go on! Run home, Ruby! I ain’t wastin’ my time tryin’ to impress you anymore! Go tell your daddy that he was right, Brooklyn boys are –”  
Bucky never got to the end of his sentence, because Ruby had turned right around and slapped him across his cheek so hard that his head had turned. His cheek erupted into a stinging pain, and he locked his jaw as he turned back around to face her. Her eyes were filling up, but the glare in them was fierce.  
  
            “Don’t come near me again.”  
  
At her strong tone, Bucky didn’t answer. His nostrils flared, and he held his chin high, but he didn’t answer her. The pain emitting from his cheek was too much for that. Ruby then turned on her heel and set off at a quick pace again, hurrying away from him while he watched her go. It was only after she had got to the end of the block that Bucky cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting back at her.  
  
            “Don’t wanna be near you anyways!”  


* * *

  
            The moment Ruby came through her door, she hid herself behind a smile. Her family couldn’t know where she had been, so for now, she had to pretend. At least until she got to her bedroom.  
  
            “You’re home early, sweetheart,” her mother’s voice got to her before her mother did. The older blonde came out of the living room to greet her daughter, smiling at her.  
  
            “I got the wrong day,” Ruby shrugged softly. “The girls are going out tomorrow night for dinner, not tonight.”  
  
            “There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you want them.”  
  
            “Thankyou. I’ll go and get changed first, okay?”  
  
            “Alright,” Ruby’s mother smiled at her and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, letting her daughter go up the stairs. Ruby took them slowly, feeling the smile start to slip as she got closer to the top and to her shared room. Her other sister, Emerald, was already inside, stretched out on her bed with her diary in front of her. Emerald had known exactly where Ruby was going and who with, which is why she sat up the moment her sister stepped foot into the room.  
  
            “Why are you home so early?”  
  
Ruby couldn’t help it then. As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, the hot tears slipped down her cheeks.  
  
            “He – Em, he –”  
  
The words wouldn’t come out. Em hopped off her bed and hurried over to her sister, walking her back to her bed so that Ruby could cry on her shoulder without having to fear being heard by their parents. Em hushed her, stroking Ruby’s hair back while she cried into her shoulder.  
            

* * *

  
            By his fifth drink, Bucky was starting to feel the effects of the whiskey. He had found himself at the club not long after arguing with Ruby, seeing it as an excuse to cool off. He wasn’t drunk, but on the edge of feeling like he could laugh everything away. The bartender had commented on Bucky’s red cheek the minute he sauntered toward the bar, but Bucky had waved him off and asked for his first whiskey.  
  
            “Bucky!”  
  
Arms wrapped around his neck, and Bucky turned to see the red hair that he knew belonged to Lynette Thompson. He shifted around on his stool, feeling her lips press against his cheek. He winced at the contact; even though the redness had gone, the pain was still there.  
  
            “I haven’t seen you around here for a while! Where’ve you been?”  
  
Lynette Thompson had been one of Bucky’s first one night dates, back when he was fresh out of high school. They had been in the same classes, but then again, most of the girls Bucky had taken out had been in his classes. She didn’t have the kind of curves that Bucky loved on a woman, but she enjoyed kissing almost as much as he did. In his hazy state, Bucky let an easy smirk slip onto his lips.  
  
            “Don’t matter where I’ve been, doll. I’m here now, ain’t I?”  
  
            “You sure are.” Lynette grinned as Bucky’s arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him while he ordered her a drink. Lynette kissed under his ear, sending a shiver running up Bucky’s spine.  
  
It wasn’t long after her first drink that she and Bucky were leaving, with Bucky whispering words into her ear and leaving kisses along her neck that made her face flush red.  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

  
            It seemed like a blink of an eye that an entire week had passed. Bucky hadn’t given any thought to Ruby since he spent the last of Sunday night with Lynette, and the string of girls that had followed every night after that. Tom had asked about his date before he had even greeted Bucky on Monday morning, only to be met with daggers by Bucky and a grunt that could have almost been saying ‘Dame slapped me’ before he had sauntered off to get to work. None of the other men had mentioned it that day – whether word had gotten around or whether they just weren’t interested, Bucky didn’t know, and didn’t care either. Steve had commented on it once or twice, and Bucky had bit back in a way that he hadn’t intended to, but nonetheless had meant every word. He didn’t care about Ruby anymore. There were enough girls in Brooklyn to help take his mind off of her, and enough girls that weren’t as hard to please, either. Yet, despite all seven of the girls he had taken out, not one of them had been blonde. If Steve would have been with him and had watched him close enough, he would have noticed Bucky actively avoiding any girl he saw that had blonde hair. As always, Bucky was far too proud to admit that he had been hurt by Ruby, so he buried it deep and drowned the memory in whiskey and other girls that took his liking.   
  
Even when they had gone to Church, Bucky had sat at the very end of the pew, furthest away from the middle, so that he wouldn’t have a chance in seeing her. He had slouched as usual on the bench, and ignored Ruby and her family as they walked in. That didn’t stop Steve from noticing, though. Ruby was holding her chin up high, looking away in the same stubborn fashion that Bucky was, but it was Ruby’s sister that caught Steve’s attention. The middle sister – Bucky had failed to mention her name – was glaring so intently at Bucky that if her look had been a knife, Bucky would have been murdered the moment she had walked through the doors. Steve waited until Ruby’s family was seated far away from them before he turned to Bucky, murmuring about the look he had just been given. He expected to gauge some reaction from his best friend, but all he gained in return was a harsh grunt and a muttered ‘Shut up, Steve’, and he had indeed done. The last thing he needed was his best friend going on about the girl that he wasn’t good enough for. If he was ever going to get over her, then he needed to push her out of his mind completely – though that seemed easier said than done.   
  
            “Hey, Sarah? I’ll go half on this, you’re cookin’ –”  
  
            “Don’t be ridiculous, Bucky.” Sarah Rogers’s soft smile met his sheepish expression as she reached for the item in Bucky’s hands. Before he could protest, Sarah had placed it in the almost empty basket hanging off of her arm.  
  
            “C’mon, ya gotta let me pay for somethin’.”   
  
            “You can wash the dishes after dinner. That’s payment enough.”   
  
            “Sarah…”   
  
            “All we need now is some potatoes. Do you think you can carry those instead of putting them into the basket?”   
  
            “You got it.”   
  
He stepped back in line with her, both making their way toward the aisle with what Sarah desired on it. Usually, it was Steve that went shopping with his own mother, but Bucky wasn’t working that Monday and had volunteered to go while Steve worked some extra hours at the Grocery store he worked at. While Steve had donned his white apron and set off for work, Bucky had come strolling into the house and waited patiently until Sarah was ready to go and then walked her to the store to pick up some food. He had offered to pay at least several times over from the moment they had walked into the store, and she had refused him every time. He didn’t have much money on him at the present, but it was more than enough to cover three quarters of the shopping. He shouldn’t be surprised, he supposed. Sarah never let him pay for anything, and even when he went to get her groceries on his own, she scolded him for spending his money on her which was always rewarded with one of his cheeky grins.   
  
As Bucky reached to start putting potatoes that Sarah was pointing out into a bag, he heard a gasp on the other side of the small vegetable stand. Looking up, he saw the very person he had been trying to avoid seeing. Ruby was on the other side, her face turning pink as she tried to quickly hurry along and grab what she needed. Bucky said nothing but rather pointedly turned away, until Sarah gently touched his arm.   
  
            “Sweetheart?”  
  
            “Sorry,” Bucky instantly replied, finishing up with the bag. “Zoned out for a –”  
  
            “I saw,” Sarah quietly interrupted him, watching Ruby quickly hurry away from them. “Who is she?”   
  
            “She’s…”   
  
Sarah gave his arm a reassuring squeeze, looking up at him with a soft, motherly look in her blue eyes. Bucky bowed his head, almost embarrassed.   
  
            “I think you and I should have a little talk when we get back to the house, don’t you?”   


            Ruby had watched and waited until Bucky and the blonde woman had left before she slumped her shoulders again. It had been the first time she had seen him – properly seen him, at least – since their ruined date, and she hadn’t been prepared in the slightest. His words had torn at her so deeply that she didn’t think she would ever be able to fix the wound, no matter how hard she tried. He hadn’t understood what had happened and hadn’t given her a chance to explain herself. She would have explained, in time, if the date had gone as well as the first one had. If only he hadn’t have overheard her conversation with her father, she wouldn’t feel like she had to walk on eggshells around Brooklyn in fear that she would see him. Even the thought of going to Church the day before had made her want to be sick all of Saturday night, so much so that she had to excuse herself and go to bed early. Only Em knew why Ruby had left the table so suddenly, and had then found her sister curled up in bed, sniffling as though she had either finished crying, or was about to start. The hurt that he had caused with just a few choice words was almost beginning to rival what had happened before she moved to Brooklyn – and it had been the exact kind of hurt that he had said he wasn’t going to inflict.   
  
Seeing Bucky only minutes before had her reacting in the way she hadn’t wanted to. Ruby didn’t want to admit that seeing those piercing blue eyes had made her heart skip a beat, or that his voice had made her cheeks heat up just that little bit more. What she did admit was that the moment his expression had changed from confused to expressionless and his head had turned away from her, her heart had plummeted and sadness had found its home within it once more. Thankfully, the blonde haired woman had ushered him away before Ruby’s gaze had a chance to run back over his features again. It was for the best that she didn't, as trying to forget his sharp jaw and bright smile had been hard enough without the added image of those blue eyes that had captured her so looking so sad and defeated. Even though he had been the one to utter such cruel words, they seemed to be affecting him just as much as they had affected her. One part of her was glad about that. A fraction of her wanted him to suffer like he had made her suffer, and be as upset as she had been. On the other, she had felt awful at just the sight of him. She could see clearly from his expression that he hadn’t meant a word he had said to her on that Sunday night, which made it all the more worse. If he had held his head high and embraced what he had said, then she could have forgotten about him all that much more quickly, but he wasn’t. He was shying away like a naughty child, and that hurt her far more. The guilt was there, but she couldn’t just forgive him for the way he had cut her down with his sharp tongue. That was how she had been hurt before, and she wasn’t going to let herself go through it a second time.   


* * *

  
            As soon as Bucky had helped Sarah put away the groceries, she had him sat down at the table, both with a small cup of coffee. Bucky had preoccupied himself with looking at the cup, avoiding Sarah’s soft gaze.   
  
            “What’s her name?”   
  
Bucky answered with a mumble under his breath, followed by Sarah reaching out a hand to place on his arm. Once he looked up at her, meeting that gentle gaze, he sighed and leaned back in the chair and answered her properly.   
  
            “Her name’s Ruby.”   
  
            “Do you want to tell me what happened, or is this going to be like the time Steve came home with a black eye and without a tooth after Billy Travers beat him up?”   
  
            “Hey, I went home with _two_ black eyes,” Bucky defended. Sarah rolled her eyes with a quiet chuckle, placing her hands on either side of her cup.   
  
            “James. Talk to me.”   
  
Once his cheeky grin had slipped again, he nodded. He trusted Sarah with more than most things anyway, and for once, he found himself wanting to get everything off his chest in one conversation rather than broken ones with her son.   
  
            “I dunno what’s wrong with me, Sarah. I can’t get her out of my head. I saw her for the first time just over three weeks ago and I ain’t stopped thinkin’ about her yet. Even   
when I think I’m not, she’s always in the back of my mind. I’m goin’ crazy.”   
  
            “Have you asked her on a date?”  
  
            “See, that’s the problem. I’ve already been on a date with her on Saturday. Not the one just passed, the one before that. It went swell – real swell. Ain’t ever had a date like it. Turned up late, thought she was gonna leave me behind, she’s a real classy girl, Sarah. Real classy. She lives over on that nice block, the one you gotta pass to get to the park. Didn’t even kiss her goodnight. She’s kinda shy, and I didn’t wanna be showin’ her up. Looked like I’d just rolled around in all the dirt and grime in Brooklyn, so I wasn’t even gonna try. But…” He trailed off, averting his gaze. He didn’t want to look at Sarah when he told her the next part. He didn’t want to see her reaction to something so stupid.   
  
“I was supposed to be takin’ her out on a real date the day after. I was tellin’ Steve on the way to church about her, and when we got there, she was already there. Her family go to Church every Sunday, she said they always have. I went over to talk to her and make sure I got the time right, and she acted like she didn’t know me.”   
  
            “In front of her parents?”  
  
            “Yeah. Damnedest thing. Then I sit down with Steve and she walks past, and she ain’t got a clue I’m sittin’ where I’m sittin’. She and her daddy are talkin’ about how she shouldn’t be seen with a ‘boy like me’ and she’s stood there, agreein’ with him.”   
  
            “Bucky…” Sarah reached out her hand again, but he didn’t reach back out to take it. Instead he was picking his nails, shaking his head as he told his recount.   
  
            “So yeah. I got mad. Y’know what I’m like once I got it on me. Still, she turns up for this date. Now I don’t understand that. Why tell her daddy that she ain’t gonna be knockin’ around with some lowlife and then turn up for a date with one? Doesn’t make sense. I… I shouted at her, Sarah. In the Diner, and then I fuckin’ followed her down the street, yellin’ about her runnin’ home to her daddy. Then she turns round and slaps me, next thing I know, she’s runnin’ off and my cheek feels like it’s on fire. Ain’t spoke to her since. First time I saw her properly today, in the store. Kinda took me by surprise.”   
  
Sarah stayed silent for longer than Bucky would have liked, making him grow more agitated with each passing minute. She was probably thinking the worst of him right now, and honestly, Bucky didn’t blame her one bit. He knew that he had been a jerk – and Brooklyn’s biggest one, at that. Heck, maybe he had been the biggest jerk in the entire state. What kind of man chased after a woman who was already upset, only to continue shouting at her? It was no wonder to him once he had heard the story back as to why Ruby’s parents didn’t want her near him. She would be better suited with someone who was going to look after her, not someone who had a temper that flared up at the slightest hint of somebody judging him. He had known she was too good for him the moment he had laid eyes on her for the first time, yet he had pursued her. For a brief bitter moment, he wondered what good that had done. All he had now was a mind full of the woman he couldn’t stop thinking about, and the memory of the unshed tears in her eyes as she had shouted at him.   
  
            “Even after that, you still can’t stop thinking about her? About Ruby?”   
  
Sarah’s question threw him. Out of everything he had said, how was that the only thing she was questioning? He was expecting her to scald him as if he were her own son for what he had done to the poor girl.   
  
            “Yeah. I can’t get her outta my head, and believe me, I’ve been tryin’.”   
  
Silence washed back over the kitchen for a few moments, and Bucky started to think of a way to apologise, both for talking about it, and for what he had done.   
  
            “James… You’re almost as daft as my Joseph.”   
  
            “…What?” His gaze did shoot up then, dark eyebrows forming a deep frown as he looked at the woman in front of him.   
  
            “My Joseph. He never did want to ask me to dance the first time, you know. Your father talked him into it. He didn’t think he was good enough to be seen with me.”   
  
            “But I _know_ I ain’t good enough to –”  
  
            “Ruby agreed to go on a date with you the first time, didn’t she?”   
  
            “Yeah, but –”  
  
            “And the second?”  
  
            “I screwed that one up.”   
  
            “But she agreed,” Sarah smiled at him, shaking her head softly. “Don’t you see? She could have turned you down the first time you asked, but she didn’t. She even let you off for being late. To me, that doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t want to get to know you a little better.”   
  
            “But I heard her talkin’ to her dad. She even told him that she wasn’t gonna be seen hangin’ around with me.”   
  
            “Yet she still came to your second date. If she had already agreed to not see you with her father, why would she come and meet you?”

            “I dunno,” Bucky shrugged. “Lettin’ me down easy?”   
  
            “Did she? Or did she not understand why you were shouting at her?”   
  
            “She…” He trailed off.  Sarah had raised points he hadn’t even thought about before, and they were beginning to show well as cracks in his otherwise biased memory. Her hand was back on his forearm again as he brought himself forward in the chair, groaning loudly. This was all his fault. He could see that as clear as he could read the headline of a newspaper.   
  
            “I don’t understand. Why’s she tellin’ her daddy one thing and tellin’ me another?”   
  
            “I think the best scenario is to assume that she’s upset about what happened. Any girl that turns up to a date twice in a row, especially with someone she had been specifically asked and told not to go near, wants to see whichever boy has gotten her tricking her family with a silver tongue. She wanted to see you, Bucky. You just lost your temper too quickly.” Sarah rubbed his arm gently, trying to get some response other than the look of complete confusion.    
  
            “You really think she wants to see me?”   
  
            “I know that she does.”  
  
The whine that wanted to come from Bucky’s lips held off, and thankfully so. Sarah’s judgement had never been wrong, and he had trusted her to tell him the truth no matter how brutally painful it was.  
  
            “I messed up, Sarah. What am I supposed to do? She told me not to come near her again.” He ran a hand through his dark locks, ruffling them up.   
  
            “I think you should try one more time, sweetheart. Go to her and try to make this right. If she really is on your mind as much as you say… Then I don’t think it’s just another girl that you want to date. I think it’s something that could be a little more.”   
  
            “You think she’ll even listen to me? If I was a dame, I wouldn’t be –”  
  
            “Let’s be thankful that you’re not a woman then, shall we?” Sarah chuckled softly, shaking her head at him. “All you can do is try. If she doesn’t want to see you again, then you should find something else to preoccupy your time while you try to get her out of your head. But, if she does want to see you… You shouldn’t let her go again. You need to hear what she has to say before you make assumptions.”   
  
That decided it for him. If all else failed, at least he could say that he tried one more time before letting her walk out of his life for good. Taking a quick sip of the coffee in front of him, Bucky glanced at Sarah.   
  
            “What time is it?”   


* * *

  
  
            A nervous hand pushed through dark, slicked back locks again, moving them out of place once more. At this rate, he would look like he had just finished working a shift, not recently stepped out of the shower. Anxiety had already spread through him and settled well, with whispers swirling around in his head of all the reasons she had to say no to him. For all he knew, she could take one look at him and slap him again, or even worse, she could call the cops for harassment. Both seemed as plausible an option as the other – he knew that he was at least bordering on harassment by being here when she had asked him not to be, but this was his last try. His final effort, and if she told him to leave her alone again then he would – and should probably go back to Sarah to have a serious talk about the problem of not understanding the meaning of leaving someone alone when asked. He more than likely seemed crazy, standing outside the Typist’s place with a bunch of yellow roses in his now sweaty hands, dressed in what could only be described at best as a faded dress shirt and his father’s tie. He had snagged his father’s watch from the bathroom windowsill on the way out, so that he could count down the minutes he had to wait.   
  
The doors opened, and he was once again holding the flowers, watching the girls step out with their cardigans around their shoulders and their little purses swinging with every sway of their hips. Some smiled at him, some glanced, and even one – Andrea, he was sure her name was – verbally greeted him, but he wasn’t interested. The only woman he cared about coming out of the building was the woman that was looking as though she would be the last one out. Just as he brought his wrist up to check the watch again, he froze. A woman with blonde hair pinned up into neat curls was stepping out of the doorway, with a yellow blouse and black skirt on. Ruby. His breath hitched in his throat as he looked at her, and as her eyes met his, he was more than certain that his heart stopped for at least a second. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered her being – and he had only seen her that morning.   
  
Yet, her reaction wasn’t the one he wanted. He had expected her to hold her chin up high and walk straight past him, but he hadn’t expected to see her eyes dull and her teeth sink into her lip. He heard her heels click along the floor as she tried to hurry past him, drawing out a sigh as he turned to watch her go.  
  
            “Ruby, wait.”   
  
            “I thought you were going to leave me alone.” Her voice was thick, but still, he took the step after her.   
  
            “I know, but you gotta let me –”  
  
            “I don’t have to let you do anything!” Ruby stopped abruptly, forcing Bucky’s steps behind her to stop. “You brought this on yourself!”   
  
            “I know!” Silence fell, and Bucky took a deep breath. “Please… Could ya just look at me?”  
  
            “No.” Ruby’s arms curled around herself, keeping her back to him. “If you have something else to shout at me for, I’m not going to look at you while you do it.”  
  
            “That ain’t why I’m here. I’m… I wanna apologise.”   
  
            “Apologise? More than a week later and you want to apologise?” Ruby scoffed, and Bucky could have sworn he heard a sniffle. “That’s not how apologies work, B–”   
  
            “I’m a jerk. I know.” Bucky cut her off before she could finish, earning a tap of her foot against the concrete.   
  
            “Yes, you are.”   
  
            “Look, I’m tryin’ to make it better. I had a –”  
  
            “Don’t you dare say that you had a bad day,” Ruby then whipped around, looking at him. The anger was clearly spelt out in her eyes, along with the hurt that was hiding behind it. “That’s not an excuse. Not for what you did.”   
  
            “And I know that, but you gotta understand.” Bucky licked his lips quickly, tilting his head. “I heard you talkin’ to your dad at Church. And I know I shoulda asked about it, but I didn’t. Alright? I’m human. I fuck up sometimes, and shoutin’ at you because I thought the worst of somethin’ is one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.”   
  
Bucky watched for any hint of a reaction, but received none. Ruby bared the same expression she had done when she had turned around to face him. Almost at a loss, his hand with the flowers twitched up. If they were at a last resort already, he could try and shove them at her and hope for the best.   
  
            “You didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”  
  
That quiet voice that so easily took over Ruby’s words made Bucky’s chest tighten.   
  
            “I tried to tell you. I tried, and you cut me off before I could finish telling you.” By now, her arms had come up to curl around her biceps, subtly squeezing as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.   
               
            “My parents are strict, Bucky. You don’t understand how strict. My father said those things because he thinks he knows what’s best for me, and you don’t fit his description. I had to play along with him, otherwise it would cause problems at home. I’m the eldest, I’m supposed to be setting a good example, and I’m –”  
  
            “Not when you’re hangin’ around with me.” Bucky’s voice had dropped to a murmur. “You lied to him so he wouldn’t find out.”   
  
            “I had to lie. If my father knew that I had been out with you the night before…” She breathed in deeply, shaking her head so that some of the blonde locks she had pinned back fell loose.   
  
            “Look… I know that I should leave ya alone. I don’t wanna have a nice girl like you havin’ to lie about where she is when she’s with me. Your daddy, he’s just lookin’ out for ya, I suppose. Your family cares about ya. I… Shouldn’t get in the way of that.” Bucky scratched the back of his neck, then lifted the yellow roses to her so that she could take them from him. “A peace offerin’. You take those, and I’ll go and walk outta your life. Deal?”   
  
            “Bucky…” Ruby’s teeth sank into her lip again, chewing on it.   
  
            “Ruby. It’s alright. I don’t wanna screw up your life at home.”   
  
            “But –”  
  
            “But what?” Bucky’s brows knitted together, looking between her and his outstretched hand. “C’mon, I ain’t worth the trouble. I know. I really am sorry for what I did, but I know I ain’t worth any more of your time.”   
  
            “I liked spending time with you, Bucky.” Her gaze ripped from his, fixing itself on the floor instead. “That’s why I said yes when you asked if you could take me out the following night.”   
  
            “You really liked spendin’ time with me?” He took a tentative step closer, one that she didn’t notice.   
  
            “Of course I did.”   
  
            Bucky’s left hand gently locked around Ruby’s wrist easily, but the moment she looked up became the moment that his lips were on hers. A muffled sound of surprise came from her, but it soon faded as she melted into the kiss. Bucky didn’t push for any more from her, but kept his lips pressed against hers until he was certain that he needed to breathe. Every inch of him felt like it was on fire, and that was just from a simple kiss. A grin spread on his lips as he pulled away, feeling them still tingling from the meeting. There it was again, that feeling like he could take on anything in the world. Somewhere in his mind he knew he should be sorry for taking a kiss from her like that, but it was buried far too deep for it to be a main thought. The grin only grew wider when he saw the blush erupt on Ruby’s cheeks, and the way the sadness faded from her eyes to be replaced with surprise and affection.   
  
            “I wanted to do that since the first time I saw ya,” Bucky murmured to her. Her hand gently slipped from his hold, only to lace their fingers together and give his a reassuring squeeze.   
  
            “Look, I wanna try this. I wanna go steady with you, Ruby, but I wanna know that _you_ want that too. I know you can do better. Heck, even _you_ know you could do better, but I’m gonna ask for a chance anyways. Even if it don’t work out, at least we can say we tried.”   
  
Ruby hesitated, which only gave Bucky more time to study her face from being so close to her. He watched her nose twitch, before he noticed the corners of her lips turning upward. His heart stopped for a moment, waiting for the answer that would either break him in half or make his heart race.   
  
            “On one condition. My parents can’t know about this. You and I… We have to keep this a secret. Nobody else can know. Do you understand?”   
  
Bucky surged forward again, locking their lips in another gentle kiss. This time, he squeezed her fingers, and brushed his nose against hers as he pulled away just enough to be able to look at and admire the features of her face.   
  
            “Yes ma’am.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

  
              After several sweet kisses, Bucky had offered to walk her home. She had blushed and nodded, taking his hand gently in hers while he carried her flowers for her. Now Bucky understood why he had to be quiet when they reached her doorstep, he didn’t question it. Despite the reason though, he had still pulled her into a sweet, soft kiss goodnight, making a pink tinge creep onto her cheeks as his reward. After he had made sure she had gotten through the door, he had quickly hurried back to Sarah’s. By the time he reached the house, he was panting and sweat was trickling down his face, but he still burst through the door with such a grin that Sarah had actually squealed at him while Steve was left as dumbfounded as a new-born.   
              
            “What’s got you all happy and laughin’? Last I checked, you were mopin’ around.”   
  
            “Oh, Steve –”  
  
            “They bumped my wage up a little,” Bucky cut across Sarah before she could say anything. It wasn’t a lie, exactly. He was getting a little extra an hour; all the boys were now due to the summer months.  
  
             “Told your Ma this mornin’, but I just went to check back with the boss and make sure I heard him right. Y’know what she says – I got a pair of cloth ears.”   
  
              “You’re gettin’ more money? That’s great, Buck!”   
  
             “Ain’t it just? I’ll finally get Bec that dress I owe her. In fact, I’m gonna go buy it for her this week, so that I made good on my promise.”  
  
As he spoke, Bucky could feel Sarah’s eyes raking over him, though she didn’t pull him up on the tale he was telling Steve. She let it slide and excused herself to the kitchen to finish up dinner for the three of them, leaving the two boys to talk over what else had happened in their day.   
  
  
It was only when Bucky was washing the dishes that he explained to Sarah about what had happened with Ruby, earning himself a kiss on the cheek from the woman and a light, disapproving tap of his shoulder.   
  
             “Ya can’t tell him, Sarah. Nobody’s supposed to know. Hell, she don’t even know you know.”   
  
             “So you won’t tell Steve either?”  
  
             “I ain’t tellin’ anyone until she wants people to be told. She’s got a reason; pretty sure her dad would burst a vein and her Ma would faint if they knew she was goin’ steady with me, and that’s before they even got a hold of _me_.”   
  
             “I don’t think I’ve ever known you to go steady with a girl, Bucky.”   
  
             “Ya talked me into it,” he grinned, looking back over to her. “I wanna go steady with her. She’s somethin’ else.”   
  
             “What was it that you said to Steve not a month ago? That you were never settling down?” Sarah tapped her nose, making Bucky roll his eyes as he rinsed the last of the plates.  
  
             “You gotta slow down. I’ve only been on one date with the lady.”   
  
             “And yet you already think she’s something else. She could be the one for you, Bucky.”   
  
             “I ain’t holdin’ my breath on that,” he plucked the towel from Sarah’s hands, starting to dry the cutlery, “but she’s somethin’ special. I _know_ that.”   
  
             “Just treat her good, Bucky. That’s how your mother would want you to be with her.”   
  
             “I know,” a nod came from him as Sarah settled her hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “I know how to treat a lady. My Mama taught me.”   
  
             “I know she did. You remember that when you’re with this girl.”   
  
             “You got it,” Bucky kissed Sarah’s cheek, throwing the towel over his shoulder. “I’m gonna do this right, with Ruby.”  
  
             “Yes you are,” Sarah warned, pointing a finger at him like any mother would do to her son – or almost adoptive son, in this case.   
  
             “Or I’m going I’ll be the one to deal with you.”   


* * *

               
             Ruby was addressed the moment she came through the door, with her mother’s curious gaze landing on the yellow roses that were clutched in Ruby’s hand. Ruby opened and closed her mouth, looking at her mother almost wide-eyed.   
  
             “Where did you get those from?”  
  
             “I… Picked them up on the way home,” Ruby shrugged. “I thought they would look nice on the dining room table.”  
  
             “You don’t sound too sure that you’re the one who got them, sweetheart.” Her mother’s tone was careful, so Ruby knew that she had to walk a very fine line with her. She mentally cursed herself for the hesitation the last time she had spoken. She didn’t even know why she had hesitated. She had been making excuses up in her head as she and Bucky had walked back to her house, and yet they had all died on her tongue. She had to do better than that. With a click of her tongue, Ruby was taking off her cardigan and hanging her bag on the pegs behind the door, holding the flowers out to her mother.   
  
             “You caught me by surprise, that’s all. I stopped in the Grocers on the way home and they had bunches of flowers, but I thought yellow ones would brighten up the table. It’s been a while since we’ve had flowers there.”   
  
Ruby flashed her mother a smile, nodding along with her own words. Her mother raised an eyebrow but said nothing, taking the bunch of yellow roses off of her instead. For a split moment, Ruby wished she hadn’t said they were for the dining table. She wished that she had said she had bought them to brighten up her room, so that she could keep them in her sight. Now she couldn’t do that. Quietly, she excused herself from her mother so that she could get changed out of her work clothes, and hurried up the stairs only to find Em hanging up ironed clothes in their shared wardrobe.   
  
             “Ruby…?”  
  
Ruby didn’t answer. Instead, she threw her arms around her sister and started to giggle. Em hugged her back, albeit warily, completely confused by her sister’s outburst. As Ruby pulled back and grinned at her, the concern grew on Em’s expression.  
  
             “Are you okay?”   
  
             “Bucky!” Ruby said to her, still holding the tops of her sister’s arms. “He came to apologise! And he brought me flowers, and Em! He _kissed_ me!”   
  
             “He kissed you?” Em’s expression brightened up as Ruby nodded frantically, and within moments, the two girls were jumping up and down and squealing at each other in what could only be described as high pitched noises, even though the two of them were talking to each other.   
  
             “He kissed you!”  
  
             “He waited outside for me! He told me –” Ruby paused, making her grin grow wider. Em held her breath, eyes widening as she waited for her to continue.   
  
             “He told me that he wants to go steady with me!”  
  
             “He what? What did you say?”   
  
             “I said… Yes!”  
  
The two continued to giggle, Ruby recounting every part of what had happened what only seemed like moments ago with Ruby, until their mother’s voice travelled up the stairs and told them to stop jumping around before they both came through the kitchen ceiling. The girls moved to sit on Ruby’s bed, where Em threw her arms around her big sister again and squeezed her tightly.   
  
             “I’m so happy for you! Now you won’t cry about him anymore!”   
  
             “I don’t think he’ll make me cry again, Em,” Ruby teased, pulling back from the younger blonde with a bright smile. “He was honest with me. And the kiss…”   
  
             “Tell me about it?”   
  
             “Oh, I couldn’t possibly,” Ruby tapped her nose. “That’s just between me and Bucky, but I _will_ tell you that it was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”   
  
             “Really?”   
  
             “Yes, and the ones after that were quite nice too.”  
  
             “ _Ruby_!”   
  
  
             The two talked about Bucky up until they were called for dinner, and then afterward as they were lying in their beds, murmuring in the darkness of their room. It was only when their father told them to be quiet that the murmurs had vanished. Ruby yawned and curled up on her side, holding the soft blankets loosely beneath her fingers.   
  
             “Ruby?” Em’s voice was barely a whisper – if Ruby would have yawned then, she wouldn’t have heard her.   
  
             “Yes?”  
  
             “Did you get one?”   
  
The corners of her lips turned upward at her sister’s question. She had told Em how much she had wanted to keep the flowers that Bucky had gotten in their room, but their mother’s questioning as she came in had forced her to do otherwise. However, as she had gone down to get a glass of water, she had also plucked one of the yellow roses from the vase and brought it upstairs, hiding it in one of her books to press the flower and keep it.   
  
             “Yes.” 

* * *

  
  
             Two days later, Bucky and Ruby had worked out the finer details of how they were going to try and make their new relationship work. Bucky had lingered around after she finished work for her to walk her home, taking a longer route which meant that intrigued gazes wouldn’t follow them as they walked. They were keeping it discreet, so Bucky had found them a way to get back to hers without being seen by anything more than alley cats and people who wouldn’t give two glances at the pair of them even if they had extra arms and legs. Their walks became stolen kisses and clutching hands, until Bucky was left at the very last alley alone, watching her walk to her front door. Each departing kiss left them both breathless, but Bucky never pushed for more from her. Their kisses still held innocence, with Bucky’s hands gently cupping her face and hers holding them in place, so that he couldn’t pull away so easily. Every time their kiss broke, he asked her to stay with him just a little while longer, to which she affectionately pecked his cheek and told him that she couldn’t. Bucky would then give her a grin, finally letting go of her hand before he watched her walk away from him.               
              
             They had decided on Monday, Friday, and Saturday nights for dates, on the realisation that it worked best for both of them. Bucky would always work an early on Monday and a late on Tuesday, which left his Monday nights open for Ruby. She always finished working at five, so he had moved his shifts around her. She had weekends off, and Bucky had asked for an early Saturday shifts, which meant their dates on Fridays couldn’t run too late. They had taken Ruby’s eleven o’clock curfew into consideration, so Friday had been decided as the night they would go to the park. Bucky knew of one that wasn’t likely to be occupied so much on a Friday night when everyone was out at a Dance Hall or at a bar, so they didn’t need to worry about being caught together there. They had also decided to go to the movies every other Saturday, where Bucky would give Ruby the money on the Friday and they would go separately, but sit together once inside. All in all, Bucky felt like it was a military operation – but not once did he complain. As long as he could spend time with her, he didn’t care how they spent it or how much they had to hide it.   
  


* * *

  
  
             As it came to Friday, Bucky was getting ready for their first real date that week. He had worked until just before four that day, and had walked home with a bounce in his step all the way to his front door.   
  
             “Hey, Bec! Get in here!” Bucky adjusted the collar of his shirt, trying to look as presentable as possible. His hair was still floppy from the shower he had just taken, but he had combed it at least.   
  
             “You get in here!” His sister shouted back from the room next to his, making him roll his eyes.   
  
             “But I need ya!”   
  
             “If ya need me so bad, come _here_!”   
  
Bucky grumbled as he trudged out of his room and to the next one, opening Becca’s door purposely wide – and loudly. She rolled her eyes, looking up at him from the floor where she was lying with a book open and a pen in her hand, surrounded by several other tatty books.   
  
             “What do you want?”   
  
             “Does this shirt look alright? I ain’t had time to iron anythin’, or –”  
  
             “Where are you goin’? Dance Hall?”   
  
             “Does it matter where I’m goin’?” Bucky stared at her, lifting his eyebrow. “Shirt’s a shirt, Bec.”    
  
             “If you’re goin’ dancing, no, it’s not good. You’re gonna get all sweaty and everyone’s gonna see it on that colour.”   
  
             “I’m not goin’ dancin’,” Bucky told her, rolling his sleeves up to just above his elbows. “Goin’ somewhere else.”   
  
             “No, you’re fine.” Becca then paused, chewing on the end of the pen. “Where _are_ you goin’?”   
  
             “Doesn’t have anythin’ to do with you, does it?” Bucky shrugged at Becca, who stared up at him with an unamused expression. Bucky then crouched down, looking over the pieces of paper and books that were occupying the middle of the floor in her room.   
  
             “What’cha doin’?”   
  
             “Homework,” Becca gestured to the book she was writing in, showing Bucky the work she had already done. This is my second lot of homework tonight. Already finished English.”   
  
             “You’re doin’ math now, huh?”   
  
             “Yeah, and you said you’d help me.”   
  
             “Not with math. I don’t know anythin’ about it,” Bucky said. “I’d help ya if I did, Bec. Looks like you’re already smarter than me.”   
  
             “One of us had to be the dumb one,” Becca smirked, making Bucky lean over and mess her hair up.   
  
             “You better shut up or I’m gonna take that dress back.”   
  
             “No you wouldn’t,” she giggled, leaning on her side to look at the new dress hanging on her closet door. It was a deep blue with white lace around the collar, and much fancier than the one that Bucky had actually ruined. It had cost a little more than he should have spent, but he had been on such a high since Monday that he hadn’t cared in the moment.   
  
             “Keep sassin’ me and I will,” Bucky snickered, leaning forward to ruffle his sister’s hair once more before he made to stand up, pulling his suspenders over his shoulders.   
  
             “Get out, Bucky! You’re distractin’ me from my homework!”   
  
             “Alright, alright! I’m goin’! Look!” Bucky grabbed hold of the handle to Becca’s door and shut it behind him, laughing as he went. “Enjoy math!”   
  
             “ _Shut up_!” 

* * *

  
             On the other side of town, Ruby was standing in her room with Em, with half of her closet on her small bed. They had been trying for almost an hour now to pick a dress for her to wear, and each one she tried was met with a sigh from both of them before she was changing into something else.   
  
             “What about the blue one?”   
  
             “I don’t like the blue one without the white cardigan,” Ruby sighed, smoothing out the skirt of the polka-dot dress she was in. “I want something that won’t stand out so much, but that he’ll like.”   
  
             “I’m pretty sure he’ll like you in anything,” Em smirked at her sister, who swatted her arm lightly.   
  
             “It’s our second official date. I want to look nice for it.”   
  
             “How about this one?” Em pulled a hanger from the pile, holding up a white dress, with pink flowers on it. Nothing out of the ordinary, but nothing that would go unnoticed either.   
  
             “This one’s nice.”   
  
             “Give it here; I’ll try it on.”    
  
The moment the fabric was hugging her body, Ruby was smiling. This was the dress. This was the one that she was going to wear tonight. She stepped back out from around the small changing screen the two girls had, she had the privilege of seeing Em clap her hands in delight.   
  
             “You have to wear that! Oh, with your white kitten heels!” Em hurried to get the exact shoes she was talking about while Ruby looked at herself in their full length mirror, turning around to see the swishing of her skirt.   
  
             “Do I not need a cardigan?”  
  
             “It’s warm outside, you don’t need one.” Em placed the shoes down in front of Ruby, allowing her to step into them. “Besides, if you get cold, just ask him if you can wear his jacket.”  
  
             “I can’t ask him that,” Ruby rolled her eyes at Em, fastening up her shoes to complete her outfit.   
  
             “Why? He’d give it to you?”  
  
             “I know he would, but then what if he’s cold?”  
  
             “I think he’d prefer you to be the warmer one, Ruby.” Em had started to put Ruby’s clothes back into her closet, and was now joined by another pair of hands. “Where did you tell mom and dad you were going tonight?”  
  
            “Andrea’s house for dinner. They think her parents invited me over.”   
  
             “Don’t they know Andrea’s number?”   
  
             “No,” Ruby shook her head, making the few loose wisps of blonde hair sway. She had tied it all up in a bun, but some of the pieces were still loose so that they could frame her face.   
  
             “I’ll be back by curfew, Bucky knows that I have to be. He’ll probably take his dad’s watch again.”

            “Is he going to drop you off at the alley or walk you to the front door?”   
  
             “I don’t know yet,” Ruby sighed as she hung the last hanger back up, looking at her sister. “It depends whether the light in the sitting room is on when we come home.”   
  
             “It probably will be, they’ll wait up for you so that they know you’re home. It’ll be dad, though, not mom.”   
  
             “Probably.”   
  
             “Where are you going again? The park?”   
  
             “Bucky knows one that won’t be full on a Friday night, so we’re going there. He said it’s really nice.”   
  
             “What time?”   
  
             “I’m meeting him at seven-thirty.”   
  
             “You need to go now, or you’ll be late. It’s seven already.”  
  
             “It is?” Ruby looked at Em’s watch, already feeling the smile playing on her lips. “I better go and meet my boyfriend, hadn’t I?”   
  
             “You’re so lucky…” Em sighed, following her sister to the bedroom door and then down the set of stairs to watch her leave through the front door. “He’s so handsome.”   
  
             “I know,” Ruby giggled, but kept her voice quiet. “And he’s all mine.”   


* * *

  
             The grin grew on Bucky’s face the moment Ruby came around the corner. His eyes travelled up from her white kitten heels to the pink flowers all over her dress, to finally, her face. His eyes locked with hers, blue meeting blue, and he had the pleasure of seeing that pink tinge creep onto her cheeks, and see that smile that she held just for him. 

             “What’s a pretty girl like you doin’ around here, huh?”   
  
             “I’m waiting for my date. Have you seen him?” Bucky’s heart skipped a beat at hearing her refer to him as her date, watching her as she stepped closer.   
  
             “Dunno. What’s he look like?”   
  
             “Tall, dark hair, brilliant blue eyes, a handsome face…” Ruby trailed off as he took her hand, pulling her close to him. The street was mostly empty, save for people that couldn’t care less about the two of them holding hands.   
  
             “You think that much of him, huh?”   
  
             “He does have quite a nice smile too,” Ruby smiled, feeling her squeeze his fingers. Bucky leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, hearing her giggle as his lips touched her skin.  
  
             “Looks like I got some competition. You see, I was gonna ask ya if ya wanted to go on a date with me tonight.” Bucky murmured as he pulled away, studying her face now that he was closer.   
  
             “Well… I might consider it. If, you tell me what we’re doing when we get to the park.”   
  
             “Now that’s just gonna ruin the surprise,” Bucky chuckled, turning so that she could step in line with him and they could walk together. “What kinda date would I be if I told you what was gonna happen?”   
  
             “A good one?” Ruby blinked innocently at him, stepping just a fraction closer to him so that their shoulders were brushing each other’s.   
  
             “Yeah, not a chance,” Bucky squeezed her fingers gently again, “but I have’ta make a stop on the way there or else this date ain’t gonna work.”   
  


* * *

  
  
             By the time they reached the park, Ruby and Bucky were both laughing and slightly out of breath. It was all too easy to fall back into the way they had been on their very first date, carefree and comfortable. It was almost as though the second date had never happened at all, and this was their second date.   
Bucky opened the gate so that Ruby could step in first, and then he followed her with a light smile. The park was beautiful, she had to admit. There were trees everywhere, giving a very shrouded cover to the benches and the small lake. True to Bucky’s word, there was only another couple in the park – an older man and woman, who were sitting at the bench closest to the water to feed the ducks that were waiting. There was what looked like a barn toward the other side of the park, and daisies sprouting up in patches along the grass.  
  
             “If you don’t like it, we can go somewhere else.” Bucky scratched the back of his neck as he waited for Ruby’s reaction, watching her carefully.   
  
             “Don’t be silly, Bucky. It’s lovely.” Ruby reached for his hand again, now smiling softly at him.   
  
             “You like it?” He felt a slight bubble of excitement, leading her along the path. “Good. I was thinkin’ we could have dinner somewhere a little more private, though.”   
  
             “Like where?” Ruby giggled, smiling at the other couple as they passed them. “The barn?”  
  
             “That’s exactly where I was thinkin’. Ya see, kinda got somethin’ special planned for us.”   
  
Blue eyes framed with thick lashes looked at him curiously, but all Bucky did was flash her a smile and swing their hands in time with their walking. Bucky didn’t say another word as they approached the barn, and still didn’t when he let go of her hand to be able to open the door for her. Ruby stepped inside, gaze scanning the inside of the barn, but there was nothing out of the ordinary there. It looked like a simple barn, somewhere that people would hold farm animals in for fairs that happened in the summer months. Bucky stepped beside her, putting his hand on the middle of her back.   
  
             “Ya alright with some stairs?”   
  
             “Stairs?”   
  
             “Well, ladders. Y’see, I think we should be havin’ dinner up there, on that second floor.”   
  
Ruby hadn’t seen that when they had come in. There were a small set of ladders leading up to the second story of the barn, and from where she was, she could make out haystacks. Her mind raced, trying to figure out what he was doing. Maybe he had never been on a second date before. Perhaps he didn’t know what to do. Or, perhaps he knew all too well what kind of second dates he had previously had and this was his place of second dates. Her face flushed at the idea and her heartbeat quickened, hoping that he wasn’t expecting anything like what he was more than likely used to from her.   
  
             “Just dinner?”   
  
             “Just dinner. I ain’t gonna keep ya up there for too long, promise. Gotta have ya back by eleven, right? We only have two hours, gotta set off from here at ten-thirty if we’re gonna be on time.”   
  
Bucky looked at her, and Ruby inspected his gaze. There was nothing else in it, so maybe it really was just dinner. Ruby gave a soft nod, and Bucky went up the small set of rickety ladders first. He held out his hand for her as she climbed to be able to help her up the last step, which she took as she got there. As she looked past him and around the place they were now in, Ruby’s curious expression melted into a smile.    
  
            “Did you do this?”  
  
The haystacks that she had seen when they were on the first floor had simply been cleverly placed to block what was behind them. The floor was covered in thick blankets that seemed to be the kind you would put on a horse in rain, and there were two small candles in what looked like gleaming metal ashtrays, and there was even a bouquet of baby pink roses waiting for her.   
    
           “I uh… Dropped by after work and set it all up,” Bucky admitted, now placing down the bag that had their dinner in it, which had been the stop they had to make on the way there. Sandwiches, one large slice of sponge-cake with strawberry frosting, and two bottles of root beer were now being placed on the plastic of the bag, all still in their papers, and Bucky was twisting the caps off the bottles.   
  
             “You did this for me?” Ruby was slightly breathless, watching his crouched figure.   
  
             “Well, yeah,” Bucky dug a lighter out of the pocket of his slacks, lighting up both the candles. “I thought you’d like it, y’know? We can’t go to a real place, so I thought I’d bring it to ya instead.” 

As Bucky turned to her, Ruby had crouched down beside him and had intended to place a soft kiss on his cheek, only to make a muffled noise of surprise as her lips met his. It was a simple kiss, but one that Bucky pulled away from smiling.   
  
             “So you like it, huh?”  
  
             “I love it,” Ruby moved to sit on the thick, plush makeshift floor, inviting him to join her. “Thank-you, Bucky.”   
  
             “Nothin’ but the best for you, Red.” The moment the name left his lips, Bucky felt his face turn hot. He looked at her, wide-eyed and biting his lip, searching her expression.  
  
             “Red?”  
  
             “I didn’t mean to call ya –”  
  
             “I like it,” Ruby admitted quietly.   
  
             “Yeah?” Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief, relaxing his shoulders again. “I just thought – I mean, your name’s Ruby, and rubies are red, so –”  
  
             “Bucky. I get it.” Ruby reached out a hand to place on his shoulder, looking somewhat amused. “I’d like it if you called me that. Nobody else ever has.”   
  
             “Then maybe I will start callin’ ya Red. Just a name that I’ve got for ya, and nobody else.” Bucky leaned back to settle comfortably against the heystacks with a smile, gesturing to the food.   
  
             “Hungry?”   
  


* * *

  
  
             Ruby didn’t think the date could have gone any better than it had, even if they were in a barn. She didn’t think it would have been as good if they had been able to go to a public place and sit with other couples. No, sitting here in the space that Bucky had made up just for them was perfect enough. They could talk however loud or quiet they wanted, and sit as close as they wanted to. Dinner had been over and done with quickly, with Bucky feeding her some of the cake and laughing when he got the frosting on her nose. Ruby had laughed and he had asked before kissing it away, pulling back with a grin and admitting it tasted better from her than it did just on the cake. After that had been finished too, Bucky had excused himself from their little picnic and moved to pull down the hatch on the roof, and the small space that had been illuminated by the candles was then flooded with the light coming off the stars, with the darkness sweeping in beside it. Bucky had rearranged the haystacks so that the two could lie comfortably against them, propping themselves up just enough. His arm had worked its way around her shoulders, and she was resting comfortably against him and was even bold enough to place her head on his shoulder.   
  
             Even though she was comfortable, there was still a nagging thought at the back of her mind. She knew what kind of boy Bucky was, and he was well renowned for it. Even if he had gone through the length of making the barn so nice for her, it wasn’t to say that he hadn’t done it before. Ruby tilted her head to look up at him, resting her chin on his shoulder. She kept her voice quiet, brushing her fingertips gently on the fabric of his shirt.  
  
             “Have you ever brought anyone else here before?”   
  
Bucky took a sharp intake of breath, and Ruby immediately wished she hadn’t asked. As he let it go, he looked at her, carefully meeting her eyes.   
  
             “I ain’t ever done anythin’ like this before. This is kinda… New to me.”   
  
             “And you’re being honest?”  
  
             “Honest as my Mama raised me to be. Girls don’t usually… keep me interested long enough for a second date.”   
  
             “Oh,” Ruby looked away again, settling against his shoulder. He didn’t have to say what he had meant, because she understood all too well.   
  
             “Hey, I ain’t askin’ for anythin’. Told ya, I’m not like whatever kinda guy hurt ya before. I’m happy just doin’ this.”   
  
             “Lying in a barn, watching the stars?” Her voice was still quiet, with her fingers still tracing along the fabric of his shirt.   
  
             “I’m happy doin’ whatever’s gonna make _you_ happy, Red. That’s all I wanna do.”   
  
             “You really aren’t like him…” Ruby murmured. “He wasn’t like that.”   
  
             “I ain’t gonna be anythin’ like him,” Bucky’s voice was a murmur too, rubbing the top of her arm softly. “I’m not gonna hurt you like that.”   
  
             “You don’t know what he did, Bucky.”   
  
             “Then tell me.”   
  
Ruby sat up, pushing away from him. Bucky followed suit, wondering whether he had overstepped a line with her. It must have been too soon for him to be asking that question. After all, it was only their second real date.   
  
             “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset ya or –”  
  
             “You have to promise me first that you won’t ever be like him. Promise me. He hurt me in ways that still hurt now, Bucky. I don’t even know if I’m ready to talk about him. He’s… He’s one of the reasons we moved away. To here. To Brooklyn.”   
  
Her voice was quivering, until Bucky’s hand came to rest on her shoulder again. He gave her a reassuring squeeze, shifting so that he was level with her again.   
  
             “I ain’t ever gonna hurt ya, Ruby. I already upset ya once, I don’t wanna make ya feel like that again.”   
  
             “Do you promise?”   
  
             “I promise.”   
  
Ruby turned her head to look over her shoulder at Bucky, eyes searching his. It didn’t make sense. He couldn’t possibly promise something so big after so little time of knowing each other, and yet, Ruby believed him. She believed that he wouldn’t hurt her like she had been hurt in the past. She could picture clearly the way he had looked at her in the grocery store, the way he had look so defeated. Maybe he would be different. Maybe now, if he ever hurt her, he would be hurting himself too. With a deep breath, Ruby closed her eyes, bringing her knees up so she could wrap her arms around them. Bucky’s hand remained on her shoulder, and he didn’t edge closer to her.   
  
             “When I was in high school…”   
  
  
  
             It was close to the time they had to leave when Ruby had finished telling her story to Bucky. The only time he had moved was to wrap his jacket around her shoulders to keep her warm while she spoke, and to close the hatch window. The candles were the only light in the barn, giving off a flickering glow as they drew closer and closer to the end. Ruby had willed herself not to cry but tears had still slipped from her eyes anyway, and had been wiped away by the sleeve of Bucky’s jacket.   
  
             “Now you know.” 

             “Ruby…” Only then did Bucky shift forward, moving to crouch in front of her. Ruby looked at him with a sad smile, tilting her head to one side. Bucky’s hands came up to   
cup her face, stroking her cheeks softly.   
  
             “Look at me. I ain’t gonna be like that with ya. My mama raised me to be better than that.”   
  
             “How do I know you’re not just saying that, Bucky?” Ruby whispered to him. Her eyes met his, letting him see how vulnerable she was at that exact moment.  
  
             “You just gotta trust me. I can make ya promises all day long if that’s what ya wanna hear, but you gotta trust me to come through on ‘em. Let me prove myself to ya. Please?”  
  
As if to make good on his word, Bucky leaned in to kiss her. It was the same routine as it was whenever their lips had met that week – a gentle kiss, a soft meeting of their lips, with Bucky’s hand going to cup the back of her neck, but this time, it seemed to last for longer. Ruby’s hands that had been holding his arms had slipped up and looped loosely around his neck, and Bucky’s other hand had wandered down to hold her waist to him. The kiss became almost questioning, with Bucky asking for permission. Ruby allowed him what he wanted for a brief moment, making him make a quiet sound against her lips before he was pulling back. Panting, Bucky’s heavy lidded eyes met her own.  
  
             “You gonna trust me?”   
  
Ruby’s teeth sank into her now swollen bottom lip as she looked at him, playing with the ends of his slicked back hair. She supposed she would never know if she didn’t trust him enough to give him a chance, so with the softest smile she could, she nodded. 

             “I trust you, Bucky.”   
  
Bucky’s face lit up, and he started to pepper her face with sweet kisses until she was giggling in his hold. It was with a heavy sigh that Bucky stood up, holding both of his hands out to her. She slipped her arms into his jacket, allowing the sleeves to hide her hands as she shrugged it until it was on her properly.  
  
             “C’mon, Red. I better get ya home before we break your curfew.”   


* * *

  
     
             As the weeks passed, Ruby and Bucky grew closer and closer. By now, they had explaining their dates down to a fine art. Bucky had been his usual self at work, having the boys down at the Dock believing he was taking a different girl out every night – sometimes two nights in a row – and having his father believe that he was dating Connie again, just to get George to leave him alone when he was on his way out. Ruby had told her parents that Fridays and Saturdays were now days that the girls went out, and that on Mondays she went to Andrea’s to have dinner with Andrea’s parents. Thankfully, her parents had never asked Ruby to invite Andrea or her parents to dinner to reciprocate the favour of feeding their daughter so often.   
  
Their dates were stapled. The barn had become a regular spot for picnics, though as of late their dates had been outside on the grass instead, after wandering around the park and feeding the ducks. Ruby always chose the picture they watched at the movies, and Bucky found out on the first date that she wasn’t much of a popcorn girl, but preferred the candy. He always gave her flowers on their Friday dates, which were mostly only a single flower after she explained that she had to stop taking bouquets home. Em asked how every date went whenever Ruby came home with a smile lighting up her face, while Bucky gave Sarah a run-through of his and Ruby’s dates whenever he visited.  
  
             May turned into June, June turned into July, and July turned into August. Bucky found his days were spent thinking of Ruby and whatever kiss they had had last, and Ruby found herself thinking of Bucky’s piercing blue eyes when her mind wandered from what she was typing. The two were besotted with each other, and had hidden it well enough to not even draw so much as their parent’s attention about their new individual happiness. Ruby and Bucky were too careful to get caught, and that’s how they were making it work.   


* * *

  
             “Y’know,” Bucky started off, throwing the last crust of bread into the water. Ruby was sitting on the grass with the skirts of her dress covering up her curled up legs, watching him.   
  
             “I know what?”  
  
             “We’ve been goin’ steady for what, three months now?”   
  
             “Yes,” Ruby watched him as he came to sit with her again, smiling at him as he shuffled close. “Three months.”   
  
             “I was kinda thinkin’ that maybe…” His hand ran through his dark locks, tousling them so that they fell over his forehead and in the exact way he had styled them to not do.  
  
             “Maybe what?”   
  
             “Maybe we could do somethin’ different tomorrow night.” Bucky licked his lips, looking at her expectantly. “Somethin’ that we haven’t done before.”   
  
             “Like what?”  
  
             “Well, you’re always tellin’ your parents that you’re goin’ to the Dance Hall with the girls on a Saturday. Why don’t we actually go?” 

Ruby sat up straighter, looking at him incredulously. Bucky didn’t give another reaction, which only made her wave her hands at him.   
  
             “No. You know exactly why we can’t do that. We’re not going to the Dance Hall.”   
  
             “Hear me out!” Bucky was then the one waving a hand at her, trying to stop her deciding before he had explained.   
  
             “Listen, it’s not just gonna be you and me. You get the girls to go and then you’re in a group, right? I can drag Steve along, ain’t like he’s doin’ anythin’ tomorrow anyways, and we come hang out with you girls. Buy you all drinks, dance with all of ya, and then I get to dance with you. See? Nobody’s gonna even know we’re together if we dance with all of ya.”   
  
             “You’re ridiculous, Bucky.” Ruby crossed her arms, looking at him pointedly. “It’s out of the question.”   
  
             “Look, I know I’m askin’ a lot. Hell, I wouldn’t be askin’ if I didn’t think it was gonna work. I wanna take you dancin’ and this is the only way I can think of doin’ that. It’s been three months and I ain’t even had once dance with you. I just want one. If ya want, once me and Steve have danced with ya all, we’ll go. Then you and the girls can have a night to yourselves.”   
  
Bucky was almost desperate, clutching at whatever reasoning he could. He could see why it could be classed as not a big problem that they hadn’t danced, but to Bucky, it was. He wanted to be able to buy her a drink – non-alcoholic, of course – and dance with her in front of other people. They didn’t need to know they were together.   
  
             “I’m just askin’ for one dance. That’s it. Please, Red. Just one dance.”  
  
Ruby studied his expression for long enough that Bucky thought she was counting the freckles that she had noticed were starting to come out with the sun, until she sighed heavily.   
  
             “And you’re sure you can get Steve to come?”   
  
             “I’ll drag him by his ear if I have to.”   
  
             “And you’ll dance with every one of the girls so it doesn’t look suspicious?”  
  
             “Twice, if that’s what ya want.”   
  
             “Bucky…” Ruby sighed his name, making him get on his knees next to her. He held out his hand and she took it, lacing their fingers together softly.   
  
             “Let me take ya to the Dance Hall. Nobody’s gonna find out about us.”   
  
             “On one condition.”   
  
             “Yeah?”  
  
             “You save me your last dance.”   
  
Bucky chuckled, putting one hand one her waist while he leaned in to kiss her. Ruby’s hands rested against his chest, slipping to hold his suspenders lightly.   
  
             “You got it, sweetheart.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

  
  
             As it turned out, getting Steve to agree to go to the Dance Hall on Saturday night wasn’t as easy as Bucky expected it to be. He had gone to Steve’s house straight after finishing work, thinking that getting Steve to go would be as easy as getting Becca to iron his clothes if he promised to help her with homework – which he hardly ever did, but it worked – but he was met with Steve’s heavy sigh and;  
  
             “Why have I gotta come dancin’? Get one of the boys from the docks to go with ya instead. Ya got more chance of gettin’ the both of you dates than you do me.”   
  
             “Steve, I’m askin’ you to come with me. I want my best pal there.” Bucky rolled his eyes as he stretched out in the old armchair, watching Steve sketch on the couch.   
  
Sarah wasn’t home from the hospital yet, which left the two boys in Sarah’s house alone. Bucky had already pestered Steve about what he was sketching, and had lost interest when Steve said he was just pulling something from memory.    
  
             “Buck, you know I hate goin’ to the Dance Hall. Girls don’t look at a guy they can step on when they’re dancin’.”   
  
             “Hey, you’ve danced with a couple of dames before.”   
  
             “Yeah, and I’m pretty sure you took ‘em out back after to say thanks,” Steve’s expression didn’t change, but Bucky raised a brow at the implication.   
  
             “Steve, I’m a gentleman. I’d at least take ‘em home.”   
  
             “Yeah right,” Steve shook his head, light brows furrowing into a frown at his sketch. “So all those stories about the back of the Dance Hall are lies?”   
  
             “Look, this ain’t what we’re talkin’ about.” Bucky rubbed a hand over his face, trying to steer the conversation away from discussing what exactly had happened outside the Dance Hall.  
  
             “I’m askin’ ya to come with me. C’mon, Steve. It’s been damn near a month or two since we went out.”   
  
             “And?”  
  
             “And ya gotta get out, or people are gonna think you’ve dropped down dead in the Grocery store. They’ll be sayin’ ‘remember Steve Rogers? Always wanted to dance with him, guess I ain’t gonna get the chance to now’.”   
  
             “Shut up, Bucky.” Steve threw the flimsy pillow next to him at the other, not looking to see if it had hit its target or not. “Nobody’s gonna miss me if I’m there or not.”   
  
             “Why’re ya bein’ a killjoy? Steve, I’m askin’ ya to come with me as my best pal. I’m not askin’ ya to come with me somewhere dangerous.”   
  
Finally, Steve lowered his sketchpad and looked at Bucky, lifting an eyebrow in a defeated sort of way. By now, Bucky was leaning forward on the chair, and if he continued, he would be on the floor quicker than he realised.   
  
             “Why do ya want me to come to the Dance Hall so bad? Ya got plenty of girls to occupy your time, Buck. Ya don’t need me hangin’ around ya.”   
  
             “I want ya to be there.” Bucky had to turn his gaze away from Steve. He knew too well that if Steve was really searching his expression, then it would give away the lie he was trying to weave.   
  
             “Look, it ain’t no queer thing or anythin’. I just want a wingman.”   
  
             “Why? Ya don’t need one. You’re datin’ Connie anyways.”   
  
             “Where’d ya hear that?” Bucky’s head snapped back up, now completely curious as to where Steve had heard the cover story he had told his father. Steve rolled his eyes, watching Bucky.  
  
             “Maggie said she heard it from her little sister. I dunno why ya didn’t tell me. You’re always goin’ back to Connie, ain’t like you datin’ her is gonna come as a shock.”   
  
Steve shrugged, almost as though he wasn’t bothered. Bucky ran a hand through his hair, grunting.  
  
             “I ain’t datin’ Connie. Just somethin’ I told my Pop to get him off my back.”   
  
             “You’re still doin’ that? Is this because of that Ruby dame? Ain’t you over her yet?”   
  
             “It ain’t like that,” Bucky ground his teeth together, trying to work out something he could say to Steve, but was coming up blank. “It’s – it’s different.”   
  
             “Then what is it, pal? I know Maggie’s not tellin’ people that you’re datin’ Connie for no reason. Connie ain’t that stupid to let that spread around if ya ain’t.”   
  
             “Look, if ya just come dancin’ tonight then –”  
  
             “Stop.” Steve’s voice was flat. “What the hell’s goin’ on, Buck?”   
  
             “It’s complicated.”   
  
             “Yeah? Well I guess until ya tell me what’s so complicated that ya got lies goin’ everywhere, I ain’t even gonna consider goin’ dancin’.”   
  
  
             Steve settled back against the couch, crossing his thin chest. Bucky grunted again, throwing himself backward in the chair. None of the excuses he could come up with seemed decent enough to tell Steve. Maybe it was time to come clean. Maybe it was time to tell Steve what Sarah already knew, and be done with the lying. At least he could trust Steve to keep a secret. He breathed out another deep breath before rubbing his hand over his face.  
  
             “Look, if I tell ya, ya gotta promise me that ya ain’t gonna tell no one. It’s real secret stuff. Nobody’s supposed to know.”   
  
             “Jesus Christ, Bucky. The fuck’s goin’ on with you?”   
  
             “Kiss your mother with that mouth?” Bucky lifted a brow, making Steve blush. “Look. Remember Ruby?”   
  
             “I knew it. You’re still hung up on her, ain’t ya?”   
  
             “Would ya listen?” Bucky accidentally snapped at Steve, making the smaller man silence. “Ruby and I… We’ve been datin’. Secretly. We meet up a couple times a week and go on dates places no one’s gonna catch us.”   
  
Steve stared at Bucky for a long moment, in complete silence. Bucky started to twitch uncomfortably, feeling hot under his collar as the blue eyes belonging to his best friend raked over his expression.   
  
             “That’s one hell of a lie to cover you datin’ Connie.”   
  
             “For fuck’s sake, Steve! I ain’t datin’ Connie! I’m datin’ _Ruby_!” Bucky stood up, throwing out his arms. “Don’t ya believe me?”   
  
             “Hard to believe you’re datin’ a girl that didn’t even know ya at Church.” Steve shrugged his shoulders lightly, but almost became smaller on the couch. “Ya sure you’re not datin’ Connie?”  
  
             “If I was datin’ Connie, you think I’d be keepin’ it a secret from ya? Ruby’s parents are damn strict, Steve. They’d probably throw her out if they knew she was datin’ me. Heck, I’d probably be dead if her parents found out about us. We’ve been keepin’ it a secret for three months, and last night, I finally got her to agree to get the girls to go to the Dance Hall so I could dance with her. We got a plan worked out, but I said I’d get ya to come with me and it’d be real damn helpful if ya did, or else I’m not gonna get to have one fuckin’ dance with my girl!”   
  
Bucky’s outburst had grown louder the longer he went on, with his arms flying about as an accompaniment to his words. His face now had a slight tinge of redness to it as he came close to Steve, dropping his arms uselessly to his sides.   
  
             “Three months, Steve, and I can’t even take her out for a proper dinner because we’ve gotta be careful. I just wanna dance with her once, even if we’ve gotta pretend it’s not a date for the two of us. I just wanna show her off.”   
  
             “Buck…” Steve sighed, looking up at him. “Why didn’t ya just say? I wouldn’t have told nobody.”  
  
             “I know, but I promised her that nobody was gonna know. The only person who does know is your Sarah. She talked me into apologisin’ to Ruby after I shouted at her.”   
  
             “My ma knows?”   
  
             “S’a long story, Steve. I don’t wanna get into it.” Bucky dropped onto the couch next to him, flopping back onto it. “I just wanna be able to take Ruby out in public for once.”   
  
             “And you’ve been datin’ her for three months? I thought…” Steve then dropped his voice. “Girls didn’t entertain ya that long.”   
  
             “We don’t do none of that stuff. I ain’t had sex or anythin’ like that since before I started goin’ steady with Ruby. I kiss her, and I hold her. We don’t do nothin’ else.”   
  
             “For _three_ months?” Steve looked at Bucky incredulously, who raised both eyebrows. “I didn’t think ya could hold yourself off for that long.”   
  
             “Hey! I don’t always screw the girls I take on dates.”   
  
             “Nah, but ya always have ‘em return the favour of takin’ ‘em on the date.”   
  
             “Ruby’s different. I’m happy to just kiss her, Steve. So’s… Everythin’ else.” Unconsciously, Bucky shifted his hips, glancing down quickly at his pants.   
  
             “So this girl’s got ya changed, huh? What, she got ya to stop smokin’ too?”   
  
             “Nah,” Bucky shrugged. “I just don’t smoke before I see her.”   
  
             “So that’s it? You’re tryin’ to talk me into goin’ dancin’ so you can dance with her?”  
  
             “Sounds stupid, right?” Bucky sighed, leaning his head back against the cushion. “All this plannin’ to get one dance.”   
  
             “You’re right.” Steve shifted, starting to put his sketchpad away. “But you’re stupid anyway, Buck.”   
  
             “Aw, shut up.” Bucky leaned and hit his hand against Steve’s arm as lightly as he could, but still made Steve flinch. “So? Ya gonna come and let me dance with my girl?”   
  
             “If it’s gonna shut ya the hell up,” Steve paused, picking up his pencils from the side of the couch, “I guess so.”   
  
Bucky’s face couldn’t have lit up more than it did at that moment. In moments he was leaning over and clapping a hand down on Steve’s shoulder, grinning at him.   
  
             “Thanks a bunch, Steve. Ya don’t even know how much this means to me. I just wanna dance with her, ya know?”   
  
             “Yeah, yeah,” Steve rolled his eyes, shrugging Bucky’s hand off with a slight grin. “You’re gonna owe me a lotta favours, you know that?”  
  
             “Yeah, maybe I’ll pay ‘em back someday,” Bucky chuckled, rising from the couch again. He grabbed hold of his thin jacket and slipped it on, popping the collar of it as he settled into the fabric. “I’ll see ya around seven? Gotta go get ready to take my girl for a spin.”   
  
             “Get outta here, huh? Let me finish off my sketch!”   
  
             “Seven, Steve! Ya better be ready! My girl doesn’t like it if I’m late!”   


* * *

   
  
             True to his word, Bucky turned back up at Steve’s house at seven, being greeted by Sarah as he stepped through the door. He had put on his best clothes – clothes he really should have been saving for the following morning at Church – and had slicked his hair back in a way that he knew Ruby liked. He was greeted by a smile from the blonde woman, who looked more tired than she usually did.   
  
             “Heavy shift?”   
  
             “No more than usual,” Sarah put the kitchen towel over her shoulder, tilting her head at Bucky. “I thought tonight was your night with –”  
  
             “Yeah, but see –”  
  
             “He’s draggin’ me dancin’ so he can dance with Ruby,” Steve announced as he stepped into the hallway to join them, fixing his tie. “I know all about it.”   
  
Sarah gave Bucky a wide-eyed expression, to which he shrugged about.   
  
             “I can’t keep it from him forever, can I? Besides, he was draggin’ his ass about comin’ until I practically got on my knees, explained and then begged him to go.”   
  
             “Steven Rogers,” Sarah scolded, turning to look at her son with now crossed arms.  
  
             “What? I had better things to do!”   
  
             “No ya didn’t,” Bucky rolled his eyes, then checked his father’s watch that had become a regularly occurring item on his wrist. “C’mon. She said she’s gettin’ the girls there around eight. Plenty of time for us to blend in.”   
  
             “Yeah, yeah.” Steve pushed back his hair, looking up at Bucky. “Best get to it, huh?”   
  
Both boys leaned to Sarah each at a time, kissing her cheeks. She swatted both affectionately on the back of their heads, then saw them to the door and watched them both make their way down the street, Bucky eventually slinging his arm around Steve’s shoulders as they walked.   
  
  
             The Dance Hall was as lively as ever as the two stepped through the doors, with the music pouring out from the band’s instruments and filling the room up. Laughter, animated conversations, and the sounds of people’s shoes tapping along the wooden floor made up the rest of the sounds that Bucky had missed listening to. It was like a breath of fresh air, stepping into the large room. There was so much colour, from all of the different kinds and styles of dresses that the girls were wearing. The bar was full, people waiting to be served and people talking, and it was by sheer luck that Bucky managed to spot an open space at it before anyone else did. One drink before Ruby arrived couldn’t hurt. After all, she had said she didn’t mind him drinking – not that he ever had around her on their dates. One drink, just to calm his jittering nerves and maybe even perk Steve up.   
  
             “Want a whiskey? I’m buyin,” Bucky looked down at Steve, who simply shrugged.   
  
             “Whatever you’re drinkin’.”   
  
             “C’mon, Steve. At least ya know Ruby’s gonna dance with ya when she gets here. She ain’t one for leavin’ ya out. Maybe she dances with ya first, then all the other girls will wanna too.”   
  
             “How come you’re not dancin’ with her first?”   
  
             “She wants my last dance,” Bucky waved his hand at the bartender, who started to make his way over. “What she wants, she gets.”   
  
             “You’re really tryin’ to make this girl happy, aren’t ya?”  
  
             “Damn right I am.”   
  
Bucky paused their conversation while he ordered two whiskey shots, and paid quickly. Once the two had their drinks, they were moving away from the bar to sit at one of the tables surrounding the dance floor, which were mostly unoccupied.   
  
             “She’s somethin’ special, Steve. Been tellin’ your ma all about her. She thinks there’s somethin’ different about Ruby too.”   
  
             “My ma ain’t even met her,” Steve rolled his eyes in amusement, carefully taking the smallest sip he could of the dark liquid. “But she ain’t ever wrong.”   
  
             “Nope. Sarah’s pretty great at the advice and knowin’ what’s up. Pretty sure she’s got the word on everyone before they’ve got the word on each other. She’s like some damn mastermind or somethin’.”   
  
Steve laughed into his glass as Bucky took a swig of his own, both of them settling back comfortably. Bucky’s gaze wandered around the Dance Hall and took in every sight he could, watching couples dance like it was going to be their last. It was only then that he realised he didn’t know what kind of dancer Ruby was. Bucky enjoyed any kind of dancing, of course, but perhaps that wasn’t the case for her. Maybe she only liked slow dancing. Maybe she only liked dancing to certain kinds of tunes. Maybe she didn’t really like dancing at all, but was coming to the Dance Hall anyway to please him.   


* * *

  
             As the thoughts whirled around in his head, he felt a hand rest itself on his shoulder. Suddenly he was straightening up and turning with a grin plastered on his lips, expecting to see Ruby standing there, but the grin quickly slipped when he saw who it was. His stomach dropped and he mentally rolled his eyes, looking up into the smiling face of nobody other than Connie herself.   
  
             “Been a long time since you’ve been here, Bucky.”   
  
             “Yeah. Long time, no see, huh?”   
  
             “Oh, I don’t know about that. Rumour has it that you and I go on dates regularly.” Connie then dropped into the spare seat at the table, accompanied by a friend who instantly pulled Steve into a conversation. Bucky groaned inwardly, turning to face Connie properly.   
  
             “Is that right?”  
  
             “Yeah. Maggie told me that we were out just the other night. In fact, she told me that you and I are going steady.”   
  
             “Huh. Ain’t ever pinned ya for a girl that goes steady, Con. You’re more of a dame who likes to play, ain’t ya?”   
  
             “Only when the boy I want doesn’t seem to want to play fair.” Connie dragged her hand across the table to touch the glass Bucky had in front of him, dragging perfectly manicured nails down the sides.   
  
             “Maybe he doesn’t wanna play fair.” Bucky shrugged, trying to dig himself back out before he got any deeper into the conversation. “Maybe you’ve been readin’ the boy wrong.”   
  
             “Not likely. I never have. You see, I know exactly what he likes and how he likes it. I can’t see many other girls being as _good_ for his needs as I am.”   
If Steve would have been listening to the conversation, Bucky knew that the blond would have turned bright red by now. The comment about the back of the Dance Hall from earlier came back into Bucky’s mind, which he quickly had to shove away. He had to end the ideas Connie had in her head now, or Ruby would walk in and see the brunette all over him.  
  
             “Look, Connie. We’re not goin’ steady. I ain’t even seen you in months. Doesn’t sound like someone who wants to go steady with ya. You’re fun, and I like ya, but I don’t wanna go steady with ya. But,” Bucky held up a hand before Connie could get a word in, stopping her from whatever she was about to bite back at him, “I’ll take ya for a spin. How about that? Friendly dance, yeah?”  
  
             “That’s it? I just get a dance?”   
  
             “And I’ll get you and your friend a drink. C’mon, Con. I’m tryin’ to let ya down easy.”  
  
Bucky tried his best to give her the same pleading look he gave to Becca when he wanted something from her, which oddly enough, seemed to work. Connie sighed and retracted her hand, letting Bucky stand up from the table first. He flashed her a cheeky smile, holding out his hand for her to take.   
  
             “C’mon, doll. They’re playin’ a song just for you.”   
  


* * *

  
             Ruby linked her arm with Andrea’s, listening to the sounds of the tapping of heels along the concrete floor as they made their way to the Dance Hall. She was wearing a red dress, the very same one she had been wearing the first time she had ever met Bucky, and had a spring in her step and a smile on her face that all the other girls had gushed about when they first saw her that night. They had all met at Andrea’s first to make sure each other looked perfect, and then had set off from there as a group. Each girl had pestered Ruby as to who exactly was the boy who was making her look so happy, but Ruby had simply told them all that she was just happy to be spending time with the girls for once.   
  
             “You don’t drink, do you?” Andrea asked.   
  
             “No, and I never plan to,” Ruby smiled brightly at her, shaking her head so that blonde curls bounced slightly. “Just a personal preference.”   
  
             “The wine’s quite nice, you know!” Helen called from behind the pair, where she was walking with Ann. “Red, not white.”   
  
             “I think I’ll miss it this time,” Ruby giggled, looking back over her shoulder. There were two more girls – Lilian and Maria - making up their six, and they were walking at the back of the line. All were wearing similar styles of dresses that Ruby was, but none red – and red, she knew by now, was Bucky’s favourite colour.  
  
             As they drew closer, Ruby could feel her heartbeat start to grow faster. Bucky would already be here by now, and be watching for her coming through the doors. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time to be in such a largely public place with him, knowing that at any moment, Steve or any one of the girls she was with would notice that the two were together. She knew Bucky’s reputation, so she knew that the information would spread like wildfire of the two of them being together. That was what she didn’t want. Even now, she was still content with keeping their relationship a secret. She didn’t want her parents to know, and that was a combination of both being scared of their reaction and being scared of being forced to break up with Bucky against her own will.   
  
             “Ready to take some boys for a spin, girls?” Andrea called back to their group, being met with giggles and exclamations of ‘yes!’. Ruby felt her arm squeezed by Andrea as they approached the doors to the Dance Hall, feeling her breathing start to become shallower in excitement.   
   
            “Ready to dazzle some boys, Ruby?”   
  


* * *

  
             Bucky was moving expertly with Connie on the dance floor, hands alternating between her waist and her own hands. It wasn’t a dance like they would usually have, where he would pick her up and throw her just about everywhere and yet still manage to make it look graceful and easy, but it was good enough to be a dance to say a goodbye. The song was lively enough, and in the sea of people, Bucky and Connie looked no different to any other pair that was dancing.   
  
             “Y’know, I think you’ll go steady with me someday!” Connie shouted over the music, gripping Bucky’s hand as he spun her back around to face him.  
  
             “Yeah?” Bucky shouted back, spinning the two on the spot. “How’s that?”   
  
             “Because you like what I do too much to let go!”   
  
             “Other way around, Con!” Bucky laughed, shaking his head. Connie, however, was undeterred. As Bucky spun her out and back to him again, her grip became firm around his neck, making his feet fall still.   
  
             “What’cha do that for, huh?” Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed together, having one hand in hers and the other on her waist at an appropriate level.   
  
             “Because!”   
  
             “Because what?!”   
  
Bucky was never met with an answer. Instead, Connie’s lips crashed against his in a desperate kiss, and her arms tightened around his neck so that he couldn’t just pull away. Bucky grunted against her lips and tried to pull himself back, only to have his bottom lip bit harsh enough to draw blood. It was then that Bucky let go of her hand and shoved her back by her waist, forcing her to let go of him and break the kiss.   
  
             “The fuck do you think you’re doin’?!” Bucky snapped at her, drawing the attention of a few couples dancing close to them. Connie was panting, and desperation was clear in her eyes.   
  
             “I know you want me, Bucky! You always said that I’m you’re best girl!”   
  
             “You’re not my fuckin’ best girl!” Bucky held a hand up to his chin, wiping the blood trickling down from his lip. “You’re an okay screw, Con, that’s fuckin’ it!”   
  
             “Bucky!” Steve’s voice brought him back down before he drew more attention, and he whipped around to see the blonde stood there with a wide-eyed look.   
  
             “She – she – Buck, the door!”   
  
Bucky turned, looking to the other side of them just in time to see the girls he knew that worked with Ruby looking around with confused glances, and the flash of a red skirt exiting through the double doors to the Dance Hall.   
  


* * *

  
             “Fuck. Fuck!”   
  
There was no time wasted. Bucky was shoving through the crowd of people that were blocking his way to the door within seconds, passing the girls Ruby worked with on his way. He shoved, grunted and snapped at people to move until he was out on the street, looking in every direction he could to catch sight of Ruby. It was by sheer luck that he saw her, watching her hurry off down the street. Bucky sprinted after her, running down the road instead of along the pavement so that he could catch up to her.  
  
             “Wait! _Ruby_!”   
  
             “Go away, Bucky!” Ruby shouted back, and he could hear the break in her voice. The moment he caught up he was reaching his hand out, catching her wrist which was quickly yanked from his hold.   
  
             “Ruby, please! Stop, would’ya? I ran all this damn way to –”  
  
             “To what? Say you’re sorry? I don’t want to hear it!” Ruby didn’t stop moving, continuing to click her heels along the concrete of the floor. The street was empty, save for the two of them, and the sunset was lighting it up enough for her to look completely perfect. Bucky would have said so, if not for the situation. 

             “Ya gotta believe me! She kissed me! I didn’t do nothin’ wrong!”   
  
             “I saw you!” Ruby crossed her arms, keeping her gaze locked on the floor. “I saw you kissing her!”   
  
             “No! She grabbed hold’a me!”   
  
             “Oh sure, like you couldn’t push her away from you! You’re a grown man, Bucky! One tiny girl isn’t going to stop you from getting loose!”              
  
Bucky was rushing his steps to keep up with her as she rounded the next corner, taking them onto a street with a block of houses lined up along it. He grunted heavily, throwing his arms out wide.   
  
             “Stop, for fuck’s sake!”   
  
  
  
             Ruby stopped so abruptly that Bucky had to be careful not to walk straight into her. She whirled around instantly, looking at him with tears falling down. Bucky gulped, taking in every inch of sadness in her expression.   
  
             “Look, it wasn’t me! I didn’t kiss her, Ruby. I swear!”  
  
             “Why should I believe you? Everything that you’ve probably ever said to me is a goddamn lie!” Ruby snapped at him, more tears spilling from her eyes. “You smell like a whorehouse! I bet you’ve been all over her while you’ve been waiting for me to get there, haven’t you? And every other day too, that we haven’t spent together?”   
  
             “I had one goddamn drink and a couple smokes before ya got there! I don’t smell nothin’ like –” Bucky cut himself off, digging his cigarettes out of his top pocket. “Ya know what? There! I don’t want the damn things anymore if they’re gonna make ya flip out!”   
  
The packet was thrown to the ground and Bucky stepped on it, grinding it into the concrete with the heel of his shoe. Ruby looked up and then back to him, tapping her foot on the floor.   
  
             “And that’s supposed to impress me?! What’s going to stop you from turning right around and buying more?!”  
  
             “I’m tryin’ to be good enough for ya and you’re throwin’ it in my face!” Bucky’s eyes turned colder, watching her expression do the same.   
  
             “You were kissing another woman, Bucky!”    
  
             “She came onto me! She thought I was goin’ steady with her, I tried to set her straight and –”  
  
             “What, by kissing her?”   
  
             “I didn’t fuckin’ kiss her!” Bucky snapped back at her, making her withdraw for a split second.   
  
             “I watched you do it! Are you going to tell me now that I’m blind? I saw you, Bucky! I saw how she was all over you, and you weren’t doing anything to stop it! It was like you didn’t even care about me!”    
  
             “Wasn’t that the goddamn point of all this shit?!” Bucky threw his arms out, stepping closer. “All this sneakin’ around, all this hidin’? Nobody’s supposed to know about us, right?! I’m doin’ the best I can! Ya asked me to lie about it, and I fuckin’ did! She was my damn cover story!”   
  
             “I gave you one chance for us to be somewhere with other people and you let that happen! Don’t you get it?” Ruby bit her bottom lip, forcing it to stop quivering.   
  
             “Get what?!”   
  
             “I don’t want you dating and kissing other girls, you idiot!”   
  
             “Make up your damn mind! The hell’s your problem now?!” Bucky had moved back away from her by now, which only made their shouting grow louder. Thankfully, none of the people from the houses close-by had come out to shout at them. Not that Bucky would have cared anyway, because his temper had taken over, for the most part.   
  
             “My problem is that you’re breaking my damn heart, Bucky! I love you, and I don’t want you to be pretending to be someone else’s!”   
  
  
  
Silence fell. Whatever rage-fuelled words had been waiting on the tip of Bucky’s tongue had died before they had chance to leave his mouth, as he stared at her in complete confusion. He couldn’t decide whether she had truly said what he had heard, or whether his mind was making it up as some sort of awful joke. That thought quickly left as Ruby’s tear-stained face started to turn pink, and her eyes started to fill up again. She didn’t utter another word, but turned on her heel and started to walk away from him again. It took Bucky a moment or two to start after her, and when he did, he grabbed her wrist and pulled hard enough to turn her back to him.   
  
             “Bucky –”  
  
For the second time that night, his lips were crashing into someone else’s – but this time, he wanted them to. He kissed her with as much passion as he could muster, wrapping his arms around her waist tightly enough to be able to pick her off the floor and lean back with her in his hold. Ruby’s hands had gone up into his slicked back locks, playing with the ends of dark strands as she kissed him back just as fiercely as he was her. He sought out silent permission and she granted it, making a muffled sound against his lips. A groan escaped him and it was out of sheer will that he lowered her back to the ground again, pulling apart just enough so that the two of them could pant for the air they now needed.   
  
             “Did ya mean it?” His arms were still holding her to him, having her pressed flush against his chest.  
  
             “Yes,” Ruby was breathless, searching his eyes frantically. “I know it’s too soon, but I –”  
  
             “I love ya too, Red.”   
  
Bucky would have given anything to be able to take a photograph of the way Ruby was looking at him now. Her eyes had brightened and her smile had returned, looking at him in a breathless wonder.   
  
             “You do?”   
  
             “I do.”   
  
All the time he had spent wondering why he felt so strange around her, why he was content to simply have her in his arms and talk about anything and everything – it all made sense now. Love. It was love that he was feeling for the girl wrapped up in his arms, and it had been love for longer than he had realised. What had been an infatuation had turned to love, and it was hitting him now hard enough to leave him panting.  
  
             “I didn’t think…”  
  
             “You’re everythin’ I want, Ruby. I just… Didn’t know it until now.”   
  
             “You really mean it?”   
  
             “More than I’ve ever meant anythin’,” Bucky kissed the tip of her nose, hearing her sigh happily as his lips met her skin again. “No more hidin’. I love ya, and you love me. We’re doin’ this right from now on. You’re my girl, and my girl deserves somethin’ better than sneakin’ around in a park.”   
  
             “What are you saying?” Ruby searched his eyes, with her fingers still twirling the dark locks of his hair. Bucky leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers, squeezing her tightly in his hold. If they were doing this, then there was no more sneaking around with their relationship. If there was one thing he was going to do, it was that he was going to be brave enough to face the reason why they had been hiding their being together in the first place.  
  
             “I’m sayin’ that I wanna meet your parents.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

 As Sunday morning came, Bucky was more than certain that the reason his stomach was in knots was because of what he and Ruby had decided they would do that day, and not due to the leftovers he had eaten last night after coming home. Then again, it very well could have been the leftovers. They had been there since Thursday, at least. The mattress groaned underneath him as he forced himself to get out of bed, with a hand outstretched to the floor to find the thin white vest he had taken off in the middle of the night. Once it was back on and he had actually opened his eyes, he managed to force himself to stand. As if on cue, a knock came at his door and then his sister was coming in, with a sharp look in her eyes.   
  
             “How come you ain’t got clothes waitin’ to be ironed?”   
  
             “Put ‘em on last night,” Bucky shrugged, yawning and pointing to the crumpled pile on the floor of his room. “Need washin’ now.”  
  
             “Bucky! They’re you’re Sunday clothes! What’s dad gonna say when he finds out you already wore them?” Becca tapped her foot on the floor, glaring at her brother. Bucky shrugged, still feeling his stomach twisting and turning.  
  
             “Just grab whatever you think’s gonna be alright and iron that. Pop’s not even gonna know the difference.”   
  
             “Yes he will. You know he will.”   
  
             “Bec, I just got up. Can ya just – y’know, do it for me? I got breakfast to start.” Rough hands rubbed across his face, trying to bring some life to himself. “Just pick somethin’ for me to wear and I won’t burn your toast.”   
  
             “You wouldn’t be that mean anyway,” Becca rolled her eyes, now starting to make her way past Bucky so that she could root in his set of draws to find suitable clothes.   
  
“Dad’s already awake, by the way. He’s drinkin’ coffee downstairs.”   
Instead of answering Becca, Bucky stretched one leg back far enough to give her a light kick in the back of her legs, making her huff. With a slight chuckle, Bucky made his way out of the room before Becca could turn around and punch his shoulder.   
  
             “Idiot!”   
  
             Bucky’s chuckle accompanied him to the bottom of the stairs, and thankfully, it was helping with the knots of his stomach. That was until he then processed what Becca had said about their father already being downstairs, and he started to feel sick to his stomach. The first step in Ruby and Bucky telling their parents was for them to be told before they got to Church – that meant that Bucky had to tell his father he had been dating, and Ruby had to tell her parents that she had been dating. Then they would get to the introducing when they were all at the Church.   
  
His eyes raked over the back of his father’s head, taking a deep breath as he stepped into the kitchen.  
  
             “Mornin’, Pop.”   
  
             “Didn’t think you or your sister were gettin’ up this mornin’,” Bucky’s dad looked up at him, placing down his cup. Bucky shrugged, starting to set up what he needed to make breakfast.   
  
             “Had a pretty late night. Went to the Dance Hall with Steve.”   
  
             “Got Steve to go with you?”   
  
             “Yeah,” Bucky looked over his shoulder at his dad, giving an uneasy chuckle. “Not like he was happy about it.”   
  
             “You don’t sound too happy about it either. Did Connie not show up or somethin’?”   
  
Bucky mentally cursed. Even if his father didn’t approve of him going out with the girl that had almost cost him Ruby, at least he was trying. He could hear the grudging tone that his father had when he said the brunette’s name, but he tried to be as polite as possible. Bucky stayed quiet until he thought the pan could be left to its own devices, allowing the oil to crackle as he turned around and dropped into an empty seat at the table.   
  
             “Pop, I got somethin’ to tell ya. Somethin’… Important. It’s been real secret for a while, but – it can’t be kept secret anymore.”   
  
His voice was shaking as he drew toward the end, sucking in a deep breath. He watched his father’s eyebrows knit together in a dark frown, and his eyes shut.   
  
             “James, don’t you dare tell me what I think you’re gonna tell me.”   
  
             “What?”   
  
Now it was Bucky’s turn to frown. His own dark eyebrows helped form a confused expression, watching his father carefully. George had leaned back in his chair, leaving one hand flat on the table. If Bucky hadn’t been so confused by his father’s words, he might have been able to hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears.   
  
             “Are you gonna tell me that you got that girl pregnant? That you knocked her up?”   
  
             “Jesus Christ!” Bucky almost fell out of his chair, staring incredulously at his father.  
  
             “Watch your mouth,” George’s voice remained deceptively calm, but Bucky knew that his father was as far from calm as he possibly could be, “have you got Connie pregnant?”   
  
             “No! Hell, if I’d got a dame pregnant, ya really think I’d be tellin’ ya when I’m in arm’s reach?!” Bucky was more than flustered, trying to speak faster than his mouth would let him. “I ain’t dumb, Pop! I know what a –”  
  
             “Then what’s so important that you’ve kept it secret?”   
  
On one hand, Bucky was glad his father had cut him off from discussing what kind of birth control he used, even though he was still partially mortified that his father knew about his social life. On the other, Bucky was starting to get the sickly notion again, though he knew that his father couldn’t possibly be mad at him for simply dating when his first thought had been that Bucky had got a girl pregnant.   
  
             “I’m datin’ someone,” Bucky admitted quickly, licking his lips, “and no, I ain’t got _her_ pregnant either.”   
  
             “That’s it? You’re dating?”   
  
             “Yeah, but –”  
  
             “Are you tryin’ to give your old man an aneurism?” Then Bucky’s father was leaning forward again, shaking his head in a disgruntled way. “Think you’re more dramatic than your sister sometimes, Bucky.”   
  
             “No, Pop. Ya don’t understand. See, the girl I’m datin’, she’s real classy. From uptown. Her family aren’t the kinda folks that… That’d approve of me. So we’ve been keepin’ it quiet, but we kinda decided that we’d tell our folks. See, we’ve been datin’ for three months, thought it was about damn time we got it out there.”   
  
             “You’ve been datin’ the same girl for three months?”   
  
             “Yeah,” Bucky met his father’s gaze and took a deep inhale. “… I love her, Pop.”   
  
George’s face was blank as he looked at his son. Bucky gulped almost immediately after he had made his statement, and George’s piercing eyes weren’t helping his nerves. He found his eyes watering as he refused to break eye contact with his father, and his foot started to tap on the floor. Finally, after what seemed like decades rather than minutes, George opened his mouth.   
  
             “You think you love this girl after just three months?”   
  
             “I don’t just think I do. I _know_ I do. I love her. Just didn’t know it was love until – until she said she loved me.” Bucky’s tone was honest, searching his father’s eyes. George took one final look over at his son, glance raking over Bucky’s dishevelled appearance.   
  
             “Have I ever told you how I knew I was in love with your Ma?”   
  
             “Huh?” Bucky shook his head, momentarily confused. “Nah. Ya haven’t.”   
  
             “When your Ma and I were datin’, I took her out for a dance. New place, only just opened. Your Ma, she was pretty good at dancin’. That’s where you get it from, y’know. Anyway, I went to pick your Ma up from her parent’s house, and she comes out lookin’ like the Fourth of July. Knocked the wind right outta me. That’s when I knew I was in love with her. Your Ma, she was different to other dames. She had a smile that felt like it was just for me.”   
  
Bucky had leaned forward without realising, listening intently to his father’s story. George rarely spoke of Bucky’s mother these days, even though it had almost been six years since his mother had passed away. Slowly, a smile started to creep onto Bucky’s face. That was exactly how he felt whenever he saw Ruby, with the wind knocked out of him and his heart beating erratically.   
  
             “That’s how she makes me feel. Makes me feel like I’m the luckiest guy in New York. Heck, luckiest guy in America.”   
  
             “What’s her name?”   
  
             “Her name’s Ruby. She goes to the same Church we do. Talked about it last night, I’m gonna bring her over to meet ya after the Service. She’s pretty excited to meet ya, Pop.”   
  
The smile on Bucky’s face was fully-fledged by now. A weight felt like it had been lifted from him, and the stomach knots had finally started to ease and allow him to settle.   
  
             “Yeah, well, I’m lookin’ forward to meetin’ the girl that’s settled your ass down.”   
  
George lifted a brow, but Bucky could see the faint smile that was threatening to play on his father’s mouth. He hit his palms off the table in an almost beat before rising, going to attend to the breakfast he had left.   


* * *

  
             As Ruby descended the stairs, she felt a queasy notion take back over her. She twisted the rope of her nightgown in her hands over and over, wrapping the silk fabric around nimble fingers in a repetitive pattern. Her family was already downstairs and waiting for her to join breakfast at the table, but the thought of eating was only turning her stomach further. Em had already tried to assure her as best she could before she had gotten up, but it had done little to help.   
  
             “Ruby! Hurry up, I want breakfast!”   
  
             “Pearl!” Her mother’s slightly scolding tone made Ruby almost internally whimper as she took the last few steps toward the dining room, pushing the door open to see her family gathered around the table.   
  
             “Sorry,” Ruby murmured, sitting down quietly in her seat next to Em, “I didn’t feel great when I woke up. In fact, I’m still not feeling too well.”   
  
             “Toast will help with that,” her mother said, gesturing to the stack in the middle of the table. Ruby nodded, masking her worried look with one of gratefulness. Under the table, Em grabbed Ruby’s free hand as she reached out for a slice of toast, which earnt Ruby’s attention. Em nodded at her, giving her a reassuring look. Ruby’s gaze then wandered around the table, taking the sight of her mother and father at either end, and her brother and youngest sister across the table from her. They all seemed happy, and well enough, but Ruby knew that the happiness coating her parents might easily crumble when she told them what she had to say.   
  
             “Mom, dad… There’s something I need to tell you.”   
  
             “Yes, sweetheart?” Ruby’s mother looked up from her plate, tilting her head curiously. Her father at the other end of the table, and closest to Ruby, stopped too. Ruby’s   
heart started to beat faster, filling her ears with the sound of the mad pounding. Her hands started to shake under the table as she looked back and forth between her parents.   
  
             “I…I…”   
  
             “What is it, Ruby?” Her father’s concerned glance found her, and she sucked in a quick breath of air.  
  
             “When we get to Church today, there’s – there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”   
  
             “Oh?”   
  
Ruby could feel the confusion filling the now silent room, and her parents staring at her intently. She couldn’t do it. Even with Em reaching to squeeze her hand again, she couldn’t do it. Ruby shook her head, trying to give her mother and father a shaky smile.   
  
             “A friend. A really good friend.”   
  
             “A friend?” Ruby’s mother gave a light-hearted chuckle. “We’d love to meet your friend. Wouldn’t we?”   
  
             “Of course.” Her father’s tone was pleasant, which she was more than certain it wouldn’t have been if she had told them who exactly they would be meeting.   
  
             “No,” Ruby shook her head quickly, “but I was with them at the Dance Hall last night.”   
  
             “We’ll meet your friend before the service. Then they can sit with us during. How does that sound?”   
  
             “That sounds great,” Ruby smiled weakly, nodding at her father. Her father smiled back at her, starting to continue with his breakfast. Her mother followed suit, and   
Ruby then snuck a quick glance to her sister beside her. Em was staring at her incredulously, but Ruby shook her head.   
  
             “Not here,” Ruby whispered, thankfully masked by her brother and sister bickering across the table, “I can’t.”   
  
Em rolled her eyes and shook her head, turning her attention back to her breakfast. Ruby reached for two pieces of toast, placing them in front of her. She would have to get to Bucky before Bucky got to her and warn him, or him meeting her parents would be over before they even started.   


* * *

  
             After finally telling his father – and Becca, who then pestered and pestered all the way to Steve’s house to be told what his girlfriend looked like – Bucky felt lighter and happier than he ever had. Sarah thankfully hadn’t mentioned that she knew about Bucky dating, and Steve had simply punched his friend on the shoulder in an amused way.   
  
             “Finally decided to come clean to your Pop, huh?”   
  
             “After last night? Yeah,” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck with a grin, then went wide-eyed. “Aw, hell, Steve! Last night! I kinda ditched ya, didn’t I? Aw man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. After Ruby and I made up, I, uh… I lost track of time.”   
  
             “Don’t worry about it,” Steve waved his hand in dismissal, chuckling. “I figured you caught up to her. I left after about twenty minutes anyways.”   
  
             “You’re tellin’ me ya had all those dolled up dames that work with Ruby in front of ya and ya ditched?”   
  
             “C’mon, Buck. Bet they didn’t even see me. They were all pretty worried about your girl.”   
  
             “Yeah, well, now they don’t gotta be. She’s my girl officially. I’m gonna go by where she works and meet ‘em all properly some time this week. They’ve seen me a couple times, but they don’t know that I walk her home.”   
  
             “You’re gonna be breakin’ hearts all over Brooklyn, y’know.”   
  
             “As long as I’ve got hers, I don’t give a damn.” Bucky elbowed Steve, practically glowing with pride. “Told me she loved me last night.”  
  
             “Yeah?” Steve looked up at Bucky, grinning himself. “And what’cha tell her?”   
  
             “That I love her.”   
  
             “Yeah, he told his girlfriend he loves her before he even brought her home to meet me and Pop. Ain’t that bad?” Becca interrupted, stepping in line with the two boys.   
  
She linked her brother’s arm, smiling around him so she could see Steve. Bucky didn’t have the heart to tell her to go away, so instead he nudged Becca and chuckled.   
  
             “Thought your ugly mug would scare her off.”   
  
             “Hey!” Becca elbowed Bucky hard enough to knock him into Steve, making him laugh while she gave him a dark scowl.   
  
             “I’m jokin’, Bec. Prettiest girl I ever saw, ‘cept her.”   
  
             “I better be.” Becca’s scowl didn’t go until Bucky hooked his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.   
  
             “C’mon, ya know you’re gonna forgive me anyways. Especially when I bring over Ruby for ya to interrogate and do all that girl stuff with.”   
  
             “I guess.” Becca then looked up at him, pursing her lips. “But you gotta get me some nice make-up so she can show me how to put it on properly.”  
  
             “Yeah, that ain’t happenin’.” Bucky tugged on his sister’s ponytail, chuckling. “You’re not old enough to have make-up.  
  
             “Bucky!”   
  
             “Nope. Ain’t allowin’ it while I’m alive,” Bucky smirked at her. Becca huffed and shrugged away from Bucky, stepping over to the side of Steve instead. She stuck out her   
tongue once she was out of her brother’s reach, making both of the boys roll their eyes while chuckling.   
  
             Bucky’s heartbeat began to pick up the minute the Church and crowd came into view, and blue eyes were instantly searching for Ruby’s blonde locks. Craning his neck, he looked around in every direction that he could, and eventually let out a sigh. Ruby and her family weren’t here yet. 

             “Well?” George clapped a hand on his son’s shoulder, who shrugged.   
  
             “Ain’t here yet. I’ll wait out here for her, you wanna go in and I’ll bring her to ya when she gets here?”   
  
             “Alright. We’ll head on in.” George nodded at his son and then linked arms with Becca, who huffed again.   
  
             “Can’t I wait too?”   
  
             “Pretty sure his girlfriend doesn’t need you pesterin’ her the moment she meets ya,” George chuckled, “we’re goin’ in. Bucky can bring her after.”   
  
Becca rolled her eyes and allowed her father to lead her toward the steps, shortly followed by Sarah linking Steve’s arm. Steve gave Bucky one reassuring smile and a thumbs up before he disappeared into the Church.  


* * *

  
From the moment Bucky was alone, he tried to focus on taking deep breaths to settle himself. Thankfully, the blow might be softened when they saw him because Ruby would have told them about him that morning. That was the silver lining to an otherwise dull cloud. His hands started to fidget, straightening out his tie and collar, then adjusting his suspenders. It wasn’t going to be all that bad. They were in this together now, and it was all or nothing. If her parents didn’t like him, that didn’t mean that he was going to turn away from her. Not now.   
  
A flash of blonde hair caught his attention, and relief flooded through him when he saw Ruby approaching him with her family. She was walking a little way in front of them, with the skirt of her blue dress swishing from side to side as she got closer. Bucky’s face turned into a grin, but as he took sight of Ruby’s actual expression, he frowned. She looked scared, and like she was about to pass out at any given moment. Bucky wondered if her parents had told her that she was to break up with him when they got there, and that sent a shiver down his spine. Surely they couldn’t have done that. They hadn’t even met him, officially. They couldn’t force their daughter to call off her relationship simply because of their standards. Bucky wouldn’t stand for that. Taking the initiative, he took the steps forward to meet them, making Ruby and her entire family stop in the process.   
  
  
             “Mornin’,” Bucky greeted them politely, nodding his head. Ruby’s siblings looked almost as confused as her parents were, until Ruby took a deep breath and moved beside Bucky. He could see how panicked she was, and how terrified, but he didn’t dare try to hold her hand in front of her parents.   
  
             “Ruby, I thought you didn’t know this boy.” Her father’s clipped tone made Bucky wince. He was hoping that the man had forgotten about that first encounter, but apparently not.   
  
             “I… I do know him.” Ruby’s voice was shaking as she stepped closer to Bucky still, arms almost touching, “This… Is who I wanted you to meet.”   
  
             “James Buchanan Barnes, sir. A lotta people call me Bucky. It’s nice to officially meet ya and your family.” Bucky held out his hand for Ruby’s father, which he didn’t take. Bucky had to discreetly move it, almost wishing he could stuff both hands into his pockets.   
  
             “How do you know my daughter?”   
  
             “She’s –”  
  
             “We’ve been dating,” Ruby cut across him quickly. “Bucky’s my boyfriend.”   
  
             “Dating?” Her mother’s tone was sharp, with her gaze making Bucky feel like she was burning holes into his skin. “You’ve been dating this… This _boy_?”   
  
            “Yes.” Ruby then reached for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as Bucky’s shoulders slumped due to her mother’s words.   
  
If Bucky had ever wished there to be a time that the ground could swallow him whole, it would have been now. Ruby’s parents were both glaring at him, each one looking as terrifyingly disappointed and disgruntled as the other. Her siblings had reacted in a fairly normal way, but her parents looked like they were going to kill Bucky on the spot – or more appropriately, Ruby’s father looked like he was going to kill Bucky and her mother looked like she was about to faint. Bucky licked his lips as he felt Ruby squeeze his hand, making him squeeze hers in return. This was what Bucky had been prepared for, but that didn’t make it come as any less of a shock. He stepped forward, brushing back the loose pieces of dark locks that had fallen from his perfectly styled hair.            
   
            “Yeah. I’ve been datin’ your daughter. Three months straight.” Bucky nodded his head, trying to look confident and failing almost miserably.   
  
             “You’ve been dating him for three months?!” Ruby’s mother snapped back at him.   
  
Bucky felt Ruby flinch behind him, which made him step in front of her just enough so that she was half hidden behind him. Ruby’s father watched the two of them and then leaned to his wife, murmuring to her. She nodded and grabbed hold of the hands of Ruby’s youngest brother and sister, making her way toward the Church doors with them. Ruby’s other sister quickly hurried after them, until there was only the three of them outside. Ruby made a quiet noise behind Bucky as her father’s scrutinising gaze washed over the two of them. Bucky squeezed her fingers tightly, trying to reassure her without looking. He could do this. He had to do this. He wasn’t going to run away from the first hurdle without at least trying. With a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders and stood tall in front of Ruby’s father, near enough matching the man in size.   
  
             “Look. I get it. I know you don’t think I’m good enough for your daughter. Hell, even I – sorry about the language – know I’m not good enough for her, but I wanna be.   
She makes me wanna be the kinda guy she deserves, not just some workin’-class idiot. She makes me wanna be the kinda guy that can be seen with her. I’d do anythin’ for your daughter and anythin’ ya ask me, but I ain’t gonna stay away from her. That’s somethin’ I can’t promise to ever do.”   
  
Bucky took a moment to breathe, slowly stepping to the side so that Ruby became visible again and Bucky was back at her side. He leaned close to make their arms press together, still keeping a tight hold on her hand.  
  
             “I love your daughter, sir. And that’s the truth.”   
  
             “And I love Bucky,” Ruby’s voice was quiet as she addressed her father. Bucky turned to flash her a small smile, and received one in return. “I don’t care what you and mom think.”   
  
Ruby’s father was silent. Instead of answering, or even acknowledging what the two had said, he glanced at his watch and sighed to himself. Bucky started to feel his stomach turning in knots again, and for a slight moment, wondered if Ruby’s was doing the same.   
  
             “We’re not talking about this here. We’re going to be late.” He looked at Ruby when he spoke, but then turned his gaze onto Bucky. “And you’ll sit with us through it.”  
Bucky had never nodded in agreement so quickly. Ruby’s father then walked past them, almost brushing Bucky’s shoulder. As soon as her father was behind them, Bucky turned to look at Ruby.  
  
             “I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell them this morning, I –”  
  
Bucky cut her off with a gentle kiss, loosening his hold on her hand. Ruby pulled away quickly and glanced to see if her father was looking. Bucky’s gaze followed hers, nodding in the direction of the Church doors.   
  
             “C’mon, better catch him up, huh?”   
  
He kissed her cheek one last time before the two started to walk, catching up to Ruby’s father. As they stepped inside, Bucky quickly spotted where they were going – the row of blonde heads were easy to spot – then he had to look around for his own family. He spotted them as they passed, catching the eye of his father who was frowning. Bucky shrugged apologetically and carried on with Ruby, until he was then seated at the very end of the pew with Ruby next to her father instead of him. He didn’t let go of her hand once, even as he felt the eyes of her father turn on the pair of them.   


* * *

  
The moment the service was over, Bucky was looking over at Ruby, who was looking at her father. His jaw was tight, and her mother had edged forward so she could see the two of them, with her chin held up high.   
  
             “Daddy, I –”  
  
             “You’ll come to dinner tomorrow night,” Ruby’s father looked at Bucky, using a tone that wasn’t one to be questioned. “Until then, we aren’t talking about this.”   
  
             “Yes sir.”  
  
             “We have dinner at six.”   
  
             “I won’t be late,” Bucky nodded solemnly. Ruby went to open her mouth, but her mother’s look silenced her. Bucky quickly glanced over his shoulder to find his family,   
who were starting to leave.   
  
             “Sir, I’m real sorry, can I just – can I borrow Ruby for a minute? Y’see, I told my Pop I’d bring her over so he could meet her, and –”  
  
             “We’ll be waiting outside for you, Ruby.”   
  
             “Okay,” Ruby murmured back to her father, joining Bucky in standing up. He didn’t offer his hand out to her father again, but nodded quickly at him and straightened up his tie once he was standing.   
  
             “Thank-you, sir. It was nice to meet ya. I’ll see ya again tomorrow.”   
  
Bucky wasn’t answered as Ruby’s family started to rise, but Ruby tugging on his hand distracted him long enough to not be concerned with the lack of response. She smiled softly at him and calmed him once again, and Bucky led her away from her family so that the two of them could follow the steady stream of people out into the open again.   
  
  
  
             It was easy for Bucky to spot his father once they were outside again. Bucky squeezed Ruby’s hand as they quickly went down the steps, kissing her cheek softly as they walked   
over.   
  
             “My Pop’s gonna like ya,” Bucky was murmuring to her as they got closer, “Promise.”   
  
             “What, like my father likes you?” Ruby muttered back, but smiled almost immediately as she saw the people waiting, each with a smile on their face. The first thing she truly noticed was that Bucky and his father almost looked similar, and his sister did too. The only difference was that Bucky had blue eyes, where his sister and father had brown. Steve was standing there too, along with a woman that she could only assume to be his mother.   
  
             “Pop, Bec, Steve, Sarah,” Bucky grinned at them as he came to stand still, but back slightly so that Ruby was the centre of attention, not him.  
  
             “This is Ruby.”   
  
             “It’s so nice to meet you sir,” Ruby smiled, curtseying a little. She reached out her hand to shake Bucky’s father’s, which he gladly returned. She could see Becca almost bouncing next to her father, making her give her a confused but amused look.   
  
             “None of this ‘sir’ stuff. Name’s George.”   
  
             “Oh, I couldn’t –”  
  
             “If you’re the girl that’s got my son fallin’ head over his heels, ya can call me whatever ya want.” George chuckled. Ruby went shaking the hands of the others, while George gently clipped his son on the back of his head.   
  
             “You upset this girl and I’m gonna disown you, boy.”   
  
             “Aw, c’mon, Pop, then you ain’t gonna have no Barnes to carry on ya name,” Bucky chuckled, looking at his dad. George ruffled his son’s perfectly neat hair, making him laugh even more.   
  
             “Bucky described ya to a tee, y’know,” Becca said as Ruby got to her, making her grin, “can ya teach me how to do my hair like that? I keep tryin’, but I can’t get it right.”   
  
             “Pinned up like this? Of course.”   
  
             “And put make-up on proper too? Bucky said that I ain’t allowed –”   
  
             “Hey!” Bucky interrupted, moving to grab hold of his sister and put her hand over his mouth. “That’s enough outta you. She ain’t even been over for dinner yet, she don’t need you askin’ her all these questions!”   
  
             “That’s right,” George rolled his eyes as Becca bit Bucky’s hand, and Ruby started to giggle at the sight of the two playfighting. “Are you goin’ to invite her or are ya just gonna leave her hangin’?”   
  
             “Huh?” Bucky stared at his father, who shook his head. Bucky then realised what his father meant and grinned, looking at Ruby.   
  
             “Wanna come over for dinner? Tuesday?”   
  
             “I’d love to.” Ruby smiled at him. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat when that smile he had come to think of as just for him appeared on her red lips. He pushed Becca away, stepping forward so he could take hold of Ruby’s hand again.   
  
             “Yeah?”   
  
             “Yes. But…” Ruby blushed, glancing down at the floor quickly. “I don’t know where you live, Bucky.”   
  
             “I’m gonna come pick ya up. Pick ya up, take ya to mine, and walk ya home. Yeah?”   
  
In any other circumstance, Bucky would have been cupping Ruby’s cheek and kissing her softly to assure her of his words, but with his and Steve’s broken family surrounding them, he decided against it. As his gaze wandered from her and back to the Church, he saw Ruby’s father watching them with an almost impatient glance. He wanted to keep her with his family for longer, but he knew he better not keep her from hers any longer.   
  
             “Your dad’s watchin’ us,” Bucky murmured. Ruby glanced down again, biting her lip. Bucky squeezed her fingers, tilting his head.   
  
             “C’mon. He’s not angry with ya. He seemed alright. You’ll be fine, Red.”   
  
Ruby made a quite sound as Bucky leaned in to kiss her softly, barely a brushing of his lips against her own. She nodded as she pulled away from him, giving him a hint of a smile.   
  
             “I’ll see ya tomorrow at your house. Six, yeah?”   
  
             “Six.”   
  
             Bucky watched her as she walked back to her family, seeing her father quickly address her. Ruby seemed to nod quickly and then fall in line with him, a few feet behind the rest of their family. As he watched them leave, his father’s hand clamped down on his shoulder again.  
  
             “Folks not like ya?”   
  
             “Dunno,” Bucky shrugged. “Meetin’ ‘em proper tomorrow when I go for dinner.” 

             “Hell, we better start gettin’ ya ready now,” George’s gaze wandered from his son and to Sarah, who nodded.   
  
             “They shouldn’t have anything to disapprove of. You’re a sweet boy, Bucky.” 

             “I guess I’ll know tomorrow.”   
  
             “For what it’s worth, she looked happy with you. You must be doing something right to get that girl to fall in love with you.”   
  
Bucky then turned to flash a smile at Sarah, making her laugh softly. George slung his arm over his son’s shoulders, pulling him into as much of a hug as Bucky had received in years.   
  
             “She’s a keeper, Bucky.”   
  
             “Thanks, Pop.”   
  
George kept his arm around his son’s shoulders as the two joined Sarah, Steve and Becca in the walk back to the home of the two blondes, pulling Bucky into a deep conversation about what to do when he met Ruby’s parents. He tried to soak up everything his father was saying and embed it into his memory, but Bucky couldn’t help drifting back to Ruby every now and again as they walked. Tomorrow night, he would prove to her parents that he loved her, and that he would do anything to be with her. Now he just had to hope they would give him the opportunity to.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

  Clean hands had ran through slicked back locks at least several times over, and were now loosening the gel covering them. Bucky had been fretting ever since he had come home from work at dinnertime, going over and over what to say with his father. Becca had calmed him down when she came in from school, promising to iron his best clothes while he showered. Even Steve had dropped by after his shift at the store to wish Bucky good luck, and had walked him almost half-way there before leaving Bucky with a few supporting pats on the shoulder and the reassurance that it would be okay. Bucky had then started to wander toward Ruby’s house, clutching a bouquet of white lilies to give to Ruby’s mother. He had even gone through his father’s paper with him, so that if her father prompted him, he could at least have some knowledge of what was going on in the world and the war overseas.  
  
             Becca had indeed ironed his best clothes, and his father had shined Bucky’s shoes so that they didn’t look their age. Bucky could have passed off for a man who was about to take his date to an upper-class restaurant, with the way he had been dressed. His father had even made him keep his shirtsleeves long and buttoned up, instead of rolled at the sleeves like they usually were. His entire image was riding on the hope that her parents hadn’t judged him too harshly the day before, and that they were willing to let him have a second chance.  


* * *

  
             He seemed to arrive at Ruby’s street far too quickly, but a glance to his father’s watch hanging on his wrist said that he was ten minutes early – which was perfect. The last thing he wanted to do was show up late, much like he had done on his very first date with Ruby. Bucky didn’t dwell on the questions that were swirling around in his head but instead quickly jogged up the steps to Ruby’s front door, knocking on the darkened wood in a polite knock. The door opened not moments after, revealing Ruby herself.  
  
             “You’re early,” she commented, smiling at him. Bucky shrugged his shoulders, smiling back at her.  
  
             “I was late to meet ya once. Don’t ever plan on doin’ it again.”  
  
             “I should think so too.”  
  
Ruby shut the door behind him as Bucky stepped inside, leaning against the wood long enough for Bucky to note what she was wearing. A soft yellow dress was the choice of the night, making her eyes seem brighter than they ever had done. Her hair wasn’t pinned up but loose, and not curled as it normally was either. Instead it was mostly straight, framing her face perfectly.  
  
             “Ya look beautiful, sweetheart.”  
  
             “You clean up quite nicely too,” Ruby’s tone was one he usually heard when he had made her blush, making him chuckle. That was, until a voice called through the house.  
  
             “Is that him?”  
  
             “Yes, mom! Bucky’s here!” Ruby then looked at Bucky’s hands, noticing the lilies. “And he brought you flowers!”  
  
             “Bring him in here, Ruby.”  
  
Her father’s tone was indifferent. Bucky chose not to address it or dwell on it as Ruby offered to take his jacket, hanging it up behind the door. He itched to roll up the sleeves of his shirt and cool down – he couldn’t tell whether it was warm in Ruby’s house or whether it was just that he was nervous again – but he knew he couldn’t. Once his shoes were off, he followed Ruby through the house and to the kitchen, where both her parents were waiting.  
  
             “Hi, Mr. and Mrs H—”   
  
             “Your name is James, isn’t it?” Ruby’s mother interrupted him, making him falter.  
  
             “Y-yes ma’am. James Buchanan Barnes. A lotta people call me Bucky. Even my own Pop d–”  
  
             “How old are you?” Ruby’s father was then questioning him, and Bucky turned his attention to the man sitting at the table.  
  
             “Twenty-one, sir. Born March 10th.”  
  
             “So you’re older than our daughter.”  
  
             “Yeah, but –”  
  
             “Mom, dad.” Ruby’s voice was level, looking at both of her parents. “Bucky’s barely gotten through the door. Can’t this wait until dinner? Look, mom. Bucky brought you flowers.”  
  
Bucky had almost forgotten about them. In his fluster, he simply held them out for the blonde-haired woman, waiting for her to take them.  
  
             “I – uh, I didn’t know what to get. Flowers ain’t my strong point. My ma used to like lilies, so I figured –”  
  
             “Thank-you.” The moment they were taken from his hand, Bucky let it drop uselessly to his side. Ruby then curled both of her hands around his left bicep, looking at her parents hopefully.  
  
             “Can I show him around before dinner? Bucky’s never been here before.”  
  
             “Go ahead,” Ruby’s father waved his hand at the two of them, reaching for the paper on the table with his other hand. “Dinner will be done shortly. Make it quick.”  
              
             Bucky was practically dragged away from the kitchen by Ruby, who shut the door behind them as they left. Once they were in the hallway, Bucky let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Ruby pulled him into the sitting room, hiding him behind the doorway so that she could gently cup his face and press a soft kiss to his lips.  
  
             “You’re doing well.”  
  
             “Yeah? Doesn’t seem like it,” Bucky murmured to her, letting his hands find her waist. “Seems like your parents don’t like me so much. Who woulda thought?”  
  
             “If they didn’t want to give you a chance, they wouldn’t have invited you over for dinner.” Ruby’s hands slipped down to his shoulders and then to his tie, straightening it out for him. “You’ll win them over, just like you won me over.”  
  
             “Hey, I draw the line at kissin’ your parents.” Bucky pressed his forehead against hers, making her giggle. “It doesn’t matter. They can hate me all they want, but if you like me, I can live with it.”  
  
             “ _Love_ ,” Ruby corrected him, leaning to give him one last kiss, “and don’t forget it.”  
  
             “Believe me, I ain’t gonna.” Bucky squeezed her waist, making her squeak in response. “Now, what about this tour, huh? Am I gonna get to see the high life you’re livin’ or what?”  
  


* * *

  
             If Bucky had been doing anything, it was that he had been imagining Ruby’s home to be a terrifyingly daunting place. As it turned out, it was quite a cosy family home, unlike the perfect upper-class house that Bucky had been thinking of whenever he thought what hid behind Ruby’s front door. It was twice as large as Bucky’s house, with the kitchen, sitting room, dining room and music room downstairs. The upstairs had three bedrooms, a bathroom that was probably the size of Bucky’s bedroom, and a study that Ruby claimed her father used quite often. On the second floor, he met Ruby’s siblings officially, from oldest to youngest.  
  
             “So you knew all along, huh?” Bucky grinned at Em, who shrugged innocently.  
  
             “We share a bedroom, it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to know what Ruby was doing.”  
  
             “Y’know, ya sound like you’d get on with my little sister, Becca. How old are ya again?”  
  
             “Sixteen.” She nodded, looking up at him. “How old’s your sister?”  
  
             “Fourteen, but she thinks she’s a lot older than that.”  
  
             “Maybe I’ll meet her one day. We could get together and talk about the two of you.”  
  
             “Bec would love that. Sure she’s got some stories to tell ya about me,” Bucky chuckled. A sharp tug on his shirtsleeve then came, and he looked down to see Ruby’s youngest sister looking at him.  
  
             “Ruby said you’re handsome, you know. She told Em when everyone was supposed to be sleeping.”  
  
             “She did, huh?” Bucky glanced at Ruby, who rolled her eyes at him. “Gotta say, I think your sister’s pretty beautiful too.”  
  
             “Do you dance with her?”  
  
             “Huh?”  
  
             “Ruby said that you didn’t want to dance with her anymore. I want to know if you dance with her now. Do you?” Pearl’s voice was very matter-of-fact, making Bucky frown.  
  
             “When did she say that?”  
  
             “When you made her sad,” Pearl crossed her arms, huffing at Bucky. “You upset Ruby and then she said that you didn’t want to dance with her anymore. You’re not going to make Ruby sad again, are you? I don’t like it when she’s sad. She makes me feel sad.”  
  
             “No, no.” Bucky then crouched down to Pearl’s level, waving his hands at her. He knew what she was talking about by now, or at least he thought he did. Pearl had a kind of frown on her face that made Bucky want to assure her as quickly as he could that he wasn’t going to make Ruby sad again, but also one that made him want to smile as he talked about the seriousness of the matter.  
  
             “See, I told your sister somethin’ a few days back. It kinda means that she gets all my dances from now on, yeah? That I ain’t gonna make her sad again, and that I’m always gonna want to dance with her. Now, if I ever step outta line, are ya gonna kick me back into it and make sure I make up with Ruby?”  
  
             “Me?”  
  
             “Yeah, you. Ya look like you could kick my – kick me into shape. What’cha say? Pinky promise?”  
  
Pearl’s cross look faded as she watched Bucky raise his pinky finger up to her, holding it out for her to make the promise with. Ruby watched the two of them, gently stroking Pearl’s hair. The little blonde chewed her bottom lip for a long while before nodding, raising her own pinky finger to lock around Bucky’s and shake it.  
  
             “But! You have to promise that if you do upset Ruby again, me, Em _and_ our brother can make sure you make it up to her.”  
  
             “Sounds good to me,” Bucky nodded solemnly, “I think I’d need all the help I can get.”  
  
             “It’s not your fault. Sometimes boys are stupid. Ruby said so.”  
  
Bucky then broke into loud laughter, quickly followed by Ruby falling into a fit of giggles along with Em. The three were so loud in their laughter and moment that they almost didn’t hear Ruby’s mother shouting them to come down for breakfast, until Pearl practically ripped her hand from Bucky’s hold to charge down the stairs.  
  
             “You know you’ll have to sit next to our dad, right?” Em asked Bucky as she calmed, looking at him curiously.  
  
             “Yeah,” Bucky nodded, still grinning from the comment. Ruby clutched his hand as he stood up back to his full height, and Ruby’s mother shouted back up to them that dinner was ready. Em left the couple first, waving her goodbye over her shoulder. His rough hand was brought up to soft lips, watching as Ruby kissed his knuckles.  
  
             “You’ll get through dinner. I think my dad likes you, Bucky. I just don’t think he wants to show it.”  
  
             “I guess we’ll see, huh?” Bucky waited until she had finished her kisses to take her hand in his again, giving a tight squeeze.  
  
             “We will.”  
  
Ruby led Bucky back downstairs and toward the dining room, where he could hear the murmured speaking around the table. Bucky wondered whether they were talking about him, but as they came to the door, Ruby tugged him back to kiss him just out of her family’s line of sight. 

             “You’ll be perfect. I know it.”  
    
  
             From the moment he sat, Bucky was under scrutiny. A chair from the kitchen that didn’t match the set around the table had been brought next to Ruby’s father, letting Bucky know exactly where he was sitting. Ruby sat quietly next to him, breaking her hold on his hand as she did.  
  
             “Do you say Grace in your house?”  
  
             “Yes sir.”  
  
             “Good. You can say it here too.”  
  
Bucky glanced around the table quickly, bringing his hands up so he could put them together. It was true that they did say Grace at his house, but it was usually his father that said it. He wracked his brain for a moment, trying to remember at least once that his father had said it.  
  
             “Uh… Dear Lord…” Bucky licked his lips, stammering. “Thanks – thank-you for this gift you’ve placed upon the table… And… Uh… Hell us to do your work, in… In any way we’re able. Amen.”  
  
             “Amen,” a quiet chorus came around the table. Bucky quickly glanced at Ruby who nodded, assuring him that he was doing okay. Waiting patiently, he watched as the bowls and plates in the middle of the table were passed around, with each person sat around putting what they wanted onto a plate. While they – and he – did, Ruby’s father started to speak.  
  
             “What is it that you do for a living?”  
  
             “I work at the Docks. Movin’ cargo, loadin’ up ships and all that. Been there ever since I dropped outta school. Ain’t so good durin’ the winter months, because there ain’t a lotta stuff comin’ in, so I work the bars in Dance Halls and places like that.”  
  
             “You dropped out of school?”  
  
Bucky mentally sighed. He was hoping that his dropping out wouldn’t be the topic her father focused on next, but he had told himself that he wasn’t going to lie about anything in front of them.  
  
             “At sixteen, yeah. My mom died when I was fifteen, and my Pop can’t really have so much of a job. He was in the army, got released on injuries. He couldn’t support me and my sister on his own, so I dropped out. Ain’t like I needed the extra two years anyways. I wasn’t so great at school.”  
  
             “Are you the main income at your home?”  
  
             “Dad,” Ruby whispered, turning her eyes on him.  
  
             “I’m just curious. I’d like to know how he plans on supporting himself if he ever moves out of his home. He can’t support his family and himself on one wage, Ruby.”  
  
             “I know that,” Bucky tried not to sound sharp, but the way her father was talking about him was rubbing him up the wrong way.  
  
             “I don’t plan on supportin’ my family forever. Yeah, I wanna help my Pop out and help get my sister through school. She shouldn’t be dragged down just because we can’t really afford it. I’ve been lookin’ at other jobs. Better jobs. Somethin’ that’s gonna help me do that, and help get me off my own feet too. I don’t wanna be luggin’ cargo around for the rest of my life.”  
  
             “What about joining the army? Every other boy your age seems to be doing it. It pays well. With your father being a Veteran, I would have thought you would have followed in his footsteps.”  
  
             “I don’t wanna run off and join the army,” Bucky kept his tone even, though he could feel Ruby’s mother’s eyes raking over him. “And I know it’s selfish, but I don’t wanna go overseas and not come back home. The army ain’t for me. I know a lotta good boys over there and I understand that they’re fightin’ for our country, but I don’t wanna leap in and follow them.”  
  
The table fell silent, only the sounds of cutlery against china floating around the room. Bucky wondered if he had overstepped a line, until Ruby’s father opened his mouth again.  
  
             “I suppose it’s a personal choice. After all, who wouldn’t want to put their own life first before their country?”  
  
Bucky looked down at his plate, feeling Ruby’s gaze on him. While her father’s tone hadn’t been fierce or even intimidating, he knew the underlying message that it was hiding. He could feel Ruby’s gaze on him, but he didn’t turn to meet her eyes. He decided that he would try to be much quieter and agree with her father than disagree from that point on, if he ever wanted a shred of hope that Ruby’s parents would like him. He took a deep breath and then looked back up, giving her father a fake smile and nod of agreement.  
  
             “Yeah. Who wouldn’t, huh?”  
  


* * *

  
             Unfortunately, the questions from Ruby’s father, and her mother on occasion, didn’t get any easier. Bucky learnt quickly to answer in the shortest way possible, and in the way that wouldn’t make it be questioned. Ruby and her siblings were more or less quiet throughout, though Ruby made several attempts to interrupt her father’s interrogation when she thought the questions were too personal. As soon as they finished with the Cheesecake that Ruby’s mother had made and he had offered to wash up, which they allowed him to do, Bucky checked his watch. He walked back to the living room where Ruby’s family was now sat, immediately getting Ruby’s attention. He rubbed the back of his neck, lingering in the doorway.  
  
             “I better get goin, huh? It’s gettin’ late. I don’t wanna keep ya from your night. Thanks for the dinner, ma’am. It was real good.”  
  
             “Thank-you, James.” She nodded from her seat at the piano, but didn’t turn to fully acknowledge him.  
  
             “Nice to talk to ya, sir. I’ll, uh, I’ll get my coat and leave. Thanks again for invitin’ me.”  
  
             “I’ll see you to the door, Bucky.” Ruby left her brother alone on the couch, following him as he walked into the hallway. Once they were out of earshot, Bucky breathed out a deep, long breath.  
  
             “You did really well tonight, Bucky.” Ruby murmured to him. He shook his head, not even daring himself to believe her words.  
  
             “Your parents still don’t like me. I know they don’t.”  
  
             “That’s not your fault,” Ruby fixed the collar of his shirt as he turned around from putting his jacket on. “They’re choosing to be rude no matter how hard you try.”  
  
             “Yeah, well, I guess it doesn’t matter. I won’t be comin’ round here much, will I?”  
  
             “You won’t?” A little voice from the doorway caught them, and both turned to see Pearl standing there with a small frown on her little face.  
  
             “Pearl, you shouldn’t be –” **  
  
**              “I like you,” she stepped toward them, crossing her arms. “Why won’t you be coming over?”  
  
             “I gotta work, y’know,” Bucky put on a brighter voice, crouching down to Pearl’s level again. “Can’t be hangin’ around here all the time when I gotta go earn some money to take ya sister out dancin’, can I? Is that alright with you?”  
  
             “I suppose…” Pearl uncrossed her arms and a more determined look came onto her face. “But you’ll come by?”  
  
             “Couldn’t keep me away. Now you go on, huh? Let me say goodbye to your sister?”  
  
             “Alright.”  
  
Before Pearl turned away, Bucky leaned and pressed a little kiss to her forehead, watching her blush as she then hurried back to the living room. Ruby giggled as Bucky stood back up straight, now making to put his shoes back on.  
  
             “I think you’ve got an admirer.”  
  
             “Two outta six ain’t so bad,” Bucky shrugged. “Four outta six if ya count your other sister and your brother too.”  
  
             “They’ll come around to you, Bucky. It might just take some time. Where do you think I got my stubbornness from?”  
  
             “Yeah, maybe.” Bucky sighed, now having one hand on the front door handle. “I ain’t gonna be tryin’ again sometime soon though, sweetheart. Best if I don’t, anyways. Let ‘em get used to the idea.”  
  
             “They’re not being fair,” Ruby stepped closer to him. “They don’t see how happy you make me.”  
  
             “Hey,” Bucky’s left hand came up to cup her cheek, stroking his thumb across it. “C’mon. We knew they weren’t gonna like me. Don’t get upset about it. It ain’t worth it.”  
  
             “Bucky…”  
  
             “Don’t.”  
  
Bucky’s lips met hers in a gentle kiss, which he was almost desperate to deepen but didn’t. He wouldn’t dare with her parents in the closest room to them. Before it got to a point where he could, Bucky pulled back and peppered kisses along her jaw instead. Ruby gave a contented hum, and Bucky slowly slipped out of the door while Ruby’s eyes were closed.  
  
             “I’ll see ya tomorrow, yeah? I’ll come pick ya up at six-thirty and have ya home by your curfew. Sound good?”  
  
             “That sounds great,” Ruby murmured, leaning to kiss him once more. “I’ll see you then, Bucky. Goodnight.”  
  
             “Goodnight, Red.”  
  
Ruby kept the door open as Bucky quickly descended the steps in front of her door. Once he was on the concrete floor of the sidewalk, Bucky turned back around and flashed her  
a wide grin.  
  
             “Hey. I love ya, sweetheart.”  
  
             “I love you too, Bucky.”  
  
  
He walked backward long enough to get to the corner of her street and gave one final wave as he disappeared around the corner. Ruby’s smile remained even after she had shut the door, pressing her hands against the wood.  
  
  
             “Ruby? Your mother and I would like to talk to you.”  
  
Her father’s voice dragged her back down to reality so quickly that she felt herself becoming dizzy. The smile that had been for Bucky slipped from her lips and she turned, seeing her siblings disappear up the stairs quickly. Ruby’s quiet footsteps along the carpet took her slowly to the sitting room, where she shut the door behind her as she joined her parents.  
  
             “Why did you have to do that to him?” Ruby spoke first, looking at her father who had moved to stand in front of the fireplace. “He was so nervous about meeting you and you treated him like he wasn’t even welcome.”  
  
             “I was only asking him a few questions.”  
  
             “You were interrogating him about his life! He tried so hard to impress you and make you like him and you’d already decided before he opened his mouth!”  
  
             “Don’t shout at your father!” Ruby’s mother snapped at her, making her draw back slightly. “Ruby, we’ve told you countless times that –”  
  
             “Stop, mom! Bucky’s not like that! You heard him! He doesn’t want to work on the docks all his life! He’s trying to support his family and move up in the world at the same time! Why can’t you just be happy for _me_ , instead of taking it out on him?”  
  
             “Because he’s not the kind of boy we want you dating!”  
  
             “I don’t care! I love Bucky, and I’m not going to stop just because you don’t think he’s good enough!”  
  
Ruby’s tone was keeping in perfect match with her mother’s, who was turning just as red in the face as her daughter. Her father had stepped out of the argument, listening to the two instead of offering input.  
  
             “You can’t force me to stop seeing him.”  
  
She held her mother’s glare, allowing the smallest sense of pride to coat itself in her words. She was almost an adult, and dating a boy that her parents didn’t approve of wasn’t exactly breaking the law. Regardless of what her parents thought of Bucky, they couldn’t make her stop seeing him. It wasn’t within their power. Ruby’s mother’s jaw locked for a moment, until she was raising her voice louder than she had previously.  
  
             “That boy is never stepping foot in this house again!”   
  
             “Fine! I don’t want you examining him like a science experiment again!”  
  
Ruby turned quickly and hurried out of the sitting room, taking the stairs two at a time to run and lock herself in her room. Em was already waiting on Ruby’s bed as her sister stormed in, flinching at the slam of the door.  
  
             “They didn’t even give him a chance!” Ruby seethed. “Why didn’t they give him a chance? He tried so hard!”  
  
             “You knew they weren’t going to like him, Ruby. They didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of proving them wrong.”  
  
             “But they were so cruel!” Ruby collapsed down next to Em, looking at the younger blonde helplessly. “They treated him like a criminal on trial!”  
  
             “He made it through interrogation, though,” Em reminded her quietly. “He endured it all for you.”  
  
For her. Bucky had done it all, all the pleasantries and all the trying to fit in with their family, for her. He had tried to answer her father as honestly as he could and had tried to win her mother over by acting like a gentleman, and Ruby couldn’t fault him on that. The frustration came from her parents inability to change their views about a boy they had already decided wasn’t good enough for her. Ruby huffed, letting her head drop onto Em’s shoulder.  
  
             “I wish they’d have just tired as hard as Bucky did…”  
  
             “Nevermind. You’re going to Bucky’s tomorrow, aren’t you? To meet his father?”  
  
             “Yes…”  
  
A sigh left her lips, resting her head more comfortably against Em’s shoulder now that she had moved. Ruby just hoped for her own sake that Bucky’s father wasn’t going to react the way her parents had, because she honestly didn’t know if she could take it.  


* * *

  
             The following evening, a light rap of the door came at Ruby’s. She hurried to get it, sighing happily when she saw Bucky standing there. His hair was still wet and he looked more like he had hurried instead of dressing properly, but then she remembered that he was on the late shift on a Tuesday.  
  
             “Wanna come with me for dinner? I know a little place that I think you’re gonna like.” Bucky gave her a cheeky smile, tilting his head.  
  
             “A little place sounds lovely right now. Just… Hold on for one second, okay? I just have to get something.”  
  
             “I can’t believe you’re not even ready. I mean, it ain’t like I’m ten minutes early again or anythin’.”  
  
             “Oh, stop,” Ruby giggled. Bucky loitered in the doorway, but then stepped back out onto the first step. Ruby gave him an apologetic look as she shut the door almost closed, blocking him from the view of the hallway. She made her way back to the kitchen and to the fridge, pulling out the box she had gotten on the way home from work that day. Her mother was already in the kitchen, finishing up dinner.  
  
             “I’ll be back by my curfew.”  
  
Her mother didn’t even acknowledge what Ruby was saying, but Ruby was beyond caring. She left the room and made her way back to Bucky, stepping outside into the fresh air with him.  
  
             “What’s the box for?”  
  
             “I picked something up on the way home,” Ruby told him, feeling his hand come to rest on the bottom of her back as they started to move. “I hope your family likes apple pie.”  
  
             “You bought apple pie? Ya shouldn’t be wastin’ your money like that.”  
  
             “I wanted to. Besides, they say the quickest way to win a man over is through his heart, so I thought that I couldn’t go wrong by bringing a pie for your father.”  
  
             “My Pop’s gonna tell ya the exact same thing I just told ya,” Bucky rolled his eyes, but still leaned in to kiss her cheek. “But thanks, sweetheart.”  
  
             “You’re welcome.” Ruby smiled at him as he pulled back, moving closer to him as his arm snaked around her waist while they walked.  
  


* * *

 

             Nerves were consuming Bucky almost as much as they had the previous day. It was one thing to meet Ruby’s parents, but after seeing her home and how she lived, and to then take her to where he lived, was something else entirely. They weren’t so bad off, Bucky knew that, but next to Ruby’s house it looked like the barn the two had so often visited. He scratched his neck nervously as they drew closer, coming to his block. Ruby hadn’t said a word about how the houses had gotten progressively worse the further they got into Brooklyn, which made him all the more nervous as to what she was going to say.  
  
             “Uh… It’s this one. I know it doesn’t look like much, but –”  
  
             “Don’t be ridiculous,” Ruby stopped him, moving out of his hold. “I don’t care what it looks like.”  
  
It was for the best that she didn’t. Bobbing his head, Bucky wiped the palms of his hands on his trouser legs and stepped toward the door, opening it slightly.  
  
             “Oh! Steve and his Ma Sarah are here. They’re pretty much family anyways, so they wanted to come over too. Sarah did the cookin’.”  
  
             “You’re telling me now?” Ruby’s eyes widened, quickly glancing down at herself. She was suddenly doubting herself, wondering if she looked good enough to meet all of them at once.  
  
             “Stop fussin’. Ya look gorgeous, babe.”  
  
             “Babe?”  
  
             “Thought it’d distract ya long enough to get ya through the door,” Bucky chuckled, reaching for her hand. “C’mon. They’re gonna love ya.”  
  


  
            The atmosphere in Bucky’s house was a far cry from the atmosphere that had shrouded Ruby’s home the previous night. From the moment she followed him through the doors, she could feel the happiness and warmth radiating through the small spaces.  
  
             “Was beginnin’ to think ya got lost!” Bucky’s father came wandering toward them, grinning. “Nice to see ya again, sweetheart. How’re ya doin’?”  
  
             “Good, thank-you,” Ruby smiled back at him, holding out the box that had been so carefully carried in her hands. “I brought a little something as a thank-you for inviting me. I hope you like apple pie.”  
  
             “Apple pie? Ya shouldn’t be wastin’ your money on us!” As George chuckled, Ruby glanced at Bucky and saw the smug look he was giving her in return. A woman came toward them then, smiling over George’s shoulder.  
  
             “Ruby!”  
  
             “Ruby brought apple pie, Sarah. That means ya don’t have to make any dessert,” George smiled at the older blonde, “Ain’t you happy?”  
  
             “You’re spoiling these boys, you know. Apple pie is their favourite.”  
  
             “It is?”  
  
             “Bucky’s eaten an entire half of pie at my house,” Sarah said, giving Bucky an all-knowing look, “and then ate half a pie of cherry too. I don’t know where he puts it.”  
  
             “Same place your son puts it. Where’s he at anyways?”  
  
             “Becca borrowed him for helping her with her homework,” Sarah waved a hand dismissively. “Would you like me to take that and put it in the fridge?”  
  
             “Oh, please. I don’t want it to get spoilt.”  
  
  
Bucky waited until the box had swapped hands before putting his hand on Ruby’s lower back again, pressing his fingertips down lightly. George had gone back to the kitchen with Sarah, leaving the two standing alone.  
  
             “Want a grand tour or what?”  
  
             “Yes,” Ruby giggled, leaning into him. “Show me around.”  
  
             Bucky was embarrassed with how little he actually had to show Ruby. He started with upstairs first, where he showed her his own room – and thankfully, where he had made his bed before rushing out the door to pick her up – where his father’s room was, and when they got to Becca’s, they were met with bickering voices.  
  
             “You’re doin’ it wrong, Bec. The sum goes the other way around.”  
  
             “I don’t understand it!”  
  
             “Now that makes two of us,” Bucky opened the door, sticking his head round it before opening it enough to allow Ruby to follow him. “What about you, Ruby? Ya get math?”  
  
             “I do.”  
  
Both boys turned to stare at her, making her shrug in an embarrassed sort of way. Even Becca had sat up properly to look at her, wide-eyed and hopeful.  
  
             “Will ya help me? Please? Bucky doesn’t know math and Steve’s useless.”  
  
             “Of course I will.”  
  
Even with the hints of embarrassment still on her face, Ruby settled down on the carpet next to Becca, letting the skirt of her green dress spill over her legs and cover them. Steve, in turn, scrambled up and joined Bucky while he sat on the bed, watching the two girls work together.  
  
             “You see, you’re not setting it out right. Your numbers are getting confused with each other. If you do this…”  
  
             “Ya better keep her,” Steve murmured to Bucky. “She might even teach your dumb ass some math.”  
  
             “Surprises me every day,” Bucky murmured back, giving Steve a sharp elbow to his ribs. “But your mouth don’t. Shut up.”  
  
Steve elbowed Bucky back in response, both of them ending up chuckling while Ruby and Becca worked through the questions on Becca’s paper. All four of them stayed there until Sarah called them down for dinner, with Becca rushing down to be first. Steve rolled his eyes and followed, and when Ruby moved to get up, Bucky’s arms wrapped around her from behind and held her to him.  
  
             “Thanks.”  
  
             “For what? Helping your sister?”  
  
             “For likin’ ‘em,” Bucky kissed a spot just under her ear, making her shiver. She worked herself out of his hold, even though she didn’t want to, reaching to take his hand and entwine her fingers with his. She went to speak, but a loud voice from downstairs stopped her and instead made the two fall about in laughter as they made their way to the kitchen.  
  
             “Buck! Stop kissin’ in my room!”  
  
  
             Dinner was a far cry from the disaster that had taken place over the dining room table at Ruby’s. George had asked a few questions in between bites and other conversations, much like Sarah had. They were simple and about nothing too personal, which relaxed Ruby to the point of being comfortable enough to laugh and joke with everyone at the table, even Steve. She had thanked Sarah for the meal, and in turn they had all thanked her for the apple pie. Bucky had one arm slung easily across the back of  
Ruby’s chair, leaning back in his own.  
  
             “I have to say, Ruby, I haven’t seen Bucky this happy in a long time.” Sarah looked across at the two, smiling gently. “Have you, George?”  
  
             “Nah. Not by a girl anyway,” George lifted his glass, raising his eyebrows. “Whatever you’re doin’ to him, keep doin’ it.”  
  
             “I’m not doing anything,” Ruby leaned closer to Bucky without realising, smiling back at both the adults. “I just want to make him happy.”  
  
             “And ya do,” Bucky murmured, kissing her cheek. Ruby pushed his chin away, laughing. Becca was long gone from the table by now, having returned to her homework.  
  
             “Y’know, if Bucky’s Ma was here,” George started, looking at his son, “she woulda liked ya.”  
  
             “Thank-you, sir.” Ruby bowed her head politely, only to be met with a tut and light chuckle.  
  
             “Told ya. My name’s George. We don’t do none of that ‘sir’ stuff in the house. I ain’t in the army anymore, and Bucky never called me that once anyway.” His glass found its place on the table again, while he frowned at his son. “  
  
             “Have ya shown Ruby your Ma?”  
  
             “Nah,” Bucky started to rise from his seat, shaking his head. “Was busy showin’ her around upstairs, then Becca kidnapped her for homework help. Hang on, I’ll show ya a picture of my Ma.”  
  
Even as Bucky left her at the table with people she had only truly met that night, Ruby didn’t feel alone. Instead, she felt welcome, and like she had as much of a right to be at the table as anyone else did. Bucky was quick back into the room, handing Ruby a picture encased in a dark wooden frame.  
  
It was easy to make out who was who. Though the picture was old enough to show a Bucky that must have been around eight or nine, she could see how pretty Bucky’s mother had been. Where not days before Ruby had thought that Bucky looked like his father, she now knew that he shared some features with his mother. She looked like she had the same dark locks and blue eyes that Bucky had, and even a cluster of freckles like Bucky was now starting to get from being out in the sun for the majority of the day.  
  
             “She’s beautiful,” Ruby’s fingertips stroked down the picture, slowly looking back up at Bucky with an expressionless face. He seemed almost brimming with both pride and embarrassment, which she could tell by the way he scratched his neck.  
  
             “Yeah, she was.”  
  
             “She looks like you,” Ruby murmured to him, making a smile creep onto Bucky’s lips. She handed the picture back to him, watching as he ran his fingertips over the image of his mother in the same way she had done. Ruby placed one hand on his forearm, momentarily forgetting that they weren’t alone.  
  
             “Pop’s right, she woulda liked ya.”  
  
             “And I’m sure I would have liked her.” Ruby squeezed his arm softly, leaning toward him. Bucky turned to smile at her, and even went to lean in, before George cleared his throat. The two broke away from each other, Ruby turning pink and Bucky giving his father an almost innocent look.  
  
             “What, I can’t kiss my girlfriend at your table?”  
  
             “Not when ya look like you’re gonna fall off your damn chair.”  
  
             “I’m not gonna –”  
  
Whatever rebuttal Bucky had was lost as he crashed down to the floor, hitting his entire left side as he made contact. He groaned and sprawled out, making everyone burst into fits of laughter. As he was lying down and whining about it, he shot Ruby a smile up, which she gladly returned before falling into another set of giggles.  
  
             As the shared reaction kept rolling around the table, Ruby found herself feeling more comfortable here in Bucky’s kitchen than she had done in her own dining room. That was when she decided. If Bucky couldn’t come to her house, then she would come over to his. After all, there was nothing that was going to take her happiness away. Not when she had found everything she wanted in the boy that was sprawled across the floor. Her parents could say and think what they wanted but she wasn’t about to give up on Bucky, and from the way he was looking up at her, she knew he wasn’t going to give up on her either.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

Bucky grabbed the bottom of another crate and lifted, grunting as it came off the floor. Tom was on the other side of it, puffing out deep breaths as they moved. Every one of the men at the docks had stripped off down to bare chests, with the combination of manual labour and an August sun beating own on their backs with no mercy in the cloudless sky.   
  
             “Quicker, Barnes!” Tom huffed. Bucky’s arms were practically shaking, making it hard for him to hold onto it.   
  
             “I’m tryin’!” Bucky shouted back. Once the crate was in the storage hold and securely on the floor, Bucky collapsed. He spread out along the cold floor, panting. He wiped the back of his arm across his forehead, ridding himself of the sweat that had been starting to roll down and into his eyes.   
  
             “Is everythin’ heavier this year or is it just me?”   
  
             “Nah, boy,” Tom was leaning against the crate they had just brought in, wiping his brow too. “Heavier stuff.”   
  
             “At least I’m gonna look good.”  
  
He saw Tom wave his hand and chuckled, forcing himself to sit back up. Every inch of his shoulders felt like they were on fire, with that same feeling running down his arms and even into the tips of his fingers.   
  
             “What, for your girl?” Tom teased. Bucky grinned, trying to roll his shoulders.   
  
             “Anythin’ for my girl.”   
  
             “Quit gushin’ or you’re gonna turn into a damn dame yourself.” Tom rolled his eyes, bringing out a chuckle in Bucky. “Wish ya hadn’t told me sometimes, Barnes. It’s like havin’ my daughter workin’ here.”   
  
             “I ain’t that bad!” Bucky slowly stood, though he wobbled slightly. The pain in his arms shot down his torso and to his legs, making his muscles tighten and his body stiffen.   
  
             “I ain’t talked about her all day!”   
  
             “Nah, but ya told me about your interview enough times that I feel like we spoke about her too.”  
  
             “Yeah, well it ain’t set in stone, is it?” Bucky shrugged as best he could, itching the back of his neck. “Interview doesn’t mean I got the job.”   
  
             “More or less.”   
  
Bucky joined Tom as the two started to walk back out into the unforgiving sun. Tom wasn’t wrong – since Bucky had arrived at work that morning, he hadn’t stopped talking about the interview he was going for the following day. It wasn’t anything special in hindsight, and nothing that he could wear a tie for, but it was another income that he would have. As well as moving cargo on the docks, Bucky was looking at working in a factory where he would be an apprentice engineer, learning how to make parts for all kinds of modes of transportation. The only problem was that it was late nights, as that was the only way Bucky could keep both jobs. It meant starting at six in the morning when he was at the docks and not getting home until around nine at night, to do it all again the following day. Weekends would be easier, as the new job was only the weekdays he would have to work.   
  
             “I ain’t tellin’ Ruby until I’ve got it. Just means I’m gonna have to see her when I can. We’ll work it out if I get it.”   
  
             “Don’t think she’s gonna be too happy if she only gets to see ya on a Saturday night, Barnes.”   
  
             “Nah, it won’t be like that. If I work half shifts here, then I can meet her on her lunch breaks and we can go have somethin’ to eat before I head off to the other place. I’ll probably see her on Sunday nights too, so it ain’t like I’m cuttin’ out spendin’ time with her.”   
  
             “You’re gonna be exhausted, y’know,” Tom shook his head, making his way to the next heavy box that he and Bucky had to move.   
  
             “Doesn’t matter,” Bucky shifted to the other side, looking over to Tom. “Engineering job’s gonna do me better than this, right? Once I know how to make and fix those kinda things and I can get Becca through school, I can look into gettin’ my own place. Maybe even move away from Brooklyn.”   
  
             “And you’re gonna take your girl with ya, huh?”   
  
             “Shut up and lift the damn crate,” Bucky rolled his eyes, leaning down to be able to grip the bottom of the box. “I don’t wanna get no damn sunburn from gossipin’ out here with ya like we’re a couple of dames!”   
  
Tom started laughing instead of responding, but still helped Bucky lift the crate and start their process of moving the heavy cargo once again. Grunting, Bucky felt the sweat trickle down his forehead again. He wasn’t going to be living this life for much longer. After his conversation with Ruby’s father, nothing had ever spurred Bucky on so much to want to change his life – and it was happening.  


* * *

**  
**              Following the evening at Ruby’s house with Bucky as their guest, things had been strained in her family. Her mother had resigned to holding her chin up high and barely talking to her eldest daughter, whereas her father offered at least a few strained sentences of conversation before it fell flat. Bucky hadn’t stepped foot in her home since the dinner, and now when he knocked or walked her home after work, he waited on the street instead of waiting outside the door. Ruby had never spoken about him since to her parents except to bluntly tell them that she was going out for dinner with him, or that Bucky would have her back by curfew. Ruby and her parents were walking along a very strained path with each other, and it didn’t seem to be getting better anytime soon.   
  
             Ruby was sitting at her mother’s piano, delicate fingers brushing over the keys to play a gentle melody, when someone cleared a throat behind her. She sighed, straightening up on the bench, but she didn’t turn.   
  
             “Your mother and I have decided we’re going to take you all out for dinner tonight. I want you to be ready within the hour, Ruby.” Her father’s voice was quiet as he addressed the back of her head.   
  
             “I’ll be ready.”   
  
             “I think you’ll like the place we’re going. It’ll be nicer than where you’ve been –”  
  
             “I said I’d be ready,” her voice was steady, but the underlying tones of her not being in the mood to argue about Bucky and where he could afford to take her was evident.   
             “Ruby…”  
  
Whatever her father had to say seemed to die on his tongue. Ruby heard the door quietly click closed and she was left in the comfort of her own silence to start playing the soft tune again, humming along as she did. It wasn’t often that Ruby got to practice doing one of the things she loved to do the most, now that she worked. Her mother occupied the piano the majority of times that Ruby was home so whenever she got peace like this, she took the opportunity to play. It was one of the things she had never told Bucky she could do, though she adored it. She had seen the old piano in Bucky’s living room when she had been at his, but hadn’t mentioned. She concluded that it must have been his mother’s, and that it was no longer a used item. As her fingers glided over keys they knew so well, a small smile started to play on Ruby’s lips. The song was more than familiar, having been in her head for a few days now. Somehow, it reminded her of Bucky. She opened her mouth to begin singing, but the door opened again behind her. Her fingers stopped moving and she sighed, straightening up in the seat again.   
  
  
             “I said I’d be ready.”   
  
             “I was just going to ask you if I could wear your dress,” Em’s quiet voice responded. Ruby turned around to face her sister, seeing the soft lilac dress on the hanger in Em’s hands.   
  
             “Can I borrow it?”   
  
             “Sure,” Ruby started to get up, straightening out her skirt. “I was thinking of wearing the blue one anyway.”   
  
She smiled softly at her sister as she approached, nodding at Em. She received a smile back, and a quick hug from her younger sister.   
  
             “You better come and get ready,” Em linked Ruby’s arm, pulling her out of the sitting room, leading her toward the staircase. “We wouldn’t want to irritate mom and be late, would we?”   
  
  
             Though she didn’t want to admit it, the place was nice – nicer than anywhere she and Bucky had eaten. There were white tablecloths on every rounded table, with black chairs and white ties around each. Even the bar looked classy, with the bartenders wearing waistcoats and white shirts. There was a stage in the middle of the room that featured a piano and other instruments, along with a dance floor. It had seemed as though Ruby’s father had made reservations for them with the way the patrons were dressed and being greeted by the waitresses in black skirts and white blouses.  
  
             “Your table, sir.”   
  
             “Thank-you,” her father nodded at the young girl who had shown them to her table, then asked for drinks for them all. She nodded right away, with Ruby watching as she quickly went to the bar to get what her father had ordered.   
  
             “Some of the men I work with say their wives like it here,” her father started, taking off his suit jacket so that he could sit down. “I thought we would try it.”   
  
             “It’s really nice here, dad.” Em commented, looking around. “Do they have a live band?”   
  
             “I believe so. Usually around this time, actually.”   
  
As her father glanced at his watch, he was found correct. Men were starting to come onto the stage and arrange themselves, one taking a seat behind the drum kit. Another took his place at the piano, and the rest assorted themselves until they were ready. The music they began to play was slow, fitting with the tone of the restaurant. Ruby watched, intrigued by the small band, as they filled the place with music that nobody seemed to be truly paying attention to, besides her.   
  
             “Do they have a singer?” Ruby wondered aloud.   
  
             “Not tonight,” the waitress’s voice answered her before her father could. “Our usual had her baby last night. She wasn’t due until next week.”   
  
             “Oh,” Ruby looked up at her, smiling quickly. “Are you getting another?”   
  
             “There’s auditions happening tomorrow, ma’am. The boss is looking to hire someone quickly.” The girl placed the last of the drinks down, nodding at Ruby’s father. “I’ll be back to take your order shortly, sir.”   
  
             “Thank-you,” he nodded to her as she walked away, and then he turned his attention to Ruby. “No.”   
  
             “Dad, I –”  
  
             “You’re not working in a restaurant. I don’t care how high-class this place is.”   
  
             “But I wouldn’t be waitressing. I’d be singing, and singing’s not a working-class job. I wouldn’t be giving up my other job, either. It would just be two incomes for me, dad. That’s all.”   
  
             “I’ll think about it.”   
  
Ruby’s father lifted a brow at her, which she nodded to. With everything so strained between them, starting an argument in the middle of a fairly full restaurant didn’t seem like the best of options.   
   
            Ruby stayed quiet for the remainder of the dinner, merely thanking the waitress when she brought her plate over and murmuring her thanks to her father. The band continued to play in the background while they ate and her family chattered, allowing Ruby to focus on them more than the voices at her table. Her father didn’t address the matter again about the audition, but Ruby had already made up her mind. She was going to do it, with or without her father’s permission.   
  


* * *

  
               
             Nervous hands straightened out a dark tie for the sixth time while Bucky waited in the reception of the building. There were two more men there, one around Bucky’s age and the other a few years older, by the look of them. He had greeted them both upon arriving, but then kept to himself. After all, he shouldn’t really be making friends with the people who were going for the same job as him. The receptionist had told them that they were being interviewed in alphabetical order, which meant that Bucky was the first up. The receptionist seemed nice enough – a woman in her forties, Bucky guessed, who was typing away patiently at her desk on her typewriter.   
  
             “Mr. Barnes, you can go in now if you’d like.” She glanced up to smile at him. Bucky’s hands fell away from his tie and he wiped his palms quickly on his trousers, standing up.   
  
             “Thanks, ma’am.”   
  
He gave her a curt nod, stepping toward the desk and then moving to the door behind where she was sitting. Bucky then took a deep breath and opened the door, closing it behind him so that he couldn’t be seen or heard inside the room that had the shutters down.   
  
             “Good afternoon, sir.”   
  


* * *

  
  
             Across Brooklyn, Ruby twisted her fingers into the fabric of her dress again, waiting for her turn on the stage. There had already been three female singers up, and each had been as good as the last. As the second had started singing, she had started to grow nervous. She didn’t know if she was as good as any of the women that had already been there, much less if she was as confident. The pianist had accompanied each of them, playing soft melodies to work with their voices. Ruby watched as the fourth woman stepped down off the stage, her brown hair tumbling in big curls around her shoulders and down her back.  
  
             “Thank-you. If you’d have a seat at the bar while we have our last audition.” The manager was in the front along with the members of the house band, all of them discussing it amongst themselves. Ruby gulped nervously as the manager’s gaze found her, inviting her up. She began to make her way to the stage, stopping in front of the man who had a thinning patch of hair on his head. He took her hand, shaking it lightly.   
  
             “What’s your name, Miss?”   
  
             “Ruby, sir. My name’s Ruby.”   
  
             “Nice to meet you, Ruby. Do you have a song to sing?”   
  
             “Yes.”  
  
             “Get up there and show us what you’ve got, sweetheart.”   
  
Ruby nodded quickly, trying to even her breathing as she started to move forward. The pianist had gotten up to hold out his hand to her, helping her up the step to the stage. Ruby thanked him quietly and told him what song she wanted, then made her way to the centre of the stage. Small heels clicked across the polished wood until she was standing under the spotlight, with her hands on the microphone to stop making them shake. She took another deep breath, thankful that the spotlight was hot enough to mask her blush and make it seem like she was simply heating up from it. Turning back to the pianist, Ruby gave a gentle nod and smiled at him, and he nodded back to her. The soft melody she knew so well started to fill the room, and Ruby opened her mouth to start singing. 

 

* * *

  
  
             Later that night, Bucky and his father were both sitting across from each other in the sitting room, with his father reading and Bucky skimming over a comic book that he had picked up earlier in the week. Both had a small glass of whiskey in front of them, though Bucky’s was barely touched.   
  
             “How’s Sarah? She doin’ any better?” Bucky questioned, flipping the page of his comic.  
  
             “Stopped by before ya got home. Seems alright, cough’s kinda bad. She thinks it’s just a bug she caught at work. Reckons it’ll go in about a week or so.”   
  
             “Huh. I’ll stop by soon and look in on her.”   
  
Silence filled up the room again, save for the turning of the pages of both George’s book and Bucky’s comic. The silence wasn’t stifling, but almost comfortable in a way it hadn’t been between the two in a long time. Bucky was stretched out across the couch, and George was sitting in his armchair.   
  
             “How’d the interview go?” George looked at Bucky over the top of his book, watching his son slump against the back of the couch.  
  
             “Pretty sure I messed it up. The other guys all had these files and looked real smart. Don’t think I stood a chance, Pop.”   
  
             “Did they look like they were used to manual labour?”  
  
             “Nah, but –”  
  
             “A job like that looks for someone who’s used to working with their hands, Bucky. If they didn’t look like that then maybe you’re gonna end up bein’ the one that gets the job.”   
  
             “Don’t think I answered any of the questions right anyways,” Bucky sighed, turning the page of his comic. “I couldn’t think of anythin’ to say when he asked me. Must’a sounded like a real dumbass.”   
  
             “Ya ain’t dumb.” George’s voice was flat, now lowering his book so he could properly see his son. “And if your Ma was here and she heard you sayin’ that, she woulda clipped ya round the head so hard you’d see stars.”   
  
The smart answer that Bucky had was quickly forgotten as the phone began to ring, making him scramble up to get it. George watched as Bucky hurried across the room to the phone, quickly snatching it up.   
  
             “Hello?” Bucky paused, grabbing hold of the wire. “Yeah, this is James Barnes. Uhuh. Yeah? Really? Monday? Yeah, I’ll be there. Thanks a bunch, sir! I really appreciate it. You’re not gonna regret it. Yeah. Goodbye!”   
  
George closed his book as Bucky put the phone back down, watching him carefully. When he turned, Bucky was wearing a smile so wide that it must have been hurting his face.   
  
             “Well?”  
  
             “I got the job!” Bucky grinned at his father, clapping his hands together. “I gotta start at five o’clock sharp on Monday. Boss must’a liked me, huh?”   
  
             “Told ya that ya weren’t dumb.” George got up to clap Bucky on the back, chuckling. For once, there was no tension between the two of them. Though George still wanted Bucky to join the army, at least he was proud of Bucky for getting another job. That was how Bucky had wanted it to be – and with two jobs now, he was on the path to becoming someone that perhaps Ruby’s parents would one day like.   


* * *

  
             Friday morning was quiet in Ruby’s house. There was only her and her father awake before they both went off to work. Her siblings didn’t get up for another half hour, and her mother would wake then too. The table was silent, save for the quiet bites being taken.   
  
             “I went to the audition,” Ruby was first to break the silence, but she didn’t look at her father. “They said they want me to be their singer. I’m going to do it, whether you want me to or not. I start tonight.”   
  
             “I told you that I’d think about it.”   
  
             “And you didn’t. Why won’t you let me do something just for me? I wanted to do this, dad. I don’t care if it’s not the type of place you want me to work in –”  
  
             “It’s not that,” he looked up at her, meeting his daughter’s now curious gaze. “Your mother, she wouldn’t want you working in a restaurant. I don’t want you working at a place so far from the house.”   
  
             “I could get a cab –”  
  
             “You’d be spending your wage before you even got it if you got a cab every night. You’d have to walk home, and I won’t have you walking that far on your own in the dark. You know I can’t come and get you every night if I work late, and your mother won’t do.”   
  
             “Then… Bucky will walk me home.” Ruby’s breath hitched on Bucky’s name, but she held steady. “I know he will. He’ll pick me up and walk me home every night, dad.”   
  
             “And you’re sure he’ll do that?”   
  
             “Of course he will,” Ruby nodded quickly. “He won’t let me walk that far on my own either.”   
  
It was a long shot, she supposed. She hadn’t seen Bucky to tell him that she had auditioned, much less ask him to walk her home from her new place of work every night. It was a lot to expect of him after whatever hours he had worked, but she knew that he would do it if she asked. More than once he had told her that he would do whatever she asked of him, so this didn’t seem like much of a dent in what he had said once before. Her father was resting his chin on his hands, giving her an almost perplexed look. Ruby bit her lip, watching for any hint of change in his expression.   
  
             “If he walks you home every night, then you can work there. _Only_ if he walks you home every night. As for your mother…” Her father sighed, looking up to the ceiling. “I’ll talk to her.”   
  
             “I can sing there?” Ruby asked. The disbelief was clear in her voice, with her father agreeing being the last thing she had expected.   
  
             “On that condition, yes.”   
  
             “Thank-you, dad.”   
  
Ruby then couldn’t help smiling as she finished off her breakfast, from both the permission of her father and for the conversation being the first one they had had since Bucky’s visit that hadn’t been awkward or strained. Hopefully, this was the start of a change in Ruby’s home, where she and her father could work toward having the same relationship they had before.   
  


* * *

  
  
             On her lunch break, Ruby made the decision to go to Bucky’s house, even though she knew he wouldn’t be there. She wasn’t expecting anybody there, if truth be told. Becca was at school, and she didn’t know what George did during the day. Thankfully, she didn’t need Bucky to be her guide. She had been over a handful of times since meeting his family, so she knew the way quite well now. Bucky didn’t seem as embarrassed as he had been at first, though each time he scratched the back of his neck when they reached the door made a fond smile form on her lips. It was endearing, in a way. Ruby had assured him that she didn’t care what it looked like several times over, and that had been the truth. She didn’t judge him or his family based on the appearance of their home. At the moment, their house seemed more comfortable to be in than her own.   
  
             She rapped on the door lightly, but started to reach for the piece of paper she had written on earlier. She went to post it through the letterbox, only to jump when the door actually opened.   
  
             “Ruby? What brings ya over here?” George frowned, tilting his head. “Bucky ain’t here. Doesn’t get off work while five tonight.”   
  
          “I know. He’s supposed to be picking me up tonight.” Ruby was a little breathless, but just from George making her jump. “I was just stopping by to leave this for him so he knew where to meet me instead. Would you tell him to have dinner before he gets there too?”   
  
She handed George the small piece of paper, smiling as she did. He looked it over once and nodded, slipping it into the top pocket of his shirt. Ruby clutched the strap of her bag with one hand and brought the other up, looking at the time.   
  
             “I’m really sorry, but I have to get back to work. I just wanted to drop it off before Bucky turned up at my doorstep and I wasn’t in.”   
  
             “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he gets it the minute gets home. You better be gettin’ back to work, ain’t ya? They’re gonna be missin’ ya if you don’t hurry.”   
  
Ruby giggled as George made a shooing motion to get her to back away from the door. She took light steps away, making a start in the direction she had come so that she could return to work, with butterflies bubbling in her stomach. For the first time, Bucky was going to hear her sing. Nerves and excitement were battling in her, wishing the night would come sooner so that she could see Bucky’s reaction when she started to sing.   
  


* * *

  
             Bucky groaned and rolled his shoulders as he approached his front door, trying to keep a hold of his shirt as his fingers twitched. The day had been long and too warm, but unfortunately there were only so many layers Bucky could strip out of while he worked – if he wanted to keep his job, that was. He let out a sharp sigh as he came through the door, feeling the cooler air hit him.   
  
             “Dinner’s on the table, Buck!”   
  
             “I ain’t havin’ dinner!” Bucky called back, feeling his muscles scream in protest as he tried to shed his once white vest. “I’m goin’ out with Ruby tonight, Pop!”  
  
             “Called round at lunch! Said I gotta make ya eat before ya go out to meet her!”   
  
             “Ruby was here?” He kicked off his heavy boots and tugged off his socks, padding slowly to the kitchen once his feet could touch the cool tile.   
  
              “What did she want?”   
  
             “Came to give me this,” George pulled out a slip of paper from his top pocket, handing it over to his son. “Told me that ya had to eat.”   
  
Bucky turned the small note over in his hands, reading it twice over to check that he wasn’t reading it wrong.   
**  
  
**              _Bucky, **  
  
** Meet me at the Stork Club at eight o’clock sharp. I’ll be there – look for the silver dress. _  
_  
Love, Ruby_ ** _._   
****  
****  
**              “The Stork Club?” Bucky looked up at his father with a frown. “Ain’t that one of those fancy places across town?”   
   
            “Better get a suit on then, ain’t ya?” George shrugged. “And eat your damn dinner before you go anywhere.” 

* * *

  
**  
**              Bucky felt out of place the moment he arrived. There were couples and families filling the place, wearing clothes that were probably worth more than three of Bucky’s pay checks. He had pulled on his very best clothes and suit jacket, and even then he looked like he wasn’t well off enough to even consider stepping into the restaurant. He found a place at the edge of the bar and ordered a drink to take the edge of nervousness off, trying to ignore the wandering gazes that he felt were watching him. He had scanned the place several times over and had still seen no sign of Ruby, even though he was more or less on time. He wondered if she was running late, or whether he had then read the message wrong.   
  
             “You lookin’ for someone?” The bartender asked, wiping a glass clean. Bucky gave a weak nod at the man, trying to force a smile.   
  
             “My girl told me to meet her here, but I ain’t seen her yet.”   
  
             “What’s she look like?”   
  
             “Blonde, usually has red lipstick on,” Bucky told him, reaching for the glass of whiskey that he had ordered. “Told me she was gonna be wearin’ a silver dress.”   
  
             “That ain’t your girl up there, is it?”   
  
Bucky went to say ‘no’, but as he followed the bartender’s line of sight, Bucky felt as though he had the air knocked right out of his lungs. Blonde curls were tumbling down and framing a porcelain face, with red lips forming a perfect smile. Soft hands were holding the silver microphone stand, and a silver dress dropped all the way to the floor. It was covered in what looked like small diamonds, though Bucky knew they couldn’t be real. The effect it had made Ruby look like she was shimmering with every move she made, drawing the attention of every eye present. Eyes framed by mascara and eyeliner wandered around the crowd, making Bucky’s heart race. Ruby was standing centre stage, and looking so beautiful that it had stolen Bucky’s breath away.   
  
             “That’s my girl.” Bucky managed to answer, his voice barely above a whisper.   
  
             “Heard she’s got the voice of an angel,” the bartender told him. “Pianist said she’s got a beautiful set of pipes. He tellin’ the truth?”  
  
             “I ain’t ever heard her sing,” Bucky admitted. Ruby was now joined by the band, glancing around at them to make sure they were ready. Bucky licked his lips as the sounds of the piano reached his ears, and watched, completely mesmerised, as Ruby opened her mouth.   
  
             “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”   
  
Bucky had never heard such a sound. Ruby’s voice was enchanting, making him forget about everything in the room but her. She was all he could see, all he could hear, and all he cared about in that moment. Though her eyes hadn’t locked on his, he felt like she was singing to him and only him. The rest of the room didn’t matter. This song felt like it was for him, and coming from her, it made a rush of butterflies appear in his stomach and his breath hitch in his throat. Entranced, Bucky never tore his eyes away from her, not even as the song changed and Ruby started on the next, making it seem perfectly effortless. The pianist had been right – his Ruby had the voice of an angel.   


* * *

  
             Her set seemed to be over far too quickly for Bucky. Ruby had thanked the audience for their time and turned around to the band, leaving Bucky enough time to down his whiskey. He was making his way over to the side of the stage before Ruby had even left it. He waited until she turned around, seeing her smile at him. Her cheeks were already reddened by the heat of the spotlight, making him grin back at her.   
  
             “Hi.”   
  
             “All you’ve got to say is ‘hi’ after all that singin’?” Bucky chuckled, holding out his hand for her to get off the stage.   
  
             “Did you like it? Was it okay? That was the first time – the first time I’ve ever…”   
  
Bucky squeezed her hand as she trailed off, pulling her more to one side as the band came down the step. By now, the people in the club were no longer glancing back to the stage but focused on each other, creating the perfect shroud of cover for the two of them.  
  
             “You were perfect, babe. I ain’t ever heard anyone sing like that before. Couldn’t take my eyes off ya. Ya look like a million bucks, Ruby.”   
  
             “Oh… My dad… He bought me the dress,” Ruby murmured. “I think it’s his way of saying thank-you…”   
  
If Ruby hadn’t have been red already, Bucky knew that she would have turned red at his comment. He cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb over her jaw.   
  
             “Why didn’t ya ever tell me ya could sing like that?”   
  
             “You never asked,” Ruby murmured back to him, reaching up to cover his hand with hers. “I was nervous… I didn’t know whether they were going to like me…”   
  
             “If they don’t like ya, they gotta be deaf.”   
  
Ruby giggled, making Bucky’s smile even wider. He checked his watch as she did, silently wondering how she had got her parents to agree to let her sing. As if she knew what he was thinking, Ruby nodded into his palm.   
  
             “They’re going to let me work here, but… There’s a catch.”   
  
             “Yeah? What’s that?” Bucky reached for her other hand, entwining their fingers.   
  
             “Since I won’t be getting off the stage while nine o’clock, they don’t want me to walk home alone. I said…” Ruby paused, glancing down briefly. “I said you would walk me home on the nights that I work here.”   
  
             “Walk ya home?” The happy feeling that had taken over Bucky vanished, adding everything up in his head as he took in her words. “That’s the catch? Ya gotta have someone walk ya home?”   
  
             “If… If you don’t want to walk me home, I could find someone else. Maybe one of the band…”   
  
Ruby bit her lip, eyes searching Bucky’s. Whatever reaction had reflected in his eyes, he quickly replaced. He wasn’t going to bring down Ruby’s happiness with his own sadness, so he kept it to himself.   
  
             “No, no. I’ll walk ya home, sweetheart. Ain’t havin’ ya walkin’ home with anyone else but me. I’ll pick ya up every night and take ya back home. Yeah?”   
  
             “Really? You will?”   
  
Bucky’s hand slipped from her cheek so that he could quickly peck her lips. He gave her a small smile as he pulled back, trying to reassure her. When he received a smile in return, Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief he hadn’t known he was holding.   
  
             “Every night. Cross my heart.”   
  
As Ruby’s smile grew wider, the sadness in Bucky’s stomach grew heavier. Now he just had to tell his new boss that he wouldn’t be taking the job, and break the news to his father. With the way Ruby was smiling at him though, he knew it was going to be worth it. As long as she was happy, he would find a way to be happy too. After all, Ruby was what mattered the most to him.   
  


* * *

  
  
       It became routine for Bucky to be present for Ruby’s last song of the nights she worked, sitting at the bar while he chatted to the man behind it. She wore the shimmering silver dress every night that she did work – Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, with another singer taking up the other nights during the week – and always had her hair in curls. Bucky had never been late to pick her up and always made sure she reached her front door, while he waited at the bottom of the steps until she was safely inside.   
The job that he had turned down had caused more than one argument in his home, due to the fact that Bucky had never told his father the reason he had dropped out of it. The only person who did know the reason was Steve, who had called Bucky an idiot for dropping it just so he could walk Ruby home every night. Bucky had then bitten back more harshly at Steve than he had intended to, and the two hadn’t spoken for a day after that. When Bucky had actually swallowed his pride and gone to talk to his best friend, the topic had never been spoken about again. It was what it was – and Ruby was none the wiser about any of it.   
  
             “Whiskey?” The bartender – Daniel, Bucky had eventually asked his name – asked, pouring the shot before Bucky even sat down.   
  
             “Ya gotta stop givin’ me drinks, y’know. Boss is gonna find out you’re givin’ away free whiskey every time I turn up.” Bucky smirked, making Daniel chuckle.   
  
             “I’ll just put it on your girl’s tab.”  
  
             “She doesn’t even drink.”  
  
             “Yeah, tell me about it. Always askin’ for water.”   
  
             “Hey, she’s a classy girl.”   
  
             “Will ya stop with the doe eyes?” Daniel threw his dishcloth over his shoulder, leaning on the bar. “Turn around and watch her sing, you’re creepin’ me the heck out.”   
  
             “Y’know, you sound an awful lot like a guy I work with.” Bucky chuckled, but nonetheless turned to watch Ruby finish her set. As always, she thanked the audience for listening and wished them a good night, leaving Bucky enough time to down his drink and wave his goodbyes to Daniel before he went to meet her at the side of the stage. He helped her down, greeting her with a soft kiss. She was more comfortable and confident with her singing now, and Bucky had seen it in the way she had progressed.   
  
             “Perfect as always, Red. Want a drink before we go?”   
  
             “I’m kind of tired tonight, Bucky.” Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper. “Can we just go home?”   
  
             “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”   
  
  
Bucky took a hold of her hand and led her the long way around the tables instead of cutting through, as not to distract the people at them. He waved at Daniel over his shoulder as they left, slipping his arm around Ruby’s shoulders to hold her close as they walked.   
  
             As soon as he felt her shiver against him, Bucky was shrugging off his suit jacket and handing it over to her. She slipped her arms into the fabric without protest, pulling it tightly around her.   
  
             “How was your day, huh?” Bucky asked quietly, listening to the sounds of their footsteps.   
  
             “Much better, now that I’m with you,” Ruby rested her head against his shoulder, almost nuzzling into him. “I know I wanted the extra job, but it’s tiring being there and being here.”   
  
             “Yeah, but at least you’re doin’ somethin’ ya like. That’s gotta make it better, right?”   
  
             “Yes,” Ruby tilted her head to look up at him, smiling softly. “I enjoy it.”   
  
             “Then it’s not so bad if ya really think about it. Sure, it’s a long day, but ya enjoy workin’ at the Stork.”   
  
             “No… I guess it’s not so bad. When did you get so smart, Bucky?”   
  
Bucky chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Ruby hummed appreciatively, shutting her eyes for a moment. The street was silent, save for the two of them, until a loud and piercing whistle caught Bucky’s attention and made Ruby jerk back up straight.   
               
             “Hey, sweetheart!” A deep voice called. Bucky’s arm around Ruby tightened, keeping her moving forward.   
  
             “Hey! I’m talkin’ to ya!”   
  
             “Bucky…” Ruby whispered, glancing up at him. He turned to look over his shoulder, seeing the outline of the man who was calling to Ruby. He was still a few feet away, but if he jogged, Bucky was certain that he would catch up with them.   
  
             “It’s alright, babe. Just keep movin’. He ain’t gonna bother ya.”   
  
             “Don’t run away, sweetheart!”   
  
             “Back off, would ya?” Bucky called back over his shoulder. “She ain’t interested!”   
  
             “What, because of you? Nah!”   
  
The slur of words didn’t go unnoticed by either of them. Ruby curled into him tighter, but Bucky couldn’t help himself then. He let go of Ruby, making her go behind him while he turned around to look at the man that was following them. He was around the same height as Bucky as he drew closer, but with broader shoulders and a stronger build.   
  
             “Look, pal. She ain’t interested in ya. Go chase someone else’s skirt.”   
  
             “Ain’t nobody else round here that looks like that.” He leered over Bucky’s shoulder, looking at Ruby with a grin. “Ain’t that right, baby?”   
  
             “Hey!” Bucky snapped, shoving the man’s shoulders. He grunted, then grabbed hold of Bucky by his collar. Almost immediately, Bucky’s head snapped to one side as a fist collided with it. A trickle of blood dripped down from his nose, but he didn’t have time to think about it as the second punch came. This time his eye felt like it was on fire, already feeling the swelling that was the response to the hit. He struggled to get out of the hold, kicking at the man as best he could.   
  
             “Get off him!” Ruby was shouting. Bucky could feel her hands tugging at the back of his shirt, trying to help him get free. The punches kept coming, but Bucky managed to grab hold of the man’s hand and push it backward. He wriggled free of the hold on his shirt, feeling the fabric rip against the grip. Once he was, he then kicked the man hard enough in a place that he knew from experience hurt, making him keel over. Bucky spat out the blood that had pooled in his mouth on the ground next to the man now groaning in pain, and kicked him once more for good measure. Ruby’s hands were then pulling Bucky back, making him turn around to look at her.   
  
             “Your face!” She went to reach for him, but he caught her hands before they could touch him.   
  
             “I’ll live. C’mon, let me get ya home before this idiot gets up.”   
  


* * *

  
             They were quick after that to get to Ruby’s house, with Bucky being more held up by her than she was by him. He was pinching the bridge of his nose to stop the bleeding, while he could barely open his right eye. She had tried several times to reach out and run her fingers over the bruises and cuts now covering his face, but he had batted her hand away each time.   
  
As they reached the steps up to Ruby’s door, she brought them to a halt. Bucky was expecting her to say goodnight, but instead her hands wrapped around his forearm and were pulling on it.  
  
             “If you’re not going to let me look at how bad it is, the least you can let me do is give you some ice before you go to put on your eye.”   
  
             “Nah,” Bucky shook his head quickly, swallowing the blood in his mouth. “I’m not welcome in your house, remember? I got ice at home. I’ll fix it up there.”   
  
             “Don’t be ridiculous. You can hardly see, Bucky.”   
  
             “I’m fine, I swear –”  
  
             “If you don’t let me put ice on your eye, you’re not allowed to take me out for dinner tomorrow.”   
  
             “Seriously?” Bucky would have rolled his eyes if he could. When Ruby’s stern look didn’t falter, he sighed heavily.   
  
              “Y’know what? Fine. If I get blood on your floor, I guess it doesn’t matter. Your parents don’t like me anyways.”   
  
  
             The house was deathly silent as he and Ruby entered it. She led him to the kitchen and made him sit down at the table while she fetched ice and a warm, wet cloth to clean him up with. Bucky kept his head tilted back, not actually wanting to drip blood on Ruby’s floor. Her parents didn’t need another reason to hate him, and he assumed getting a bloodstain on the carpet would be a perfect way to get them to do just that.   
  
             “Will you let me see now?”  
  
Bucky wiped his lip and nose before he tilted forward, looking up at her with one eye. She was biting her lip, leaning toward him with the cloth in hand.   
  
             “You’re a mess…”   
  
             “I wasn’t havin’ him talkin’ to ya like that,” Bucky murmured, wincing as she wiped around his swollen eye.   
  
             “You’re an idiot, Bucky.”   
  
             “Yeah, but I’m your idiot.”   
  
Ruby’s slight smile didn’t go unnoticed as she went quiet to clean up his face. Bucky chuckled quietly, trying to keep as still as possible in the dim lighting of the kitchen. As soon as she was done cleaning him up, he would leave, and probably cause another argument in his house over the state of his face. However, that thought quickly left when the kitchen door opened and both of Ruby’s parents were looking in on the two, making him gulp. He might not make it home to argue with his own father with the way the two of them were staring at him.   
  
             “Ruby. Hallway. Now.”   
  
Her father’s voice was stern, and Bucky wanted to shrink in on himself just from the sound of it.   
  
             “Just let me –”   
  
             “ _Now_.”    
  
Ruby’s hands slipped away from his face, and Bucky took to leaning his head back again. She grabbed hold of his hand quickly and placed a towel in his hand, wrapped over a handful of ice. She even went as far as making him lift his hand and put the towel on his eye, even though he hissed in pain as the cold fabric touched the stinging bruise. It was only after she made sure he was going to keep it there that she went out into the hallway, and Bucky had to listen to the door shut behind her.   
  
             Unfortunately, the closing of the door did little to hide the voices on the other side of it. Bucky could hear every word that was being said between them, and the sniping voices of her parents were worse than they had been when they had been interrogating him.   
  
             “We told you that this would happen –”  
  
             “He’s no good for you, getting into fights –”  
  
             “Is this really what you want? A life of cleaning up after his messes?”  
  
             “He’s trouble, Ruby. This proves it.”   
  
             “Bucky was only –”  
  
             “We warned you about him –”  
  
Bucky had had enough. He placed the towel down on the table and stood up, wobbling for a few moments before he got his balance back. He trudged his way over to the door, pulling it open without hesitation. It stopped the bickering, letting him see Ruby with her arms crossed, and her parents on the other side of the hall, both glaring at their daughter and then turning their glares on him.   
  
             “I know I’m causin’ a problem, so I’m gonna leave.” Bucky nodded curtly to her father, making his way past them. Then, he did something that he wouldn’t have dared do before, but in that moment, he didn’t seem to care. Pain was taking over him, and it was blocking out anything else.   
  
             “But just so ya know, I wasn’t fightin’ to fight. I was fightin’ _for_ your daughter, sir. Some drunk guy was hittin’ on her on the way back here and I wasn’t gonna stand for it. I ain’t havin’ nobody talkin’ to Ruby like that.”    
  
For a moment, Bucky got to have the satisfaction of seeing the facial expression of Ruby’s father falter. Her mother’s didn’t change, not that Bucky could see.   
  
             “You were protecting her?”   
  
             “Yeah.”   
  
His eye was starting to throb again, making Bucky want to lean against the wall instead of standing up straight. Ruby’s father glanced back at his daughter, who gave him a hard glare as he studied her expression. He then turned to Ruby’s mother and sighed, watching her make her way back into the kitchen. When his gaze found Bucky’s again, his shoulders seemed to have slumped.   
  
             “Let my wife look at your eye. You can’t go walking out like that.”   
  
Bucky didn’t have a chance to respond. Ruby’s father had followed his wife into the kitchen, leaving only Ruby for Bucky to look at with as much of a confused expression as he could manage with his face being the way it was.   
  
             “Am I goin’ crazy?”   
  
             “No,” Ruby bridged the short distance between them, pressing a kiss to his lips. He winced as she made contact with the busted one, but tried to smile afterward.   
  
Silently, he let Ruby lead him to the kitchen, where Ruby’s mother was getting out a first aid kit and her father was putting new ice in the towel for him. Ruby glanced up at Bucky as he shut the door behind them, offering him a small smile while he sat down. Not a single word was said, but Bucky could tell that he had finally got them to tolerate him at the very least – and all it had taken was a black eye and a busted lip.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

Teeth sunk into a rouged bottom lip, with a hitching breath accompanying it. Ruby gripped the back of Bucky’s shirt while his calloused hands wandered down from her cheeks and to her sides, holding her hips firmly in place. Hot kisses were pressed along her neck, working their way down to the juncture of her shoulder and neck, where Bucky decided to focus on. Her eyes closed and her breath came in short pants, while Bucky’s lips were smiling against her skin.  
   
           “It’s late, Bucky…”  
  
Ruby’s voice was a murmur, but she only half meant the words. Her comment didn’t deter Bucky, who squeezed her hips in response to get a startled squeak in return. As he drew the noise from her, Bucky started to nudge at her thighs with his knee, though her silver dress wouldn’t give him much leeway. Ruby tugged on the back of his shirt and Bucky stopped almost immediately, pulling back and resting his forehead against her shoulder instead. He panted, hands going slack on her waist, until he was able to pull himself back up to his full height and give her that smirk that she adored.  
  
            “Too much?”   
  
            “Out here?” Ruby whispered, allowing her hands to wander back around his neck again, playing with the ends of dark locks. “I draw the line at neck kisses.”  
  
            “I gotta find some place I can take you…” Bucky murmured, stepping back close again. Their bodies were almost touching, and their eyes were locked on each other’s.  
  
  
The sounds of Brooklyn around them drew them back to earth, and back to the alley just before Ruby’s street. Ruby was pressed up against the wall, far enough from prying eyes in case there were passers-by, not that there would be many, if at all, due to the time of night. Bucky had been bringing her home from The Stork Club, and a playful kiss had turned into one that neither of them truly wanted to stop.  
  
            “I should be getting home…” Ruby stroked her fingers through his hair, raking her nails ever so slightly against his scalp. Bucky’s eyes shut of their own accord and he groaned, but refused to press into her. Instead, he let go of her hips and reached up for her hands, gently taking them in his.  
  
            “Ya can’t tease me and then tell me ya gotta go home. That just ain’t fair, sweetheart.”  
  
Ruby giggled as Bucky brought one of her hands up to kiss her knuckles, then slowly pulled her off the wall so that she could walk with him. He kept one of her hands in his, swinging it softly as they made their way from the alley to Ruby’s front door, where Bucky came up the steps until he was standing level with her.  
  
            “I’ll see ya tomorrow, yeah? For dinner?”  
  
            “Seven o’clock? You’ll pick me up?” Ruby brought his hand up in her own two, playing gently with his fingers. A quiet laugh left Bucky, feeling her smooth skin rub against his own rough palms.  
  
            “I gotta pick ya up,” Bucky winked at her. “Ain’t havin’ nobody else doin’ it.”  
  
            “You’re ridiculous, Bucky. Do you know that?”  
  
            “Ya tell me pretty often.”  
  
            “That’s because it’s the truth,” Ruby’s lips curved into a smile, her hands now letting go of his to find the collar of his shirt. “You’re my ridiculous man.”  
  
            “Damn right I am.”  
  
Bucky surged forward as soon as the words left his lips, catching Ruby in a deep and almost demanding kiss. She yielded as soon as he sought out permission, allowing his arms to curl around her waist and bring her close to him. He almost pressed her up against her door, until she carefully wiggled in his grasp and got herself free, breaking their heated kiss.  
  
            “Bucky…”  
  
            “I just wanted a goodnight kiss,” he tried to sound as innocent as he could muster, but the proud smirk etched into his expression took any shred of innocence away from him. Ruby rolled her eyes, fishing the key for her door out of her small bag.  
  
            “Maybe next time you should keep your hands behind your back.”  
  
            “If that’s what you want,” Bucky then folded his hands behind his back, waiting until Ruby was halfway through her front door.  
  
            “Can I have one last kiss?”  
  
            “Just one.” Ruby pointed at him playfully, now keeping her voice quiet as to not wake her family. “And I mean one, Bucky.”  
  
            “I got it.” Bucky grinned as he leaned forward, meeting her in a chaste kiss. It was over as soon as it started, with Bucky keeping his hands firmly behind his back and Ruby pulling herself further into her home so that Bucky was left standing on his own. The door was still open and she was leaning around it, watching him with a playful twinkle in her eye.  
  
            “Now go home.”  
  
            “Yes ma’am.” Bucky stood up straight, now stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I love ya.”  
  
            “I love you too, Bucky.”  
  
Bucky’s heart skipped a beat with the words she told him so often, but yet they never lost any of his reaction. Every time she said it, it was like she was breaking his disbelief and restoring a notion of hope within him. He made quick work of the steps back down onto the street, only glancing back a few times until he was at the corner, and he threw one arm high up to wave at her. Even in the dark, Bucky could see Ruby’s dainty hand waving back before she shut the door and locked it, which only furthered the smile he was wearing.   
  
  
            Bucky’s easy grin went with him on the walk home, accompanied by his wandering mind. They were in the second week of October now, which meant they had been dating for just over five months. They had been testing the boundaries with each other for a few weeks now, with Bucky’s hands wandering over her body and his kisses being placed down her neck and across her collarbone, but they never went further than that. As much as it pained Bucky to stop just before his body realised what was happening, he knew that he should. He and Ruby hadn’t discussed anything further than kissing by that point, and he wasn’t about to start pushing her too far now. He willed his mind away from any further thoughts about his wandering hands and mouth – at least until he got home.  
  
October had brought about changes. Bucky’s workload had dropped with Autumn coming in, but he had managed to save up a considerable amount of money during the summer months to be able to get him through until he found more work. With Ruby’s birthday being so close, it meant that the money he had saved would help him buy her a decent gift and pull out as many stops as he could for her. All Bucky had to do was figure out what to do for her birthday, and then he could start preparing for it.  


* * *

  
            The following afternoon, Bucky collapsed down onto Sarah’s couch and groaned. Steve seated himself in the armchair, rubbing his forehead. The two had been wandering around Brooklyn for hours that morning, trying to find Ruby a birthday present.  
  
            “She ain’t gonna get a gift if we keep goin’ like this,” Bucky grumbled, throwing his arm over his face to shield his eyes.  
  
            “You’re the one bein’ picky about it,” Steve commented. “We saw a load’a stuff that she’d probably like. Ya just don’t wanna buy it and be wrong.”  
  
            “Nothin’s good enough for her.”  
  
            “Sorry, Buck, but you’re gonna have’ta lower your standards, unless you’re plannin’ on breakin’ up with her before her birthday.”  
  
            “Like hell I am.”  
  
            “Then ya gotta stop overthinkin’ it and just get her somethin’ ya know she’s gonna like.”  
  
            “Quit gettin’ all fatherly on me, Steve. I’ll find her somethin’. I just don’t know what yet.” Bucky shifted, sitting up so he could look across at Steve.  
  
            “What did ya get Betty for her birthday? I know she had one when you two were seein’ each other in school.”  
  
            “Couple hours in her bedroom while her Pop was at work,” Bucky shrugged, missing the slight change of colour on Steve’s cheeks. “Don’t think that’s gonna work with Ruby.”  
  
            “You two still haven’t…?”  
  
            “Nah. We haven’t even talked about it. She’s probably savin’ herself for when she gets married.”  
  
            “Yeah, well, don’t go proposin’ just so ya can,” Steve tried to laugh, but it came out as a more forced sound. “Seriously, Buck. How’d ya put up with it? Longest time I’ve ever known ya to go… Without.”  
  
            “I spend a _lot_ of time in by room, Steve.” Bucky’s voice was flat, with an expression that didn’t quite match. Steve made a disgusted face and settled back in the chair, shaking his head.  
  
            “… I wish I hadn’t asked.”  
  
            “Ain’t like it’s anythin’ bad. Better doin’ that in my room than havin’ it pressin’ against her.”  
  
            “I don’t wanna know.”  
  
  
Before Bucky could say anything else, Steve’s front door opened and Sarah stumbled in, coughing wildly. Both Bucky and Steve scrambled up as the brown bag in her hands dropped onto the floor and Sarah followed it, landing harshly on her knees.  
  
            “Ma!”  
  
            “I’m…” Her breath was in pants as her coughing stopped, trying to look up at Steve as he crouched down beside her. “Okay.”  
  
            “No you ain’t,” Bucky interrupted. He hooked his arm around Sarah’s waist, pulling her up into a standing position that he knew Steve couldn’t have done. She leaned her full weight against him, though it was barely more than Becca to Bucky. Steve scrambled to pick up the groceries, following Bucky and Sarah into the sitting room shortly after. Bucky had laid Sarah down on the couch, pressing his hand against her forehead.  
  
            “Sick again, huh?” Bucky muttered. “You’re burnin’ up, Sarah.”  
  
            “That’s why I came home,” Sarah murmured back, keeping her eyes shut. “They sent me home from work. It’s just a bug… It’ll pass.”  
  
            “Ya got any medicine?”  
  
            “We got some left over from last time, Ma,” Steve started to move to the kitchen. “Ain’t a lot, but we got some.”  
  
            “Told ya, ya gotta stop workin’ so hard.” Bucky shook his head. “It’s gettin’ cold, ya can’t be gettin’ sick.”  
  
            “I’m fine, sweetheart. I just need a little rest.” Sarah opened her eyes slightly and gave Bucky the faintest hint of a smile. Small beads of sweat trickling down her forehead were betraying her words, making Bucky bite his lip in response. Steve came back to the sitting room with a box of pills and a glass of water, looking as worried as Bucky was feeling.  
  
            “Here, Ma. Let me do everythin’, yeah? Me and Buck, we’ll make dinner. You rest.”  
  
            “You’re such good boys,” Sarah smiled deliriously at her son, trying to shift herself into a sitting position. Bucky moved to help her, arranging the pillows at the end of the couch so that she could slump against them comfortably. Steve got a pill ready and handed it over, along with the water.  
  
            “Take that, Ma. You’ll be better in no time, yeah?” Steve sat on the end of the couch with Sarah, nodding along with his words. Bucky leaned back on his heels as he watched her down the pill and sigh afterward, letting her head fall back. Steve took Sarah’s shoes off for her, casting a worried look over at Bucky.  
  
            “You stay here with your Ma, Steve. I’ll get some dinner started.” He got up and patted Steve’s shoulder on his way past, leaving his best friend to tend to Sarah while Bucky worried silently to himself in the kitchen.  


* * *

  
  
          True to his word, Bucky met Ruby at her doorstep at seven o’clock exactly. He had managed to make it home for a quick shower and change of clothes before he was rushing back out to get to her house on time. He made sure his tie was straightened before he knocked, chasing away any last hints of worry in his mind to not make Ruby worry. As the door opened, Bucky went to greet Ruby with a smile, but caught himself before he spoke. Ruby’s father was the one to open the door, looking Bucky up and down.  
  
          “Evenin’, sir. I’m here to pick up Ruby. Is she ready…?”  
  
          “Come in,” the older man said, stepping aside to allow Bucky access. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”  
  
          “Uh… Alright.”  
  
Bucky followed him in, shutting the door behind him. After the night that Bucky had gotten a black eye, Ruby’s parents had decided they would tolerate him, at the very least. He was on fairly good terms with her father so far, and he tried his best to be the same to her mother. He had been to dinner once or twice since, and even been involved in much more pleasant conversations with her father, but that didn’t quell the fear building in his stomach. He couldn’t think of anything he had done wrong or that would upset her father, but then Bucky had been wondering since his black eye when his luck would run out with her parents.  
  
As he craned his neck to look around for any sign of Ruby, her father cleared his throat. Bucky bobbed his head and followed him into the sitting room, dropping onto the very edge of the sofa seat while Ruby’s father took his place in his armchair.  
  
          “My daughter’s birthday is soon.”  
  
          “I know, sir. Twenty-seventh, right?” Bucky tried to sit as straight as he could, and kept his hands from fidgeting.  
  
          “We’re taking her out for dinner on the day. It’ll be our family, and…” He paused, studying Bucky’s face. “Yours, if you would like to come.”  
  
          “Really? You’d want us to come with ya?” Disbelief flashed across his face. It sounded too good to be true, which made him wonder where the catch was.  
  
          “I know that it would make Ruby happy if you and your family did come. There’s just the three of you, isn’t there?” His eyebrows formed a slight frown, to which Bucky only nodded.  
  
          “Yeah. Me, my Pop, and my sister Becca.”  
  
          “I’ll make the reservation. We’ll bring Ruby with us, so there’s no need to pick her up.”  
  
          “Thanks a bunch, sir. My Pop, he’s gonna be really lookin’ forward to meetin’ ya.” Bucky got up at the same time Ruby’s father did, reaching out for his hand to shake it. “What time?”  
  
          “I’ll let you know the next time you come to pick up Ruby,” he nodded, then pulled Bucky closer just a fraction. “Will you do me a favour?”  
  
          “Sure, sir. Anythin’.”  
  
          “Don’t tell Ruby that you’re coming. She’ll enjoy the surprise more that way.”  
  
          “Ya got it. I’m not gonna say a word.” Bucky nodded vigorously, pulling his hand back. “Ruby ain’t gonna know.”  
  
          “Thank-you, Bucky.”  
  
  
Her father was first to the door, opening it just as Ruby was walking down the stairs. She looked curiously at the two of them, allowing perfectly shaped eyebrows to form a slight frown. Bucky shook his head over her father’s shoulder as her father watched her move, letting her know that everything was okay. Bucky stepped out into the hallway after, meeting Ruby at the foot of the steps.  
  
          “Hey,” Bucky smiled at her.  
  
          “Hi,” Ruby murmured back, her gaze quickly sweeping over his expression. Ruby’s father cleared his throat, getting attention from both of them.  
  
          “Have a good night, Ruby.” He nodded to his daughter, then turned his gaze on Bucky. “Look after her.”  
  
          “Always.” Bucky smiled slightly, reaching for the door behind him. He was given a last nod before Ruby’s father was walking away, and Bucky was out of the door with Ruby right behind him.  
  
          “What was that about?” Ruby asked the moment Bucky’s hand closed around hers, leading her down the steps.  
  
          “Was just tellin’ your dad about Sarah,” Bucky’s easy lie came, shrugging his shoulders. “She had to come home from work today and had a coughin’ fit as soon as she walked in the door. Was just askin’ him if he knew what it might be.”  
  
          “My father’s not that kind of doctor,” Ruby rolled her eyes, squeezing Bucky’s hand. “Is Sarah okay?”  
  
          “Yeah. Just another bug she’s got from work. Sarah’s pretty tough, she’ll be alright. Don’t know how she had a kid as sick as Steve. Sarah’s hardly ever sick.”  
  
          “Flu’s going around, I’ve heard. Have you had a shot for it?”  
  
          “Yeah, we all have. Maybe Sarah caught it before they started givin’ out shots though, y’know? She’s workin’ so damn close to sick people that sooner or later, she’s gonna catch somethin’. They’ve got some pills left from the last time she was sick anyways, so she’ll be on her feet again tomorrow.”  
  
          “I hope she’s okay,” Ruby murmured, leaning against Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky looked to her, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.  
  
          “She’s gonna be fine, babe. Don’t worry about it. Now, what kinda food do ya wanna eat tonight?”  
  
          “I’m thinking… A burger and fries?” Ruby looked at him, pursing her lips in an almost smile.  
  
          “Downtown it is then, sweetheart.”  
  
Bucky gave her another quick kiss, this time to her cheek, drawing out a quiet giggle as his lips left her skin and his hand swung hers, delving into a conversation about how Ruby’s day had been.  


* * *

  
  
           The twenty-seventh seemed to be upon Bucky before he even realised it. On the morning of Ruby’s birthday, he was still out and looking for a gift for her. Steve had long since stopped coming with him, and even Becca refused to offer up suggestions after Bucky had told her ‘no’ to each idea she came up with. The last person he had asked to help was Sarah, who simply suggested buying Ruby a piece of jewellery that she could wear often. At a loss, Bucky had headed toward the only jeweller’s that he knew of in Brooklyn, hoping that he would find something for Ruby in there. He knew a ring couldn’t be a gift that he could give her without there being meaning behind it, so that ruled that out. He had three other options, and as he stepped through the door and the small bell rang above him, he hoped that at least one of them would hold the perfect gift for Ruby.  
It was an elderly woman who greeted him, smiling at Bucky as he walked in. He smiled back out of politeness, adjusting his shirt collar so that it was straight.  
  
          “What can I help you with, son?” She leaned over the glass counter, placing her hands on it. Bucky stood in the middle of the shop for a moment, almost confused, until he then made his way over to the glass.  
  
          “I’m uh, I’m lookin’ for somethin’ for my girl. It’s her birthday, and I ain’t got her anythin’ yet. I was hopin’ that there was somethin’ I could get her here.”  
  
          “What kind of jewellery does she wear?”  
  
          “I dunno,” Bucky shrugged, glancing down at the glass case between them. “Expensive stuff, I guess. But I… I ain’t got a lot. I can’t get her anythin’ that’s too much. Can’t afford to.”  
  
          “Then you want to be looking in this case.”  
  
She moved around behind the glass counters, going toward the left of the room where there was one filled with all kinds of trinkets and pieces of jewellery. Bucky followed her, leaning down to look through the glass properly. The prices weren’t as expensive as the ones in the first case he had glanced at, making him breathe out deeply. Blue eyes raked across the different pieces, taking in necklaces, rings, earrings; anything that Bucky could think of, it was in the case. Yet, nothing was jumping out at him for Ruby. None of the items encased in the glass seemed to be good enough for her – that was until Bucky’s eyes caught on a thin bracelet of tiny, gleaming white pearls, and he stopped.  
  
          “Can I see that? The bracelet. Pearls.”  
  
          “Of course.”  
  
Wrinkled hands held out the bracelet for Bucky to see, allowing him to run calloused fingers over the smooth white spheres. He could picture it now, Ruby holding her microphone stand and her wrist being adorned with the bracelet. He discreetly glanced down at the price again and nodded, smiling at the woman.  
  
          “I’ll have it.”  


* * *

  
          Ten minutes later and his wallet now considerably thinner, Bucky was walking with the thin box carefully tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. There was a slight spring in his step as he walked, smiling to himself. Hopefully, she would like the bracelet. Sarah had been right, of course. Jewellery had been the way to go with Ruby’s present.  
He scanned the street as he passed, reading the fading names hanging over doorways and windows that could do with at least a wash or two, until he halted quite suddenly. The place he had stopped in front of had pictures pressed along the bottom of the glass, some more intricate than others, but it wasn’t for those that he had stopped. The picture on the sign above the doorway had halted him, with the painting of the red stone being the very same one that shared a name with the blonde he adored. Bucky tilted his head, sucked in a deep breath and stepped into the shop, nodding at the large man behind the counter.  
  
          “Do I have’ta make an appointment or can I get it now?”  
  
          “Depends what ya want.” Bucky watched as he stepped from behind the counter, his stomach moving far more than he was.  
  
          “That’s it?”  
  
           “Nah. Where ya want it and how much cash ya got on ya also decides.”  
  
          “I want that, on the sign.” Bucky nodded, gesturing to the doorway. “And a name over it.”  
  
          “How much ya got?”  
  
          “Ten bucks,” Bucky kept his expression empty, watching as the larger man sized him up. He tilted his head as Bucky watched, eventually shrugging and gesturing over his shoulder.  
  
          “Let’s take ya to the back then, huh?”   
  


* * *

 

          Bucky twitched nervously as he waited outside the restaurant, watching as Becca shivered. She tugged her cardigan around her just a little tighter, while Bucky’s father huffed impatiently. 

          “I thought ya said they were gonna be on time.”  
  
          “They’re comin’, Pop. This is Ruby’s favourite place. They’re gonna be here.” Bucky murmured, stepping closer to Becca to be able to wrap his arm around her. “Besides, ain’t like they’re gonna stand you two up too.”  
  
          “They still don’t like ya?”  
  
          “Nah. It ain’t like that. They’re tryin’. I get that it’s hard for ‘em. Even you have trouble likin’ me.” Bucky looked over at his father, lifting his eyebrow.  
  
          “You’re my kid, I’m allowed not to like ya all the time. I ain’t stickin’ around if they’re gonna be up on their high horses, Bucky. Becca ain’t either.”  
  
          “They invited you,” Bucky rolled his eyes, glancing to the road, where there was now a sleek black car coming toward the restaurant. “And they’re here anyways.” 

  
Bucky sucked in a breath and waved as Ruby’s father pulled up the car, seeing Ruby wedged between her parents in the front seat. Her face lit up the moment she caught sight of Bucky, waving her hand at him. The valet opened the door for Ruby’s family to get out of the car, which meant the moment Ruby was out, she was throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Bucky winced at the contact, but quickly replaced it with a large grin. 

  
          “I didn’t know you were coming!” Ruby exclaimed, giggling against him. “I can’t believe you’re here!”  
  
          “Your parents invited us,” Bucky chuckled, quickly pecking Ruby on the cheek. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”  
  
          “Thank-you,” Ruby let him go. Becca peeked around Bucky, being quickly pulled into a hug by Ruby herself.  
   
         “And you brought Becca too! And your father!”  
  
          “Told ya, call me George,” Bucky’s dad rolled his eyes, looking over to Ruby’s parents. He held his hand out to shake Ruby’s father’s, nodding at him.  
  
          “George Barnes. This is my daughter, Rebecca, and ya already know my son James.”  
  
          “Bucky, Pop.” His eyes rolled, looking over and smiling at Em and the rest of Ruby’s siblings.  
  
          “Birth certificate says James,” George’s voice was a deceptively bright tone, making Bucky bite his tongue - he knew the warning hidden in it. He blocked out Ruby’s parents introducing themselves and their family to George and Becca, pulling Ruby enough to one side that they could talk quietly.  
  
          “Ya look gorgeous, babe. Twenty looks good on ya.”  
  
          “Oh, shush.” Ruby smoothed down her white skirt, tilting her head in a way that made the brushed back part of her fringe fall forward. Bucky reached to tuck it behind her ear again, tilting her chin back toward him. It must have been a new dress, one that hugged Ruby’s curves in a kind of way that made Bucky want to grab her by her hips and pull her against him, and one that would give him easy access when kissing her neck from how thin the straps were.  
  
          “I got ya a present,” Bucky murmured, reaching for her hand to give it a light squeeze. “But it’s kinda a surprise.”  
  
          “You know that I don’t really like surprises,” Ruby was just as quiet as she answered him, searching her eyes. “Does it have to be?”  
  
          “Yeah.”  
  
          “Bucky…”  
  
          “Ruby?” Her mother’s voice called to the two of them standing barely a few feet from the group. Both turned to look at her, being invited back in by Ruby’s mother.  
  
           “Time to go in.”  
  
          “I’m going to walk with Bucky at the back,” Ruby told her mother, earning herself a forced smile at the mention of Bucky’s name. He smiled politely regardless of her mother’s expression, keeping a firm hold of Ruby’s hand so that they could take place at the back of the group. Her mother grabbed hold of the hand of her son, stepping after Ruby’s father and Pearl. Em had joined Becca almost instantly after the two had been introduced, which meant George joined the back of the line with Ruby and Bucky.  
  
          “They seem kinda nice,” George commented, looking toward Ruby. “Happy birthday, Ruby.”  
  
          “Thank-you, sir.”  
  
          “If I have to tell you to call me George one more time…”  
  
          “Pop,” Bucky snickered, clapping his father on the shoulder. “C’mon. Better not keep ‘em waitin’ too long.”  
  


* * *

  
          Bucky didn’t mention his gift once during their dinner, and thankfully, neither did anybody else. Ruby’s parents had already given gifts at home, and Becca and George had given Ruby a card with some money inside it. Ruby had thanked them over and over again, feeling guilty about taking it, but Bucky’s hand had squeezed her thigh in a silent plea of asking her not to address the matter. They seemed to all be getting along quite well, which gave Ruby and Bucky plenty of time to talk quietly between themselves as their parents and siblings talked with each other. Ruby’s parents had had a cake made especially for her birthday, with it being brought out at the end of their meal and the table singing happy birthday. She had blushed, giggled, and talked her way happily through the dinner, and now she couldn’t finish another bite of the large slice of cake in front of her.  
  
          “I think I’m full.” **  
  
**           “Cake beat ya?” Bucky chuckled, grinning at Ruby innocently.  
  
          “Just because you ate all of yours.”  
  
          “I’m a big guy,” Bucky shrugged. “Got a lotta space.”  
  
          “Ya ain’t windin’ her up again, are ya?” George was sitting across from the pair, lifting an eyebrow at his son. “Stop teasin’ the girl on her birthday. I raised ya better than that.”  
  
          “I ain’t teasin’,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Just statin’ a fact.”  
  
          “Quit it.”  
  
          “Is everybody ready to go?” Ruby’s father asked. As a round of nods and murmurs of agreement went around the table, he called for the check. George instantly went to get his wallet from his jacket pocket, but Bucky was already in his own and pulling out money before George had even grasped a hold of his own wallet.  
  
          “That should cover it for us, sir. I’m gonna buy Ruby’s dinner too. Whatever’s change can be a tip.”  
  
          “Bucky, you don’t have to pay for me.” Ruby touched his upper left arm, but he ignored her and pushed the money closer toward Ruby’s father. Ruby’s brother pushed it the rest of the way, making sure his father got it.  
  
          “Thank-you.” He nodded in appreciation, reaching for his glass.  
  
          “I was wonderin’, sir, if – see, it ain’t past Ruby’s curfew… Could I take her on a walk or somethin’, and have her back home at the usual time?” Bucky licked his lips, feeling Ruby’s hand tighten just slightly on his arm.  
  
          “On her birthday?”  
  
          “I… I…” Bucky drew a blank as he tried to answer Ruby’s father, who was now being passed the bill. Bucky could feel his father’s gaze on him, feeling his face starting to heat up from a lack of argument.  
  
          “I suppose you can. Have her back on her curfew, Bucky.”  
  
          “Ya got it, sir. I’ll her back five minutes early.” Bucky smiled at her father and turned his attention to his own once Ruby’s father was counting out money to cover the rest of their dinner.  
  
          “Ya know your way back from here, right?”  
  
          “I ain’t lived in Brooklyn all my life to not know my way around it,” George said flatly. Ruby giggled, sliding her hand off Bucky’s arm as Bucky stood up and rolled his shoulders. Another jolt of pain came as he did, trying to brush it off as discreetly as possible.  
  
          “I’ll see ya later, Pop. Bec, make sure Pop doesn’t get lost, will ya?”  
  
          “Get outta here, Bucky.” George waved over his shoulder, gesturing for Bucky to leave. He snickered in response, helping Ruby out of her seat.  
  
          “Happy birthday, Ruby. Ya look really pretty,” Becca smiled up at the blonde, earning a soft nod in response.  
  
          “So do you, Becca. That blue dress looks nice on you.”  
  
          “See, Bucky! I told ya it did!”  
  
          “It’s too short,” Bucky muttered as Ruby said her goodnights to her family, thanking them for the night they had just had.  
  
          “Everyone’s got ‘em this length.”  
  
          “Everyone ain’t you.”  
  
          “Go away, Bucky. Go take Ruby on a walk.” Becca scowled at her brother, making him chuckle. He refrained from ruffling her hair as he walked around the table, partly from Ruby taking his hand, and instead opted for kissing her cheek as a goodnight. Ruby then tugged on Bucky’s hand, getting him to back away from the table at long last, and accompany her into the cool Brooklyn night.  


* * *

  
          “Where are you taking me?”  
  
          “If I told ya, then it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”  
  
          “Bucky…” Ruby’s voice was almost a whine, leaning against him as they walked. Bucky laughed, changing from holding her hand to having his arm loosely around her waist. Thankfully, it wasn’t a long distance from the restaurant to where Bucky intended on taking Ruby, which she realised as soon as the trees came into view.  
  
          “The park?”  
  
          “Nah, I’m takin’ ya to our barn.”  
  
          “That’s the surprise? The barn?” Ruby quirked a brow at him, following him through the park gate.  
  
          “Would ya just let me get ya there first?”  
  
Bucky put his hand on the small of her back, walking her toward the barn. Ruby said nothing else as they made their way across the park, and still didn’t after Bucky had opened the doors and groped around blindly in the dark for the candlestick holders he had left hidden there earlier that day. Once he had found it he was digging out the pack of matches in his pocket and lighting the wax sticks one by one, until they had light in the barn with them. He made Ruby wait at the bottom of the ladders until he had gotten up himself, lighting up every other candle that he had placed around that afternoon, until they had a soft warm glow.  
  
          “C’mon, birthday girl. C’mere.”  
  
Ruby took off her shoes and left them by the ladders, joining Bucky up on the second floor. The hatch in the roof hadn’t been opened, with only the candlelight bathing Bucky. He had shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, sitting cross-legged on the pile of blankets they usually had so that hay didn’t prickle them. She sighed happily, sitting next to him. Bucky’s arm wound around her waist and he leaned to catch her in a soft kiss, taking his time with her. Ruby’s hands came up to cup his face, her thumbs stroking across his cheekbones, until they broke apart for air.  
  
          “Wanted to do that all night,” Bucky murmured, letting her go. “Ya always make me wanna kiss ya.”  
  
          “Good. I never want you to stop.”  
  
For her comment alone, Bucky leaned in again to kiss her, but didn’t make it last as long or even deepen it. It was a chaste meeting of their lips, though Ruby’s hand came up to curl around one side of his suspenders. Bucky chuckled, pulling her hand off of him before it tightened.  
  
          “Ya keep kissin’ me and ya ain’t gonna have any presents.”  
  
          “Presents? Bucky, you didn’t have to get me one, let alone two.”  
  
          “It’s your birthday. I get to spoil ya. Your first present’s been in my jacket pocket all night.”  
He reached behind him and pulled the dark fabric onto his lap, fishing out the thin, velvet box from his inside pocket. The moment Ruby saw the box, she took a deep breath.  
  
          “Bucky…”  
  
          “Open it, will ya? I wanna see your reaction.”  
  
He handed it over and she paused, turning it over in her hands a few times. With a quiet breath, Ruby opened the small box and a gasp escaped her as she took in the contents.  
  
          “You shouldn’t have… Bucky, this is too much…”  
  
          “Nah,” Bucky shook his head, the slight embarrassment tinging his voice. “Ain’t anythin’ like I wanted to get ya.”  
  
          “Stop. It’s perfect, Bucky. Will you put it on me...?”  
  
She held out the box, making Bucky pluck the thin bracelet out from the box and wrapped it carefully around Ruby’s outstretched wrist, clipping it into place. From there, he took her wrist and kissed it gently, looking at the way the pearls worked against her skin.  
  
          “Ya really like it?”  
  
          “I love it.” Ruby gave him a sweet kind of smile, making him give her a faint one in return. “Though… I’m scared to see what the second gift is after this one.”  
  
          “That… Uh… Look, I ain’t bein’ weird or anythin’, but I gotta show ya it. I can’t give it ya or… Or anythin’ like that.” Bucky licked his lips, hands now twitching up to his suspenders to slide them off his shoulders. “Just… Bear with me.”  
  
          “Bucky… You’re scaring me.”  
  
          “It ain’t bad. I promise, sweetheart. I just gotta do this first.”  
  
Hands made quick work of his buttons, opening his shirt up and untucking it from his pants. He peeled it off carefully, revealing his white vest and tanned arms. Ruby had shuffled back slightly, watching Bucky both curiously and with slight worry, crossing her legs firmly. Bucky took a deep breath and turned so that she could see his right side, hearing the soft gasp come from her.  
  
          “Bucky… What did you do?”  
  
  
A large tattoo now covered almost all of the top of Bucky’s right arm, which looked sore to the touch. In a style Ruby had seen of pin-up models, Bucky now had a ruby in a three dimensional style covering his arm, along with the name ‘Ruby’ inked above it. The red blended with the redness of Bucky’s skin, but the black outline broke it up. Each letter of her name had a little diamond of red in it, and that looked like it hurt more than the ruby.  
  
          “Well?”  
  
          “I…” Ruby was at a loss for words, simply staring at the tattoo forever emblazoned on Bucky’s arm.  
  
          “Yeah?” Bucky turned to look at her, smiling to himself.  
  
          “I think you’re an idiot, Bucky.” Ruby’s voice became flat, now looking at him instead of his arm.  
  
          “What?” Bucky spun back around, taking the tattoo out of her line of sight. “You don’t like it?”  
  
          “What on earth did you get that for? You’re so… So stupid!”  
  
          “I got it for you! I thought you were gonna like it!”  
  
          “That’s permanent, Bucky!”  
  
          “I know it’s permanent! That’s why I got the damn thing!”  
  
          “What if we break up? Then what are you going to do?”  
  
          “Then some girl’s gonna know that I had a girl called Ruby, aren’t they?” Bucky’s voice wavered, sitting with his legs tucked under him. “Gonna know that she was the best damn thing to ever happen to me, s’why I got her name put on my skin!”  
  
          “Bucky…”  
  
          “Look. You’re my girl, alright? I wanted to do somethin’ special for ya, so I got somethin’ for ya tattooed. I just wanted ya to know how much I care about ya, and this way… Even if we do break up, I can’t get rid of ya. Might as well take my arm with ya if we do, because it’s always gonna remind me of you.”  
  
  
Silence crept in around the pair, with Ruby pursing her lips and Bucky watching her for any hint of a change in her expression. After what felt like an eternity, Ruby edged forward ever so slightly, looking up at Bucky apologetically.  
  
          “Can I see it?”  
  
          “…Yeah.”  
  
He turned to the side again, keeping his head turned so he could watch Ruby. Gentle hands twitched up toward his arm, but she paused before they made contact.  
  
          “Can I touch it?”  
  
          “Yeah. S’just a little sore now. Not as bad as it was before.”  
  
Soft fingertips started to run over what felt like thick lines of the tattoo, soothing the burn that was taking over his skin. She moved closer still, tracing her fingers over her name and around the ruby until she was then leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the middle of it, making Bucky’s breath hitch.  
  
          “You’re an idiot, Bucky Barnes.”  
  
          “Yeah, but I’m your idiot, Red. And I love ya.”  
  
          “I love you too.” Ruby murmured, resting her head on his shoulder. “And I… Love your tattoo too.”  
  
          “Yeah?”  
  
          “Yes.”  
  
Bucky leaned toward her to catch her in another gentle kiss, having to turn around while his lips met hers so that he could wrap an arm around her. He was about to pull away when Ruby’s hands curled into his hair and tugged just lightly, making him groan against her and deepen their kiss, easily taking the dominance. His free hand reached for her waist, pulling himself into a kneeling position to bring her up with him, and he finally pulled her close enough to have their bodies pressed against each other. Ruby squeaked in surprise against his lips, curling her fingers so that she could scratch his scalp. Soon the kiss was going from gentle to heated, with Bucky feeling a sensation he knew well pooling in his stomach. Instead of fighting it off, this time he allowed it to happen.  
  
Carefully, he pushed Ruby back until she was lying down and he was over her, listening to her breath come in small shudders the moment he pulled his lips off hers. Kisses were left in a trail from just below her ear to her neck, stopping at where her shoulder met so he could focus attention there. Ruby’s hands slipped from his hair and down, nails digging into his back to draw another grunt from him. When his kisses moved further down to be left scattered across her collarbone, she didn’t stop him. Bucky kept his hips carefully away from her as to not scare her, but he wanted so much more from her than just a kiss at that moment. He needed more, and if her reaction was anything to go by, she wanted more too.  
  
          “Babe…” Bucky murmured against her skin, one hand trailing the curve of her hip. “You trust me?”  
  
          “Yes,” Ruby whispered, teeth sinking into her lip. “But… But I don’t…”  
  
          “Shh. Not that. Just… Somethin’.” Bucky paused for a moment, stopping his kisses so that he could prop himself up and look down on her. “I know you’re gonna like it. You just gotta let me…”  
  
          “If I don’t like it?” Ruby tilted her head up just enough to look at him, giving him a heavy lidded gaze.  
  
          “I’ll stop. Tell me to stop, and I will.”  
  
As a response, Ruby leaned up and pulled him back into a kiss, giving him all the confirmation he needed. He kept her distracted with his kiss, deepening it as his hand wandered from her hip and down, sneaking under the hem of her skirt. Her breath hitched in her throat, and muffled noises were silenced by his kisses. She broke away from him as his hand wandered higher, gripping his shoulders tightly.  
  
          “Shh, babe. I got ya…” **  
  
** A soft sound escaped her lips as her head tilted back, giving Bucky the expanse of her neck to focus his mouth on.  
**  
**

* * *

**  
**           After what had seemed like a night of perfect bliss, Ruby had spent the five days afterward wandering around with a hidden smile on her lips and a smile that was saved only for Bucky. It had been her favourite birthday by far, and that was without the added bonus of what Bucky had managed to do with just his hands. She had kept that detail just to herself and told Em that Bucky had simply wanted to give her the bracelet in private in case he was judged off their parents for it, and Em had seemed quite satisfied with that. However, when Ruby was at work, it was a different story entirely.  
  
          “I’m telling ya, he did somethin’ and you’re just not tellin’ us what he did.” Andrea repeated herself for the third time that day, making Ruby roll her eyes in amusement.  
  
          “He gave me a bracelet,” Ruby held up her wrist – much like she had done all the previous times Andrea had started on the conversation.  
  
          “Yeah, and what else?”  
  
          “Just the bracelet.”  
  
          “Anyone ever tell ya that you’re a bad liar? I can see the damn glow comin’ off ya from over here! Turn around before ya blind someone, Ruby.”  
  
          “I’ve told you to stop facing my typewriter because the sun gets it,” Ruby giggled, watching as Andrea shielded her eyes.  
  
          “Hey! Ruby?”  
  
A voice across the room called to her, making her search for the owner. A woman with her hair pinned up in tight black curls was waving at her, and her expression didn’t seem one that was calm. Ruby quickly got up and hurried over, chewing her lip. She was more than certain that the woman calling her over was the receptionist, and she only came to get the girls if they were in trouble.  
  
          “Y-yes?”  
  
          “There’s a man outside, he’s asking for you.” She murmured, beckoning Ruby to follow her. Two sets of heels clacked across the floor as both women hurried toward the front door of the building, with Ruby asking who exactly was asking for her.  
  
          “He said he’s called Bucky.”  
  
          “Bucky?”  
  
          “I didn’t get much out of him, he’s –”  
  
  
Ruby didn’t leave her time to answer. She opened the door before the receptionist could finish talking, seeing the hunched over figure of Bucky. He was facing away from her, leaning on the thin railing that was on the pathway.  
  
          “Shouldn’t you be at work? Bucky, it’s the middle of the –”  
  
          “Got a call.”  
  
She stopped moving. Bucky’s voice sounded thick, which made her stomach drop. Ideas ran all around her head, trying to get to the answer before Bucky told her what had happened.  
  
          “Bucky… Look at me. Please?”  
  
When he turned, Ruby’s heart felt like it was breaking. Bucky’s face was red, with dried tear tracks down his cheeks and fresh tears rolling down to soak his face through again. How long he had been crying for, Ruby didn’t know. She didn’t care. She stepped closer, reaching out a hand to brush away falling tears.  
  
          “Steve… He…” Bucky wiped under his nose, gulping as he tried to keep his voice calm. It did little as Ruby’s hand ran down to take hold of his, making Bucky throw his arms around her in a tight hug that she tried to hold him up for. He pressed his face into her shoulder, sobbing against her.  
  
It was only after Bucky had soaked her cardigan through with his tears that she was able to get words out of him, hearing his breath hitch with every sound that came from his throat.  
  
          “Sarah… This mornin’… She passed away.” **  
  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

Ruby’s hand gripped hold of Bucky’s, squeezing his fingers in reassurance. His gripped hers just as tightly, leaning closer to her. Snow fell in soft sheets, slowly blanketing the ground beneath their feet. The two of them were stood between George and Becca, with the rest of the small crowd that had gathered. Steve was stood with the priest, his face pale and his hands folded in front of him. The coffin started to lower into the ground, and Steve cleared his throat and began to talk. 

  
          “May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.”   
  
Ruby sniffled next to Bucky, bringing the tissue in her free hand up to wipe away the tears that were falling. Bucky’s expression was empty, and his eyes hardened. The coffin disappeared from their view, making Steve step forward and throw the soft soil in his hand down as gently as he could. The sound travelled back up to them, with Becca making a quiet sound and curling more into Bucky. His arm was securely around his sister, hugging her close to him.   
  
          “Shh, Bec. It’s over now.”   
  
The small group behind them started to disperse, all making their way toward Steve to offer condolences as Steve came toward them. Bucky kissed Becca’s head as George tapped Ruby’s shoulder and came around the pair to pull Becca away, muttering that they were going to see Bucky’s mother. As the two moved away from them, Ruby leaned over and kissed Bucky’s cheek.   
  
          “You did really well.”            
  
          “Yeah. Too tough to cry.”   
  
His voice was thick again, as though all the sadness he had in him was being forced back. Ruby sighed quietly, pulling his arm more toward her so that she could rest her chin on his shoulder.   
  
Bucky’s words had been more of a lie than a truth. Ruby had been with him every day since he came to tell her about Sarah, and every day, he had cried. They spent their time at Bucky’s house, where Bucky would stay in his room and Ruby would be with him, more often than not with her sitting up on the bed and Bucky’s head in her lap while she played softly with his hair. Once or twice he had fallen asleep on her and she had been walked home by George. Steve was at the house too every night, refusing to move in but needing the comfort of having them there. Yet, every time she had seen Steve, he didn’t seem to be taking Sarah’s death as bad as Bucky was. She had questioned it once when George had walked her home, who then explained that Bucky’s emotions had always been the worst part of him, like they were under a constant magnifying glass. That was why it was so easy for him to go off in a temper, or break down from the idea of Sarah being gone. George had gone on to explain about Bucky’s own mother’s funeral, and his exact words had been;  
  
          “Almost didn’t let him come to his Ma’s funeral, the way he was cryin’. Didn’t even cry like that when he was a tot. It’s like he lost her again, with Sarah passin’. Steve ain’t so bad, he’d already pulled himself together before we even called Buck. Kinda takes everythin’ in his stride. Bucky stays on it ‘til it eats away at him.”  
  
It made sense to her, she supposed. Bucky was a livewire, she knew that from the majority of time she had spent with him. Everything was done with passion, whether it was good or bad. He had loved Sarah like she was a mother, she knew that. He had told her more than once that Sarah was the reason the two of them were even together, as well as other things.   
  
  
          The moment she had come over that morning – she had asked for the day off work specifically, much to her parents dislike and a conversation that ended in Ruby telling them that Sarah was as good as family to Bucky, not just a family friend – he had been a mess. His hands had been shaking that much that he had dropped an entire bottle of milk, the glass shattering upon impact with the ground and the white liquid spreading out across the kitchen floor. Ruby had hurried to clean it up, only for Bucky to apologise over and over again and his voice quaver like he was about to cry. Before Ruby could say another word to him, George had been in and dragged Bucky away by the collar of his shirt, leaving Ruby to clean up while a heated conversation happened in the very next room. There was a crack of a hand meeting skin that made Ruby jump and then Bucky was back in the room with the side of his face turning a dark shade of red, telling her to get off the floor and that he could clean his own mess. Ruby hadn’t said another word as Bucky cleaned up, disappeared to shower and came back with a suit on. He had made his way over to her, keeping his eyes trained on the floor, and quietly asked her if she would kiss him. She obliged, stroking the wet strands of hair on his forehead back, feeling him sigh against her lips as they met his.   
  
          “I’ve been an idiot. ‘M sorry, babe. It’s just…” Bucky murmured, resting his forehead against hers. “Hard.”   
  
          “You don’t have to apologise for anything, Bucky. You lost someone you cared about.”   
  
          “That doesn’t mean you have’ta put up with my shit.”   
  
          “I love you,” Ruby reminded him, pulling back just enough so that she could cup his face in her hands, brushing her thumbs over his cleanly-shaven cheeks. “That means whatever you’re going through, we go through together. Do you understand me?”   
  
          “I told ya lately that you’re too good for me?”   
  
          “Once or twice,” Ruby gave him a soft smile, giving him a chaste kiss, “but I think I’m the one that got lucky.”   
  


          Ruby squeezed Bucky’s hand again as she came back to the present, seeing Steve walk over to them. She let her hand slip from Bucky’s and watched as he dragged Steve into a tight hug, patting the smaller man’s back with a force a little too hard. Steve coughed, pulling out of Bucky’s embrace to give them both a weak smile.  
  
          “At least she’s with dad now.” Steve’s voice was quiet as he came toward Ruby, who hugged him in a much gentler fashion than Bucky had.   
  
          “The prayer was beautiful,” Ruby told him softly, releasing him with a slight squeeze to his shoulders.   
  
          “One of my Ma’s favourites. Thought I could send her out with somethin’ Irish, y’know? She would’a wanted it.”   
  
          “She woulda loved it, Steve. Ya did her real proud.” Bucky slung an arm around his best friend’s shoulders, pulling him close as he reached for Ruby’s hand with his own free one. The three became a small group, walking out of the cemetery once Steve and Bucky had said a final goodbye to Sarah. They walked in silence for a while, with Ruby pressed against one side of Bucky and Steve the other, until Bucky broke the silence.   
  
          “I was gonna ask –”  **  
  
**           “I know what you’re gonna say, Buck. It’s just…”   
  
A sigh escaped Steve as Bucky squeezed his shoulder again, with Ruby leaning more into Bucky’s frame so that she could see the blond on the other side of him.   
  
          “We can put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids. It’ll be fun. All you gotta do is maybe shine my shoes, take out the trash.”   
  
Steve slipped from next to Bucky, taking a few steps away. He brushed away the small flecks of snow colouring his hair white, shaking his head. Bucky straightened slightly, holding Ruby even tighter to him as he watched Steve move in front of them, turning to face them so that they halted.   
  
          “C’mon.”   
  
          “Thank-you Buck, but I can get by on my own.”   
  
Ruby watched Bucky’s jaw click as he looked at Steve, finally being defeated by a small sigh. He reached a hand out, placing it on Steve’s shoulder to give a reassuring squeeze.   
  
          “Thing is… Ya don’t have to. I’m with ya ‘til the end of the line, pal.”   
  
Steve smiled slightly, gently shrugging his shoulders. Ruby watched the two with a soft smile, until both seemed to remember that she was there at the same time. Steve cleared his throat and Bucky withdrew his hand, looking down at Ruby.   
  
          “Y’know, you’re lucky that ya got a girl or else that woulda been real weird to say, Buck.”   
  
          “Shut the hell up, Steve.”   
  
Ruby giggled as Bucky punched Steve lightly in the shoulder, making the smaller man break into the first true smile Ruby had seen on him in days. Even Bucky looked brighter just from the small comment, putting colour back into his cheeks in a more appropriate way than George had done that morning.   
  
          “I’m just sayin’ –”  
  
          “Stop talkin’. Let’s just go buy you a drink, huh?”   
  
          “… Alright.”   
  
Steve still remained a little way in front of the two, making footsteps in the snow only for Bucky to then walk through them and lead Ruby through them too, making their own footprints in the thin layer of snow that coated the ground.   


* * *

  
          Everything fell back into place after the funeral. Bucky seemed to become himself again in no time at all, falling back into routine with Ruby. Except, routine didn’t fall back into place with them. As the nights grew colder and Bucky’s workload thinned out, Bucky was on the search for a job behind a bar – and as luck would have it, a job that Ruby could help him get. The Stork Club was getting more and more patrons as word of Ruby’s voice spread, and having one bartender was simply not enough to keep the flow of customers happy. Before the advertisement had even made its way to the window of the club, Ruby was offering Bucky’s name up to her boss as a potential member of staff. Bucky had been asked to come in the following day while Ruby was working at her other job so that he could have an interview, and be assessed on what drinks he could actually make and how quickly he could make them. It had resulted in Bucky picking Ruby up from the Typing House with a grin, telling her that he got the job and started working the next night. He had swung it so that he worked every night Ruby sang, so that he could both get out early to take her home and then make up for the hours he missed on one of the weekdays.   
  
As well as Bucky taking up the new job, there was also one other significant change in his life that Ruby became a part of. Even after Steve saying that he would be fine on his own, Bucky had asked Steve so many times that the younger man had eventually given up and told Bucky to move in, just to get him to stop pestering him about whether he was okay and if he was coping fine with being on his own. It meant that what little Bucky had was moved into Steve’s room, and Steve moved his things into Sarah’s old room. Bucky still sent enough money to Becca and his father for them to live on, while helping Steve out with the groceries and bills that he had to pay. Moving into Steve’s was perhaps the best decision Bucky had ever made. With the air growing colder outside and the snow falling heavier, Steve’s place meant that Bucky had a place to take Ruby where they could be alone and not have prying eyes or listening ears of parents in their presence.   


* * *

  
          “Babe…”   
  
Bucky was murmuring against her skin, one hand carefully unbuttoning the first two white buttons to her blue dress. A quiet sound escaped Ruby as she felt tightened her hold on his hair, kissing across his jawline so fiercely that if she had done it any harder, she could have potentially left faint marks on his skin.   
  
          “Bucky…”   
  
His lips found hers again as his hand trailed down and slipped under her skirt easily, drawing out the quiet squeak. There were only the two of them in Steve’s house, with Steve working a late shift at the Grocery store. They had been out for dinner and made it back to the small house, where Bucky had promptly led her through to his new room. Ruby was underneath him on the bed, allowing Bucky to be by her side so that he could best work his hands and his lips on her. Wandering fingertips explored, slipping up to grasp at her bare hip and hold her to him. She keened toward him, shifting her hips up so subtly that it had Bucky smirking as he pulled away from her.   
  
          “Ruby…?”   
  
          “Yes?” Her voice was almost breathless, looking at him with a blissful smile. “What is it?”  
  
          “Y’know how I do this to ya…?” Bucky moved his hand on her hip in tandem with his words, making her breath hitch. “Can I try somethin’ new…?”   
  
          “New like what?” Ruby bit her lip, trying to keep her focus on him while his hand settled on her. “Like…?”  
  
          “No, no. Like…”   
  
Bucky’s hand moved as quickly as it had settled. He pressed one final kiss to under her ear before he moved, shuffling down further on the bed so that she was at the top and he more toward the bottom. A hand hooked around her ankle as Ruby tried to angle herself so that she could see him, watching the top of his head as he moved closer to her, settling himself down. She immediately brought her legs up, but Bucky gently caught one thigh with his other hand and pressed a hot, lingering kiss to it. Her hips shifted of their own accord, and a smirk that she couldn’t see grew on his face.   
  
          “You want to… Do that?”   
  
          “If ya want me to,” Bucky murmured against her, waiting patiently against her raised knee. She could see only his eyes from the way she had managed to prop herself up against his pillows, leaning her head slightly on the wrought iron bars that made up his headboard.   
  
          “… You like that kind of thing?”   
  
          “Yeah,” Bucky nodded against her, glancing down briefly and meeting her eyes again. If he had promised to be honest with her, then he would be. “It’s kinda… My favourite thing.”   
  
          “Really?”   
  
          “If ya don’t like it, then I’ll stop and do what I know ya like,” Bucky brushed his thumb against her ankle, letting honesty lace itself into his expression. “All ya gotta do is tell me to stop. Yeah?”  
  
          “… Is it even hygienic?”   
  
That did make Bucky laugh. He pressed his lips against the side of her leg, chuckling against her soft skin. If her face hadn’t already been flushed by what Bucky was doing without even realising, it would have certainly been then. He managed to look back up to her, amusement twinkling in blue eyes.   
  
          “Yeah, babe. And I won’t kiss ya again ‘til I’ve brushed my teeth. How’s that sound?”   
  
          “And you’ll stop if I don’t like it?”   
  
          “Promise. Just let me try with ya. Ya might like it.”   
  
          “… Okay.”   
  
          “Stop. You’re frettin’,” Bucky let go of her thigh to reach for her hand, squeezing it. “Let me just take care of ya, huh? Relax. I’ve got ya.”   
  
Bucky started to press soft, small kisses to her thigh again, feeling her twitch beneath him. His hand from her ankle slipped up her leg, fingertips tracing along her skin, drawing out hitches in her breathing pattern. His kisses moved slow as the hand moving up her gently wrapped around her other thigh, moving it so that he had just enough room to settle exactly where he wanted to be while Ruby’s eyes closed and soft sounds started to escape her.   


* * *

  
          Ruby’s breath came in short pants as Bucky finally pulled away from her. The hand that had been gripping his hair let go, falling to the side of her helplessly. A blissful smile came to her as the small beads of sweat from her hairline started to roll down her face, but then a small frown came to her. The bed was still moving beneath her, but it wasn’t her doing this time. As she slowly brought herself up to sit – boneless as she felt – she watched Bucky grunt and move his hips roughly against the bed, biting down hard on his bottom lip.   
  
          “Bucky…?” Swollen lips called his name and it seemed to stop him for a moment, but his voice was strained as he answered her.   
  
          “Just… Give me a minute. Don’t – don’t look. I don’t – ”   
  
He grunted again and prised himself off the mattress, turning so that his back was facing her instead. She listened to the sharp intake of air and saw his hands twitch at his sides, making her all the more worried. She wouldn’t have known even if she had done something wrong, and it wasn’t likely that Bucky was going to tell her. With effort, she managed to crawl to the bottom of the bed, gently wrapping her arms around his waist. Before she could ask, Bucky was squirming in her hold.  
  
          “Babe. D-don’t. I can’t… I need ya..”   
  
Bucky prised his arms away from her and got up, keeping himself looking away from her. She spread her skirt over her knees as she sat upward, biting on her bottom lip. Sad eyes watched him as he hit his palms off the tops of his legs, as though he were caught up in his own thoughts.   
  
          “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do anything to upset you, or anything wrong,” Ruby began to ramble, twisting her fingers nervously. “I’ve never done that before, and I didn’t know –”  
  
          “You ain’t done nothin’ wrong.”   
  
          “Then why won’t you look at me?”   
  
With a deep sigh, Bucky turned. Ruby’s confused gaze wandered from his expression and down, to where she understood exactly what Bucky’s problem was. Her face washed over with a new tinge of red, trying to look anywhere but there, only to find that her attention kept going back to him until he turned out of view again.   
  
          “I just gotta – it’ll go, just don’t talk or anythin’, alright?”   
  
Ruby remained as silent as she could possibly be, not even daring to move on the bed as Bucky tilted his head back and started taking deep breaths. His hands fisted at his sides, but his feet began to force him to pace the room, which in turn forced Ruby to avert her gaze from her boyfriend. Mere minutes had passed and Bucky suddenly stopped moving, letting out a long sigh. She dared to look back at him and saw that his problem had eased itself. Only when he joined her on the bed did she dare question him, watching as his face flushed.   
  
          “That was…?”  
  
          “Yeah. Happens a lot.”   
  
          “Because of me?” Ruby whispered, looking at him. Neither had reached out to the other, though their hands were close together.   
  
          “Ya get me all bothered,” Bucky murmured, shrugging softly. “I, uh… Usually take care of it better than that.”   
  
          “You…?”   
  
          “Yeah.” Bucky gulped, nodding quickly. Ruby’s face turned an even darker shade of red still, but Bucky wasn’t finished.   
  
          “I… Spend a lot of time in here. Thinkin’ about ya. And...”   
  
          “You masturbate because of me?”   
  
          “Ya shouldn’t even be sayin’ that word,” Bucky’s eyes widened slightly, scratching the back of his neck as he took in her blush. “But… Yeah. Thinkin’ about ya… Gets me off.”    
  
          “Bucky…”   
  
          “And I ain’t ever askin’ for ya to, y’know, take care of it for me. I don’t wanna be like that with ya. It’s my problem, I’ll deal with it. I just like makin’ you feel good, babe. Doesn’t matter about me, I can wait.” He tried to speak as quickly as he could, deterring the casual expression he was trying to give her. “It’s pretty gross, right? Ain’t somethin’ ya need to be thinkin’ about.”   
  
          “Actually…” Ruby shifted just a little closer to him, reaching out to tuck a small lock of dark hair behind his ear. “I can’t quite believe thinking about me does that to you.”   
  
          “Don’t know if you’ve noticed, babe, but you’re pretty hot. I’m a guy. Thinkin’ about a pretty girl bein’ the way I just had ya, it’s gonna…”   
  
Bucky bit his lip and he was standing up again in an instant, making his way back across the room so that he could have his back to her again. Ruby frowned for a small moment before she realised Bucky’s breath had hitched, drawing out a quiet giggle from her.   
  
          “Again?”  
  
          “I can’t help it!”   
  
Ruby fell backward onto the bed with her giggles filling the room as Bucky hummed to himself, trying to keep his thoughts anywhere but on Ruby and the way she had been saying his name not fifteen minutes before.   
  


* * *

  
          December came quicker than either could be prepared for. It seemed like no sooner had the first of the month come than it was the thirty-first, and Bucky was knocking at Ruby’s front door. She came down the stairs in a whirl of skirts, opening it wide enough for Bucky to step inside for a moment so that he could get out of the thick Brooklyn snow. A dark head shook as he stepped inside, smiling brightly at Ruby and greeting her with a chaste kiss.   
  
          “Wearin’ your colour tonight, huh? This your new one?”   
  
Bucky stepped back so he could give her an appreciative once over, admiring the deep red dress she was wearing. It went to just below her knee, but splayed out just enough from her waist that it gave it the kind of skirt Bucky loved to see her in. It was a rounded neck rather than having a collar, and it had short sleeves to it. It hugged Ruby’s body perfectly, making him want to reach out and grip her hips so that he could have her close to him.   
  
          “Do you like it?”   
  
          “I think ya look beautiful, babe. Especially in red.” Bucky’s eyes wandered down and back up again, tilting his head. “But I hope you’re gonna put on a coat. Snow ain’t so bad, but if that chill gets ya then you’re gonna get sick.”   
  
          “I’ve got one.”   
  
Bucky watched as she reached to the coat rack and pulled down a thick, dark grey coat with a fur collar trim, slipping her arms into what Bucky could only imagine was heavy material. It was the kind of coat that Bucky could probably afford to buy her if he saved up a few of both his paychecks, but he wouldn’t let his mind wander to that. The night was all about the two of them, not what Bucky could and couldn’t afford to buy her. As she started to button up her coat, Bucky caught sight of the necklace he had gotten to match her bracelet sitting comfortably around her neck. He waited until she had finished and then gently took hold of her collar, bringing her toward him.   
  
  
          “I hope you’re not thinking about kissing my daughter in our hallway, Bucky.”   
  
Bucky let go of Ruby’s coat, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he turned to see Ruby’s father standing there, watching the two of them.   
  
          “Just makin’ sure her collar was right, sir.”  
  
          “I wasn’t born yesterday.”   
  
          “Dad.” Ruby rolled her eyes, looking at her father with a half amused frown. “Leave Bucky alone.”   
  
          “I was simply wondering why he couldn’t wait until you two were outside.” Stepping forward, his eyebrow lifted as he looked to Bucky. “You know the rules, don’t you? She’s to be back before one. You can watch the fireworks, but she has to come home. Understood?”   
  
          “Yes sir. I don’t want her out too long in the cold anyways, or she’ll get sick.”   
  
          “Good. Take care of my daughter, and don’t let her fall over.”   
  
          “Not a chance, sir. Think she might be the one makin’ sure I don’t fall over though.”   
  
          “Go on, while the snow’s stopped. Take the umbrella with you, Bucky.”   
  
          “Thanks,” Bucky smiled at her father while being led to the door by Ruby, picking up the only umbrella in the stand. Ruby opened the door and the cold hit the pair, making both of them shiver as their hands tightened in their hold.   
  
          “Happy new year, sir!”   


* * *

  
          Thankfully, the snow had stopped by the time they reached their destination. The umbrella became used as a walking stick by Bucky, drawing along the untouched snow as they made their way toward Prospect Park, where the only ice rink in Brooklyn was. The ice was thick enough for a section of the lake to be cordoned off and used as the rink, and it was the most popular place to be if you were looking for something to do. Ruby had asked Bucky to go the moment that it had been put up a week prior, but he had wanted to wait until they went on their last date of the year. In truth, Bucky had been putting it off because he hadn’t the faintest idea of how to ice skate. He had never been, not even when he was younger with his mother. Becca had been, of course, with her friends from school, but it had never interested Bucky. A night in a bar for New Year’s Eve was the place to be if you were looking for a way to bring in the New Year with a bang, but that wasn’t Bucky anymore.   
  
          “Ya sure these are gonna fit?” Bucky called, looking over his shoulder to where Ruby was sitting down and pulling on her own ice skating boots, lacing them up perfectly.   
  
          “They’ll be fine, Bucky. Just put them on.”   
  
A polite nod was given to the man behind the small, makeshift counter of the rink. Bucky joined Ruby on the bench and started to take off one shoe, forcing his foot into the narrow, battered boot.   
  
          “I dunno, Red. Boot’s a little tight.”   
  
          “They’re supposed to be, so that you’re secure. You wouldn’t want to fall out of them, would you?” Ruby giggled, placing both her now booted feet down onto the floor. Bucky tried to work out how to tie the laces, before Ruby was pushing his hands away and moving to kneel in front of him.   
  
          “Here, let me. I can’t believe you’ve never been ice skating, Bucky…”   
  
          “Ain’t ever interested me before,” Bucky shrugged, ignoring the people walking around the two of them in favour of watching how she quickly tied the laces. He put on his other boot, putting it into her hold as soon as his foot was securely in it.   
  
          “It’s somethin’ that ya like, so I’m damn well gonna give it a try.”  
  
          “It’s easy. It’s all about balance and focus. You’ll be perfectly fine, Bucky.” Ruby wiggled her eyebrows playfully at him, looping the laces around the hooks. “And I won’t let you fall over.”   
  
  
          The moment Bucky stepped onto the ice, he wished he hadn’t. It was slippery and he knew if he fell that it would be unforgiving on whatever part of his body he landed on, and to top it all off, it was cold enough to make Bucky see his own breath. The only comfort he had from the rink was that there was hardly any others there, with everyone being in clubs and at parties to celebrate the New Year coming in. There was another young couple and two older ones, along with a group of women whose husbands must have been at war. Ruby held her hands out to him as he wobbled backward and forward, moving in a clunky, slow fashion.   
  
          “I got it,” Bucky waved her hands away, throwing his own out to steady himself. “I think I got it.”   
  
          “You look like a fish out of water.” Ruby’s light laugh came to his ears. He didn’t dare avert his gaze from his feet, so instead he had to opt for waving his hand half-heartedly at her.   
  
          “It’s all slippery!”  
  
          “It’s supposed to be, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to skate. Watch.”   
  
          “Wait!” Bucky panicked, trying to move faster than his small steps would allow. He wobbled dangerously, flailing his arms around until he could grip the fence that made up the rink. He held himself to it and finally looked to meet her eyes, disbelief and awe etched onto his expression at the fact that she was calm and still on the cold surface below them.   
  
          “Go ahead, babe. I’m watchin’.”   
  
Ruby glided easily away from Bucky, moving across the ice as if it was something she did every day. She skated around the older couples and went around corners so gracefully that Bucky wondered for a moment if she had ever had lessons. She stopped back in front of him, putting one blade on her feet in front of the other.   
  
          “See? It’s easy. Just follow my lead.”  
  
          “Are ya kiddin’?” Bucky stared at her. “You’ll be lucky if I even get round this thing once without holdin’ this bar.”   
  
          “Take my hand? You won’t make me fall.”   
  
          “You’re sayin’ that now, but if I drag ya…”   
  
          “Then I land on you. Please, Bucky? I want you to have fun.”   
  
It was that pleading tone that made Bucky give in. His hands slipped from the white bars that they had been gripping and one reached to her, allowing her to securely lace her fingers in with his own. She pulled him gently away from the safety of the bars, murmuring for him to copy her as they moved so that he wasn’t banging his foot off of the ground with every step. **  
  
**           Unfortunately, Bucky did crash to the ground, and several times at that. There hadn’t been a time where he had made it around the rink without a fall, but he was making progress. No longer were his footsteps heavy, but gentle, and working toward gliding as he moved. Yet, he had fallen on his knees and his rear more times than he had wanted to, and each time had been just as painful as the last. Bucky was more than certain that he had bruises to match his pain, but he had never addressed it.  
  
  
          “Is there anythin’ ya can’t do?” Bucky grinned. Ruby came back toward him, holding out both hands. He shook his head, chuckling as slender fingers came up to tap her pale chin.   
  
          “I can’t touch my tongue to my nose.”   
  
          “Don’t think anyone can do that,” Bucky snorted. “I’ve gotta see that with my own eyes to believe anyone who says they can.”   
  
          “I can’t… Believe that we’re still here, seven months later.” Ruby’s voice became quiet as she skated toward him, stopping just in front. One hand automatically went to her hip, holding her steady to him.   
  
          “Seven months and still goin’ strong, huh?” Bucky kissed the tip of Ruby’s cold nose, making her twitch at the hot breath dancing across her skin.  
  
          “We’re not doin’ so bad.”   
  
          “There’s nobody else that I’d want to spend this time with, Bucky.” Ruby’s eyes met his, with her hands now sliding up his chest to loop comfortably around his neck.   
  
          “I’m glad ya gave me a second chance.”   
  
          “I’m glad I did too.”  
  
Bucky kissed her as softly as he could, mostly to not lose balance, bringing his other hand up now to rest on her hips. He pulled her close enough so that their bodies covered with their thick winter coats were touching, and even still after Ruby’s arms had slipped from around his neck so that her fingers could entwine with his.   
  
          “I’m not letting you leave this rink until you’ve managed it once without falling,” she leaned to whisper into his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. Bucky chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows at her playfully as she looked at him fully again.  
   
         “It’s gonna be a long night then, huh?”   


* * *

  
          The pair had long since left the rink as the first firework shot into the air, now both curled up on a bench together with a bag of roasted chestnuts clutched in Ruby’s hands. She had her head tucked comfortably under Bucky’s chin, both of them keeping warm by huddling together.   
  
          “Hey.” Bucky murmured to her, tightening his hold around her waist. Ruby nuzzled against him, half hidden behind the fur collar of her coat.   
  
          “What is it?”   
  
          “Think we can do this again next New Year?”   
  
Ruby’s lips formed a soft, adoring smile, thinking about it. If Bucky was thinking so far ahead for them already, maybe there was something hidden in his words that he wasn’t ready to ask her just yet. As long as there was hope, Ruby would take it.   
  
          “I think that sounds perfect.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**1944  
  
**

* * *

          Bucky’s hand gripped hold of Ruby’s, laughter spilling from him as he pulled her back close again. Ruby wiggled in his hold, trying to push him away but not truly having the heart to do so. A kiss was pressed quickly to her cheek as Bucky kept her in his hold, earning a slight huff quickly shrouded by a smile.  
  
          “Bucky Barnes, take your hands off me.”   
  
          “You’re gonna go run back to the Carousel if I let ya go,” Bucky snickered. “I ain’t havin’ that. We’re goin’ on the Ferris Wheel. See? Andrea and Danny are waitin’ for us.”   
  
          “I regret letting you set them up,” Ruby rolled her eyes, watching Andrea kiss the barman that worked at the Stork Club.   
  
          “He was askin’.” Bucky gave her a nonchalant shrug. “It’s your fault. If ya hadn’t have invited your girlfriends to watch ya sing, he never woulda seen her.”   
  
          “Bucky. You’re the one who brought her a drink over and told her it was from Danny.”   
  
          “I wasn’t gonna work with him all night when he was givin’ her that look over the bar. S’like tryin’ to talk to Becca when she’s starin’ at her picture of Cary Grant.”   
  
          “You know, he used to say that about you.” A smirk played on Ruby’s lips as Bucky shook his head, making a tutting sound.   
  
          “I don’t stare at ya like you’re a…” Ruby gave Bucky a pointed look, making him roll his eyes. “Alright, but I ain’t as bad as he was bein’ that night.”  
  
          “It’s still entirely your fault.”   
  
          “This ain’t gonna get ya outta goin’ on the wheel, y’know.”   
  
          “Are we going on the Cyclone after the Ferris Wheel?”   
  
          “Nah, savin’ the Cyclone for last. I was thinkin’ we go round the stalls and get rid of all this loose change I got.”   
  
          “You’ll be sorry, Bucky.” Ruby giggled, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s cheek as they reached Andrea and Danny, smiling at them. Danny had an arm looped around Andrea’s waist, pulling her close to him.   
  
          “You two finally ready to go on this thing?” Danny grinned, lifting his eyebrows at them.   
  
          “You’re sayin’ that like Red’s scared of it,” Bucky smirked. “My girl ain’t scared of anythin’, are ya?”   
  
          “No,” Ruby squeezed his hand in response, giving Danny a challenging look. “I’m not.”   
  
          “That’s my girl.” Bucky pressed a kiss to the side of Ruby’s head as they moved to join the line for the Ferris Wheel. Ruby curled into him with a smile as Andrea started to speak to her, gushing over the day they were having.   


* * *

  
          With it being early February, Coney Island wasn’t as busy as it was during the summer months. Yet, the snow had stopped falling in the first week of January, and the warmer weather was starting to come back. It had been an idea of Bucky’s to go to Coney Island, and Ruby’s idea to make it a double date with Andrea and Danny. As it was a Saturday, Bucky had managed to get time off from the Docks so that they could all go. They had made a day of it, getting there early in the morning – but they were only going to the Theme Park parts of Coney Island. The beach was out of the question. Even if it was getting warmer, it still wasn’t warm enough to dare going into the water. It was fun, Bucky thought, for them to get out and enjoy some time with another couple rather than taking Steve most places. As much as Bucky liked Steve and continuously tried to set him up with any girl that he thought Steve would like, it never seemed to work. Double dates with Steve somehow always turned into disasters, and both Ruby and Bucky had to watch as it slowly turned sour.   
  
The double date with Andrea and Danny was a ‘pre-Valentines date’, as Bucky had called it more than once that day. With Valentines being just three days away, Ruby wondered what Bucky was actually planning if Coney Island was his idea of a pre-date. Every time she thought about it, it brought a pink blush to her cheeks. If it involved what Bucky deemed as two of his favourite activities, she didn’t know how much she could take on one day alone.    


* * *

  
         A strong arm curled around Ruby’s waist as they followed the small stream of people off of the Ferris Wheel, with Ruby’s face glowing softly. The entire time they had been on the ride, Bucky’s arm hadn’t uncurled from her once. She had curled into him the moment the cage they were in had started to move, relaxing against him as the ride slowly went up so that they could see for miles and miles.   
  
           “Where you two headin’ now? We’re gonna hit the Horses.” Danny gestured over his shoulder to the four tracks close to the Wheel, where people were seated on wooden horses that ran along the tracks.   
  
          “Gonna go round these stalls for a bit,” Bucky nodded in the opposite direction. “Then we’re gonna hit one of the Haunted Houses. Savin’ the Cyclone for last. You two wanna do that?”   
  
          “Yeah. We’ll meet back up at say…” Danny flicked his wrist up, looking at his watch. “Two-thirty? Have lunch, head back out and do the stuff we ain’t done yet?”   
  
          “Yeah. See ya then, huh? Hey, Andrea. Don’t be too rough on the guy. I gotta work with him tonight.”   
  
          “Don’t worry, Bucky.” Andrea grinned back at him, curling her hands around Danny’s arm. “I’ll be gentle with him.”   
  
          “Yeah, so she says,” Danny chuckled, nodding at Bucky and Ruby. “See you two later.”   
  
As Danny led Andrea away, Bucky started to chuckle at the same time Ruby started to giggle. They could already see that Andrea was talking to her boyfriend at a speed even Ruby didn’t quite understand sometimes, and Danny was simply nodding along with her and swinging his arm in her hold.   
  
          “Have fun!” Ruby cupped her hands around her mouth and called to him, trying to hide the laughter between her words.   
  
          “Yeah, don’t break Danny!”     


* * *

  
          Ruby allowed Bucky to lead her through the small sprinkling of stalls that were placed in between the rides, looking at each one as they passed. There were a few with hooking a plastic duck from the water in the middle to win a prize, one where the player had to throw a ball and knock down the bottles, and one that Bucky stopped at. Ruby looked curiously at it, tilting her head.   
  
          “You’re going to try this one?” She asked, watching him dig around in his pocket for the small bag of change he had.   
  
          “Yeah,” Bucky flashed her a grin, handing over some coins in return for three darts being passed to him. “Wanna go?”   
  
          “… Yes.”   
  
Ruby was then holding out her hand for darts as Bucky fished a few more coins out of his pocket, handing them over. The darts weren’t heavy when they rested in her palm, but it was something she had never done before. Bucky placed his on the counter top as the man behind it stepped aside, grinning at them. He looked weather-beaten, a tan covering him and the light wrinkles on his face. He waved his hand up, gesturing to the small stuffed animals around the dartboards.   
  
          “Get all three in the triple ring and ya get a small prize, sweetheart. Get three in the bullseye and ya get the big one.”   
  
          “What’s the big one?”   
  
          “Keep it as a surprise,” he told Ruby. “It’s just in the back. Gonna have a go?”   
  
          “You’re right.”   
  
Ruby looked at the darts in her hand, clutching them tightly. She didn’t need to speak, because Bucky came right behind her, curling his arm around her waist and pressing up against her.   
  
          “Ya know how to throw a dart?”  
  
          “Not really,” Ruby admitted. “I just thought if you were having a go, then I would too.”   
  
          “Ya gotta stand sideways, like this.” Bucky’s hands slipped to her hips and pressed, turning her so that she was stood a little more to the side than she had been. Her breath hitched as his fingers twitched against her through the fabric of her clothes. However, she was determined to keep her focus. One hand reached for hers with the darts, making her put two down and keep one in her grasp. He then brought it up, positioning her arm for her, resting his chin on her shoulder so that he could see.   
  
          “Look down it, like this, yeah? Both eyes open, babe. Take ya time, see where you’re gonna throw, then do it. Got it?”   
  
          “I think so.”   
  
          “I ain’t gonna help ya throw, you gotta be the one to do that.”   
  
          “So…” Ruby paused, taking in all Bucky had said to her. His hands were back on her hips, holding gently. She bit her lip, narrowed her eyes and threw the dart, landing it just inside the smaller circle on the board.  
  
          “You did it, babe!” Bucky kissed her cheek, squeezing her sides. Ruby squeaked at the contact, making him chuckle and step back from her. He picked up his own darts, watching her with a smile.  
  
          “Now ya just gotta do that two more times, yeah?”   
  
The second dart didn’t have the same perfect landing. It flew and embedded itself into the outer rim of the board, missing the smaller circle completely. She sighed to herself and threw the third one, which had the same perfect landing as the first.   
  
          “Good try, sweetheart. Tell ya what, I’ll let ya have a bag of this cotton candy, yeah? You’re the first person to come try this place in a while.”   
  
          “Oh!” Ruby smiled at him as he handed her the bag of pink fluffy cotton candy, nodding her head politely. “Thank-you, sir.”   
  
          “Ain’t a problem. Now how ‘bout you, huh? Gonna try and win your sweetheart a prize, son?”   
  
          “You bet’cha.” Bucky rolled his shoulders, winking at Ruby. “Gonna get her that surprise one ya got in the back.”    
  
          “Think ya can?”   
  
Bucky didn’t answer as he threw his first dart, landing it right in the bullseye. He turned to look at Ruby, grinning at her. The man behind the counter nodded at Bucky,   
  
          “Gonna get all three.”   
  


* * *

  
         The stuffed elephant was held tightly in Ruby’s arms, trying to keep her hands on as much of the large toy as she possibly could. It was just under half the size of her, and the toy itself looked hardy, but was soft to the touch. The fabric that the elephant was made from was covered in a flower and vine pattern, with the detail being grey and the rest white. There were white buttons stitched onto its legs to make them moveable, and black buttons for its eyes. Even the insides of its ears were dark grey and soft, which Ruby had kept rubbing until Bucky had ushered her along to the next stall. As they moved, Ruby nuzzled against the elephant’s trunk, smiling against it. 

  
          “I love him.”   
  
          “Already decided he’s a he, huh?”   
  
          “Of course he’s a he,” Ruby glanced at Bucky briefly. “He looks like a boy.”   
  
          “With that pattern? Babe, you’re gonna confuse him.”   
  
          “He’s a very fancy he,” Ruby scolded. “You leave him alone.”   
  
          “Ya parents are gonna let ya keep him, right?”   
  
          “It’s a stuffed animal, Bucky. Not a real elephant.”   
  
          “I’m just sayin’. He’s pretty big.” Bucky shrugged at her, sticking the last of Ruby’s cotton candy in his mouth.   
  
          “He can sleep on my bed with me.”   
  
Bucky made a grumbling sound at the side of Ruby, but didn’t speak with his mouth full. Ruby’s gaze went from her elephant to what they were passing, and immediately she stopped and turned around to grin at Bucky.   
  
          “Can we?”   
  
          “You wanna…?” Bucky lifted an eyebrow, looking in the same direction she was, trying to deliberate. “We ain’t got any of us, have we?”   
  
          “Not one.”  
  
          “Then we gotta have a couple of ‘em done so we got some each.”   
  
The photo-booth was small, so Bucky was the one to sit down and pull Ruby into his lap. The elephant along with their coats were placed neatly on the floor by Ruby while Bucky put enough money into the machine for at least six pictures.   
  
          “How we doin’ this? You want somethin’ serious or somethin’ silly?”   
  
          “How about both?” Ruby slipped her arm around his neck, pulling him close to her. “We can have three silly ones, and three serious ones.”   
  
          “Yeah? Then C’mere.” Bucky pressed his lips against the underside of her jaw and blew a raspberry, hitting the button on the machine at the same time Ruby started to laugh. The flash went off, and Ruby hit her palm off Bucky’s chest.   
  
          “I didn’t say yet!”   
**  
**

* * *

**  
**           They met back up with Andrea and Danny after they had had their pictures taken, handing them over to the other couple as soon as they got there so that they could see. Ruby and Andrea had linked arms then, while the two men walked behind them to talk.   
  
          “Oh, Ruby! You have to keep this one! It’s gorgeous!”   
  
Andrea pointed to the final picture they had taken, where both of them were smiling and looking toward the camera. They had taken ones which both of them wished they could keep the full sets, but had decided to have three each. Bucky would take two of the sillier pictures and one serious, and she would have two serious and one silly.   
  
          “I’m keeping that one, one where we’re kissing, and the one where we’re both sticking our tongues out.” Ruby told her, looking at the strip of black and white photographs in the other girl’s hands.   
  
          “You two are so cute.”   
  
          “So are you and Danny,” Ruby nudged her gently. “You seem like you’re getting on really well.”   
  
          “We are,” Andrea agreed, giggling. “He’s a really nice guy. I hope we end up as happy as you and Bucky are, if we even make it that long. What is it now, almost a year?”   
  
          “May,” Ruby answered. “Two more months, and it’s a year.”   
  
          “And he still hasn’t asked you to, you know…?”   
  
          “What?” Ruby glanced quickly at Andrea, trying to keep her expression blank. She had been very careful about keeping the details of her and Bucky’s private life quiet, refusing to tell any of the girls what they did when they were alone. She knew Bucky’s reputation far too well to be discussing what they did, so she allowed the girls to think what they wanted while the pair of them were the only ones that knew the truth.   
  
          “Asked your daddy if he can marry you. A year’s a long time.”   
  
          “Oh.” Then she couldn’t help the small smile that crept up on her face. Andrea waited patiently, glancing to Ruby every few seconds.   
  
          “Bucky isn’t like that. We’re happy going steady.”   
  
          “Ruby. I’ve known Bucky for a long time. You’ve kept him for longer than any girl ever has.”   
  
          “Why are you gushing over me?” Ruby tried to turn the conversation. “Bucky told me that Danny took you home the other night.”   
   
         “…He did…” Andrea’s face was then the one turning red. Ruby blushed along with her, wiggling her eyebrows. Andrea nudged Ruby, making a hushing sound. The two started to giggle, leaning on each other as they moved.   


* * *

  
          “Look at ‘em,” Danny bobbed his head toward Andrea and Ruby, chuckling. “Like a pair of high school dames.”   
  
          “Hey, don’t be callin’ my girl that. She ain’t a fan of it.” Bucky looked over to Danny, earning a shake of the other man’s head.  
  
          “I ain’t ever seen someone as whipped as you are, Barnes.”   
  
          “So what? I love her, Danny.”   
  
          “Hope Andrea ain’t lookin’ for me to start sayin’ that any time soon. She’s an alright dame, but we ain’t nowhere near that yet.”   
  
          “I kinda spat it out at her, first time I said it. We were arguin’ and I didn’t mean to say it, but it just kinda slipped out.”   
  
          “Arguin’? You two?”  
  
          “You don’t even know the half of it, pal.” Bucky clapped his hand on Danny’s shoulder, chuckling. “I’ll tell ya over some whiskey.”   
  
          “Aw man, does that mean you’re gonna talk my damn ear off tonight?”   
  
          “Maybe,” Bucky squeezed Danny’s shoulder roughly, gesturing silently with his free hand to the small diner that they were coming up to. The other man nodded in agreement, cupping his hands over his mouth.   
   
         “Hey, when you girls have finished, we’re gonna treat ya to lunch over there!” 

* * *

  
  
          Ruby woke up on February fourteenth with her elephant tucked under her arm, and a blissful smile on her face. She was seeing Bucky at seven o’clock on the dot, and her instructions were to meet him at their barn. That was all he would tell her the previous night when he walked her home, stealing kisses at her front door. She slipped out of bed with ease, tucking her stuffed elephant back into the blankets while she started to get ready for the day. She was already sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, planning out her outfit while she reached for her work clothes. Red would be too typical and expected of her, especially on a day like Valentines. No, she would wear lilac instead, she decided. As she hung up her simple white blouse and grey skirt, Ruby hummed to herself. Whatever Bucky had in mind for them, it would be a night she would enjoy.   
  
  
          The first surprise she received was when she arrived at the Typing House. It seemed that Bucky had stopped off there on his way to the Docks and left her a single red rose. The receptionist handed it to her on Ruby’s way into the building, where all the girls started to giggle at the way Ruby blushed.   
  
          “That’s all there is girls. Just one for the Miss right here.”   
  
          “I wonder if he’s going to bring you anything at lunch,” Lillian wondered aloud. “Do you think he will?”   
  
          “He has a long day,” Ruby lifted the rose up to smell it, smiling against the petals. “I won’t see him until tonight.” **  
  
**           “He’s going to spoil you rotten. I bet he’s been saving up his paychecks so he can spend it all on you tonight.” Another girl, Maria, piped up.   
  
          “Whatever he’s got planned, if it’s expensive or not, I’m sure I’ll like it.”   
  
          “What do you think it is?” Andrea was then involving herself as the girls got seated at their typewriters, with Ruby placing the rose on the small sliver of desk next to her.   
  
          “I don’t know, but Bucky’s surprises are always… Special.” She smiled over at Andrea, shrugging off her thin coat. “He knows what I like.”   
  
          “I’m sure he does.”   
  
          “Get your mind out of the gutter, Andrea.” She rolled her eyes as she rolled up the soft sleeves of her cardigan, preparing herself to start writing out the collection of letters sitting in the basket on her desk. With the rose on the other side of her though, Ruby didn’t know how she was supposed to concentrate on writing out the advice column when all that was playing on her mind was Bucky and their upcoming date.   


* * *

  
          Bucky had no time to stop in the kitchen and greet Steve as he arrived home. He travelled down the thin hall to get to the bathroom, locking the door and starting up the shower. Even after stripping out of his clothes and stepping into the rickety tub, the water was cold. A hiss passed through his lips, shivering and trying to get out of the water as quickly as he possibly could. He needed to be quick, if he was going to set everything up. It was just after six – the walk to Steve’s from the Docks was longer than it had been for Bucky to get to his own home – and he still had to stop by at his father’s house to pick up a few things.   
  
          He towelled off quickly and wrapped it around his waist, gathering up his dirty clothes to put in the laundry for later that week. Thankfully, he had another set of everything so that it wasn’t a main concern if it was dirty.   
  
          “We pay the water bill this month?” A hand was ran through his hair as he called down the hallway, walking toward the kitchen where Steve was pouring over the bills.   
  
          “Yeah, ya just didn’t give it enough time to get warm.” Steve chewed the tip of his pen, not even looking up at Bucky. “Your turn to get groceries this week.”   
  
          “I know. Gonna go get some tomorrow. We got stuff in, right? For ya to eat tonight?”   
  
          “Yeah.” Steve gestured to the small fridge behind himself. “We got leftovers.”   
  
          “Want me to bring ya somethin’ home? Ain’t a problem, could just ask ‘em to put it in a box.”   
  
          “Don’t be an idiot, Buck. You’re takin’ Ruby out. Pretty sure ya don’t wanna be carryin’ around whatever they’re gonna give ya to bring home.” Steve then looked up at Bucky and his face fell flat, watching him try and push the wet strands of his hair back.                                **  
  
**           “How ‘bout ya go put on some clothes, huh?”   
  
          “Stop bein’ a prude, Steve. We got the same junk.” Bucky rolled his eyes, but nonetheless made his way out of the vicinity of the kitchen and headed toward his room instead.   
  
The clothes Bucky had hung up to wear that night were his best, and almost newest set. Becca and his father had been out in Brooklyn and gotten him the best set of clothes they could find on their budget, and teamed with Bucky’s favourite slacks and polished shoes, he looked like he could pass for someone who went to one of the fancier restaurants in Brooklyn – which was exactly where he was intending to take Ruby that night. He had made the reservations weeks in advance and made sure that he set money aside to pay for it, as well as setting money aside so that he could at least treat her to a small gift. It was nothing as expensive as the bracelet or earrings, but something that she could wear regardless. The silver locket he had gotten her waited in a velvet box upon his set of draws, which would then find its place in his jacket pocket until he could give it to her.   
  
          Quick fingers buttoned the last few holes of his shirt, and as he slipped his suspenders over his shoulders, he snapped them against himself. He combed his hair back, gelled it, grabbed the box and then was back in the kitchen with Steve, showing himself off.   
  
          “Well?”   
  
          “Yeah, Buck. Ya look great.”   
  
          “Ya didn’t even look up.” Bucky scowled at Steve, clipping him lightly on the back of the head. Steve batted Bucky’s hand away instantly, giving Bucky that sense of having more force than he looked capable of. Bucky grabbed his jacket off the back of the other kitchen chair, making a kissing noise toward Steve which had the younger boy giving him a look of disgust.   
  
          “I’ll be back around eleven. Don’t wait up for me, doll.”  
  
          “Get the hell outta here, asshole.”   
**  
**

* * *

**  
**           Even though he no longer lived at his father’s house, Bucky didn’t knock. He invited himself inside, shutting the door loudly behind himself to announce his arrival. Becca greeted him by running at him and hugging him tightly, slinging her arms around him.   
  
          “Aw, get off, Bec! You’re gonna crease my clothes up!”   
  
          “I ain’t seen ya in a while!” Becca laughed against him, slowly letting go. “Ya weren’t even here to tell me off about all the Valentines cards I got!”   
  
          “Ya got Valentines cards? You’re only fourteen!”   
  
          “So?” Becca flashed him a grin much like his own, and Bucky knew what that kind of grin meant. He crossed his arms, giving her the sternest look he could muster.  
  
          “Go get ‘em. I wanna see ‘em all.” **  
  
**           “Nah. You’re only gonna tell me none of ‘em are good for me.”   
  
          “They ain’t. You’re my little sister. Nobody’s gonna be good enough for ya. ‘Cept Steve. Ya can date Steve.”   
  
          “No thanks, Bucky.” Becca scrunched up her nose, then quickly avoided Bucky’s swatting hands. It was only their father shouting from the kitchen that stopped the playfight before it erupted into something bigger, earning a roll of Bucky’s eyes.   
  
          “James!”   
  
          “I’m comin’, Pop!”   
  
  
Bucky joined his father in the kitchen as soon as Becca had hurried off up the small staircase, which left the two men alone on the lower floor of the house. Bucky greeted his father with a smile, but he wasn’t met with a change of expression. His father remained tight-lipped, with what looked like a letter in his hands.   
  
          “Ya got mail.”   
  
          “It’s still comin’ here? I got it changed,” Bucky sounded disgruntled as he sat in the chair next to his father, reaching out a hand. “It’s gonna be somethin’ crap anyways.”   
  
          “Just open it.”   
  
          “Alright, alright.” Bucky turned the letter over in his hands, thumbing open the thin edges of where the envelope had been stuck down. He could hear his father’s laboured breathing beside him, but took little notice as he pulled the letter out.   
  
          “James Buchanan Barnes… Induction Travel Order…”  
  
As he read further into the letter, his face began to pale. Clammy hands were now gripping the paper as tightly as they could without tearing it in two, and Bucky’s increased heartbeat had become deafening. The letter had to be some form of sick joke. It couldn’t be true. He wouldn’t let it be true.   
  
          “I – Pop, I –”  
  
George took the letter from Bucky, whose hands slipped uselessly away from the paper. His stomach started to churn, getting ready to empty itself. Everything was suddenly too loud and too bright. It was almost as though he were caught in a nightmare and had no means of waking up, having to accept the harsh truth that had befallen on him.   
  
          “I thought it was gonna be this when I picked it up this mornin’.”   
  
          “But I didn’t –”  
  
          “Ya don’t have to. Callin’ out for all the boys to help out, James. Ya ain’t nothin’ more than a name on a piece of paper.”   
  
          “It ain’t fuckin’ fair!” Bucky suddenly snapped, hitting a fist off the table. George didn’t so much as flinch, but reached out and put a hand on Bucky’s forearm.   
  
          “It’s an honour, son. Look, ya ain’t gonna be just some –”  
  
          “It ain’t no goddamn _honour_.”   
  
          “You watch your mouth –”   
  
          “Fuck this whole damn thing! Fuck ‘em!”   
  
It wasn’t a slap that met Bucky this time. His father’s fist had connected with the side of his face so hard that Bucky had fallen clean off of his chair, clutching his jaw. Bucky growled and swore so loud that the elderly couple two houses away must have heard him, but he was beyond caring. He spat out the blood that had filled up his mouth from him biting his tongue too harshly, leaving a small puddle of red on the tiled floor.   
  
          “Now you shut ya damn mouth, James! You’re not a damn kid!”   
  
He said nothing as he rose back up to his full height, snatching the discarded letter on the table. Bucky, though he was trembling, glared so fiercely at his father that for a second, he thought he saw George’s expression falter. He gripped the letter tightly in his hold, crumpling it up under his palm. Bucky backed out of the kitchen, putting distance between himself and his father, before he bellowed from the front door and slammed it so hard that the glass in the window of it cracked.   
  
          “Fuck you!”   


* * *

  
          Ruby clutched onto the strap of her small white purse, taking the stroll through the park to get to the barn that Bucky had affectionately dubbed ‘their place’. There were many a couple on her way over, making her all the more excited to see Bucky. The rose he had sent her was now sitting in a glass of water on her bedside table, keeping it fresh until she decided to press it in one of her books.   
  
She saw the barn before she had reached it, gaze wandering up to the roof, where sure enough, Bucky had opened the hatch so that the breeze could come in and dance around them while they were up there. She assumed the barn was more of a pre-date meeting point than anything else, as she knew that Bucky would at least want to show her off on a night like Valentines.   
  
          She didn’t need to knock as she arrived there, but slipped through the barn door without anyone else in the park noticing her disappearance through it. As she made to open her mouth and let Bucky know that she was there, she heard a quiet sniffling. Unease settled in her stomach, looking up at the second floor of the barn.   
  
          “Bucky…?”   
  
When he didn’t answer her, her stomach started to knot. She knew Bucky’s sniffles enough to know that the ones she could hear belonged to him, which only worried her further. She kicked off her shoes and made her way up the ladders as quickly as she could move, finding him sitting with his back to her and his arms curled around his knees.   
  
          “Bucky? Answer me? Please?”   
  
          “… I…” Bucky’s voice sounded rough. Ruby crawled on her hands and knees toward him, curling her arms around his waist. She rested her cheek against his shoulderblade, sighing softly.   
  
          “Tell me what’s wrong?”   
  
          “I c-can’t. I can’t tell…”   
  
          “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”   
  
          “Ya can’t help. Not… not this.”   
  
Ruby could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. The way Bucky was talking, she was beginning to think that somebody else close to him had died. It couldn’t have been Becca, or Bucky would have been sobbing loud enough for everybody in the park to hear him. The same went for if it was Steve. That only left George, but that sounded ridiculous. George Barnes couldn’t have died. Bucky would have told her if it was something to do with his father.   
  
Moving her cheek from pressing against him, Ruby sat herself up further so that she could rest her chin on his shoulder, when she saw the crumpled piece of paper in front of Bucky. Careful, gentle hands slipped from around Bucky’s waist and dainty fingers reached out for the paper, pulling it toward her in a silent question.  Bucky made no sound or even attempted to stop her, which let her know that whatever was written on the paper must have been the problem. She turned it over to read it, smoothing out the crumpled writing.   


**Induction Travel Order.  
  
Having been inducted into the United States Army at this date, the following personnel are assigned and will report to BULFORD CAMP, UNITED KINGDOM, on 28 February 1944.   
  
Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes – 107 th Unit.**

  
  
  
          Ruby read the letter over and over until she couldn’t take it any longer. Bucky was due to leave in no later than two weeks, and the unsettling feeling of him never coming home brought tears to her eyes. He hadn’t enlisted. He had been ordered to join, and there was no way he could work himself out of it.   
  
          “… They’re taking you away.” The words hurt to say, bringing up a small whimper that she wouldn’t let escape.   
  
          “Sergeant Barnes, shippin’ out two weeks today.” Bucky’s voice was dull, as if it numbed the pain he was feeling. Ruby understood why he couldn’t tell her. He didn’t want to go. More than that, he was terrified of going. She knew he didn’t want to join the army. It was his worst fear, turning out like his father, and now he was being forced into a corner to do exactly that.   
  
          “They can’t do that. They can’t just – they can’t give you two weeks!”   
  
Ruby was shifting around the back of him, working her way to the front so that she could see him properly. His eyes were red-rimmed with tears that hadn’t fallen, and the look on his face was enough to break her heart. He looked like something had been broken within him, and he wasn’t trying to stop whatever it was that was clawing away at his very soul. A smile didn’t even try to play upon his lips as she came into view, letting the defeated look painted across his face hang plain in view for her to see. Her hands came up to cup his face, stroking his cheeks.   
  
          “Talk to me, Bucky. Talk to me.” Her murmurs were coming out on the slight side of too quick, biting her lip to focus her thoughts on anywhere but on letting her tears fall.   
  
          “I want to help you. Let me help you.”  
  
          “Ya can’t. I’m gonna… I’m gonna be leavin’ ya, and – and I might not come back.”   
  
If he hadn’t resigned to accepting his fate, Ruby could have sworn that she would have heard the break in his voice. Her head shook violently, allowing blonde locks to move just as quickly back and forth.   
  
          “Don’t. Don’t say that. You’re going to come back to me, alright? You’re going to come back to me.”  
  
          Ruby pressed her lips against his as a way of trying to silence all his dark thoughts at once, and to her surprise, Bucky returned it in an almost hungry way. His arms had suddenly gone around her, pulling her close to him, as though it was the last kiss he was ever going to get. When she pulled away, breathless, Bucky pressed his forehead against her shoulder, trembling against her. She carded her fingers through his dark locks, shivering once at the feeling of his cool breath against the fabric of her dress. Bucky needed something to keep him stable, and whatever was going to help her help him to do that, she would do. She bit down on her lip once more, lowering her head just enough to whisper at him in an almost shaking tone.   
   
         “Whatever you want, you can have it. Just… Just tell me what you want.”   
  
          In his hazy, confused mind, Bucky didn’t have it in him to hold back. Instead of answering her question, his lips found her neck and started to kiss and suck in one particular spot, making her dig her nails into his shoulders so harshly that he was certain he would have crescent shaped marks the following day. While his lips focused on the porcelain skin of her neck, his hands found themselves wandering up under her skirt, deft fingers unhooking her garter straps and working their way up to rid her of the clothing he wanted off of her. He kept her panting against him, gripping his shoulders while his hands worked, and once he was finished with fixing her to how he wanted her, a hand wandered to his trousers and made quick work of the constraining fabric. His lips slipped away from her neck as he settled her back on the blankets beneath them, feeling her lock her legs around his hips. He met her in a heated kiss, pressing down against her, finally breaking the willpower that he had fought to keep for so long.   


* * *

            
         The moonlight was filling the barn by the time the two pulled apart, both panting and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Ruby pushed her skirt back down from around her hips, fixing herself up before she lay down next to Bucky, who had already zipped his trousers back up. Neither said a word, allowing the awkwardness creeping in around them to settle in comfortably. Ruby twitched by his side, reaching for his hand to squeeze softly.   
  
          “I wasn’t gonna… Ya ain’t hurt, are ya?” Bucky murmured.  
  
          “A little uncomfortable,” Ruby admitted quietly. “I wasn’t ready.”   
  
          “I shoulda… I coulda done somethin’…”   
  
          “Shh. It’s done now.” Ruby turned onto her side, and Bucky thankfully lifted his arm so that she could rest her head on his shoulder. He didn’t look at her, but kept his gaze up at the stars that they could see peeking through the hatch in the roof.   
  
          “Some Valentines, huh?”   
  
          “Some Valentines.”   
  
They stayed in silence for a long time after the quiet exchange, with Ruby listening to the sound of Bucky’s heartbeat slowly steadying and him listening to her breathing begin to return to a normal pattern. Nothing more about the discarded letter to the side of them was said – but the thought burned in the back of each of their minds. In two weeks, Bucky would be gone, and Ruby would be left to worry about whether he had survived every day that they were to be apart.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

Bucky didn’t bother trying to shut the front door quietly when he arrived home. Steve was hunched over the kitchen table with his sketch book in front of him as Bucky walked in, making his pencil stop moving across the paper.   
  
          “You’re home early, ain’t ya?”   
  
          “Called it a night,” Bucky sighed, stepping closer toward the kitchen. He threw his jacket down onto the couch, where his enlistment letter was sitting in the left-hand pocket. “We were both kinda worn out.”   
  
          “So you two finally –”  
  
          “Yeah.” Bucky mumbled. “And I’m the world’s biggest idiot for doin’ it.”   
  
          “Huh?” Steve lifted an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair. Bucky rubbed his face as he came into the light of the room, showing Steve just how tired he was.   
  
          “What’re ya talkin’ about?”  
  
          “We shouldn’t have had sex. I fucked it up, Steve. It was like some quick screw in a back alley.”   
  
          “Ya can’t make everythin’ perfect, Buck.” Steve reasoned, gaze following Bucky around. “Ain’t like it’s gonna be the last time ya have sex with her.”  
  
          “Yeah, well, it ain’t exactly a memorable first time.” Bucky replied flatly. “Took her virginity and didn’t even get her clothes off. What kinda first time is that?”   
  
          “Why’d ya do it then? If ya didn’t want it to be like that?”  
  
          “Ain’t exactly like I planned on havin’ sex with her tonight. I was gonna – what the fuck is _that_?”    
  
          “Buck – don’t –”   
  
Bucky was too quick for Steve’s fumbling hands, snagging the small piece of dull paper peeking from underneath Steve’s sketchpad. He brought it up and kept it well out of Steve’s reach as he quickly read over it. His lips started to form a thin line and his gaze narrowed and darkened, holding the piece back out for Steve to see.   
  
          “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Ya went and tried to enlist _again_? What the fuck is wrong with ya?!”   
  
          “I’m tryin’ to do my part –” Steve’s voice was calm, but the underlying tone was clear.   
  
          “So ya can what? Get dragged overseas and come back in a fuckin’ matchbox?!” Bucky snarled at Steve, throwing the paper back down onto the table.   
  
           “It’s not like a damn fist-fight, Steve! Ya get shot in the right place, that’s it! You’re fuckin’ dead, then what?! Gonna be buried next to your Mama? Ya might not even come back to get buried! Why’d you wanna go off and die so bad?!”   
  
          “’Cos I’m tired of sittin’ here doin’ nothin’!” Steve snapped back, rising out of his chair. “We sit here and do the same damn thing every day! There’s men over there fightin’ for our country! Don’t ya wanna do the same?!”  
  
          “No! I don’t wanna fuckin’ die! They got enough good men over there, why do they need us? Huh?!”   
  
          “What’s so wrong with it?!”   
  
          “Everythin’!” Bucky’s voice almost broke as he shouted the last word, followed by a sharp knocking on the kitchen wall from the next house. He rubbed his hands over his face, but the darkness in his eyes didn’t quaver. It held fast as the two stared at each other, trying to get the other to cave first. Bucky, however, was the first one to move. He stormed back out of the kitchen and went to his room, slamming the door behind him. Steve huffed, dropping back down onto the seat to turn the enlistment form over in his hands again and again.    


* * *

  
          The smaller, thinner man hadn’t moved until Bucky had stopped slamming draws and kicking whatever it was that was clattering; until he was more than definite that Bucky had fallen into a deep slumber – probably passed out with his clothes on too, no doubt. Steve tidied his sketching tools away, tucking the enlistment letter inside his sketchbook. There would be another place to volunteer tomorrow. Thin hands reached to pick up Bucky’s jacket with a roll of his eyes, brushing off the sleeves. As he did so, he saw the folded white paper peeking out of the pocket. Regardless of knowing he shouldn’t be looking, Steve couldn’t help when he unfolded and quickly scanned over it. A resigned sigh left him as he realised just exactly why Bucky had started snapping the way he had.   
  
          “Way to go, Rogers. Some pal you are.”   


* * *

           
          Bucky was up and out of the door before Steve even woke the following morning. He had been as quick as he possibly could be, not prepared to deal with the aftermath of the argument or listen to whatever Steve had to say. He knew that Steve knew of his enlistment as soon as he stepped into the kitchen and found his letter on the kitchen table, still folded. Steve would have looked. Bucky knew him well enough to know that. His sleep had been that of a fitful one, tossing and turning throughout the night and waking up in cold sweats from nightmares of gunfire and bombs being dropped. In truth, Bucky had barely slept at all. The dark rings under his eyes showed that. He doubted that he would sleep well ever again, if his nights were already haunted with the idea of death. It wouldn’t be nightmares soon. It would be real, and it would be his life, and he knew he wasn’t ready for that.   
  
The first thing he did when he arrived at the Docks was step in to see his boss. The room was filled with cigarette smoke – something that Bucky both breathed in and decided there wasn’t much at that very moment that he wouldn’t do to have a cigarette hanging out of his own mouth, and something that then caused him to burst into a coughing fit like Steve so often had. Bucky covered his mouth to hold the coughs back, looking over to the large, wide man sat behind the desk.   
  
          “Thought you were a smoker, Barnes.”   
  
          “Quit,” Bucky said, dropping into the free chair on his side. “My girl didn’t like it too much.”  
  
          “Wife’s been tryin’ to get me to quit for ten years. Like hell I’m gonna listen to her.” Bucky shrugged as his boss raised his eyebrow, trying to get comfortable in the chair.   
  
          “Was gettin’ an expensive habit anyways. Got enough to pay for without buyin’ cigarettes.”   
  
          “Women. Cost more than they’re worth, kid. Coulda told ya that.” The man took another deep inhale of the cigarette between his fingers, blowing out the smoke slowly. “What d’ya want, Barnes? Crates ain’t gonna move themselves.”  
  
          “I know sir. I just gotta… I’m handin’ in my notice. I wanna finish on Saturday.” Bucky admitted quietly. His gaze fell upon the desk between the two of them, twiddling his thumbs together. “I got enlisted yesterday.”   
  
          “Ya got enlisted? That’s rough.” Bucky could hear the regret in his tone, but he didn’t look up to meet the eyes of his boss. “Sorry to see ya go, Barnes.”  
  
          “Yeah. Sorry I gotta quit on short notice, y’know?”  
  
          “Forget about it. Ya just got told you’re goin’ to war, kid. I ain’t gonna be too mad about ya quittin’ on short notice, am I?”  
  
          “I’m real grateful for all the time I’ve worked here. It’s been great, boss. Sorry I gotta go.”   
  
          “You’ve been a good worker, Barnes. The boys are gonna miss ya.”   
  
          “Yeah…” Bucky glanced back up, trying to mask the sad look that was almost working itself into his gaze. “Guess I better go break the bad news to ‘em, huh?”   
  
          “Yeah.” His boss cleared his throat, glancing at the watch on his thick wrist. “Just because you’re goin’ off to war doesn’t mean ya can be late for your shift, Barnes. Get your ass down there.”   
  
          “Yes sir.”   


* * *

  
          “What do ya mean, you’re quittin’?!” Tom snapped at Bucky the moment he spoke. The other boys around them were still listening, though they hadn’t reacted in the same way that Tom had. The man was throwing his arms wide, staring at Bucky incredulously. Bucky hadn’t been able to finish explaining, due to the way Tom’s face had turned red.   
  
           “Ya got somethin’ better to do, huh?”  
  
          “Tom, it ain’t like –”  
  
          “That girl of yours, she talk ya into quittin’? Ruby makin’ ya do this?”  
  
          “Leave her out of it,” Bucky grumbled, narrowing his eyes dangerously. “This ain’t about her.”  
  
          “Then what’s it about? I know sure as hell ya ain’t been for any other apprenticeship interviews, kid. Ya got this, and ya got the bar. What’re ya gonna do? Take up more shifts pourin’ upperclass folks fancy drinks that cost –”  
  
          “I’m goin’ to war!” Bucky snapped, silencing the older man.   
  
The boys around them quieted, looking back over to Bucky with the same, regretful look. Yet, nothing bothered Bucky more than the look Tom was giving him, and it was making his skin itch and his eyes start to feel hot. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry in front of the men he had worked with for so long. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry in front of anyone except Ruby, by that point. That was set in stone. Bucky took another deep breath, tearing his gaze away from looking at the rest of the boys to looking back at Tom.   
  
          “So yeah! I will be quittin’ my damn job!”   
  
          “Kid, I didn’t mean –”  
  
          “Forget it, Tom! All of ya, forget it! And stop lookin’ at me like I’m already dead! Just move the damn boxes, alright?!”   
  
Bucky shoved past them all, heading down to the very end of the dock. He couldn’t take the way they were looking at him right now. He couldn’t bring himself to do that. He stalked away from them and set to work as far away as he possibly could, leaving them to glance at each other and wonder what to say.   


* * *

  
  
          Ruby checked the name of the store before stepping inside, making sure it was the right one. It was almost empty, save for an older woman near the small assortment of vegetables, which meant Ruby could search for the person that she had come so far away from work for. He was restacking cans, with his apron tied loosely around the back of him.  
  
          “Steve?”  
  
The can almost dropped out of his hands. Steve turned around, wide-eyed, until he saw that it was Ruby who had said his name. He offered her a small smile, nodding politely.   
  
          “Hey, Ruby.”  
  
          “I wanted to talk to you.”  
  
          “Me?” Steve paused, placing the can in his hands down. “What about?”   
  
          “Bucky.” Ruby lowered her voice, as though the person in question was in the store with them. “He’s told you what’s… What’s happening, hasn’t he?”   
  
          “Kinda,” Steve admitted. “Less words, more findin’ the letter in his pocket.”   
  
          “Oh… But you know?”   
  
          “Yeah. Two weeks, right?”   
  
          “Yes.” Ruby nodded sadly, but coughed softly to clear her throat before her thoughts became more upsetting. She was already having a hard enough time as it was, accepting the idea. After Bucky had dropped her off at her front door the previous night, she had curled up with Em and cried herself to sleep in her sister’s hold. She had barely been able to tell Em what had made her so upset before she burst into tears that had dried on her cheeks as the morning came. She had only told Em about Bucky leaving – the conversation about the previous night in the barn hadn’t been a topic of conversation, and Ruby wouldn’t allow it to be.  
  
          “He’s going to miss his birthday.”   
  
          “… Yeah. He is.” Steve paused, frowning softly at Ruby. “What, ya wanna throw him a party or somethin’?”   
  
          “That’s exactly what I want to do.”  
  
          “For real?”  
  
          “Yes.” Ruby twisted her fingers together and gave him a curious look, resting her weight on one foot. “Do you think that’s stupid?”   
  
          “Nah, I don’t. I think he’ll like somethin’ like that.”   
  
          “Really?” Ruby’s eyes brightened up as she looked at Steve, who had seemed to also brighten up at the thought. “You think he would?”  
  
          “Yeah. Buck ain’t had a party since his thirteenth birthday, y’know. His Ma threw him a party at the house and he pitched a fit about bein’ too old for it. Don’t think he’s gonna be doin’ that now.”   
  
          “He didn’t have a twenty-first birthday party?”   
  
          “Nah. His Pop took him out for some dinner with Bec and me and my Ma so Buck could have his first legal drink, but that’s about it. Said he didn’t want any fuss about his birthday. Ain’t ever seen him as drunk as he was that night, though. Had to be carried home by some of the guys he works with.”   
  
          “I’d like to throw him a party. I’d like to spend one birthday with him, even if it’s not really his birthday.”  
  
          “That’s real sweet of ya.” Steve smiled at her, giving her an almost gentle look. “He’s gonna really like somethin’ like that, Ruby.”   
  
          “I was thinking we could have it at The Dance Hall, this Saturday. You, Bucky’s father, Becca, and the men he works with? I thought it would be nice to give him a birthday party… And a send-off.”  
  
          “We gotta give him somethin’, huh?” Steve’s voice was then the one becoming quiet, looking up at Ruby. “Alright. D’ya want me to speak to his Pop?”   
  
          “No,” Ruby shook her head. “I’ll tell him closer to the time. I’ll need your help getting together Bucky’s friends and planning the party. Would it be okay if I came to your house tonight? Before Bucky comes home?”   
  
          “Yeah. He’s workin’ late tonight, I think. Supposed to be, anyways.”   
  
          “I’ll come over straight after work just in case he isn’t working late. I finish at five, is that okay?”  
  
          “Yeah. My shift finishes then too. We’ll probably get there about the same time.”   
  
          “Okay,” Ruby smiled at him, gesturing back to the door as she took small steps backward. “I have to get back to work now, but thank-you, Steve. I really appreciate your help.”  
  
          “Don’t mention it,” Steve waved her off, chuckling. “Yeah, get back to work! You’re makin’ me slack off.”   
  
          “You were stacking cans,” Ruby rolled her eyes as she left, letting the bell go on the door. She smiled to herself on the way back to work, stopping off to get some lunch, and sighed happily once she was back in front of her typewriter. If she couldn’t spend Bucky’s birthday with him, then she was going to do what she could for him – and that started with throwing him his first birthday with her.   


* * *

  
          Bucky had stripped down to his vest by late afternoon. The boys, Tom included, had tried to speak to him in a normal way since his outburst that morning, but they had been met with grunts and hard stares. It had resulted in Bucky barely speaking, except to say which way to go with the crates. That was, until the men were calling down the dock to get his attention.   
  
          “Hey, Barnes! Ya got someone here for ya!”   
  
          “Tell ‘em I’m busy!”   
  
          “She says she’s ya sister! Get your ass down here!”   
  
Bucky let go of the crate he had been almost ready to lift with one of the other men, grabbing his shirt that was hanging behind him instead. In all the years he had worked at the Docks, Becca had never once come to see him. Worry rushed over him as he raced down to the bottom, where he saw his sister with tears pooled in her eyes. She had her schoolbag clutched in her hands, looking up at her older brother.   
  
          “What’re ya doin’ here?!” Bucky panted, tugging his shirt on. “What’s wrong?”  
  
          “Is what Pop said true?”   
  
Bucky watched his sister’s lip quiver as she spoke, and tears start to drip down. Bucky gulped, dragging Becca in for a strong, squeezing hug. That was answer enough. Becca started to sob into his shoulder, hiccupping against him every few shaky exhales of breath. Bucky turned to the man that had shouted up to him, shaking his head.   
  
          “Tell ‘em I’m off for the rest of the shift.” Bucky pushed Becca enough away from him so that she was curled into him rather than across him, allowing him to slip his arm securely around her shoulders.   
   
         “Shh, Bec. C’mon. Let’s get ya outta here.”   


* * *

  
          Bucky walked Becca back to the only place he could think of – back to his and Steve’s home. He pulled her inside and got her to sit down, making her have a drink as her tears finally came to a stop. Neither said anything, until Becca was shifting toward him on the couch and Bucky was rubbing his eyes.  
  
          “Do ya really have to go?”   
  
          “Yeah,” Bucky murmured, trying to tread as carefully as he could so that he didn’t cause her to cry again. “Thirteen days.”   
  
          “I don’t want ya to go,” Becca sniffled, edging closer still. “Why can’t someone else go?”   
  
          “’Cos they gotta take people they think can fight.” He explained. “Must think I can do a pretty good job if they want me to be a Sergeant.”   
  
          “Susan’s big brother – he went, and he – h-he didn’t come back home.” Becca’s lip started to quiver again, so Bucky reached out and tugged her back close to him.   
  
          “Quit it. It ain’t gonna be like that, alright? I’m gonna come back home. Who else is gonna stop all those boys tryin’ to ask ya out?”   
When Becca gave a shaky laugh, Bucky gave a weak smile. If spinning stories that probably weren’t going to be true kept Becca from crying, then Bucky was going to continue to do it.   
  
          “I’m bein’ serious, Bec. Ain’t no boy askin’ my sister out until she’s finished school. She’s gotta promise me that, so I don’t gotta worry when I’m over there. Ya hear me? School first. Don’t screw it up like I did.”  
  
          “School first.” Becca rested her head against his shoulder, nodding against him. Bucky curled his arm around her, like he had done when they were younger and his sister had been so much smaller.   
  
          “Not even if that boy ya like comes and asks if he can take ya dancin’. No boys ‘til after school.”   
  
          “What if he’s the one that’s gonna make me happy?”   
  
          “Then he’s gonna wait for ya. If he doesn’t, then he ain’t the boy for ya.”   
  
          “I thought ya said you weren’t the smart one,” Becca giggled quietly against him, brushing her hand under her chin. Bucky chuckled with her, patting her shoulder.   
  
          “I ain’t. That’s why you’re the one that’s gotta stay in school. You’re like Ma, and I’m like Pop.”   
  
          “D’ya think Ma would be proud of ya? Goin’ off to war?”   
  
          “I think Ma would be prouder of you,” Bucky admitted. In all honesty, he didn’t know how his mother would have reacted to the news. Part of him hoped that she would have reacted in the same way he had, but part of him wondered if she would have seen it as an honour like his father had. Either way, it wasn’t for him to be trying to pin a reaction onto the memory of his mother.   
  
          “I think she’s gonna look out for ya while you’re over there. Makin’ sure ya stay safe.”   
  
          “Yeah, I hope so too. I don’t know who’d kick my ass more if I didn’t. You or Ruby.”   
  
          “Both of us,” Becca tilted her chin up to look at him, smiling softly. “We’d both kick your butt if ya came back with anythin’ wrong with ya.”   
  
          “Yeah, I bet ya would.”   
  
Becca laughed again against Bucky, turning her head to nuzzle against Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky sighed quietly, tapping his fingers on Becca’s shoulder. As long as he kept her happy, and everyone else, it would be okay. He wouldn’t have to think about the darker side, if he could keep pretending that it was going to be okay.   


* * *

  
          Ruby had walked as quickly as she could to Steve’s, with her heels clacking along the concrete pavement with every step. It seemed that she had arrived there just as Steve had, with the other blond walking toward the house from the opposite direction she was.   
  
          “Hey,” Steve greeted, waving his hand. “Ya got here pretty quick.”  
  
          “It’s not far from where I work,” Ruby smiled at Steve, stopping in front of the steps that they had to take to get up to his apartment.   
  
          “Yeah but ya got here quicker than I did, and I only work down the street.”   
  
          “You have asthma, Steve. You can’t hurry home every night.” Ruby gave him an amused look, starting up the steps with him. “We’re still here before Bucky is.”   
  
          “Yeah, that’s somethin’. Ya got any more ideas about what this party’s gonna be like?”   
  
          “I was thinking that we don’t get him presents. He can’t take them where he’s going, so they would be pointless.”   
  
          “Good idea,” Steve nodded, turning his key in the lock to let them inside. “Is it gonna be like a dinner party or just some get –”  
  
Steve stopped mid-sentence as the door opened to the sight of Bucky and Becca asleep on the couch, with Bucky’s arm loosely around his sister’s shoulders and his sister covered up with the blanket from Bucky’s bed. Steve stepped in quietly, with Ruby stepping in just as quietly behind him.   
  
          “I thought he was working a late shift today?” Ruby asked, taking in how peaceful Bucky looked.   
  
          “Thought he was. Looks like Bec’s been cryin’ or somethin’. She must’a just found out…”   
  
          “Poor Becca…” Ruby couldn’t help carding her fingers through Bucky’s hair as they passed, brushing dark locks away from his forehead. She resisted the urge to kiss his cheek as he unconsciously leaned toward her touch, and instead followed Steve into the kitchen to join him at the table.   
  
          “Do you think they’ve eaten?”   
  
          “Probably not,” Steve shrugged, untying his apron. “Bec looks like she’s come straight from school.”   
  
          “… I’ll cook dinner.” Ruby was then taking off her cardigan, looking at Steve. “I’ll help out.”  
  
          “C’mon, Ruby. Don’t be stupid. Ya don’t have’ta do that.”  
  
          “Steve, let me help out. Besides, we can plan while they sleep, and wake them up when dinner’s ready. They don’t have to be aware of anything else going on but dinner being put in front of them.” Ruby was already washing her hands in the sink as Steve was closing the door carefully, trying to keep the wood on its hinges.   
  
          “They both look like they’ve had a long day. Besides, I’d rather be busy right now, Steve.”   
  
          “… Alright. But I’m gonna help ya.”   
  
          “Good. You can party plan while I cook.” Ruby shot him a smile over her shoulder, making her way toward the fridge. “Start writing a list of people to invite for him. No more than ten, okay? Then I can book the tables tomorrow night.”   
  
          “I meant cookin’,” Steve chuckled, moving to the sink. “But alright. If ya want me to plan this thing, then I’ll plan it for ya. They’ll eat anythin’ ya make, by the way. As long as it’s hot, they ain’t gonna mind.”   
  
          “You sound as though you doubt my cooking, Steve.” Ruby started pulling out what little food was in the fridge, trying to figure out something that she could make with the small collection. Steve waved the hand towel at her as he dried his hands, then threw it over his shoulder.   
  
          “Ya wanna be quiet, or you’re gonna wake ‘em.”    
  
Ruby giggled and shook her head, reaching into the cupboard over the stove to search. Steve got out a pencil and grabbed a receipt to write on the back of it, while the two siblings in the sitting room slept on among the sounds of pans sizzling and playful bickering in the next room.   


* * *

  
            
          By Saturday, Bucky was at least talking to the men at the docks. It wasn’t as strained as it had been, but there was still tension there. Bucky had at least calmed himself enough to speak to them in full sentences, rather than in grunts and muttered words. Bucky wasn’t even having a problem with talking to Tom anymore – the redheaded man had tried to apologise to Bucky, but he had waved it off. It was petty, now, in Bucky’s eyes. There wasn’t much else he could do but wait it out, until it was time for him to leave.   
As the end of Bucky’s last shift at the Docks drew to a close, Tom clapped a hand down on Bucky’s shoulder so hard that Bucky winced and jumped from the shock at the same time. The sun was low by the late afternoon, but it was warm enough for Bucky to have stripped himself of his shirt and worked in his vest, which was almost as filthy as he was.   
  
          “What?”  
  
          “Y’know we ain’t lettin’ ya leave here without goin’ for a drink first, right?” Tom smirked at Bucky, squeezing his shoulder.     
  
          “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me.” Bucky rolled his eyes, glancing at Tom. “Ya wanna go for a damn drink while we’re covered in all this sweat and grime?”  
  
          “Y’know, we got toilets ya can go and priss yourself up in, Barnes.”   
  
          “I’m just sayin’, ain’t a lotta places that are gonna let us in lookin’ like this on a Saturday night.” Bucky shrugged, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead.   
  
          “Dance Hall will,” Tom stated, looking back at the rest of the boys. “Place always used to let us in for a drink or two, remember? They don’t give a shit what we look like.”   
  
          “One drink,” Bucky stepped forward, making Tom’s hand slip off of his shoulder. “I got somewhere I gotta be later on.”   
  
          “Yeah, yeah. We know. Now go priss yourself up before we go anywhere.”  
  


* * *

  
          As much as Bucky didn’t want to go out for a drink – he would much rather be going home and having a shower before going to pick up Ruby for their date that night, as both of them had the night off from The Stork Club, he couldn’t deny the men their last chance at drinking together. More than that, Tom wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. They had at least buttoned up their shirts and washed as much dirt off of their faces as they could, for at least Bucky’s sake – who had indeed gone to the toilets, cleaned himself up and even combed his hair back – and the men outside the Dance Hall did let them inside. Bucky was halfway through a conversation with one of the younger men at the back of their group, when Tom shouted back;  
  
          “Quit hidin’, kid! It’s your damn party!”   
  
  
Frowning, Bucky peered around the shoulder of the man in front of him, only for the group to part and him see Ruby standing there, with her hands crossed neatly in front of her soft yellow skirt. Seated at the table behind her were his father, Becca, Steve, Danny and Andrea and they were all looking at him. Bucky looked at Tom and then to Ruby, keeping the frown as he stepped through the small group and to his girlfriend, where she reached out a hand for him.   
  
          “What’s all’a this?” Bucky murmured, wiping his hand on his jeans before taking hers. Ruby smiled softly at him, parting red painted lips to talk.   
  
          “I wanted to spend your birthday with you,” Ruby murmured back to him, squeezing his hand. “So I threw you an early party.”   
  
          “How’d ya get everyone here?” Bucky glanced around the table again, but avoided the gaze of his father. He hadn’t mentioned to Ruby that he hadn’t spoken to the man since he received his letter, and that he had no intention of speaking to him either.   
  
          “Steve helped me,” Ruby whispered to him. “You should thank him.”   
  
          “When you two folks have stopped your whisperin’,” Tom interrupted, patting Bucky’s shoulder again. “Think ya can move so we can sit down, or are ya gonna stand there like an idiot all night?”   
  
          “Luckiest idiot to be standin’ with this pretty girl, ain’t I?”   
  
Tom started to laugh, moving past Bucky regardless of him standing still. The rest of the men followed Tom, joining Bucky’s family at the two tables which had been pushed together. Bucky made sure he sat as far away from his father as he possibly could, opting to sit next to Steve and have Ruby have the empty chair on the end of the row. Ruby smiled as he pulled the chair out for her before seating himself, making Tom make a groan across the table.   
  
          “Kid, you’re showin’ me up and my wife ain’t even here.”   
  
          “I’m a gentleman,” Bucky commented, “unlike yaself.”   
  
          “Just ‘cos your daddy’s here don’t mean I ain’t gonna clip ya round the head, smartass,” Tom warned, though he was smirking. He looked down the table to George, who shrugged.   
  
          “If ya want.”   
  
          “See! Got permission and everythin’.”  
  
          “You can’t hit him,” Ruby cut in, bringing her hand up to stroke through the locks of dark hair on the back of Bucky’s head. Tom raised an eyebrow while Bucky watched, leaning his head back slowly so that he could enjoy more of the touch.   
  
          “It’s his party. You can’t hit him.”   
  
          “You’re tellin’ me I can’t?”  
  
          “That’s right,” Ruby nodded, gently scratching her nails against Bucky’s scalp. “And Bucky always lets me have my way, don’t you?”  
  
          “Yes ma’am. What my girl wants, my girl gets.” Bucky smirked back at Tom, shrugging. “Ya ain’t allowed to hit me. My girl said you ain’t allowed.”  
  
          “I’m gonna hit ya just for hidin’ behind a beautiful dame,” Tom laughed, placing a hand down on the table. “When she ain’t here. That alright with ya, Ruby?”  
  
Ruby turned to look at Bucky, studying every inch of his face and every outline of his feature. Bucky’s lips were curved into the smile that she loved, and for the first time that week, his eyes were bright. Her hand slipped from his hair to brush her fingertips along his jaw, patting his cheek gently.   
  
          “As long as you don’t hit him too hard.”   
  
          “Red!”   
  
Bucky’s face instantly fell, drawing out a giggle from Ruby and a hit of Tom’s hand against the table while he joined in her laughter. Bucky shrugged Ruby’s hand away, leaving his mouth slack and open while his eyes raked over Ruby incredulously. She made to reach for his hand while she giggled but Bucky moved them away, giving her a childish look as her laughter continued to get louder – and infect the others at the table, bar his father – into laughing along with her while Bucky decided that he was going to the bar to get a drink, or several, until they calmed down, and all while wearing an amused look on his face.   


* * *

  
          As the night drew on, Ruby found herself having danced with every member of their small group, save for George – but she had managed two dances out of Steve. Bucky, on the other hand, had spun Becca around until she was laughing so hard she was crying. They hadn’t decided to stay at the Dance Hall for too long, with dinner being a problem, but Bucky didn’t care. As he pulled Ruby closer to him, pressing them both together, he snuck a kiss while they swayed to the music.   
  
          “Thank-ya for doin’ all of this for me, Ruby.”   
  
          “I didn’t want you to miss out,” Ruby murmured back to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I wanted to celebrate it with you.”   
  
          “I ever told ya that you’re too damn good for me?”   
  
          “You always tell me that,” Ruby giggled softly against him, sighing contentedly in Bucky’s arms. “I’m glad you like it.”   
  
          “I ain’t had anyone throw me a party since my Ma was around.”   
  
          “I didn’t know if you’d like it…”  
  
          “You’re kiddin’, right? I love that ya did somethin’ like this for me.” Bucky kissed the top of her head, sighing softly. “And now I got just over a week to try and make it up to ya.”   
  
          “Don’t.” Ruby was quiet, pulling away just enough to look at him. “Don’t remind me. It’s already going so quickly, Bucky. I don’t want to be counting down the days, even though that’s all I do every night before I go to sleep. I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t –”  
  
          “Shh, babe. I ain’t havin’ ya gettin’ upset. Not tonight. Maybe I’ll get over there and we’ll win this damn thing before I even go off to fight, huh? Maybe they’ll just keep me posted in England or somethin’.”  
  
          “I hope…”   
  
          “C’mon now. Don’t think about it, alright? You’re too pretty to be cryin’ over me.” Bucky had moved so that he could cup her cheeks, stroking his thumbs across them. Ruby’s hands gently held onto his wrists, leaning into Bucky’s touch with a gentle smile.   
  
          “Okay.”   
  
          “Good. I’m gonna make this week the best one of your life, alright? And Bucky Barnes never breaks his promises.” Bucky smiled at her, leaning forward to give her the most innocent of kisses. Before Ruby could speak, Bucky spun her out rather suddenly and brought out a gasp and then a giggle, breaking back into a dance with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say a thank-you for everyone that reads this story, and everyone who has left comments, kudos, subscribed and bookmarked it. Glad you guys are enjoying it!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

Though neither Bucky nor Ruby had wanted to accept that Bucky’s days were dwindling faster than they wanted them to, it was inevitable. The week had passed by quickly, but they had spent every moment that they could together. With Bucky only working at The Stork Club, he was able to meet Ruby for lunch every day – that she thankfully made for them – and pick her up from work with a different coloured rose for her each evening. Bucky would then wait until she got ready so that he could take her out for the night, for both dinner and whatever activity he had spontaneously decided on that morning. The Dance Hall, the movies, the beach at Coney Island, a train-ride up to Central Park, they had done it all. Granted, a few times they had been late for Ruby’s curfew, but her father seemed to give Bucky some leeway on it. Ruby wore only Bucky’s favourite dresses on their dates, and wore red lipstick every night. More often than not, Bucky ended up covered in it after he dropped her off at her doorstep. Ruby had a few marks of her own to cover up along her collarbone, but the one from her thigh that he had given her the night of his party was almost gone.   
  
          The sun broke through the thin curtains that attempted in vain to cover shield Bucky from it. Groaning, he rolled over in an attempt to cover himself from the light, only to find the thin sheet tangled around his hips. Once he had wrestled himself free, he made to tug it over his head, until a sharp knock came at the front door. Grunting in frustration, he threw the sheet off completely and forced himself off of his mattress and out of the room, rubbing his eyes as he went.   
  
          “Christ…” Bucky muttered, turning the key in the door before he tugged it open. “Ya know what time it is?”  
  
          “Nine-thirty, soldier.”   
  
Bucky opened his eyes properly at the sharp tone, blinking only once as he took in the sight of the uniformed man in front of him. Bucky trembled, wondering whether he had overslept for an entire day and they had come to get him, until he was handed a green duffel bag and a parcel wrapped in brown paper.   
  
          “Uniform’s in there. Put it on tomorrow morning. The train leaves at zero eight-hundred hours. Have a nice day.”   
  
          “Thanks.” Bucky managed to unlock his jaw long enough to speak, taking the items from him. “Thank-you, sir.”   
  
As the soldier saluted, Bucky gave a half-hearted one back. He watched him descend the stairs before he shut the door, throwing the items to the sofa behind him. The brown paper tore and gave Bucky a glimpse at the green uniform inside, and vomit instantly rose up in Bucky’s throat. No sooner had he looked at the fabric peeking out of the wrapping, he found himself in the bathroom, proceeding to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. Bucky clung to the sides, knuckles turning white against the porcelain. The only thing he was thankful for was that Steve had already gone to work, which left Bucky able to throw up in silence and pity for himself. Even the thought of finishing unwrapping the uniform made Bucky pale, which only led him to leaning back over the toilet to continue emptying his stomach, right down to only bringing bile up. Covered in a cold sweat, Bucky knew that the day was going to be the longest one of his life – and that was before he even managed to unwrap his uniform properly and try it on.   


* * *

  
          Ruby typed as quietly as she could, focusing on only her work as her hands moved on the machine in front of her. The girls had tried to tread carefully around her, and if Ruby was to tell the truth, it was beginning to become irritating. They had all been far too polite and not like themselves for Ruby to feel comfortable with working, so her approach to the week had been to keep her head down and work through the pile of letters that ended up waiting for her every morning. Even Andrea, who Ruby considered her best friend, was staying quiet. Usually, the brunette was boisterous enough that she made Ruby laugh out loud, but that week Andrea had been quiet and keeping to herself. By extension, Danny hadn’t been himself while he was working shifts with Bucky. Ruby had noticed that the conversation had seemed forced and under strain, but Bucky, stoic as ever, had took it in his stride and not let it affect him.   
  
          “Have you heard about the Stark Expo?” Andrea glanced up at Ruby as she typed, making sure she was hitting the correct keys. “It’s all the buzz in Brooklyn.”   
  
          “Bucky’s taking me tonight,” Ruby answered, running her fingertip along the line on the paper that she was copying. “He’s excited.”   
  
          “Never woulda pinned him as a guy that likes that sorta thing.”   
  
          “Bucky likes technology. He’s good with his hands and likes knowing how things work.”   
  
          “What about you? Lookin’ forward to it?”   
  
          “Yes.” Ruby looked up at Andrea, giving her a soft nod. “I’m finishing at lunch, Bucky and I are going for something to eat before we go up to the Expo with his sister and Steve.”   
  
          “That’s how you’re spendin’ your… Y’know.”   
  
          “Yes.” Ruby then looked back down, biting her lip. “But Bucky always surprises me. I doubt the Expo is all we’re doing tonight.”   
  
          “You think –”  
  
          “I’m trying to focus on this letter, Andrea. Could this wait until I’m done?”   
  
          “…Sure.”   
  
Andrea quieted, focusing her attention back on her own typewriter. Ruby’s blue eyes glanced up at her briefly, letting a quiet sigh escape. She hadn’t meant to come across as harshly as she might have had, but she didn’t want to talk about what Bucky was or wasn’t planning to do that night. Her fingers paused before they started typing again, trying to keep her mind on anywhere but Bucky so that she could at least make it through her shift.   


* * *

           
          Turning and turning again, Bucky looked himself over in the mirror once more. His uniform fit perfectly, but it made him feel like he was being forced into something too tight. His collar itched and the belt around his waist seemed to be making him feel as though he was suffocating, though his breathing was perfectly normal. The hat that finished off his uniform was tilted on his head, hiding perfectly combed back dark locks. Cold, empty eyes took in his uniform, and if Bucky didn’t know that it was him that was wearing the suit of a soldier, then he wouldn’t have believed it to be his own reflection. The man staring back at him looked nothing like the man he had been when he woke up. This man didn’t look scared of the life he was about to embark on, and he didn’t look like he was ready to run away and hide instead of getting on the train the following morning. This Bucky seemed like a man who was ready to go and fight for his country, and be the son that his father had always wanted rather than the one he had gotten.   
  
          “Great, kid. Exactly what your Ma woulda wanted for ya, huh? Goin’ off to fight for your country.” Bucky muttered to himself, adjusting the collar of his jacket. “Look like a real army brat. All ya need now is to come home with a medal, right?”   
  
He scoffed at the thought, bitterly amused by it. The possibility of lying down his life for his country, and he would be rewarded with a medal if and when he came home. That was his recognition. His father had one in a frame at home, along with a picture of him in his uniform. That was one thing he didn’t want – a picture of him wearing the uniform. He hadn’t asked for it, and if he did come back, then it would be a memory he tried to repress for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t feel a hero if he came back, but another person wounded by the war, be it mentally or physically. Above anything else, he was scared of coming home and being like his father. Unable to work and unable to support his family. He didn’t want to come home and be like George. After a lifetime of fighting it, of trying to not be like his father, and now he wasn’t sure if he could fight it much longer.   
  
A hand ran through dark locks as he wandered over to pick his hat up, sighing and dusting it off before placing it back on his head. His mind now turned to Ruby, thinking of the night he had planned for them. She was the only thought that was keeping him from breaking down and going out drinking himself away for the night to soften the blow. Ruby was the only coherent thought in his mind, and that was what was going to keep him going for the months they spent apart. As long as he had Ruby, and he could think about coming home to her, it would be okay.   
  
          “C’mon, kid. Ya gotta go show her a good time tonight. No fuckin’ it up.”   
  
Straightening out his uniform for the last time, Bucky saluted himself in the mirror before mock-marching out of the room, snagging his keys off of the kitchen table as he walked past. One more night for Ruby, and one more chance to prove his worth to her. That was all he had.   
  


* * *

  
          As the bell for lunch rang, Ruby found herself almost dragging her feet. Her cardigan, clean and waiting around the back of her chair, was brought up to wrap around her shoulders, with the top button fastened so it didn’t fall. Bucky was to walk her back to her home, where he would wait for her to get changed. They were having lunch before Steve and Becca joined them to hitch a ride on the train to Queens, so they could go to the Expo. Andrea, gathering her own things from across the desk, was watching Ruby with an almost sad expression. Ruby looked up to meet her eyes, watching Andrea tilt her head sympathetically.  
  
          “Tell Bucky I wished him good luck, okay?”  
  
          “I will.” Ruby’s voice was soft, nodding at Andrea. Within minutes of the girls walking from their opposite desks, Andrea was pulling Ruby into a tight hug.   
  
          “He’ll be okay. Toughest boy in Brooklyn, y’know.”   
  
          “I know,” Ruby felt a lump form in her throat, trying to will it away.  Andrea rubbed Ruby’s shoulders before she let go, with both of them giving each other a sad smile. Andrea linked her arm with Ruby’s to walk her to the door, where Ruby had to take a deep breath before she stepped out.   


* * *

  
          Bucky was leaning against the wall as Ruby became visible through the glass in the door. Inhaling sharply, Bucky moved himself so that he was standing up straight, giving her the grin that he knew she loved the second her heels made contact with the concrete floor. Andrea unlinked Ruby’s arm and whispered something to her before she hurried along with the other girls, starting to chatter amongst themselves. Ruby waited at the door as Bucky stepped forward, holding out his hand for her.  
  
          “What’s a pretty girl like you doin’ workin’ in a place like this, huh?”   
  
          “I could ask you the same thing, Soldier. What’s a boy like you doing waiting around here?”   
  
          “Y’see, I’m waitin’ for my lady. Ya might know her, y’know. Kinda your height, got these great curves that I wanna run my hands over all day, got this blonde hair that I love runnin’ my fingers through, and she’s got this smile. When it hits ya, ya can’t look anywhere else but her. Pretty contagious. She’s a hell of a catch. Think ya know someone like her?”  
  
          “I can’t say I do…” Ruby took a small step forward as Bucky did too, holding out a hand for him to take. “Do you think you can settle for me instead?”  
  
          “Kinda a big drop, but…” Bucky looked her up and down, making Ruby subconsciously blush even though she had her plain work clothes on. “I think you’ll be alright. Wanna come see the Stark Expo with me?”   
  
          “I’d love to.” Ruby took Bucky’s outstretched hand with a smile, squeezing his fingers lightly.   
  
          “Good. Ain’t many girls that are gonna say yes now, aren’t they? You’re kinda special, babe.”   
  
          “I think any girl who doesn’t want to see it is ridiculous. Especially when they get to hang on the arm of such a man like yourself…” Ruby linked with Bucky’s arm, allowing him to start walking her home. Bucky snickered and kissed the side of Ruby’s head, earning a sigh of contentment.   


* * *

  
          Bucky, who had been invited in and sat with Ruby’s father every time he dropped her off to get changed that week, stopped when they arrived at her front door. Ruby watched him with a confused and intrigued gaze as he lingered on the top step, stilling her hand on the door handle before she turned and unlocked it.   
  
          “You’re still allowed in, Bucky.” Ruby tried to prompt him, but he shook his head.   
  
          “I don’t want your folks to see me like this.”   
  
          “Bucky…” Ruby sighed quietly, holding out one hand for him to take. She squeezed his rough palm as soon as it came into contact with him, stroking the rough skin he had there.   
  
          “I want them to see you before you go. I want them to take a picture of us, with you in your uniform and me and my best dress. Please? That’s all I’m asking of you.”   
  
          “Ya want a picture when I look like this?” Bucky frowned, looking down at himself. He didn’t even want a picture of himself in his uniform, much less her having one. Yet, he was a man of his word if nothing else, and whatever Ruby wanted, Ruby got. With a begrudging groan, he followed Ruby through the door. No sooner had it closed than a mass of blonde hair was running down the stairs at Bucky, jumping at him enthusiastically.  
  
          “Bucky, Bucky, Bucky!”   
  
          “Pearl! C’mon, ya gotta let a man breathe before ya pounce on him!” Bucky laughed, ruffling up the already ruffled locks of the girl who had clung to him.   
  
          “You look different.” Pearl let him go, crossing her arms before him. “Is this your uniform?”  
  
          “Yeah. This is it. What do ya think?”  
  
          “I like you better when you have your other clothes on. You look more fun.” Pearl crossed her arms, looking at Bucky.   
  
          “What makes ya think I still ain’t fun when I’m wearin’ this uniform?” Bucky’s hands then reached out for Pearl, making twitching gestures. Pearl shrieked with laughter, knowing full well that if Bucky got hold of her, he would tickle her. She hid behind Ruby, pushing her sister in front.   
  
          “Aw, c’mon! That ain’t fair!”   
  
          “But I know you won’t tickle Ruby!”  
  
          “You’re right,” Bucky snickered, watching Ruby as she tried to hide Pearl more from him. “But I might tickle her later.”  
  
Ruby glanced at him, and the glint in Bucky’s eyes made Ruby start to blush. The smirk that sent shivers up her spine was playing on his lips, making her almost weak at the knees.   
  
          “That’s not a very good date!”  
  
          “I’m gonna do other stuff too.”   
  
          “Like what?”  
  
          “I’m takin’ your sister to the Stark Expo,” Bucky pulled his gaze away from Ruby, allowing her the opportunity to breathe and not feel like Bucky was undressing her just by the way he was looking. Ruby sidestepped away from the two of them, watching Bucky grab hold of Pearl and start to tickle her. In between laughter, she managed to form a sentence while Ruby edged closer to the stairs.   
  
          “No! I’m gonna tell my dad!”   
  
          “You’re going to tell me what?”  
  
Bucky dropped his hands as Ruby’s father stepped into the hallway with them, having come out of the sitting room. Bucky stood up straight and fixed his jacket, turning to face the man with a more serious expression.   
  
          “Hello, sir.”   
  
          “Bucky was tickling me,” Pearl cut in. “And he wouldn’t stop.”   
  
          “I’ve never head of a soldier tickling someone.” Ruby’s father turned his full attention to Bucky, giving him a once over. Bucky suddenly felt hot under his collar, clearing his throat to ease his own tension.   
  
          “You suit it, James.”   
  
          “Thanks, sir. Wasn’t expectin’ to get it ‘til I got overseas.”   
  
          “Will you take a picture of Bucky and I?” Ruby asked, reaching over the bannister from her place on the stairs to squeeze Bucky’s shoulder. “When I’m ready?”  
  
          “You’ll have to bring the camera down with you, Ruby. It’s in mine and your mother’s room, on the dresser.”   
  
          “Okay.” Ruby’s hand slipped away from Bucky’s shoulder, allowing her to hurry up the stairs. Pearl cupped her hands around her mouth, leaning through a gap in the bannister posts.   
  
          “Hurry up!”   
  
          “Pearl!” Ruby’s father scolded, earning the little girl’s attention back. Bucky chuckled as Pearl’s small hands grasped his left arm, swinging it in her hold.   
  
          “She makes Bucky wait forever,” Pearl informed her father. “I was just telling her.”   
  
          “Leave your sister and Bucky alone. And I’m sure he doesn’t want you using his arm like a toy.”  
  
          “Nah, it’s alright. She ain’t hurtin’ me.”  
  
          “Would you like to join me in the sitting room?”  
  
          “If ya don’t mind,” Bucky nodded. Ruby’s father turned on his heel and invited Bucky into the room with him, with Pearl still swinging on Bucky’s arm and climbing into his lap as soon as he was seated.   


* * *

  
          Ruby came downstairs to see Pearl curled against Bucky, with a drink in front of him on the coffee table. Em, who had been helping out in the kitchen, had come to listen, and was sitting on the piano bench that was near her father’s armchair. Ruby peeked around the doorframe, blonde locks tumbling over her shoulder, when she caught Bucky’s eye.   
          “Holy cow…” Bucky temporarily forgot where he was, sliding Pearl gently off of his lap so that he could stand up and admire Ruby fully as she stepped into the room.   
  
          “You like it?”   
  
          “Ya look…”   
  
The words faltered on Bucky’s tongue. He took his time looking over her, working down from her expertly pinned blonde locks that over her shoulders in soft curls, roughed red lips and eyes framed with a small helping of black; to the way the red of the dress formed a sweetheart neckline between the two straps over her shoulders. His gaze wandered lower still, taking in the way the dress hugged her waist and hips, before the skirt went out to give her the shape that Bucky loved. Her heels looked like black velvet, and even though he hadn’t got a closer look, he knew she was wearing stockings.   
  
          “Perfect, Ruby. Ya look perfect.”   
  
A blush finished off her look, brought on directly by the way Bucky’s eyes were raking over her, cleverly hidden by him making it look as though he was still looking at her face, for the sake of the members of Ruby’s family that were in the room. He held out a hand to her, bringing her dainty hand up so that he could leave a sweet kiss on her knuckles as she squeezed his fingers.   
  
          “Did you bring the camera downstairs, Ruby?”  
  
          “Yes.”   
  
Though she didn’t want to break the shared look or contact with Bucky, she had to. Stepping back out of the room and toward the stairs, Ruby picked up the heavy, gleaming silver camera that was resting on top of her large handbag. While she handed it over to her father, Bucky brushed his hair back and straightened out his uniform, tugging out any of the creases that were threatening to form. Once he had finished and raked his hair back, Bucky picked up his hat by Pearl and placed it on-top of his head, flashing Ruby a grin. She stepped fully into the room, taking his hand and bringing him over toward the large fireplace.   
  
          “How’d ya wanna…?” Bucky murmured as Ruby’s father readied the camera, with Em and Pearl behind him. Ruby laughed softly at him, bringing Bucky’s arms around her waist and folding his hands on top of each other.   
  
          “Like this?” Bucky brought Ruby close to his chest, turning them in unison so they were standing sideways to the camera.   
  
          “Like that.” Ruby breathed, glancing up at him. “You look handsome, Bucky.”   
  
          “You look even better, babe.” Bucky murmured, kissing the tip of Ruby’s nose. “I can’t wait to show ya off.”   
  
          “Are you both ready?” Ruby’s father held the camera up, earning a nod from both of them. Bucky flashed a grin at the same time Ruby did, just before the camera flashed. The light was almost blinding, sending Bucky’s vision blurred, but Ruby slipped Bucky’s hands from around her waist so that one slipped down and around her back, and the other fell at his side. Ruby had turned to rest her hand on his chest, keeping her attention on the camera.   
  
          “Can we have another one?”   
  
          “Hold still. Ready?”   
  
After two more pictures – one of Bucky and Ruby as a full length photograph, where her father had to move into the hallway to take it, and one of Bucky on his own, chest upwards so that his uniform was in clear view – they were ready to leave. Ruby’s mother and her brother had also joined them from both the kitchen and upstairs, watching the two of them.  
  
          “Do you have all your things?” Ruby’s mother asked as Bucky picked up Ruby’s bag for her, putting it up over his shoulder.   
  
  
          “Yes. Everything’s in my bag. I’m sure if I don’t have something, Becca will let me borrow from her.” Ruby nodded at her mother, picking her black cardigan and her thin, beige coat. The cardigan found its way onto her while the coat remained in her grasp, nodding at her mother.   
  
It had been decided the previous weekend after Bucky had asked Ruby’s parents for permission. On Bucky’s final night, Ruby would be allowed to stay at Bucky’s home, in Bucky’s room. Becca and George would be there, but Bucky would be at Steve’s. They were to meet in the morning to walk Bucky to the train station and say their goodbyes, and then Becca and George would walk Ruby back home. Ruby had been allowed to on the promise that she was going to Bucky’s home and not with him to Steve’s, which satisfied her parents enough for them to grudgingly agree for her to stay.   
  
          “Don’t stay out too late,” Ruby’s father warned them both. “You have an early train to catch.”  
  
          “Don’t worry. We ain’t gonna stay out too late.” Bucky gave an almost forced smile, subconsciously moving closer to Ruby. Ruby’s father looked almost as though he was about to say something else to Bucky, but fell short and instead outstretched his hand.   
  
          “Good luck over there, James.”   
  
          “Thanks, sir.” Bucky shook his hand, earning a curt nod from the older man. Ruby’s mother then cleared her throat, but didn’t make a move forward.   
  
          “Yes. Good luck.”   
  
          “Thanks, ma’am. Means a lot.”   
  
          “I’ll miss you,” Pearl then piped up, stepping in front of both of her parents. “A lot.”   
  
          “Yeah, I know ya will.” Bucky dropped down to one knee, so that he could be just a little shorter than the young blonde and have to look up to her. “I’m gonna miss ya too, Pearl. Y’know that?”   
  
          “You will?”  
  
          “Course I will,” Bucky scoffed. “You’re one of my favourite girls.”  
  
Skinny arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck instantly and Pearl clung tightly to him, leaving Bucky nothing to do but hug her in return. Pearl pulled away eventually, giving him a look that tugged at his heartstrings.   
  
          “C’mon, Pearl. Give me a smile, huh? I know ya got one hidin’ from me.”   
  
He reached to tickle her sides gently, and she gave him the smile that he had wanted. Ruffling her hair once before he got up, Bucky offered her a smile in return. Ruby took hold of his hand gently as Pearl went back toward her mother, taking hold of her arm.   
  
          “Try not to miss me too much, huh, Pearl?”   
  
          “Yeah…” Pearl nodded, leaning her head against her mother’s side.   
  
          “Atta girl.”   
  
Once goodbyes had been said at least once by everyone – twice in Pearl’s case, so she got another hug from Bucky – Ruby was being led by Bucky down the steps from her home. She kept a tight hold of Bucky’s hand as they waved over their shoulders to her family gathered in the doorway, and both took one long, lasting look before they disappeared around the corner and left Ruby’s street behind.   


* * *

  
          It seemed as though time was on their side that night. They had picked both Becca and Steve up once they had got to Steve’s house and had made good time for the train, which took them up to Queen’s. The Stark Expo was all the rage, and they were going to see it on the very last night that it was open. It worked perfectly with Bucky’s plans for the night. After arriving in Queen’s, Bucky had led them to a restaurant close-by the Expo for dinner, and insisted he pay for all four of them. Not wanting to cause an argument on his final night, even Steve had agreed to let Bucky do so. There seemed to be a Dance Hall not far from the train station, which Bucky had noticed and memorised the moment they had stepped off the rattling carriage.   
  
          “C’mon, Bucky!” Becca was calling over her shoulder, waving her hand to make her brother move faster. “We’re almost there!”   
  
          “You go ahead, Bec! We’ll find ya!”   
  
That seemed to be enough for her. Becca linked Steve’s arm and pulled him with enough force to make the skinny man jolt forward, not that it seemed to be a care that concerned Becca. She hurried along, dragging Steve with her in turn. From a few feet behind, Bucky and Ruby watched with a shared expression of amusement. They had been wandering around the Expo under the constant fireworks and bright lights for almost an hour, looking at everything it was seeming to offer their future. Ruby laughed, watching Becca drag Steve over to another small gathering of people to see what the invention was.   
  
          “She’s probably going to dislocate Steve’s arm.”   
  
          “Nah. Bec’s just excited. She ain’t ever been to anythin’ like this. Never really took her out before tonight.” Bucky’s voice was almost wistful, with his eyes clouding over slightly the closer they drew to the bright lights and large crowds filling up the open space.   
  
          “She’s having the time of her life,” Ruby commented, catching Becca weaving in between other couples while she pulled Steve along after her. “It was nice of you to invite her with us.”   
  
          “Thought I’d make sure she has at least one good date in her life.”   
  
          “Bucky…” Ruby squeezed his hand, making him glance at her from the corner of his eye. “Don’t say things like that. You’re coming home. You’re going to see her go on plenty of dates.”   
  
          “Who said I was gonna let her go on dates when I get home?” Bucky copied Ruby’s action, squeezing her hand like she had squeezed his. “She ain’t ever leavin’ the house this late again. Told her, school first. Boys after.”   
  
          “So protective…” A small breath of laughter left Ruby, leaning her head against Bucky’s shoulder. “What if I find her a date?”  
  
          “If _you_ find her a date, I ain’t gonna be happy with ya. Ya wouldn’t get any of that stuff ya like. Lucky if ya get any kisses, really, and I mean on your hand. Anythin’ else? Nah. Nothin’ like what ya like.”   
  
          “Shh. We’re in public, Bucky.” Ruby dropped her voice in an embarrassed fashion, looking around quickly to see if any sets of eyes had locked on the pair of them.   
  
          “Nobody’s listenin’, babe. They’re all tryin’ to see what’s up there.”   


* * *

  
Bucky was apparently right. A large crowd was gathering in front of a stage, with music pouring from it to draw in a larger crowd. Though the stage was empty save for a gleaming red car, there was enough people surrounding it for the two of them to know that it was about to be something big. Becca was calling them over from near to the front, and Bucky was polite enough to ask people to move rather than shoving past them. Steve was with Becca, eating a small bag of peanuts.   
  
          “Couldn’t get all the way to the front, could ya?” Bucky looked over to his sister, smirking. “This even alright for ya?”  
  
          “Don’t need to be right at the front if I can see, do I?” Becca’s smirk was almost identical, looping her arm around Bucky’s free one instead of Steve’s. Steve subtly shifted to the back of their group, with Bucky having the girls on either side of him.   
  
Before Bucky could turn back and talk to Steve, music started to play and five girls came out wearing identical outfits and top hats, lining up in front of the car. Becca squeezed Bucky’s arm, giggling to herself.   
  
          “Please welcome Mr. Howard Stark!”   
  
Bucky glanced from both Ruby, who was smiling, to Becca who looked over-excited as the man himself came out on the stage. Bucky watched as he man, who didn’t look much older than himself – if he even was – make his way toward the girls and take the microphone from one, pulling her into a deep kiss. It was little more than stage play, Bucky thought. He knew about Howard Stark – the way the man presented himself made up a lot of why he had been taken up on selling his first invention, so the papers said. He was an entertainer as well as an inventor, and as Bucky watched, he found himself drinking up the words that were being spoken into the microphone.  
  
          “What if I told you that in only just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all?”  
  
As Howard spoke, Bucky watched the girls that had graced the stage first take the wheels off of the car, revealing some sort of machinery underneath it. Bucky craned his neck, trying to get a better look over the tops of other heads in front of them. Whatever Howard said next was lost to him as he watched him fiddle with the buttons on a control panel, with the music building up. Eyes widened as the car started to lift itself off the ground, beginning to hover in mid-air.   
  
          “Holy cow.”   
  
He couldn’t believe his eyes. What Bucky wouldn’t give to be able to take one of the pieces of machinery off to have a look at how it worked, he didn’t know. The car steadied itself as Bucky watched, until it began to falter. Where the front tires should have been went first, short-circuiting until the back went out too. The car crashed the little way back down to the floor, making the crowd jump. Bucky turned to Steve with a grin, chuckling to himself.   
  
           “I did say a few years, didn’t I?” Howard started to talk over the applause that had begun to break out. Bucky broke into a full laugh and applauded along with the crowd, wriggling his arm free of Becca’s hold so that he could turn.   
  
          “Hey, Steve. What do you say we take these girls –”  
  
As Bucky turned, there was no sign of Steve to be found. Bucky couldn’t see him among the crowd behind him, or anywhere after that. He craned his neck, trying to find some hint of where Steve could have possibly gone, when his expression went blank. The signpost he could see had an arrow pointing to the direction of a recruitment fair. Bucky grunted to himself, working up a frown. Why Steve was so hell-bent on signing himself up for a war he wouldn’t do much help in, Bucky hadn’t the slightest idea.   
  
          “Hey, girls? What do ya think about gettin’ outta here and goin’ dancin’?” Bucky called back over his shoulder. Becca’s arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck as she jumped on him.   
  
          “Yes!”   
  
          “We need Steve then, huh?” Bucky snickered, feeling Becca slip off of him and take one hand while Ruby took the other. “Looks like he got away from ya, Bec.”   
  
          “Where’d he go?”   
  
          “I’m gonna go get him,” Bucky led the two through the crowd, holding Ruby’s hand tighter than he was holding Becca’s. He walked them toward the Unisphere, freeing himself of Becca’s hold while he kissed Ruby’s cheek. From behind Bucky, Ruby could see the enlistment fair and put everything together. She knew where Steve had gone, though Bucky wasn’t saying it.   
  
          “You two just wait here, yeah? I’m gonna be two minutes.”   
  


* * *

  
          Bucky kept the calmness that he had been maintaining throughout the night as he walked up toward the building, seeing men ready to sign up forming queues. He found Steve as easily as he had done earlier that day in a back alley, and as soon as he reached the smaller man, Bucky shoved his shoulder.   
  
          “C’mon. You’re kinda missin’ the point of a double date. We’re taking the girls dancing.”  
  
          “You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you.”   
  
Bucky rolled his eyes, turning back toward Steve. Steve’s shoulders were set, making Bucky click his jaw so that it didn’t lock. The calm exterior he had been holding so well broke, giving Steve a disbelieving look.   
  
          “You’re really gonna do this again?”  
  
          “Well it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.”   
  
          “As who, Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch ya, or worse, actually take ya.”  
  
          “Look, I know ya don’t think I can do this –”  
  
          “This isn’t a back alley, Steve! It’s war!” Bucky snapped at him, moving so that he was almost towering over Steve in a way that he had never done before.   
  
          “I know it’s a war!”  
  
          “Then why are ya so keen to fight? There’s so many important jobs!”  
  
          “Like what, scrap metal?”  
  
          “Yes!”  
  
          “I’m not gonna sit in a factory and –”  
  
          “Why not?”  
  
          “Bucky! Bucky – c’mon. There are men laying down their lives.” Steve’s tone became final, making Bucky shut his mouth. He lifted a brow, giving Steve an almost challenging look.   
  
          “I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.”  
  
          “Right. ‘Cos you’ve got nothin’ to prove.” Bucky couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Steve’s mouth. He had seen Steve in too many fights to believe that this wasn’t about him. Steve was always one to try and prove his worth, and Bucky knew that better than anyone else. Silence became a third member to their heated conversation, until Becca’s voice broke the deafening lack of noise.   
  
          “Hey, Sarge! Are we goin’ dancin’?”  
  
Bucky took a deep breath. Becca and Ruby wouldn’t have to deal with a ruined night. He wouldn’t let Steve’s determination of trying to join an army that would never take him. Smoothing out his expression until it resembled a happier one, Bucky turned to see his sister linking arms with Ruby.   
  
          “Yes we are.”  
  
It was a quick promise, smiling at the two of them before he turned back to Steve and gave him a final look. He started walking backward, refusing to waste any more of the little time he had until the morning came arguing with Steve.   
  
          “Don’t do anythin’ stupid until I get back.”   
  
          “How can I? You’re takin’ all the stupid with ya.”   
  
Bucky had gone to turn, but breathed out a laugh instead. He started back toward Steve, who was watching him almost carefully.   
  
          “You’re a punk.”   
  
Bucky pulled Steve into a slight hug, patting him on the back and earning one in response.   
  
          “Jerk.” Steve pulled back as Bucky did, looking up at him. “Be careful.”   
  
Bucky turned on his heel again, not wanting to start a goodbye. If he started then, his mood would drop, and make for a terrible rest of the night. He started back toward where Ruby and Becca were waiting, talking amongst themselves.   
  
          “Don’t win the war ‘til I get there!”  
  
Bucky stopped so that he could face Steve a final time, looking over his friend once more before giving him a salute. Steve smiled slightly, waving his hand to give Bucky a signal that he could go. Words were on the tip of Bucky’s tongue, but they were never said. The moment was over within seconds, with Bucky starting back toward his girlfriend and his sister.    
  
          “C’mon girls. They’re playin’ our song.”    


* * *

  
          By the time they were back in Brooklyn, Ruby was beginning to yawn. Bucky had spent time dancing with them both in the Hall in Queen’s, spinning them around until Ruby couldn’t see straight and Becca couldn’t stop laughing. It had been one of her favourite nights of her life, and what the following day would bring wasn’t even a thought in her mind. She walked along the quiet streets with Bucky, cuddled up against his side so that she could nuzzle into his neck.   
  
          “Gettin’ sleepy, sweetheart?” Bucky’s voice was a low chuckle. “We’re nearly there. Then ya can rest.”   
  
          “Yes?” Ruby murmured, stifling a small yawn. “I can?”  
  
          “Yeah.”   
  
That woke Ruby up enough to have a secret smile on her lips. While they had told her parents that she was going to stay at Bucky’s home, that wasn’t the plan they had in mind. Both George and Becca were under the impression that Ruby was going home and meeting them at the train station the following day. Steve had been the only one who knew the real plan, and he was thankfully not present. They had decided to spend one night completely together, where Ruby could wake up the following morning curled up in Bucky’s arms. If it was to be his last night, then she wanted to spend it entirely with him. As they turned down Steve’s street, Bucky hummed quietly. He unlocked the door once they arrived there, keeping his arm wrapped around Ruby as he brought her inside.   
  
          “C’mon, babe. I’m gonna take good care of ya.”   
  
Bucky locked the door behind them quietly, and once the lock had clicked, Ruby’s breath turned shaky. Bucky gathered her up in his arms, pressing his lips to hers. She melted into it, bringing her arms up around his neck to hold him to her. Bucky tightened his arms and lifted Ruby up, and automatically her legs wound around his waist. Bucky made sure he had a good hold of her before he started walking down the short hallway, carrying her to his room. The kiss never broke as he kicked the door shut behind them and brought her over to the bed, laying her down. Ruby’s legs unwound as Bucky pulled back, breathing heavily.   
  
          “Hold on.”   
  
  
There was a whine on Ruby’s lips as Bucky pulled away, groping around in the darkness behind him until he reached his set of draws. The lighter was where he had left it, and as he flicked it on he found the set of candles he had put there earlier. Lighting each one until the room was filled with a soft glow, Bucky smiled to himself. There was a small bottle on the top that he had bought earlier that day, which was what he picked up next to bring toward her.  
  
          “What’s that?”  
  
          “Oil,” Bucky said, taking off his hat. It was thrown to the ground as Ruby sat up and Bucky knelt in front of her, passing her the bottle so that he could bring her feet up one by one and take off her shoes, rubbing stocking covered feet. Ruby hummed beneath his touch, reaching for the bottle.   
  
          “Bucky… This is expensive.”   
  
          “So? I’m gonna do this right,” Bucky told her, lowering his lips to kiss the side of her calf. “The barn… It ain’t how I wanted it to be for us. So I’m doin’ it over, startin’ now.”   
  
He leaned up, stroking across her jaw before he started kissing along it, drawing a breathy sigh from Ruby. Her hands took place on his shoulders, dainty fingers clutching the fabric of his jacket.   
  
          “Ruby?”   
  
          “Yes?” Ruby tilted her head as Bucky’s kisses kept coming, swallowing as he travelled down her neck and to the strap of her dress.   
  
          “Can I get ya outta this…?”   
  
          “My dress?” Bucky’s hands slipped up to the skirt of the red that she was clothed in, pushing it up just over her knees. Ruby moved one leg around his waist, holding him close to her.   
  
          “Yeah… I wanna touch ya. Properly.”   
  
          “Yes.”   
  
Bucky pulled away as his hands slipped around her and up her back, where the zip lay untouched. Clever fingers pulled it down slowly, releasing Ruby from the constricting fabric. She sighed as Bucky helped her out of it, but slight embarrassment fell on her as it was thrown away and she was left in nothing but her stockings, underwear, and black lace baby-doll that had made her blush from the minute she had walked into the store to get it. Bucky’s eyes roamed over her, hands coming back to rest on her thighs.   
  
          “Ya got this for me?”  
  
          “I thought you’d like it,” Ruby tried to pull her gaze away from Bucky’s, but the hungry look in his eyes had her anchored. “I thought… I thought you’d like it.”   
  
          “You were right.”   
  
This time when he caught her in a kiss, it was more heated and passionate than it had ever come close to. Ruby’s hands tightened on his shoulders as Bucky worked his hands between them, starting to unbutton his uniform jacket. Ruby’s hands snaked down, gently pushing his away so that she could take over the task without breaking the kiss. That seemed to spur Bucky on, to the point where he was allowing his hands to wander under the lace and touch the bare skin of Ruby’s abdomen. Once Ruby had finished the short task, Bucky was shrugging out of his jacket and the shirt underneath, leaving them in a heap next to her dress. He climbed back onto the bed with her after toeing off his shoes, lying her back down. Bucky’s kiss slipped, hands wandering to places on her body that they had never touched. Ruby keened toward him underneath, raising her hips as he moved down onto her. He undid the buckle of his belt but then left his pants unattended, letting his mouth move to where his hands had been.   
  
          “Bucky…” Ruby grasped at his hair, clutching it. Once he was sure he had given her enough attention to places that were new to him, he pulled back and scrambled his hand around to find the bottle.   
  
          “I’m… Let me do this for ya. Can ya… Can ya lie down on your stomach? I wanna give ya a massage.”   
  
          “That’s what the oil’s for?” Ruby asked, toying with his hair. Bucky nodded, moving off of her. Ruby rolled over, reaching for Bucky’s pillow so that she could tuck it under her arms and prop herself up. Bucky’s hands brushed her hair over one of her shoulders, leaning down to kiss between her shoulders. Ruby sighed at the contact, relaxing against the sheets while Bucky started to pour oil onto his hands. Waiting, Ruby bit down on her bottom lip, and groaned as soon as Bucky’s hands started to work on her back.   


* * *

  
           When Bucky finally stilled his hands on her, Ruby felt boneless. He had massaged every inch that he could possibly reach, taking his time and working her muscles until she was pliant in his hands. The stockings had been taken off her, letting cool air kiss her exposed skin. She turned over, leaning upward to give him a sweet kiss as he wiped his hands on the sheets below them.   
  
          “Thank-you, Bucky.”   
  
          “C’mere. Lemme kiss ya properly.”   
  
Bucky reached for Ruby, moving carefully in between her parted legs. As he lowered her back down onto the mattress, his lips met hers. She ran her hands up his bare back, scratching her nails down his skin. His hips bucked as their own response, making her eyes roll back.  
  
          “Ruby… I…”   
  
          “I told you,” Ruby whispered into his ear, while Bucky used all the self-control he had not to rock his hips against hers again. “Whatever you want, you can have it.”   
  
          “No…”   
  
Bucky glanced down at her, locking his darkened eyes with her own light ones. Bucky kissed her lips once more before he was moving down her body, settling himself comfortably on the bed. He kissed her thigh, breathing heavily against it. Ruby canted her hips up to him without intending to, biting down on her already badly abused bottom   
lip.   
  
          “I wanna make this good for _you_ , sweetheart. I ain’t finished with ya yet.”  


* * *

  
The candles had long since extinguished as Ruby nuzzled against Bucky tighter, resting her head against his bare chest. A strong hand tried to gently unknot blonde locks, with his other hand holding under Ruby’s knee to keep her leg across his lower abdomen. They had been in silence for so long that Bucky wasn’t sure whether Ruby was still awake. She had stilled from shaking, as had he, but there had been little spoke between them besides whispered words of love and affection as they had pulled apart and settled beside each other.   
  
           “Ruby?”   
  
There was a quiet sound that left her, but nothing more. Bucky kissed the top of Ruby’s head, feeling the thrum of her heartbeat against his own. He smiled to himself, stilling his hand in her hair. Whether her quiet noise had been a response or simply a sound of contentment as she slept, he didn’t know, but he knew the words that he was whispering were something that he truly meant.   
  
          “Marry me.”   
  


* * *

  
  
          The following morning was one of rush. The alarm pulled the two out of their slumber, jerking them alert and awake. Ruby rushed around trying to get ready and make breakfast for the three of them – or two, as they discovered when Bucky went to wake the man up – while Bucky stuffed what little belongings he was allowed to take with him in the duffel bag he had been given. When they managed to have five minutes to sit down and eat the breakfast Ruby had made for them, Bucky felt a wave of nausea hit him. Picking up on it, Ruby ate her breakfast with one hand on his leg, squeezing occasionally in reassurance. Bucky stole glances at her as much as he could, trying to figure out if she had even heard him the night before. When she didn’t say anything about his whispered question, he resigned to the fact that she hadn’t heard him. He wasn’t about to ask again, not when he had such precious little time left. He decided to wait until the moment was right – until he came home. That was his new promise to himself. He would wait until he came home to ask for her hand.   


* * *

  
          Time passed too quickly. It seemed like barely a blink of an eye had happened as they followed the stream of soldiers and their families toward the train waiting to take them away. Becca and George had met them outside the station, with Bucky greeting his father with a curt nod. Becca was crying as they arrived, having several tissues clutched within her hands. They had gathered in a small group close to the open doors of the train, with Bucky keeping a close eye on the clock. Becca was clinging to Bucky, holding him as tight as she possibly could.   
  
          “Hey, now. C’mon…” Bucky rubbed his sister’s back, resting his chin on top of her head. “I might get over there and they might say we won. I’ll get to come home.”   
  
          “But I don’t want you to _go._ ” Becca’s voice was muffled against him. “Why’d it have to be you?”   
  
The whistle blew, signalling that there were only a few minutes before the soldiers had to board. More cries broke out around them and Becca clung tighter, trying to bury her face more against his chest. Strong hands took hold of Becca’s arms, pulling her from Bucky.  
  
          “Let your brother go, Bec. He’s gotta say goodbye to Ruby.” George brought Becca close to him instead, letting her cry. He and Bucky looked at each other carefully, both weighing the other up.   
  
          “Be careful out there, huh?”  
  
          “Sure will.” Bucky’s words were clipped, but without the intention to be. “Take care of Bec.”   
  
          “I’m real proud of ya, son.”   
  
          “Yeah, I know.” Bucky nodded at his father, sticking out his hand. George shook it as tight as he would have hugged his son, but Bucky didn’t seem to want that. As the two pulled apart, George nodded to him. Bucky gave him a mock salute and then took hold of both of Ruby’s hands, leading her closer to the train doors as George quietly moved Becca away.   
  
          Ruby’s clutch on his hands was tight, holding onto Bucky without a notion of letting go. His duffel bag hung over his shoulder, and as the train started itself up, the noise meant the two had to shout at each other.   
  
          “I don’t want you to go!” Ruby told him, tears starting to brim in her eyes. Bucky pulled one hand away from her hold, cupping her cheek with tears starting to pool in his own eyes. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry, but it didn’t stop them from forming.   
  
          “Look at me, huh? I ain’t leavin’ ya! I’m comin’ right back here, Red! Promise ya!”   
  
He pulled her into a heated kiss, trying to pour as much as he could into it. Ruby gripped his forearms tightly, letting tears slip down her cheeks as she tried in vain to keep him kissing her. It took all of Bucky’s willpower to pull back, keeping her face cupped between his rough hands.   
  
          “I ain’t ever broke a promise to ya before, have I? I’m comin’ home, sweetheart. I’m comin’ home to ya.”   
  
          “You better.” Ruby’s lip quivered as he kissed her forehead. The whistle blew again, now with Bucky being one of the only soldiers still on the platform. He glanced over his shoulder to where the conductor was starting to wave a flag, and finally pulled himself out of Ruby’s grip to board the train. She started to cry properly as he shut the carriage door behind him, taking his outstretched hand as he leaned out of the window.   
  
          “I’ll write to ya as soon as I can!”   
  
          “Wait!” Ruby stuck her hand into the large pocket of her coat, pulling out an envelope. She managed to pass it to him as the train started to move, having to let go of his hand as it did so.   
  
          “Don’t open it until you get there!”   
  
          “I won’t!” Bucky gripped the letter tightly in his hand, waving to her as the train started to pick up speed. He cupped his free hand around his mouth, trying to shout over the noise.   
  
          “I love ya!” 

* * *

  
  
          “I love you too!”   
  
Ruby shouted back to him, waving her hand frantically. She watched Bucky disappear into the train that was now beginning to become shrouded by the steam pouring out of the top of it. Ruby’s voice had broken on her final word, having to bring her hand up to cover her face as tears rolled freely down her cheeks. An arm wrapped around Ruby’s shoulders and she found George pulling her toward him, rubbing the top of her arm. Becca was still crying on the other side of him, reaching out to clutch Ruby’s hands. Both girls watched, now silently sobbing, as the train followed the curve of the track and slowly vanished from their sight, taking Bucky with it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**March 7 th, Bulford Camp, England, 1944**  
**  
  
**           It had barely been a week that Bucky had been at camp and the strain was already beginning to show. The rigorous training regime he had been put into on the first morning had made his bones ache more than moving cargo boxes ever had, with muscles burning on a continuous cycle. The horns went off loud and clear every morning at six-hundred hours, and they were to be on the yard and ready for the day by six-fifteen. From there, it was breakfast, and training started at six forty-five. At nights, he shivered from the cold, having not adjusted to the temperature change. During the day, he wanted to strip off to nothing more than a vest and his issued trousers due to how much he sweat, but that wasn’t allowed. The off-white t-shirt that went under his full uniform was the most he was allowed to strip off to. Then again, it wasn’t often that he did strip down to the t-shirt. He suffered through the sweat and rough workout, just so he could keep the picture hidden in his top pocket close to him.   
Tucked inside the buttoned pocket, carefully always placed so that the image was always face down to the fabric of his shirt, was a picture of himself and Ruby. One taken at Coney Island, and it was the only serious picture he had of the two of them. They were both looking toward the camera – or so it seemed. Instead, he was glancing at her from the corner of his eye, while she was the one putting on the bright smile for the picture. It only ever left the pocket when he was putting his head down for what little sleep he got each night, when he would bring it out to look at it. Rough fingertips would trace gently over the outline of Ruby, wishing that he was back in Brooklyn so that he could trace his fingertips over her features for real. He would spend hours remembering what she sounded like when she sang; wondering what she was doing and where she was. He had reread the letter she had given him at least once a day since he had been at the Camp, but out of the searing gaze of other men. Only when sleep threatened to take Bucky did he tuck both the picture and Ruby’s letter under his pillow, falling into a slumber that always had him waking in a cold sweat.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
          The following day, the soldiers were given an hour of free time. Bucky, having not had the opportunity before, went and got himself a piece of paper to finally reply to Ruby’s letter with one of his own. He took it and himself to the mess hall, where he could find an empty table. The majority of other men had gone outside, smoking and kicking around a ball they had found, which meant Bucky could write in peace. The picture of himself and Ruby found its way onto the table, and he had sighed heavily as he had seen her smiling face. Her letter was folded inside his trouser pockets, on the chance that he had forgotten what she had written. With one deep breath, Bucky began to write.   
  
         “Hey, Barnes!” A loud voice called out to Bucky, but before he could turn, his shoulder was hit with a large hand clasping down onto it. The pen in his hand skidded across the paper, drawing a line through the writing.   
  
          “Fuck’s sake, Dugan!” Bucky growled, glaring at the large man who was now finding a place next to him. “I gotta start the damn thing all over again!”  
  
          “It’s a letter,” Dugan rolled his eyes. Bucky’s glare didn’t ease until Dugan’s hand left his shoulder, and he was reaching to take off the bowler hat on his head.  
  
Timothy Dugan, or Dum-Dum as he said he preferred to be called. Actually, that had been how he had introduced himself – as well as clapping Bucky’s shoulder so hard that he had fallen forward. In ways, Dugan reminded Bucky of Tom. Dugan had bright red hair and a large moustache, but had the kind of demeanour and personality that Tom did. He had taken Bucky under his wing, almost, not that Bucky was aware of it. American too, Dugan had been there before Bucky’s shipment of men had arrived.   
  
          “An important one,” Bucky grumbled. “What’cha want anyways? Why aren’t ya smokin’ up with Jones?”  
  
In the time he had been there, Bucky had made only two friends. Dugan was one of them, and the other was a man named Gabe Jones. Gabe was closer to Bucky in age, and from New York too. The two had been shipped out on the same day, and their friendship had formed fast. Dark-skinned and quick witted, Bucky found that Gabe had drawn out a laugh even when Bucky hadn’t felt like laughing.   
  
          “Jones is –”  
  
          “Here.”  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes as Gabe sat down across from him, and his fingers instantly reached for the picture placed down before Bucky could snatch it back. He grunted, clicking his tongue as Gabe’s eyes ran over the picture.   
  
          “D’ya mind?” Bucky lifted his eyebrows at him. “Quit checkin’ out my girl, would ya?”  
  
          “She’s a pretty little thing, ain’t she?” Dugan nodded at Gabe, having seen the picture a few times before. “Ruby, right?”  
  
          “Right,” Bucky nodded, reaching across the table to pluck the picture from Gabe’s hold. “And she don’t like guys checkin’ her out so much, ‘cept when it’s me.”  
  
          “Writing to her?” Gabe gestured to the paper in front of him, earning a nod in response. Bucky placed the picture back down on his right side, where neither of them could reach it.   
  
          “Writin’ back to her. Gave me a letter before I left, told me not to open it ‘til I got here.”  
  
          “Ain’t you writing to your folks instead?” Dugan asked. “Gabe wrote to his parents just yesterday, didn’t yo-u?”  
  
          “My Pop doesn’t give a shit anyways,” Bucky shrugged. “Besides, Ruby said she was gonna go see my little sister, so she can tell ‘em how I’m doin’. Now are ya’s gonna shut up so I can finish it?”  
  
          “Alright, alright. We get it.” Dugan clapped his hand back down on Bucky’s shoulder, squeezing it in a way that made Bucky wince. Gabe grabbed Bucky’s hand in a tight hold and nodded, grinning at him. Bucky gave them a grateful nod, rolling his shoulders as he picked up his pen again. Jones was already walking out of the mess hall, but Dugan lingered just a fraction longer.   
  
          “Don’t forget to give her the new shipping address, Buck. Going to Azzano in the morning, remember?”  
  
          “How was I gonna forget?”  
  
Bucky forced a grin as Dugan left, watching the older man put the bowler hat back onto his head. Bucky gripped the pen so hard that his knuckles turned white, but it didn’t crack. At eight o’clock the following morning, the 107th Unit were being shipped out to Italy. Their rigorous training regime had drawn to a close that day, which is why they were allowed free time. Tomorrow morning, Bucky would no longer be training, but he would be a Sergeant in a war he didn’t want to fight in. Today was a day where he could write back to Ruby. Tomorrow, he would be killing Nazi’s. The grip of his hand began to ease, looking down at the line across the paper. There was nothing he could do to stop what was happening now, any more than there was when he received his enlistment letter. Bucky adjusted on the bench, tilting his head. He knew what he was going to write. Putting pen to paper again, and ignoring the dark line spreading across the page, he started again.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
_**Dear Ruby,**_  
 _ **  
You best not be worrying about me, sweetheart. I’m doing pretty well over here. It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Can you believe that? Seems like I was worrying about nothing. We’re still at camp, training. It’s pretty rough – tougher than working at the Docks, that’s for sure. This is the first free time I’ve got, I ain’t been putting off writing back to you. General’s orders and all that, we don’t get a lot of time. **_  
  
_**Sorry about the line. One of the boys hit my shoulder and scared me. Didn’t mean to scribble through the writing. I ain’t got time to be writing a new one though, so I just have to put up with it. I met some of the guys here, I think you’d like them. Dugan ( Told us to call him Dum-Dum, and he is pretty dumb anyways) reminds me of Tom. Maybe he’s related. There’s another fella here, Gabe. He’s from New York, just a couple of years older than me. At least I’m going to get some laughs when we go off fighting from them.**_  
  
_**Anyways, enough about me. How are you, sweetheart? You’re still working at the Stork, right? Has Steve been picking you up like he said he would? If he’s not, give him a kick from me. Actually, give him two. I hope you’re doing okay, Ruby. It’s pretty weird, not seeing you all the time. Makes me miss you all that much more. When I get back, you’re getting the biggest kiss of your damn life. Already miss kissing you, and I ain’t even been gone that long.**_  
 _ **I’m gonna have to stop writing you now, I gotta get this thing down to the post before they ship it out. Tomorrow, we’re shipping out for some place in Italy called Azzano. I’m gonna put the new shipping address on the back of this letter so you know where to send them, alright? I don’t know whether Italy’s going to be as nice as England. It’s a pretty nice place, outside the camp. Gabe and I have been out into the village nearby when we’ve been on runs with the rest of the boys – almost got caught, but we got back in line before anyone noticed. I think you’d like England if you came here, you know. These kind of small villages, anyways.**_  
  
_**I haven’t got time to write to Pop and Becca, so would you tell Bec that I’m missing her? And tell my Pop… I don’t know. Just tell him something so he ain’t on your back about me not writing them. And tell Steve too, yeah? Is he keeping out of trouble or am I going to have to kick his ass as well as have you kick him?**_  
  
_**I’ll write you when I can. Take care of yourself, Ruby. Don’t forget that I love you.**_  
  
_**Your Bucky**_

                                                                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
    
          Bucky read over his letter once more before he started to fold it, slipping it into the envelope that he had ready underneath the paper. The picture of himself and Ruby was tucked back into his pocket and buttoned away. Hastily, he closed the envelope and left the mess hall in a hurry, rushing across to the tent where letters from all around camp were being shipped out in a bundle. Bucky rushed through the dark flaps of the tent, holding his letter tightly.  
  
          “Here ya go.”   
  
          “Just one?” The older man who took it from him enquired, lifting a brow. His accent was one of the more broad English ones that Bucky had come across in the short space of time.   
  
          “Do you not have a lot of family?”  
  
          “I got four letters I should’a wrote, but I only got time for one. How long’s it take to get there?”   
  
          “They’re all going by V-Mail. It’s the fastest way to get them to and from overseas. You’ll get your reply by V-Mail too. There’s usually a nine day turn-around for letters.”  
  
          “And nine days is fast?” Bucky looked at the man incredulously, who dropped Bucky’s envelope into a bag with a sea of other letters.  
  
          “Guaranteed to get there quicker than any other form of shipping, son. If you were one of the village-folk down the road, you’d be lucky if your letter got there that quickly, even if you’re in the same country as the recipient. If you’re enlisted, you get your mail before anyone else does.”  
  
          “If you say so.”   
  
Bucky waved a hand dismissively at the man, working his way back to the thick green tarp that kept the rest of the camp out. The older man pushed his glasses back up his nose as Bucky sauntered out of the tent, spotting Gabe and Dum-Dum before he saw anyone else. The two were stood smoking, taking deep inhales of the cigarettes between their fingers. Bucky made his way over to them, being the one to clap his hand down on Dugan’s shoulder instead of it being the other way around.   
  
          “Y’know, you’re gonna wanna watch what you’re smokin’. Who knows what ya gotta do once your stash is up over there.”   
  
          “I don’t think you’re gonna have to do anything like you’re thinking we have to, Barnes.” Dugan shrugged his hand off of his shoulder with a deep chuckle, casting his gaze down to Bucky.   
  
          “Hey, we’re goin’ to Italy. Might be a hell of a lot different than America.”   
  
          “You’re saying that like there isn’t stuff like that going on at home,” Dugan looked at Bucky in an amused way. “C’mon, Barnes. Quit fooling around.”   
  
          “I’m just sayin’!” Bucky snickered, letting go of Dugan’s arm so he could stand between both men instead.   
  
          “Get your letter written?” Gabe asked, offering Bucky a cigarette while Dum-Dum puffed out a circle of smoke.   
  
          “Yeah. Waitin’ to be shipped out now. Probably gonna write her again tomorrow when we get there, if I got time,” Bucky explained, shaking his head at Gabe. “Nah. I don’t smoke.”  
  
          “You sure you’re a twenty-one year old kid from Brooklyn?”   
  
          “Twenty- _two_ ,” Bucky corrected. “Well, in a couple of days.”  
  
          “Aw, Barnes. You shouldn’t have told us. Now we’ll be singing happy birthday to you on the front lines,” Dugan grinned. Bucky narrowed his eyes at Dugan, but started to laugh regardless.  
  
          “Whole 107th Unit singin’ to me? Probably be worse ways to die.”

  
  
          Bucky, along with the rest of his unit, were woken at six-hundred hours on the dot the following day, just like they always were. Beds were stripped bare, duffel bags were packed, and full uniforms were put on. The mess hall was quiet as breakfast – seeming more cold and hard than usual – was eaten, and at seven forty-five, the men were lined up in pairs and loaded onto vans and trucks. Bucky, Gabe and Dum-Dum crammed together, all three clutching their bags tightly. Bucky had paled considerably since he had woken that morning, and had only spoken in mumbles. His fingers itched to get the picture of Ruby out so that he could have something to focus on for their journey, but with the rest of the men around, he wouldn’t.   
  
A light hand came down onto his shoulder, causing him to flinch. Dum-Dum lifted a brow at him, gesturing a hand out.   
  
          “C’mon then, talk to us. You haven’t told us anything about your girl, Barnes. Can’t just show us a picture and expect us to be happy with it.”   
  
          “Ya really wanna hear about her?” Bucky lifted a brow.  
  
          “If it’s gonna get you to stop looking like you’re about to throw yourself under the damn truck, I’ll listen to you talk about anything.”   
  
A laugh sounded from Bucky’s throat, actually smiling for the first time that day. Dum-Dum squeezed his shoulder in a much lighter fashion than he usually would have done, nodding for Bucky to start. Gabe had even turned from his seat next to Bucky to look at the two, listening to them.   
  
          “Alright. She’s from uptown, only moved down to Brooklyn last year…”   


 

* * *

**March 9 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944**

**  
  
**           For the sixth time that day, Ruby felt nausea wash over her. A delicate hand flew to her stomach, clutching it. Thankfully, it was Saturday, and she didn’t have to go to work. For the past few days, stomach aches had been coming in quick, short bouts – but never going further than her middle hurting. It made her tremble when it came, and breathe out a relieved sigh as it passed. It usually happened around the middle of the day, just after she had eaten lunch. The girls had been joking that the diner they ate at was putting something in Ruby’s food every day, which was why she was feeling so miserable.  
A low groan sounded from her throat as she rolled over, lying flat on her back so she could more easily wrap her arms around her stuffed elephant and place it over her middle securely, pressing down with the soft animal.   
  
          “Ruby?” A quiet voice interrupted her pain, and her bleary eyes opened. She turned her head to see Em sat on her bed, pushing the blankets away. Ruby tried to give her an easy smile, but ended up squirming against her mattress.   
  
          “Yes?”  
  
          “Do you want me to get mom?”   
  
          “No,” Ruby turned to look back up at the ceiling, shaking her head. “I think it’s just the… Monthly pain. Mom doesn’t need to worry.”  
  
          “Oh. Well, do you want me to tell them that you’re going to be a little late for breakfast then?”   
  
          “Please,” Ruby murmured, allowing her eyes to close once more. She heard Em getting out of bed and shutting their door quietly, leaving Ruby to curl back in on herself in her pain.   
  
  
          It passed as quickly as it always did, with Ruby joining her family at the table not twenty minutes after Em had left their room. Her mother brushed her hair off of her face, but Ruby moved out of her reach.   
  
          “I’m fine, mom. It’s nothing I haven’t felt before.”   
  
          “You’re never this bad, sweetheart. Do you think you’ve caught something at work? Didn’t you say Maria was off on Monday with sickness?”  
  
          “There’s a bug going around the office too,” Ruby nodded, agreeing with her mother as she sat down at the table. “I might have caught that as well as having this.”  
  
          “Maybe we should get you checked out, just in case.” Ruby’s father joined in from his end of the table. “You never know, sweetheart. It could be anything that you’ve caught.”   
  
          “I’ll be fine, daddy.”   
  
          “Maybe all your cooties from Bucky got you,” Ruby’s brother piped up, making Ruby draw back like she had been stung. Her father hushed her brother, who cast his gaze down to the table. Silence washed over the table, with Ruby still sitting back in her chair.   
  
She had found that the day after Bucky left, she didn’t know how to cope. Ruby had spent the rest of the day the train had taken him away curled up on her bed, crying at different intervals. The small, tin box that she kept under her bed had been emptied onto her sheets, letting all her memories of Bucky tumble out along with it. Movie stubs, a napkin from their first date, pictures from Coney Island, their tickets for the ice skating rink, a business card from The Stork Club – everything that either reminded her of Bucky, or they had done together, was contained within one box. The only things that hadn’t found their way into the box were one of every bouquet of flowers that Bucky had gotten her, which were safely pressed into her books on the shelf. Ruby had spent the day combing through it all, holding the elephant Bucky had won for her tightly to her as she did. It took her father coming to help her carefully clear away the items and holding her while she cried for her to calm down, and even after that, it didn’t feel better.   
She found herself wishing that Bucky hadn’t gone to war, that at any given moment he was going to be walking up the steps outside her home and knocking on her door to take her out for a date. She imagined that he was there at the Stork Club, working the bar with Danny, while she sang to patrons. Every night that Danny had walked her home, she wished it was Bucky. It felt as though he had been gone for months, not just days. She had never wanted so badly before to be in Bucky’s arms, to have him holding her close just so she could listen to the steady, strong thrum of his heartbeat to know that he was real – and that he was okay.   
  
  
          “You have some mail, Ruby. From a boy named Steve?” Ruby’s mother tried to gently bring Ruby back to the table, looking at her daughter.   
  
          “Steve?” Ruby’s haunted eyes found her mother’s, her expression clearing. “I haven’t heard from him since Bucky left.”  
  
That much was true. Steve hadn’t turned up at the train station, or even turned up at George’s house that afternoon. Ruby had even tried to see Steve at work on Monday, knowing that he would be there on her lunch break, but the woman who owned the store had said that Steve hadn’t come in for work that morning. At a final resort, Ruby had marched her way over to Steve’s house, only to find it seemingly empty. She hadn’t a word from Steve since the night of the Expo, and it was almost as if the boy had vanished from the face of the earth.   
  
          “Here,” Ruby’s mother handed her the small scribble on what seemed to be a postcard, but that was all she handed her. Ruby’s heart sank just a fraction more, having still not received a letter from Bucky. Blue eyes scanned over the short etching on the frayed card, eyes narrowing curiously.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Ruby,  
_  
 _Just so you know, I haven’t disappeared. I thought you’d be the one to worry, especially with me leaving the Expo like that. Everything’s alright – I’m at Camp Lehigh, in New Jersey. They took me on as a reserve, so I’m training right now. I’ll be back soon, they said. Just in case they do call my number, you know?_  
 _Keep well,  
_  
 _Steve Rogers_   
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
          “Steve’s at Camp,” Ruby told her family quietly. “He’s training for the Army.”   
  
          “Oh, that’s nice. He’ll be joining Bucky soon, then?” Her mother tried to encourage Ruby, offering a smile. “Bucky won’t be alone –”  
  
Ruby slammed her hand down onto the table, making the glass closest to her shake. What had been a curious narrowing of her eyes had turned into a dark scowl, staring at her mother.   
  
          “Bucky’s at _war_ , mom! Do you think he cares if he’s got Steve there? He’ll only worry more! Steve’s – Steve can’t even go to the boxing gym with Bucky without being struck by an asthma attack!”  
  
          “Ruby!” Her father snapped, but she was already rising from the table with the postcard tight in her hand. Her mother’s eyes were wide, watching her. Her siblings had fallen silent, with Pearl sinking lower on her chair with fear working into her expression.   
  
          “First they take Bucky, now Steve?! Who’s next, _him_?!” Ruby pointed at her brother, who immediately gasped. “This whole thing is stupid! They’re sending men off to _die_ , mother!”   
  
          “That’s enough!” Ruby’s father was up from the table, reaching for his daughter’s arm. She ripped it out of his hold, storming toward the door to the dining room. She threw the door open, letting it bang off the wall. Stepping into the hallway, her dark glare turned back to her father.   
  
          “No! They can’t do this! They can’t take good men – they can’t –”   
  
A wave of nausea hit Ruby again, with a pain in her side so sharp that she stumbled backward. Her head hit against the thick spindles of the bannister as she clutched her stomach, crying out in pain. She slumped to the floor, feeling herself grow dizzier and her vision begin to blur as panicked voices and gasps came flooding her ears.   
  
          “Ruby? Ruby!”  
  
          “What’s wrong with her?!”   
  
          “Get upstairs, all of you!”   
  
          “Ruby!”   
  
No matter how hard she tried, Ruby couldn’t focus. She couldn’t bring herself to lift her head from the ground, or stop her hands twitching over her abdomen. Strong hands wrapped around her, lifting her easily.   
  
          “Em, you’re in charge until we come home!”   
  
          “Is she going to be okay?!”  
  
Ruby’s head lolled against her father’s – she was certain it had to be her father – chest, feeling the rush of cold hit her. Her eyes fell closed as she felt a jolt in every step he took, losing herself to the dizzy notions that had taken over her mind and the chill of the cold gently enveloping her into its embrace.   
                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
         Soft blue eyes tried to focus as they opened. Ruby found herself having to force them, and after that she realised that she couldn’t make her surroundings out. Everything was brilliantly white, and her head was on top of a slightly soft pillow. From what she was aware of, she knew she wasn’t at home, and she was far from it. 

          “Sweetheart?” Her mother’s voice met her ears, and she became vaguely aware of a hand holding her own. “Are you with us properly now?”  
  
          “Where am I?” Ruby mumbled, bringing her free hand up to rub at her eyes. She then realised there was a needle in her hand, and that alone was enough to make her nauseous all over again.   
  
          “We’re at the hospital. Your father brought us here after you…” Her mother squeezed her hand instead, reaching to brush back the blonde lock that had fallen onto her face.   
  
          “Where is he? Dad…”   
  
Wincing, Ruby shuffled herself in the bed until she was in a slouched sitting position, able to at least look around. The curtain around the bed was only pulled on the side of Ruby’s mother, as the bed on the other side of Ruby was empty. They were at least in a room, but Ruby could see the busy hospital floor just outside the doorway.   
  
          “He went home to take care of your siblings. The nurse said she would be back soon, to tell us what’s wrong. They had to do a blood test.”  
  
Ruby saw the light dressing over the insides of her elbows, having to bite her lip so that she didn’t whimper. She was more than thankful that she had been out of it enough to not realise what the nurse had been doing, otherwise she would have fought with her against the needles that had been pushed into her skin.   
  
          “I don’t know what happened…” Ruby said quietly. “It hurt so much, mom…”  
  
          “It’s okay. They’re going to find out what’s wrong, and then we can fix it.”   
  
  
Ruby nodded at her mother, feeling younger and smaller than she had done in years. She wanted nothing more than to be cradled by her parents, not poked and prodded by nurses. Her mother gave her hand another soft squeeze, and at the same time, a woman into the room wearing a white nurse uniform. She looked kind, with a few wrinkles on her face and a happy smile playing on her lips. She came straight over to Ruby, standing on the opposite side to the one Ruby’s mother was sitting on.   
  
          “It’s nice to meet you, Ruby. My name’s Mary, and I’ve got the results from your test. Now, honey, tell me how you’re feeling?”  
  
          “Hungry,” Ruby admitted, biting on her bottom lip. She could feel her mother’s gaze wandering over her, so Ruby decided to continue. “But I don’t feel dizzy anymore, and my stomach doesn’t hurt.”  
  
          “Your mother said it’s pain that you’ve been experiencing all week. Is this right?”   
  
          “Yes. It’s usually around the same time. The girls have been joking that the Diner we eat lunch at is poisoning me.”  
  
          “The good news is, it’s not poison.” Betty laughed softly, patting Ruby’s shoulder. The clipboard was still held tightly to her chest, making Ruby worry further.   
  
          “Then what is it?”  
  
          “Well, we sent your blood off to see what it could be – you know, there’s pneumonia and the flu around at the moment, so we tested for any serious diseases first. But you’re a young girl, and in good health, so as far as sicknesses go, you don’t have anything.”   
  
          “So is it just… Monthly pain?” Ruby frowned. “It’s never been that bad before…”  
  
          “Oh, no. It’s not that.” Mary’s voice became gentle, and hushed. Her hand remained on Ruby’s shoulder, gently rubbing. Ruby’s breath hitched in her throat, while her mother’s hand held hers tighter.   
  
          “Then what’s wrong with me?”  
  
          “Nothing’s wrong with you. Your blood test came back negative for everything, but it showed us that…” Mary looked down at Ruby with a soft smile, eyes glancing to the hand that her mother had hold of.   
  
          “You’re pregnant, honey.”   



	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank-you for all your comments, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions. I'm glad this work is gaining some people who are invested in the story of Bucky and Red. Thank-you for reading and enjoying!

  
**March 9 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944**  
  
  
          A fresh wave of nausea hit Ruby as the words sunk in. Pregnant – she was pregnant. Her mother’s hand had instantly let go of hers, drawing back like she had been stung. Ruby’s lip began to quiver; with her hands clutching at the emptiness in them.   
  
          “I – I…”   
  
Words failed Ruby. The nurse took one empty hand, gently squeezing it to ease Ruby. Her mother was busy gathering up her handbag and pulling her coat on, only to then hit the empty air in front of the nurse. Mary drew back, letting go of Ruby’s hand far sooner than Ruby would have liked.   
  
          “Take the needle out. She’s leaving.”  
  
          “She can’t – ”  
  
          “Now, thank-you.”   
  
Her mother’s voice was clipped and cold, making Ruby want to curl in on herself. Mary nodded, starting to set to work. As Ruby’s mother turned to look at her daughter, a sob caught in Ruby’s throat. The way her mother was looking at her was enough to make tears pool in Ruby’s eyes, wiping frantically under them with her free hand just so they didn’t fall. Never had she seen so much disappointment reflected at her, or silent anger. Her mother’s jaw had locked into place as Mary removed the needle from Ruby’s hand, dabbing it with a soft cotton swab.   
  
          “You’ll need to sign her out –”  
  
          “I’m aware of how a hospital works. Get up and put your coat on, Ruby.”  
  
Her mother threw the grey fabric down onto the bed, while Ruby started to shift herself and move. Mary gave her the most sympathetic of looks, watching the blonde’s bottom lip quiver as she did as she was told. Her mother had already made her way to the door of the room, tapping her heeled foot impatiently.   
  
          “Quickly, Ruby. A cab will be difficult to get at this time.”  
  
          “Okay.”  
  
Ruby’s voice was laced with defeat and embarrassment as she tried to hurry, pulling her coat on. Only then did she realise she was still wearing her nightwear, which made her all the more embarrassed. Mary watched her carefully, reaching over to squeeze Ruby’s trembling hand once again. The sympathetic and comforting gesture settled Ruby just enough so that tears didn’t fall, but it didn’t stop the quiet whimper that escaped her when her mother’s eyes and pursed lips found her again. Ruby pulled out of Mary’s hold and hurried to the door, where her mother gripped hold of her arm tight enough to at least leave red marks on her skin. However, Ruby remained silent, biting her bottom lip.   
  
  
          The cab ride home was more awkward than Ruby anticipated. Apart from her mother telling the cab driver where they were going, there wasn’t a word spoken. A firm hand was still wrapped around Ruby’s wrist, holding her tightly. If she wasn’t sure before that there would be a red mark, then the pain from the grip was more than enough to tell her that. Her mother’s jaw was still locked and tight, and Ruby’s bottom lip had been badly abused from all the chewing and biting down on it to keep herself from whimpering or sniffling. There was nothing Ruby wished for more than to disappear at that particular moment in time, to erase the condition she had been told she was in. Yet, there would be no escaping it. She was pregnant, and she could do very little to argue against the fact, deny who the father was, and hide the empty left hand that should have had a ring on it long before a pregnancy occurred. There would be no going back on the information now – Ruby had her problem, and there was little she could do about it but accept it. She was pregnant, and Bucky was the father.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
         Her mother’s grip on her wrist finally ended when she pulled Ruby through the front door of their home, only to immediately start screaming at her daughter. Ruby caught herself on the bannister of the stairs, sinking down onto one of the steps while her mother’s words assaulted her.   
  
          “How could you let that boy do this?! How could you let him?!”   
  
          “I don’t know –”  
  
          “Don’t tell me you don’t know how it happened! I know exactly what you did with him!” Ruby’s mother threw her bag down close enough to Ruby to make her jump, moving onto the second step. Tears stung Ruby’s eyes, droplets finally being allowed to fall.   
  
          “What’s going on?” Ruby’s father emerged from the sitting room, with a look of alarm etched into his features. He looked from Ruby to his wife, confused entirely by the situation. Ruby whimpered, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.   
  
          “Your daughter is _pregnant!”_ Ruby’s mother screeched at him. Ruby had to watch as her father’s face paled and recoloured a dark red, shock being replaced by anger.   
  
          “What?”  
  
Ruby quivered, feeling fresh tears roll freely down her face. She tried to shake her head at her father, trying to force words to form, but nothing came from her other than another loud sob.  
  
          “Pregnant?!”  
  
          “To that _boy_!” Her mother started up again. “We told you he was no good for you, now look what you’ve done! Ruined the family! You’re not even _engaged_!”  
  
          “Bucky –”  
  
          “Don’t you dare say his name in this house!” Ruby’s father bellowed at her, making Ruby sob even louder. Her mother was dragging Ruby up from the stairs, gripping her wrist so tightly that Ruby gasped.    
  
          “You’re not staying here! I want you out of this house!”   
  
          “Mom –”   
  
          “I will not have a harlot in my house!” Ruby’s mother shoved her daughter toward the door while Ruby’s father looked on, rage emanating from him. Ruby shook her head furiously, trembling with every step she was made to take. Her mother turned to shout up the stairs, where hurrying footsteps were heard.  
  
          “Emerald! Pack your sister a bag; she’s leaving!”   
  
          “Mom!”  
  
A hard slap connected with Ruby’s face, making her cry out in pain. Ruby stumbled backward, feeling her back hit the door. She slumped down to the floor, holding her burning cheek. Her mother’s glare was fierce, while her father seemed to be trying his best not to bellow at his daughter.   
  
          “I’m sorry!” Ruby cried, looking up at her parents. “I didn’t –”    
  
          “You’re leaving!” Ruby’s mother shouted at her. “You’re not welcome in this house, not around your siblings, _ever_!”   
  
Ruby found herself sobbing even harder, the sounds threatening to turn her voice hoarse. Her eyes stung, making it difficult to see her parents much more than the blurred figures in front of her. Ruby’s mother stormed up the stairs, slamming open a door.   
  
          “Be quicker with that bag!”   
  
Ruby’s father then came forward, barring the way for his daughter. She had become blocked against the door, with her father’s towering figure in front of her. She tried frantically to wipe her face and dry the tears that couldn’t seem to stop falling,   
  
          “I… I didn’t… We weren’t…”  
  
          “Get up.” His voice was empty, matching his hardened gaze. “You heard what your mother said.”  
  
          “Daddy, please –”  
  
          “No daughter of mine is being pregnant and unwed! Now get up!”   
  
His shout made Ruby jump so much that she hit her back off the door, but nonetheless scrambled to her feet. Her father opened the door without moving her, so that Ruby had to struggle around the frame as he backed her out of the house and down the porch steps.   
  
          “Please!” Ruby cried, feeling breathing start to come out shaky. “Daddy, don’t do –”  
  
          “You are not my _daughter_! Not anymore!”   
  
He stepped off the last step as Ruby almost stumbled into the road, where an oncoming car honked its horn at her. Ruby felt like dropping to her knees again then and there, after her father’s words. Ruby’s mother came storming out of the house next, throwing Ruby’s bag down at her daughter’s feet. Her father waved a cab over to stop, opening the door for Ruby to get in. He gave the driver more than enough money as Ruby was forced backward to sit in the cab by her mother. Ruby clutched her bag, shaking her head.   
  
          “Please don’t send me away,” Ruby pleaded. “Please!”  
  
          “Don’t you ever come back here!” Her mother shouted. “I don’t ever want to see you again!”   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The car door was slammed in Ruby’s face, leaving her to sob in the back of the cab as her parents walked back into the home. Ruby could see Em holding Pearl back on the doorstep, both of them crying. Even her brother’s lip was quivering as their parents marched back up and shooed their children inside, shutting the door on their sobbing daughter. The cab driver turned to Ruby, giving a sympathetic smile to her.   
  
          “I know a place for girls like ya if ya ain’t got somewhere to go.”   
  
Ruby wiped her face on her coat sleeve, trying to calm herself down just enough to be able to talk to the driver. Her bottom lip quivered as she spoke, with her breath catching in her throat.   
  
          “I have somewhere to go…”  
  
          “Alright. I’ll take ya there.”   
  
He turned to the passenger side seat, fumbling around with something before he passed a small box of tissues to Ruby. She took it gratefully, giving him a watery smile.   
  
          “Thank-you…”   
  
          “No problem, Miss.”  
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
          Ruby’s hand shook as she knocked on the worse-for-wear door, biting down on her lip. Her cheeks felt rough and bumpy under the tissue that she kept dabbing tears away with, and her eyes burnt so terribly that she was struggling to see. Footsteps sounded on the other side of the door, getting closer. Ruby clutched the handles of her bag, glancing nervously over her shoulder where the cab was still waiting just in case she was turned out a second time. As the door opened, Ruby felt a fresh wave of tears start to fall. An arm quickly wrapped around Ruby’s shoulder, pulling her close.   
  
          “Hey, hey! What’s with all the tears, sweetheart?”   
  
George Barnes’s voice was far too comforting, which only made Ruby sob more as he pulled her into a hug. She felt him rubbing her back, the way a father would do to his daughter, and that notion of fatherly affection brought another sob out of her.   
  
          “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” Ruby managed, curling into George’s embrace. George tried to shush her, patting her back gently.   
  
          “Now, c’mon. What’cha gotta be sorry for?”  
  
Ruby’s lip quivered once more as she found herself having to confess her newly found problem to George, fearing that he would slam the door to the only place she had left to go in her face. If George turned her away, she didn’t know what she was going to do. Steve was away at camp, and she didn’t have enough money saved to even think about looking for a place of her own. In fact, she highly doubted that Em had even packed Ruby’s purse in the rush. All she had was he money stuffed into her coat pocket, generously given back to her by the cab driver that refused to take it. She trembled in George’s embrace, bringing herself to whisper the words that she hadn’t truly want to accept.   
   
         “I’m pregnant.”   
          

* * *

 

  **March 14 th, Azzano, Italy, 1944**

            
  
          Shots fired overhead, forcing Bucky to press himself against one of the trees he had been weaving in between. His ears were ringing with shots being fired back and forth, mixed with explosions, cries of pain, and shouts to the rest of the troop. He lost count of how many times he had gone through the same process, just hoping that he was going to make it through the next few minutes rather than to the next day. Hope was a fleeting thought to Bucky now that they were on the front lines; dwindling with each passing moment. So far, luck had been on their side. Dum-Dum and Gabe were working from the same unit, with all three of them sticking so close together that they were rarely out of each other’s line of sight. As they pushed further into Azzano to push the Germans out, they found that who they had to rely on was a number that was rapidly decreasing. Bucky had lost count of how many men they had already lost, who had laid down their lives for the cause they were fighting.   
  
          Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, readying himself to run again. He could hear the men in his unit shouting to each other as they moved, weaving through the last of the trees to sprint across the open ground before they could drop back into the safety of their trench. Bucky knew as well as any of them that they were drastically out-gunned, especially with the ambush they were battling through. If he made it through the assault, he would thank God that he was still breathing. His legs were trembling, threatening to give way and make him collapse onto the ground, but he wouldn’t allow it. The week of training hadn’t been enough – though, Bucky knew nothing could prepare him for the battle he was a part of.   
  
          “Move it, kid!” Dum-Dum’s voice bellowed over the sound of explosions.   
  
Bucky gripped the gun in his hands as tightly as he possibly could, knuckles turning white on the weapon. He didn’t dare glance behind him to see how badly they were outnumbered. With a deep breath, Bucky opened his eyes and ran for his life. He dodged explosions and holes in the ground, ran around and in-between fires, and managed to avoid bullets being fired. Bucky practically dove into the trench, where Dum-Dum and Gabe were already hiding.   
  
          “We ain’t got no back-up comin’, huh?!” Bucky shouted. Neither Gabe nor Dum-Dum answered him, making Bucky grunt in frustration. Back-up wasn’t coming to help them – they were on their own.   
  
          “Bucky, behind you!” Dum-Dum shouted.   
  
Bucky shot up in an instant, aiming and firing without hesitation. Dugan and Gabe fired alongside him, taking out the Germans that were gradually edging closer to the safe of the trench. Men from the 107th were running and firing all around them, and Bucky watched as one took a bullet not two feet in front of his place in the trench. Bucky drew back, face paling, but without time to think about it. There was no pause that overtook his shot – not even as he glanced at the face of the man who had fallen, and realised it was a man he had been joking around with not hours before. Dugan’s hat was shot off in the process, making the man drop lower into the hastily dug-out trench. Bucky whipped around, crossing quickly over to Gabe. There was a field straight ahead of them with no cover, and a troop of Germans were marching toward them. He leaned out of the trench, readying his gun to shoot with expert precision. If there was one thing Bucky had learnt was one of his best skills, it was his aim.   
  
  
          “Here they come!”   
  
          “I hate these guys.” Bucky heard Dum-Dum’s grumbling tone as he moved to join him, with other men rushing to the same side of the trench. They all readied their guns, starting to take out the marching troops. As Bucky readied himself and looked down the scope of his gun, he instantly drew back, blinking to make sure he was seeing right.   
  
          “Did ya see that?!” He shouted over to Dum-Dum, but didn’t look to him. Instead he watched again, mouth falling open at the sheer sight he was witnessing. The Germans were being taken out one by one, but not by any of the Allied forces. A blue and white light was hitting each of them, and obliterating them from clean sight. The shots were rapidly fired, hitting each and every German that was trying to either escape or shoot. The ones that the shots didn’t manage to get were running back the way they came as fast as they could, trying to escape. Bucky’s eyes widened as he watched, completely confused by what he was seeing. The most comforting fact of it all was that he wasn’t the only one who was seeing the sight – the rest of the men in the trench had rose properly to their feet, calling to each other.   
  
          “The hell’s that?!”   
  
As Dum-Dum and Gabe stood up alongside him, Bucky took the first tentative steps from the trench. Surely if the force was chasing the Germans away and not shooting at them, it had to be on their side. The two men on either side followed Bucky as he stepped onto the torn ground in front of him, watching the Germans run as fast as they could from the beaming blue shots.   
  
          “That looks… New.” Dum-Dum kept a tight hold on his gun as he spoke, while Bucky came to stand almost sideways so that he could turn and dive back into the trench at any given moment. Before he could answer, blinding white lights started to rise over the hill closest to them. Bucky took a step backward, body trembling at what was now coming toward them.   
  
A tank, bigger than anything Bucky had ever seen, was rising over the hillside. It certainly wasn’t anything American, or English, for that matter. The design of the tank alone looked like it belonged at a Stark Expo, not a battlefront. Carefully, Bucky watched as it stopped rolling closer, hearing the murmurs of the men behind him. Eyes narrowed, and as they did, the gun of the tank started to turn and aimed directly for them. Bucky could hear it charging up as it locked on target.  
  
          “Down!”   
  
He, Dum-Dum and Gabe dove back for the trench, managing to land in it just before the blue light hit overhead. The ground shook with the force, with cries of men who Bucky daren’t look up to find sounding out. The noise of the explosion rang in his ears, drowning out the sounds of the footsteps that the men didn’t know were coming toward them. Bucky tried to listen to the shouts and yells of the men as they were yanked from the floor and dragged away, until he was next. He struggled against the hands that tried to hold him, fighting them so violently that he managed to free himself – but only for seconds. A heavy weight connected with his head, forcing his helmet off and him back to the ground. Bucky cried out, only to be hit with the same blunt force another time. His vision started to blur, and as the weight came down on him a third time, vision blacked out, and Bucky fell into unconsciousness.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
          Bucky’s eyes opened to a dark room, where he could just about make out bars over his head. There was a considerable distance between him and what seemed to be the roof over his head, but as he looked properly, he saw that it wasn’t a roof at all. A rough hand was patting his shoulder, trying to pull Bucky into a sitting position.  
  
          “Bucky,” Dum-Dum wrapped an arm around his shoulders, shaking Bucky slightly. The notion made him want to vomit, having to raise his hands and push Dugan off of him.  
  
          “You with us, kid?”  
  
          “Yeah,” Bucky mumbled. “Jus’ quit shakin’ me.”  
  
          “Thought you were gonna be out of it for a lot longer,” Dum-Dum squeezed his shoulder, letting Bucky know that it had been him at first. As Bucky focused on his surroundings, a deep frown crossed his face. Bars surrounded them, creating a large, circular cage. Bucky and Dugan weren’t alone either – there were at least twenty other men stuffed into the same small space with them, and one of them was Gabe.   
  
          “The fuck happened?” Bucky grumbled. A grimy hand ran through his own hair, trying to wake himself up properly. “Caught?”  
  
          “Yeah, but these guys ain’t Nazi’s.” Gabe murmured. “We don’t know what they are.”  
  
          “Shit.”   
  
The training they had been put through in case of capture charged through Bucky’s mind, reminding him of what exactly he needed to do if he was the one pulled out of the group. As Bucky was helped to stand up, he saw just how big the chamber was that they were being held in. There were circular cages all along the walls, each filled with around twenty or so soldiers. Some looked worse for wear; others Bucky recognised as members of his own unit.   
  
          “They get us all?”   
  
          “No. Half the boys got away.” Dum-Dum told him. “Just us that got caught. Ace over there – hey, what’s your name again?”   
  
Bucky watched as a man turned, who looked around the same age as Dugan. He had a small moustache and thin face – Bucky could see that he had been held prisoner for a while.   
  
          “Falsworth,” an English accent met Bucky’s ears. “James Montgomery Falsworth.”   
  
          “Yeah, yeah. Falsworth,” Dum-Dum waved his hand. “What did you say they were doing here?”  
  
          “We’re working on some kind of plane, it looks like.” Falsworth stepped closer to the three, while Gabe became the only one still holding Bucky up. He leaned into the hold, grateful for the support, while Falsworth spoke to them.   
  
          “We haven’t seen anything like it before. They come and get us in the morning and we work on it until they let us back in here. Those that fall behind or get exhausted… They’re taken away. Disposed of. We’ve lost a few of our men that way. Those that walk down a certain corridor never come back.”   
  
          “So stay outta that corridor, huh?” Bucky looked at him briefly, holding out a hand. “Bucky Barnes.”  
  
          “They mentioned. Took a few hits to the head, didn’t you?” Falsworth shook his hand as he spoke.  
  
          “Not that I can remember,” Bucky shrugged. He eased out of Gabe’s hold, finding the strength to stand on his own two feet. As he reached up again to touch the back of his head, pain shot through him as a reminder that he had indeed been hit. He winced in pain, hissing at the contact from his own hand.   
  
          “Stop, Bucky. You’re gonna pass out again.”   
  
          “No I ain’t. I’m fine, Dugan. Drop it.” Bucky shot him a look before turning back to Falsworth, nodding toward what he assumed was the way out of the cage.   
  
          “Got any idea who these jerks are?”  
  
          “The symbol on their uniforms doesn’t mean anything to us, but,” Falsworth also turned to look the same way Bucky had just moments before, as if looking for a guard. “We’ve heard them saying ‘hail Hydra.’”    


* * *

**  
March 15th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944 **

**  
**  
          White knuckles matched the colour of the porcelain that hands so desperately gripped to as Ruby emptied the little contents of her stomach into the toilet. She shivered from the chill of the bathroom, with her nightgown doing little to help keep her warm. A soft knock at the door came once Ruby had finished and slumped against the bathtub.  
  
          “I made ya some hot water and lemon,” Becca’s quiet voice seeped through the wood. “And Pop put the water pot in your bed to make it warm.”  
  
          “Thank-you,” Ruby answered her, body still trembling from the aftershocks of being sick.   
  
          “Do you need anything else?”   
  
          “No. You go back to bed, Becca.”   
  
          “Pop said I gotta help ya get back to bed first. Can I come in?”   
  
Becca didn’t wait for an answer, much like Bucky wouldn’t have done either. Becca made her way over to Ruby silently, helping her off of the floor. A skinny arm wrapped around Ruby’s waist as Becca helped her from the floor, helping her slowly back to the room that had once been Bucky’s. Ruby’s stuffed elephant awaited her, resting on the thin sheets of the bed. Becca even went as far as putting Ruby into bed and taking the water pot out to make sure that it didn’t spill before she said goodnight, leaving Ruby alone in the darkness of the small room until she slipped into a fitful slumber.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
          Thankfully, when Ruby had turned up and broken down on George’s doorstep, all the man had done was pull her into the house and let her cry onto him until she had no more tears to shed. He hadn’t shouted or told her to leave, but simply asked if she wanted to calm herself and go to take a bath while he readied Bucky’s old room for her. Even when Becca had come home from school, she had grabbed hold of Ruby and hugged her for a long while after hearing the news. Neither seemed to be mad at her, and for that, Ruby couldn’t have been more grateful.   
  
The day following Ruby arriving at the Barnes household had been followed by Becca and to Ruby’s surprise, her sister Em, bringing the rest of Ruby’s things over to the house. Ruby had broken into a fresh wave of tears as Em had hugged her sister so tightly Ruby was afraid that she was going to hurt her. Em explained that she didn’t have a lot of time – she had been the one to seek out Becca after school and the two had hurried back before Ruby’s mother arrived home with Ruby’s youngest two siblings and gathered every item that Ruby owned. Even her books with Bucky’s flowers pressed in them had been brought over in the cab that Em had borrowed money from her mother’s purse for, even though the gesture of bringing Ruby her things would more than likely get her into trouble. Em had promised to visit when she could, even though Ruby had shook her head and told her to promise not to. Thirty minutes had passed by so quickly that Ruby was left reeling as Em ran down the street from Bucky’s home, trying to make it back before her mother arrived. When Ruby had started to cry again, Becca had pulled Ruby into a tight hug. The two had been curled on the couch until George called them for dinner, and from there, they had unpacked Ruby’s things and turned Bucky’s old room into Ruby’s new one.   
  
          The only good that had come from Ruby moving into George’s house was that she was able to read Bucky’s letter – or letters, Ruby found, as she had received three consecutively – to George and Becca as soon as they arrived. Though the first hadn’t had much to say to them, the following two had. Ruby had written back as quickly as she could, but didn’t dare mention the predicament she was in. George had been the one to ask if she was going to tell Bucky, which she point-blankly refused to do. She wouldn’t put him through the stress of knowing that she was pregnant, or causing him more worry than he needed to have while he was fighting for their country and for his own life overseas. She had decided that she wasn’t going to tell Bucky in any of the letters sent between them about their expected arrival. Now, Ruby waited on the promise that Bucky had written her – he would write when he could, and as often as he could. He wouldn’t go silent on her.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
          Ruby was the first awake most mornings, which meant she helped out and made breakfast for George and Becca. Only, the following morning when Ruby woke from her terrible sleep, she wandered into the kitchen to find George already cooking.   
  
          “Mornin’. We got orange juice, if ya want some of that.”   
  
          “Orange juice?” Ruby rubbed at her eyes, pulling her robe tighter. George must have been to the store when he woke, because the smells that Ruby had walked into weren’t from food they already had.  
  
          “My wife, Winnie, she couldn’t get enough of it when she was pregnant. Thought you might wanna see if it’s somethin’ you’re wantin’.”   
  
          “Thank-you.” Ruby rubbed her stomach absentmindedly, making her way to the fridge. The glass bottle waited to be poured, so Ruby busied herself with it while looking at George’s newspaper that was folded on the table. Pausing in her actions, Ruby unfolded the paper to get a better look at the picture inked onto the front page. While it was blurred, there was no mistaking who the man holding a dustbin lid looked like.   
  
          “This looks like Steve,” Ruby murmured, swapping the glass bottle for the newspaper so she could show George. “Doesn’t it?”  
  
          “Same kinda face, but nothin’ else. Kid’s never gonna get that big.”   
  
          “I can’t believe –”  
  
Ruby quietened as a rap at the door came, with her fingers immediately clutching the newspaper. The mailman never came so early, and there was nobody else to knock on the door other than him. Ruby’s stomach churned as she silently made her way to the front of the house, fearing the worst before she had even got there. A shaking hand took hold of the handle and turned it, but the sight she saw wasn’t one she had been expecting at all.   
  
  
          “Ruby?”  
  
          “… Steve?”   
  
The man in front of her was a far cry from the young, sickly boy she had seen not weeks before. He was taller, taller than her, and by her estimation, taller than Bucky too. Where small shoulders and skinny arms had once been were now broad and muscled, making it look as though Steve could barely fit in through the door. If he didn’t have the blue eyes that Ruby had come to know as always having a playful or brave look in them, or have the sheepish smile that Steve always wore around girls, she wouldn’t have believed it to be him. He was wearing a well-fitting green army uniform, and clutching his hat between his hands. 

          “Steve!”   
  
Ruby threw her arms around his neck, though she struggled to reach him properly. Steve bent and hugged her awkwardly, patting her back with more force than Ruby ever remembered him having. It drew a cough, which immediately had Steve apologising.   
  
          “Sorry, Ruby… Still kinda gettin’ used to it. It’s all kinda new to me.”  
  
          “What happened to you…?”  
  
          “I joined the army,” Steve joked, offering her a genuine smile. Ruby rolled her eyes slightly, crossing her arms.   
  
          “Remember I told you I was at camp? Well… It kinda… Can I come in?”   
  
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
          Ruby and George listened to every word Steve had to say. How he had gone to train, been chosen for a special program the SSR had been running, and allowed a scientist to experiment on him so he could be the first – and only, by the way his story had ended – super soldier for the army. He had told them about the events that had led to the picture in the newspaper, and then shook his head with a grimace.   
  
          “All he said was ‘hail Hydra’. I don’t even know what it means.”   
  
          “Probably some stupid cult or somethin’,” George shrugged. “Don’t let it get to ya.”   
  
          “He killed Dr. Erskine. I wanna know where he was takin’ that vile.”  
  
          “Highest bidder. Somethin’ involvin’ Howard Stark? That’s gotta be a money maker.” George picked up his cup of coffee – something which Steve had politely declined taking.   
  
          “I guess so.” Steve shrugged. In the small kitchen chair, Steve looked like even more of a giant than he had done at the front door. Ruby had purposefully remained quiet throughout Steve’s recount, hoping that he wouldn’t question why she was there. Unfortunately, that was a thought lost as Steve’s eyes raked over her.   
  
          “Kinda early for a visit, ain’t it?”  
  
          “I could say the same to you, Steve.”  
  
          “Yeah, but I ain’t visitin’ in my pyjamas. What’s goin’ on?”  
  
George and Ruby exchanged a silent glance, with Ruby’s eyes saddening as George reached out a hand to gently squeeze the blonde’s shoulder.   
  
          “Ruby’s livin’ here now with me and Bec.”  
  
          “Livin’ here? Somethin’ happen to your family?”  
  
          “Nah,” George spoke for her, earning Steve’s attention instead of blue eyes boring into Ruby and making her feel uncomfortable. “More like somethin’ happened to mine.”  
  
          “Huh?”  
  
          “Bucky got her pregnant.”   
  
          “He did _what_?!” The incredulous look crossing Steve’s face settled on Ruby, making her tear her eyes away from him and gaze at the table beneath her fingertips instead.  
  
          “My parents –”  
  
          “She moved in a couple of days back. Stayin’ in Bucky’s old room. We’re takin’ care of her now.”   
  
A rush of gratefulness passed through her from George cutting her words off. Truthfully, Ruby didn’t know if she could even admit to being thrown out of her own home without having tears falling. Steve, nodding, seemed to read between the lines and clear his throat.   
  
          “Does he know?”  
  
          “I’m not going to tell him,” Ruby quietly spoke, keeping her gaze down. “Not when he’s going to be so worried already. He doesn’t need to know.”   
  
          “But it’s his kid.”   
  
Ruby’s gaze snapped back up to him, her eyes already pleading what her mouth was trying to quickly say.   
  
          “Steve, please. You can’t tell him. Don’t tell him. He’ll do something stupid and I can’t – I can’t live with myself if Bucky gets killed because he was worrying about me. I don’t want him to know. Not while he’s overseas.”   
  
          “But what if –”  
  
          “He’ll know when he comes back.” George’s voice had a finality to it, making Steve silence. Ruby’s hands had curled, pressing fingernails into her palms until she had crescent-shaped marks embedded into her skin. Steve’s strong jaw locked, clicking into place. Ruby could tell that he didn’t agree with keeping the truth from Bucky, but she and George had decided. It was for Bucky’s own good that he didn’t know. Whatever he missed out on, he would catch up when he came home to her. That was, if he even still wanted her. Ruby didn’t dare think of what she would do if Bucky came home and rejected both her and the child. She would have nowhere to go and nobody to turn to if Bucky didn’t want her when he came home. Biting down on her lip so that her thoughts were directed to pain instead of unravelling scenarios, she looked at Steve.   
  
          “Please keep it as our secret.”   
  
          “… It’s one hell of a secret.”  
  
          “I know, but he doesn’t need to know. Please, Steve. Keep it between us.”  
  
          “I’m only doin’ it because I know what Bucky’s like,” Steve told her. “I don’t like that you’re not tellin’ him about his kid.”  
  
          “It’s just for now. When he comes home, I’ll tell him everything.”   
  
          “Thinkin’ you’ll have’ta, if he comes home and ya got a pregnant stomach, or the baby cryin’ in a crib.”   
  
Steve glanced to the small kitchen clock that hung near the fridge, starting to stand from the table. He straightened out his uniform and placed his hat on perfectly combed hair, while George and Ruby joined him in the standing. Steve moved toward the front door, flanked by the pair of them.   
  
          “I gotta get goin’. My ride’s here. I’m gonna be outta town for a while, so the house is gonna be empty. Ya can move in there if ya wanna, Ruby.”  
  
          “I’m okay here,” she spoke quietly, giving him a soft nod. “But thank-you, Steve.”  
  
          “Y’know where the spare key is anyways, in case. I’ll try and drop in when I can, alright?”  
  
Steve opened the door as a car horn sounded out, and both George and Ruby peered around Steve to see a sleek black car waiting at the bottom of the pathway for him. From what Ruby could see, there was already a woman sitting inside with brown curls and a green uniform similar to Steve’s on. Steve shook hands with George and then hugged Ruby gently, patting her back much softer than he had done the previous time.   
  
          “Take care, alright? You and the… Y’know.”  
  
          “We will,” Ruby nodded. A hand was placed on her stomach to let Steve know that she understood what he meant. He bobbed his head in acknowledgement and gave the pair a small smile as he started down the pathway to the car, waving a now large hand at them.   
  
          “See ya when I get back!”   
  
          “Take care, Steve! Be careful!”   
  
           Once Steve had gotten in the car and drove away, Ruby was pulled into a fatherly embrace by George. She sighed heavily, letting her hand drop from her abdomen. She still hadn’t quite come to terms with the fact that she was carrying a baby, and tried at every given moment to call it anything but what it was – hers and Bucky’s child.   
  
          “Steve won’t tell him. He’ll keep his word.”  
  
          “I know…”   
  
Ruby slipped out of George’s hold as she sighed, walking back toward the kitchen. George followed and made to start on breakfast again, and Ruby turned the front page of the newspaper over so that she could read a different article. Footsteps came traipsing down the staircase, and no sooner after they had finished did Becca appear in the doorway, hair matted and a yawn dancing on her lips.  
  
          “I miss somethin’?”

 

 

* * *

 **  
  
March 28 th, HYDRA WEAPONS FACILITY, Kreischberg, Austria, 1944  
  
  
**          Bucky’s arms quivered under the strain they were being put on, forcing him to grunt and groan in pain as he fought against it. Dum-Dum was working as fast as he could around him while Bucky and Gabe held up a sheet of metal for the older man to hammer into place.   
          “Done!”  
Bucky was first to let go, letting a gulp of relief pass him. His shoulders ached from the positions he had been forced to keep them in until work around him was done, and hands trembled from how hard he had been holding the pieces. The muscles in his legs were starting to stiffen, making it increasingly difficult for Bucky to move. Still, he couldn’t stop. Stopping meant weakness, and weakness meant a beating. Bucky had had enough of those from the tyrant that seemed to run the building, and didn’t want to be facing another any time soon.   
  
          Days had lost all meaning since Bucky had been captured. There remained only three constants in his life. The first was being woken at early hours of the morning so that they could work on the Valkyrie, what Bucky now knew to be a super bomber jet, and not finishing working on it until late at night. The second was that they had two small meals a day and three water breaks, and if they asked for any more food or requested another water break, they would get the lick of the whip on their back. The third and final constant was the picture of Ruby, and that was truly the only thing he could clutch to that kept him grounded. Since his jacket was long gone, abandoned to the floor of his cell as a makeshift pillow, the picture was tucked carefully into his boot, where none of the Hydra guards checked for anything. Anywhere else, and the picture would have been long gone. Bucky had improvised simply to hold onto Red, and only late at night when the guards were demanding everyone be quiet did he pull the picture out and stroke over Ruby’s outline, silently saying his goodnight without drawing the attention of the other men locked in the cell with them. Ruby was the third and most important constant and that, Bucky owed his life to.  
  
          “C’mon, kid! Pick up the next one, let’s go!”   
  
Bucky’s arms trembled as he moved to help Gabe, but found Falsworth – joined by two other men that he had befriended, called Dernier who was French, and Morita, who came from Fresno – were rushing over to help them.  
  
          “Colonel’s coming,” Morita told them. “Gotta look busy.”   
  
          “Jerk’s got it in for me anyways,” Bucky spoke a little too loudly over the clanging of tools, making the rest of the men shake their heads and grab for his mouth to shut him up. Bucky batted their hands away at precisely the wrong moment, and loud, heavy footsteps made their way over to the small group.   
  
          “It does not take six men to lift one piece.”   
  
The German accent sent chills down each and every one of their spines, but Bucky’s snort came back laced with just enough disobedience that the Colonel Lohmer whistled and Bucky was torn from the group by two large Hydra agents. He barely struggled against them, not having the strength to.   
  
          “You must be taught a lesson again?”  
  
          “How ‘bout you get taught one, huh? Where to shove your damn lessons.”   
  
A hard punch hit Bucky’s abdomen, and if not for the arms holding him up, he would have doubled over in pain, but it didn’t stop there. Another blow came to his abdomen, and another. Punches in different varying speeds all connected with Bucky while he was held up, until the punches ceased. At least to his abdomen, they did. Now that Lohmer found different places to hit Bucky, drawing enough blood from his mouth that he had no choice but to spit it out.  That seemed to anger Lohmer further, but the punches never eased. Bucky found his vision starting to blur and breaths getting harder to take. Legs wobbled, with the only thing still holding Bucky up being the Hydra agents that Lohmer so easily commanded.   
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
          Every hit, punch, kick, Bucky took. He didn’t open his mouth except to spit out blood. He didn’t know how long it went on for, but it was enough time for Bucky to start feeling dizzy and lightheaded, like he had at first when he had been brought in. The guards let him go and Bucky collapsed onto the floor in the pool of his own spit, blood and sweat, feeling it soak into his trousers. Lohmer had beaten Bucky to the point where he had no sense of what was happening other than that his eye was swelling up to twice the size of a normal eye. Lohmer wiped his hands carefully on the jacket of his uniform, looking down at the mess Bucky was in. Not one of the other men he had befriended interrupted the beating, although two or three of them had had to turn away. Bucky found himself struggling to breathe properly, much less stand up. Dark, cold eyes looked down upon Bucky, who tried his hardest to press himself off of the floor. Lohmer raised an eyebrow in disgust, shaking his head.  
  
          “Get him up and take him to Zola.”   
  
Bucky allowed the two Hydra agents to take him away without a single complaint. His feet were dragged across the floor behind him as the two grabbed an arm each, pulling him along less than carefully. Blood dripped down Bucky’s mouth in a trail from where his friends had been busying themselves with getting back to work, and the one hope Bucky had to hold on to was that if they were going to dispose of him, then they would do it quickly.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**April 2nd, HYDRA WEAPONS FACILITY, Kreischberg, Austria, 1944  
  
**

**  
**           “This is impossible.”   
  
          “It has been five days. Are all the vitals still normal?”  
  
          “Yes.”  
  
          “Then we will inject another round today. Ready –”  
  
The voices were faint in Bucky’s ears as he tried to force his eyes open, though every inch of his body screamed for him not to. His skin prickled with heat, making it feel too tight against weary bones. Briefly, his mind registered that the surface beneath his body was cold and unforgiving, and there was something holding his wrists and legs down to it, as well as a thick bind pressing down across his chest. A hoarse groan slipped from dry lips, and blue eyes finally opened to stare up at the bright light directly above him. Hands began to feebly struggle against the binds on his wrists, with his head turning to the side so that he didn’t have to look at the burning light above him.   
  
          “Ah, there you are. I was wondering when you would be joining us again, Sergeant Barnes.”   
  
A shiver ran down Bucky’s spine at the voice, making him squeeze his eyes shut once again. He knew that voice, and the sickly tone it used. It had tried to use that tone and be kind to him, all while it drove needles under his skin and drew blood from his veins.  
  
          “Sergeant. Three-two-five-five—”  
  
          “This is not an interrogation, Sergeant. You serve no purpose with repeating these words.”    
  
Dark brows furrowed, trying to process the words. There was a strange echo in his head, like he had heard the exact words once before. Bucky couldn’t decide whether he had, or whether it was a sick trick his mind was playing on him. Hallucinations happened when you were close to death, he determined. He had seen more than enough men in the trenches hallucinating of their wives, of their children, of whatever being truly happy meant to them. If that was the case, he couldn’t understand why his hallucination was repeating one of his worst fears. If he was going to die, then he didn’t want to picture himself lying on an examination table, ready to be butchered and torn apart. He wanted to see himself with Ruby, dancing with her one last time. He wanted to feel the brush of her soft lips upon his, and see her sweet smile as she sang to him from up on her stage. That’s what he wanted.   
  
          “Doctor Zola. The serum is ready.”  
  
          “Ah, excellent. Give it to me, I will inject it myself.”   
  
Bucky barely swallowed the words when a sharp pain shot up his left arm, feeling the point of the needle digging beneath his skin. He cried out as a burning sensation coursed through his body, like his entire being was on fire. Hands began to curl into fists and shake, and his skin began to feel too tight on his bones – like he was being stretched too tight, that he needed room to grow but couldn’t get it. His body seemed to fight against whatever the ‘serum’ was, trying its best to win, but whatever concoction Zola had mixed won. Bucky felt it settle within him, licking around his bones, and his mind began to slip once more. Everything started to become hazy again, with his eyes fighting to stay open. His head hit the hard surface beneath it as he continued to struggle, trying to will his memory to come back. Hands came to hold him down as he struggled against his binds, crying out over and over until another needle forced itself under his skin.   
  
          “The vitals! Check his –”  
  
          “They’re holding!”  
  
          “Then what is –”  
  
The voices drowned out as another crept into his ears, gently easing the pain that was causing him to struggle so violently. The soft voice began to hum and he listened, subconsciously uncurling his hands. His head fell still, and blue eyes slipped closed. He knew that voice. He remembered that voice.   
  
          “Ruby…”

The murmur was missed by the people surrounding him, who were still desperately trying to work out what had happened. Bucky started move his mouth silently to the words of the broken tune along with the thought of Ruby’s voice singing it to him, until a sense of relaxation had pooled in his stomach. As he settled, Ruby’s voice became louder, though he couldn’t picture the blonde that he loved. Her voice seemed to be enough, and as exhaustion took him once more, could he talk, he would have sworn that he could feel the brush of her fingertips through his dark locks, comforting him in his last moments of life.    
  
  


* * *

**April 2 nd, Brooklyn, New York, 1944  
  
**            
          A gentle hand brushed along the wooden railing of the crib, feeling the worn grooves that were already in it. A soft smile came when her thumb brushed over two in particular, and a chuckle at the door caught her attention.   
  
          “Cried as soon as he bit it and realised how hard it was. That’s what those marks are.”  
  
          “I can’t believe he made a mark.”  
  
          “Yeah, neither could we. That crib was my wife’s, then it was Bucky’s, then Becca’s, now it’s yours.” George folded his arms, nodding softly.  
  
          “It is…”   
  
Ruby’s free hand drifted down toward her stomach, brushing against the barely raised bump. Few people knew of Ruby’s pregnancy, and that was the way she intended to keep it for as long as she could. Though she wasn’t showing, or even close to, George insisted that he get the crib from the attic as soon as possible so that Ruby could see how much room she would have for her own things once the baby arrived. That was hardly a thought that she wanted to be considering at the present, having to keep reminding herself that she was in fact, expecting a child, and there was no slowing down the matter. Whether she liked it or not, the baby would be coming in a matter of months.                                          
  
          As Ruby gently rubbed her stomach, George cleared his throat and stepped over the threshold of the room, hands clasped behind his back.  
  
          “Y’know, the mail ain’t been yet.” His voice was almost soft, but as soon as his words reached Ruby, she was pulling her hand off of the railing and turning to face out of the window instead. She reached for the smile pile of laundry that lay waiting on the chest of draws, busying herself with putting it away.   
  
          “I don’t think today will be the day.”   
  
Ruby didn’t dare let herself think otherwise. For days now, she had been waiting for a letter from Bucky. Besides the three that he had first sent, she hadn’t received a single one. Ruby had written him more than once, and while she knew that Bucky had said he would reply when he could, and that he was more than likely going to be fighting on the front lines as she worried – that, she didn’t spend too much time dwelling on, after the first fit of tears that George had had to calm her down from due to those thoughts – but she couldn’t help the pooling worry that so often filled her mind. There was always a ‘what if’ with their situation, and each and every idea of what it could be was worse than the last. The past three nights, Ruby had woken up in cold sweats of panic, clutching at the bedsheets while she tried to ease her breathing. Anything could have happened to Bucky, and her not knowing was perhaps the worst part of it all. Even if he had been hurt, even if he had been severely injured, there was always a shred of hope that she could hold on to. A hope that he could come home to her, a hope that he could be there to raise their child with her. Yet, the fact that she had heard nothing from him in what would shortly be three weeks had diminished that flicker of hope until it was nothing more than a dying ember.   
  
          “Ya never know, sweetheart. Kid’s full of surprises.”   
  
          “He does like to surprise me…”   
  
          “Keep ya chin up, Ruby. He’s probably written ya loads. They just ain’t here yet.”   
  
          “Perhaps.”   
  
Ruby’s quiet voice came, but teeth sank into her lip. Perhaps there was another reason entirely that Bucky hadn’t written to him. There was always a chance that Steve had gone back on his word and written to Bucky, telling him of the expected arrival. On nights Ruby couldn’t sleep, she often wondered if that was the underlying reason that she hadn’t received any mail. There was always the dreaded thought that Bucky wouldn’t want her if he knew she was pregnant, even if it was his child. There was the chance that Bucky would demand her out of his life, and cast her aside while he found someone else. She dared not voice the concerns with George, and instead let them eat away at her thoughts. Though she tried to remind herself that Bucky wasn’t like that, that he wouldn’t do that to her, she knew that war could change a man. She had seen war change men; change fathers of girls that she had been to high school with. She had seen once proud men turn to alcohol, and she had seen men abandon their families because their lives weren’t the same as they had been. That was the fear she faced – for her Bucky to be a changed man when he returned home. Ruby had seen Sarah’s death destroy pieces of his personality, some of which, he never seemed to fully gain back. For war to take Bucky as its prisoner and return a man she didn’t know, there was a worry that she wouldn’t be able to handle it.   
  
  
          “I’m gonna be makin’ stew for dinner. Do ya want me to leave you some on the stove?”  
  
          “Yes please,” Ruby glanced over her shoulder, offering a weak smile to George. “Danny’s going to walk me home again, so you don’t have to worry.”   
  
          “It ain’t a problem for me to come and get ya, y’know.”  
  
          “No, it’s okay. His shift finishes early tonight. Besides, that would mean Becca would be home alone.”  
  
           “She’ll be sleepin’, Ruby. I don’t think she’ll care.”   
  
          “I wouldn’t want her to be alone though,” Ruby turned, folding the pale dress in her hands. “Danny doesn’t mind walking me home. He knows Bucky used to.”   
  
          “Alright.” George nodded at her. “I’ll leave your dinner on the stove for ya, alright?”   
  
Ruby watched as George turned to back out of the room, but watched him catch his hand on the frame.   
  
          “Hey, Becca and I are gonna head out to the store soon. D’ya want anythin’?”  
  
          “Can I have some orange juice, please?” The question was quiet, briefly meeting George’s eyes. “… I think I’m craving it.”   
  
          “Just like Winnie, huh?” An amused glint flashed in George’s eyes, and a smile fixed onto his lips. “We’ll get ya some orange juice. Two bottles enough?”  
  
          “Only if we can afford it. My paychecks come in on Monday, I should be able to get next week’s groceries –”  
  
          “Stop worryin’ about it, Ruby. We’ll get by. Besides, you’re gonna be needin’ new clothes soon. How ‘bout you worry about you, and I’ll worry about feedin’ you and Bec, yeah?”  
  
          “I feel like I’m not helping out as much as I should be,” Ruby admitted quietly. Her gaze fell from George’s, landing on the dress held between her slender fingers.  Footsteps made their way over to her until she was pulled into a gentle hug, and George’s hands rubbing her back in a soothing, fatherly way.   
  
          “C’mon now. You’re pregnant. Ya shouldn’t be worryin’ about providin’ for me and Becca when you’ve got other things to be worryin’ about, alright? You just worry about you. I’ll worry about everythin’ else.”  
  
          “I’m trying so hard.” Ruby’s voice was muffled against him. Delicate fingers tightened their hold on the fabric of the dress in their hold, clutching it tightly.   
  
          “I just want him to come home… It’s so hard without him here.”   
  
          “I know.” One strong hand patted Ruby’s back in a gentle manner, trying to give her the reassurance that she sought. “We’re all strugglin’ without him, sweetheart, but we’ll get through it. Happy thoughts now, yeah? I’m tellin’ ya, today’s gonna be the day that ya get a letter.”   
  
          “I hope so.”   
  
With that, Ruby pulled back, offering George the slightest of smiles that she could manage without having her eyes tear up. George tapped Ruby’s chin softly, trying to encourage her to be more upbeat. Once he made to back out of the room again, Ruby’s hands started to refold the dress that would need ironing again before it was worn.   
  
          “We’ll be back before you set off for The Stork. We’ll pick ya up on the way back and walk ya ourselves, alright?”   
  
          “How about I just put some shoes on now and come with you? Then you don’t have to make two trips?”  
  
          “You’ll be early for work.”  
  
          “That’s okay. I can talk to Danny before the bar starts to get full. I don’t mind.”   
  
          “Alright. I’ll just go and put on a clean shirt. Meet ya at the door, Ruby.”   
  
The bedroom door stayed open even as George left. Ruby swapped the folded dress for her coat hanging off the wardrobe door, slipping her arms into the sleeves. Her dress for the performance at the Stork was already tucked away into her large handbag, along with everything else she would need to get ready. She could always pin her hair up and put on her lipstick backstage, and at that moment, she wished to be anywhere but in the stifling room. She could hear Becca singing away to herself from her own room as Ruby left hers, walking d to the door to slip on her shoes. Her handbag was placed down onto the sofa as she bent down, only to jump back up from having been startled by a knock at the door. Ruby opened it as soon as she could, being greeted by the mailman.   
  
          “Important,” he waved a thin, long letter in his hand, then held it out to her. “From overseas. Figured I’d bring it to the door instead of leavin’ it in the box out front.”   
  
          “No, no. Thank-you.” Ruby took it gratefully, feeling her heart start to swell. Bucky. George had been right. Today was the day that she would hear news from him. The mailman waved his goodbye as Ruby shut the door, tearing into the letter so quickly that she didn’t have time to realise that the writing of the address wasn’t in Bucky’s hand at all. Ruby opened the letter as quickly as she could, bright eyes immediately falling to the first line.   
  
  
          “We regret to inform you that Sergeant James Barnes has been…”   
  
Ruby choked. As her mind finally caught up with what she was reading, her hands let go of the letter. A loud scream ripped from her throat as she dropped to her knees, with tears brimming over and starting to fall immediately. Ruby’s hands curled into fists, beginning to pound against the rough carpet beneath them.   
  
          “Woah, woah!” George’s voice met her ears and hands grabbed hold of her shoulders, squeezing tightly. Ruby didn’t respond, continuing to hit the ground as hard as she could.   
  
          “Ruby! Stop! What’s got into ya?”   
  
          “He’s dead!” Ruby sobbed, yanking herself out of George’s hold. “He’s _dead_!”   
  


* * *

  
  
**April 3 rd, HYDRA WEAPONS FACILITY, Kreischberg, Austria, 1944** **  
**

**  
  
**          Something was wrong.   
  
Empty, glassed over eyes were staring upward toward the light, hardly phased by how bright it burned. A dry mouth continued to mumble numbers that a mind was barely remembering, and even as the footsteps rushed around the hallways that he had been dragged down, Bucky barely registered them. There were panicked voices around him; metal clanging and electricity crackling nearby. He didn’t so much as whimper at the noises anymore, for he had come to accept them as a routine. They tested until they were content and injected him until his bones burnt. The pain was expected, as was the haunting voice of Ruby’s that sang to him to help him detach himself from the situation. His body fought harder than he had ever expected, and whatever part of his brain that was still willing to fight seemed to think that it was better to fight than it was to give up.   
  
          “Sergeant…”   
  
A rattle of metal sounded out, but Bucky didn’t flinch. His arms and legs were still held down to the surgical table, just like they had been for as long as he could remember. Memories were starting to break apart, blurring the line between what was real and what wasn’t. He could barely remember the way Ruby smiled at him, or how gentle her hand was when it took hold of his rough one. All he could remember was the sound of her voice, the soothing gentleness it had always had and the calm feeling that it had always brought. Ruby was beginning to be a lost thought to him, as was everything else that had been his life. He couldn’t remember his sister, or his father. Steve and Sarah were a distant memory. Ruby was the only thought still clinging on as hard as she could, but even that was proving to be a losing battle.   
  
          “Bucky! … Oh my god…”  
  
          A face that Bucky thought he knew came into his line of sight, but quickly disappeared afterward. Whoever it was, it didn’t really matter. It would be a dream regardless. Bucky had come to accept that any face he thought he knew was an hallucination, and the ones that were real were unforgiving. The face that hard bared down on him not moments before wasn’t a face he had seen previous – or at least, he didn’t think it to be. There was a snapping of metal that reached his ears, making him rock on the bed. For a moment, he almost felt as though his legs had been released from the thick binding across them. Another snap came, with this one bringing about the idea that his chest and arms were free. That couldn’t possibly be right. The only reason they would unstrap him from the table was if they were moving him to another one, but given how much they had already put him through on the one he was currently on, he didn’t see why they would move him now. Perhaps they were moving him to dispose of him. That seemed like a more plausible option in Bucky’s mind. They must be done with him by now, after all the tests they had ran on him. As far as he was aware, no other men had been brought to Zola since he had, and that seemed like a long overdue notion. Regardless of him not wanting to wish what he had been put through on anyone, he had had enough. He wanted to be able to let go, rather than be tortured again.   
  
          “Buck, it’s me. It’s Steve.”   
  
Blue eyes that had lost all emotion started to blink, looking up at the face bearing down on him. For a moment, Bucky let him believe itself to be true. A hand feebly stretched up, patting the shoulder of the man. It didn’t look like Steve at all – which meant that it had to be that Bucky was already dead, and Steve was there to nudge him in the right direction. If Steve was here to help him on his way, then Ruby would be too. He just had to find her.   
  
          “Steve…”   
  
Though it hurt to have his mouth twitch upward into a smile, he allowed it to happen anyway. There would be no more pain here, not now. Bucky would be safe, and he would be free of any torture or tests that the Germans wanted to run on him. Strong arms heaved Bucky off of the table, but as his feet met the ground, Bucky found himself unstable. That couldn’t be right. This was his time to go – and he should be able to at least support his own weight. Yet, the man with Steve’s face didn’t seem to mind. Hands steadied him, and one large palm clapped the back of his neck gently.   
  
          “I thought you were dead.”  
  
          That triggered Bucky into an almost sense of alertness. The man had thought he was dead – not knew he was. That could only mean one thing – Bucky had survived. He had made it through whatever madness Zola had inflicted on him, and he was being rescued from it once and for all. His gaze raked up and down the figure in front of him, confusion holding the majority of his look.

          “I thought you were smaller.”   
  
There was no doubt in his mind now. The man in front of him was Steve, though it wasn’t quite the Steve he remembered. The Steve from memory was a skinny blonde, barely reaching the height of Bucky’s shoulder. This Steve towered above him, with more muscle than Bucky had seen on the some of the men at the docks. This Steve was a far cry from the one Bucky had known as a child, and the one that Bucky had last seen trying to be tall enough for the war portrait. As he looked over Steve again, Bucky couldn’t determine whether he was concerned about what had happened to Steve to make him so drastically different from how he remembered, or whether he was angry about the fact that Steve was standing in front of him, trying to rescue him. A strong arm wrapped underneath Bucky’s arms, holding him upright as he tried to pull him away. Bucky could barely walk, feeling his feet being dragged along the floor by Steve instead of taking the steps himself. His legs were heavy, and almost felt as though they didn’t belong to him.   
  
          “What happened to you?”   
  
Those were the only words Bucky could muster. At that moment, he wanted to know. His voice was shaky, and his arm wrapped feebly around Steve’s opposite one to help keep balance.   
  
          “I joined the army.” Steve’s voice was quick to answer, but void of any sarcasm. At least, Bucky assumed it was. He couldn’t quite remember what Steve had so often sounded like when he bit back at Bucky in a playful manner.  
  
          “Did it hurt?” Bucky broke apart from Steve, his feet finally managing to take their own steps instead of being pulled along. Standing was an entirely different sensation now that his bones ached with every step, but if he wanted freedom, then pain would have to be struggled through whether Bucky wanted to or not.   
  
          “A little.”  
  
          “Is it permanent?”  
  
          “So far.”  
  
It couldn’t be. Whatever had happened to Steve had to wear off eventually, Bucky decided. Little, skinny Steve Rogers couldn’t remain forever the man in front of him. That wouldn’t be Steve. Looking at him now was proving difficult enough, but he wasn’t too particularly focused on the change at that given moment. Bucky was more concerned with getting out of the facility alive – and getting Steve out alive too. As much as Steve was the one that had come for him, the same responsibility for Steve’s safety that Bucky had always felt around the younger man was stepping in, forcing Bucky to make sure that if nothing, Steve got out alive.   
  
  
          Following Steve was automatic. Every step that he took, Bucky took too. Every explosion made him flinch, leaving his ears ringing with such high-pitched noises that made Bucky’s hands itch to cover them and make a vain attempt to drown them out. Still, he kept pushing on behind Steve, climbing higher and higher up the metal stairs until they were drawing toward the bridge.   
  
          “Captain America! How exciting!”  
  
That was a voice that Bucky hadn’t ever heard before. Steve drew to a halt in front him, only going so far as to take the first step onto the bridge. By now, Bucky was panting for breath, teetering on the brink of exhaustion. Hands gripped the metal railing, and blue eyes tried to focus on the man who had spoken – only for Bucky to feel like he had been doused in ice water. Whoever the man was that had spoken wasn’t who Bucky was looking at now. Doctor Zola was standing beside him, and staring straight back at Bucky with such an odd expression that it turned Bucky’s stomach. What the man was saying to Steve was falling on deaf ears by now. Bucky’s attention had focused almost entirely on Zola, feeling a rush of emotions begin to build up. Anger coursed through his veins, matched with a fear that ran so deeply, it was making him tremble. Suddenly, he was picturing himself strapped back down, willing death to get him before Zola came back to him with a new concoction to inject into him. The hands that had been easing their grips on the bars began to tighten, gripping them uncomfortably tight. His knuckles turned white as he willed himself to not show the fear he felt, watching Zola watch him. There was a glint in his eye – a glint that Bucky had seen too many times over the time he had spent in the laboratory, and it was a glint that knocked him sick to his stomach.   
  
          Thankfully, a brief distraction came. From the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of the man that had been talking to Steve seemingly start to pull his own face off. Confused and wide-eyed, Bucky watched until the red face was revealed. So this was who the badge was for. This was the Red Skull. Bucky had heard rumours of the man, but as he looked upon him now, what he had imagined didn’t compare to what he was seeing.   
  
          “You don’t have one of those, do ya?”  
  
          His question was ignored as Steve continued, and Bucky fell back into watching Zola carefully again. He had never wished harder for a weapon to be in his hands than he was doing now, wishing he could be the one to take Zola’s life after what he had done. Bucky hadn’t been the first soldier, which unnerved him even further. If Bucky wasn’t the first, where were the rest? Unless Zola disposed of them, whatever they had done to him should have kept the other soldiers just as alive as it had kept Bucky. Broken thoughts and images ran through his mind, mixing together the last few days. Gaze firmly locked on Zola, Bucky only realised the change in situation when Steve started to move again. The bridge – it had been drawn across, and now there was no way to get to the other side. Zola and the Red Skull disappeared as Bucky cast a last look, until he was then moving once more.  
  
          “C’mon! Let’s go – up!”   
  
The last stretch of climbing seemed to harm Bucky more than he wanted to let on. His legs were trembling under the strain of moving so quickly and at such a distance, but he pushed on. Steve, still in front of him, came to a hurried stop once they were on the top floor of the building. There was no other crossing – none but the unstable metal beam, groaning under its own weight. Steve had moved back as Bucky grabbed hold of the bars again for support.   
  
          “One at a time.”   
  
Bucky barely registered that he was the first to climb over the railing until he was trying to balance. One wrong foot, and he would lose the life he had fought so hard to keep. The beam wobbled underneath the power of the explosions below, creaking in an unsettling way. As Bucky took his next few tentative steps, the metal screeched and dropped a few inches. His heartbeat sounded in his ears, making it almost impossible to concentrate on where his next step would be. Bucky took a deep breath and placed a booted foot on the metal. His eyes were focused on the railing that he now had to reach; if he got there, he would be okay. They could get out from that side.   
  
          Another step forward, and the metal groaned again, but this time, Bucky knew it was going to fall. With speed he didn’t know he had in him, Bucky made for the railing and jumped at the last moment, just before the beam fell from underneath him. His muscles ached as he heaved himself over the bars, panting once his feet were on solid ground once more. The small shred of hope was quickly replaced with guilt, as his gaze raked back across the drop to Steve. He was still stuck on the other side, and Bucky wouldn’t be the one to leave him there.   
  
          “There’s gotta be a rope or somethin’!”   
  
          “Just go! Get outta here!”   
  
          “No! Not without you!”   
  
If Steve was going to die in the facility, then he was too. Bucky knew that he should have been long dead by now, and even though he wanted to be selfish and get home to Ruby, he wouldn’t leave Steve behind. Steve had come to rescue him, and Bucky would be damned before he would turn on Steve like a coward. White knuckles came as Bucky gripped the railing, watching Steve back himself up as if preparing to jump. There would be no possible way he would make it, even this new version of Steve. The space between the two was too wide to jump across, and Steve would be lucky to even make it halfway. Before Bucky could form an objection, the blond started to run, leaping over the edge.   
  
          “Steve!”   
  


* * *

 

 **  
  
April 17 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944  
  
  
_Dear Bucky,  
  
It’s been two weeks since I received that awful letter. Two weeks since I was told that you’re gone; that you’re not coming home to me. Your father says I’m in a state of denial – but I don’t believe that you’re dead. I know that you’re not dead, Bucky. You promised me that you would be careful while you were away, and you’ve never broken a promise to me before. Don’t start breaking them now. _**  
  
**_It’s hard being here, without you. Everyone tells me how good you were, and how much you’ll be missed, and I have to nod along quietly with them and agree. They wouldn’t believe me if I told them that I knew you weren’t dead. I don’t know how I know, but I do. I feel it, Bucky. If you were dead… I’d feel it._**  
 ** _I need you to come home. I need a sign, something to prove to everyone else that you’re not dead. I can’t do this without you, Bucky, so please… Come back to me as soon as you can. If you don’t come back for me, then at least come back for our child. That’s right – our child. You’re going to be a father, Bucky, and I’m not going to bring our baby into a world that you don’t exist in. I need you with me._**  


**_Please come home to me soon, Bucky._**  
  
**_I don’t know how much longer I can cope._**  
  
**_Yours always,_**  
  
**_Ruby._  
  
                                                                                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
**           A trembling hand placed the pen down, with the other gently rubbing over her abdomen. Ruby’s eyes stung as she read back over her letter, but tears didn’t fall. She had already spent time crying that morning, and she refused to allow the letter to become illegible by being covered in tearstains.   
The two weeks that had passed felt like an eternity. In that time, she had fallen apart and tried to piece herself back together again, but her pieces didn’t seem to fit back together in the right way. There were invisible fractures covering every inch of her body in a way that she herself couldn’t fix. George had tried to talk to her, Becca had cried with her. The girls she worked with had offered their condolences and her boss at the Stork had given her time off so that she could deal with her loss, but nothing seemed to help. In the two weeks, Ruby had gone from a pit of despair, to point blankly refusing to believe that Bucky was dead. She wouldn’t accept it as the way they were going to end up. If Bucky were dead, she would have felt it. The empty void within her was the only thing keeping her going. Heartbreak had been chased away on the teetering hope that Bucky was still alive. It was a thought that nobody else believed – Becca had accepted that her brother was dead, and George had accepted that he no longer had a son. There was only Ruby that still believed in him, and that was exactly why she kept it to herself.   
  
          “Your daddy never breaks his promises to me…” Ruby murmured, rubbing a circle against her stomach. “Not one.”   
  
The idea of Bucky being dead was what it had taken to get Ruby to believe she was carrying a child, and not a problem. The letter had forced her into thinking that their baby may be the only piece of Bucky she would have left. The attachment had grown from there, and now more often than not, Ruby found herself speaking to her still quite flat stomach.   
  
          “He’s not dead, little one. He’s going to come home to us. I know he will.”   
  
The letter underneath her palm, Ruby knew she wouldn’t send. There was a small collection of letters in the top drawer of her desk that would never make their way to Bucky, with each one telling him of their child.   
  
          “Your daddy’s probably fighting his way through Germans right now. He’ll come home to us, and do you know what? He’ll be so surprised to meet you.” A soft smile formed on Ruby’s lips, keeping her quiet tone while she spoke.   
  
“You’re mama’s little secret right now, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t know anything about you, but I can tell you that he’s going to love you more than he loves anything in the whole world – even more than he loves me.”   
  
A soft knock at the bedroom door broke Ruby’s concentration, making her turn around to see who was slowly opening it. Becca’s face peeked around the door, with her lips tugged slightly up in a sad smile.   
  
          “Breakfast is goin’ to be ready soon, Ruby. Pop said he’ll bring it up to ya if ya don’t wanna come down.”   
  
          “That’s okay, Becca. I’ll be down in a moment. Thank-you.”   
  
          “No problem.”   
  
As the door closed again, Ruby put the letter in the draw with her others, hiding them away. Her hand dropped from her stomach and instead came to straighten out her cardigan. She pulled her hair over one shoulder and stretched, glancing to the crib on the other side of the room before she left it.   
  
          The kitchen seemed quiet even as Ruby approached, though she knew both George and Becca were waiting for her in it. Before she could get there, the telephone started to ring. Ruby turned to look, heading toward the receiver that was placed on-top of the piano. It didn’t ring often, and recently, it had been ringing for people to offer their condolences. Ruby took a deep breath to prepare herself for whoever would be calling now, answering the phone call in a polite manner.   
  
          “Hello?”  
  
          “…Ruby?”   
  
          

* * *

 

 **April 17 th, SSR Facility, France, 1944**  
  
  
          “…”  
  
Of all the voices Bucky had been expecting to answer his phone call, Ruby wasn’t one he had considered. However, it didn’t particularly register as odd as happiness coursed through him at it being Ruby who had answered. A sharp pain twisted through his gut at the sound of her voice, with his legs threatening to give out from underneath him. He pressed his other hand against his other ear, blocking out the noise of the other men around him. Steve was talking to Dum-Dum, while the rest of the boys Bucky had met were murmuring amongst themselves behind him.   
  
          “Bucky?!”   
  
The surprise in her shriek made him let out a quiet laugh. He didn’t stop to think about how much of a shock it would be, to hear a dead man’s voice, but focused on the sound of the happiness that had filled the way she said his name.   
  
          “Yeah, sweetheart. It’s me. Just, uh, callin’ in to make sure ya know I ain’t dead.”   
  
          “But they – you – I knew you were alive! I knew it!”   
  
          “Ya did, huh?” Bucky paused, letting out a relieved sigh. “It’s good to hear your voice, Ruby. Y’don’t know how much I missed it.”   
  
          “You’re alive…”  
  
          “Gonna take more than gettin’ captured to kill me.”  
  
          “… Is that what happened to you? Bucky…” A crackle sounded out as Ruby’s voice fell quiet. “Bucky. Are you okay…? They didn’t… They didn’t hurt you, did they?”  
  
          “Nah. Just overworked us. I’m alright, I promise.”   
  
          “How did you…?”  
  
          “Steve. Stupid jerk flew out behind enemy lines to come and get us. Most of the 107th got caught.”  
  
          “So you know about –”  
  
          “Yeah, I know what happened to him. Don’t worry, I clapped him around the head for it.” Bucky laughed as Ruby did, but he caught the slight sob that broke the noise. “Hey, pretty girl. What’re ya cryin’ for?”  
  
          “Everyone thought… They thought you were gone, Bucky. You don’t know how hard it’s been, thinking that you weren’t coming home… And I tried to tell myself that you were, that you wouldn’t leave me, but it’s been so…”   
  
As Ruby trailed off, Bucky’s chest tightened. He would have given everything to pull Ruby into his arms at that moment and tell her everything was going to be okay, and to ease her tears. Knowing that he was so far away and unable to do that filled him with guilt.  
  
          “I know – I know. I’m sorry ya had to think I was dead, but I fought through. Y’know what kept me goin’?”  
  
          “What?”  
  
          “You. Thinkin’ about ya, thinkin’ that I was gonna come home to ya, thinkin’ about you singin’… You’re what kept me goin’. Every day I was in there. Sometimes, you were all I could remember.”  
  
          “Really?”  
  
          “Yeah. You saved my life, Red.”   
  
A smile twitched at his lips as he heard the slight breathy laugh that Ruby gave out. He then heard voices in the background, and Ruby’s voice became hurried.   
  
          “Becca wants to speak to you. I’m going to pass you over, okay?”  
  
          “’Kay.”  
  
          “You’re a jerk!” Becca’s voice shouted down the line. Bucky broke into a laugh, shaking his head in amusement.   
  
          “Sorry, ya want me to go and actually be dead?”  
  
          “Ya had me cryin’ over nothin’, idiot! I really thought you were dead!”   
  
          “Sorry to disappoint ya, Bec. You’re not the only Barnes left.”   
  
          “Good. Didn’t wanna be both of us anyways.” Becca quieted, then came back in a much softer tone. “Are you okay?”  
  
          “I’m fine, Bec. Honest. Now, how about you, huh? How’s school goin’? No boys have been askin’ ya out on dates, right?”  
  
          “That’s what you’re worried about?”  
  
          “Well, I gotta know! Tell ‘em that if they wanna take ya out, they gotta talk to your big brother first. Have ‘em send me a letter and I’ll decide.”  
  
          “Oh, shut up, Bucky. I’ll go out with who I want, when I want.”  
  
          “When you’re eighteen, yeah.” Bucky snickered at the tone Becca had used. “Until then, they gotta go through me.”  
  
          “You’re so over-protective.” Becca then fell quiet, lowering her voice. “I miss you, Bucky.”   
  
          “I miss ya too, Bec. Feels like forever since I last saw ya.”   
  
          “You’ll come home safe, right?”   
  
          “’Course I will. Now listen up, huh? I ain’t gonna get another phone call, so ya gotta write me instead. I wanna know all about school and these boys that you’re thinkin’ of datin’. Alright?”  
  
          “Alright.”   
  
There were more quiet voices in the background on Becca’s side of the phone, until he could hear shuffling around.   
  
          “Pop wants to speak to ya now, Bucky. I’ll go and write ya right now, alright? Love ya, jerk. Don’t go dyin’ again now, ‘kay?”  
  
          “Yeah, yeah. I got it. Hey, Bec?”  
  
          “Yeah?”  
  
          “Love ya too.”   
  
Becca’s giggle down the line grew quieter, and was replaced with a deep voice that made Bucky feel ten years old. He pressed his hand against his ear harder to be able to hear his father, shutting his eyes tightly.  
  
          “Pop, I –”  
  
          “Are you alright?” The concern in George’s voice made him tremble, and Bucky found himself admitting something that he didn’t even realise.   
  
          “No.”   
  
He wasn’t okay. Not in the slightest. While it was easy to keep up the charade around the boys and Steve, and even around the General and Agent Carter, Bucky wasn’t okay. Whatever Zola had done to him still wasn’t wearing off, and it terrified Bucky to the point where he wanted to curl up and cry.   
  
          “I don’t know what they did to me, Pop. They gave me a load’a shots, and they ain’t wearin’ off. I keep forgettin’ things that I’m supposed to remember – Steve had’ta dial the number for me. I couldn’t even remember that. They’re all puttin’ it off as exhaustion, but I know it’s not.”   
  
          “Somethin’ else?”  
  
          “I’m scared.” By now, his voice was a whisper. He tried to keep himself still instead of trembling, but it was a failing attempt. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on with me.”   
  
          “You’re a strong kid, Buck. Always have been. You’ll get through it.”   
  
          “They said I can come home,” Bucky admitted. “They said after everythin’ I went through, I can come home if I wanna. They’d release me on the grounds of injury.”  
  
          “Do ya wanna?”  
  
          “… I don’t wanna disappoint ya.” Bucky’s lip quivered. There was silence on the other end of the line, until George’s voice came back just as quiet as Bucky’s was.   
  
          “That’s what you’re worried about?”  
  
          “I know I ain’t done a lot for ya to be proud of – maybe not even anythin’, but you were proud of me when I was gettin’ on the train. You were proud of me when I got my orders. I don’t wanna come home now just because I got scared, and disappoint ya.” Bucky chewed his bottom lip long after he had finished talking, waiting for the response. George remained silent on the other side of the call, making Bucky wonder if it had broken and he had lost his father entirely.   
  
          “… Boy, if I could clip ya round the head right now, I would.”   
  
          “Huh?”  
  
          “I’m not just proud of ya because you’re in the army, James. I’m proud of ya for a whole lotta things. Maybe I don’t tell ya enough, but I am.”  
  
          “Yeah?”  
  
          “Yeah. Y’know I ain’t so good with words. That was always your Ma’s thing. I’m real proud of ya for more than ya know, and she would be too. So… Ya don’t got anythin’ to be scared about. I ain’t gonna be mad at ya.”  
  
          “I wanna come home…” Bucky’s eyes opened so that he could glance back at the group of men behind him. They were good men, strong men, but Bucky couldn’t keep up with them. Not while he was like this.   
  
          “Then ya can. Tell ‘em.”  
  
          “Yeah – yeah. I will. I… Thanks, Pop.”   
  
          “Now, don’t go gettin’ sappy on me.” George let out a quick laugh, but Bucky could have sworn that he heard his father sniff up. “I’m gonna pass ya back over to Ruby now, alright? Take care of yaself, Bucky.”   
  
          “I will.”   
  
As the receiver was passed around on the other end of the line, Bucky found himself sighing happily when Ruby was once again the one talking to him.   
  
          “Hey, sweetheart. How’re ya doin’?”

          “I’m… Bucky, there’s something I need to tell you.”   
  
          “Yeah?” The guarded tone in Ruby’s voice had Bucky’s eyebrows knitting together in concern. That was a tone he hadn’t heard often, and it placed a pool of worry in his stomach.   
  
          “What’s the matter, Ruby?”  
  
          “Well, I… I don’t know how to…”  
  
          “Is somethin’ wrong? Talk to me, Ruby.”   
  
          “Bucky, I’m p –”  
  
A slap landed on Bucky’s left shoulder so hard that he jumped and dropped the telephone. The cord caught it, dangling it above the ground. Bucky whirled around to see Dum–Dum standing there, raising his eyebrows at him.   
  
          “Nearly done, Barnes? We tossed coins on who’s goin’ next. Gabe’s waitin’ to call.”   
  
          “Just give me a couple more minutes, alright? Jesus.” Bucky growled, snatching the cord back into his hands. “I gotta tell Ruby somethin’.”   
  
          “Alright, alright.” Dum-Dum held his hands up at Bucky, walking backward away from him. The second he was out of arms reach, Bucky pressed the receiver back to his ear and prayed that he hadn’t lost Ruby.   
  
          “Ruby?”  
  
          “Bucky…?” Her quiet voice settled him immediately, dousing the anger that had been building.   
  
          “Thank God,” Bucky inhaled deeply, closing his eyes again. “Dum-Dum made me drop the phone. Tellin’ me that the rest of the boys were waitin’ to call next. They can wait a couple minutes more, right? Now, what were ya sayin’?”   
  
          “…Nothing. I just wanted…” Ruby paused. Bucky heard a quiet sigh on her end. “I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you.”   
  
          “Well, how ‘bout you tell me in person, huh?”   
  
          “What?”  
  
          “I’m gonna be comin’ home real soon. They said they’re gonna release me. Somethin’ to do with how long I was caught for.”   
  
          “You’re coming home?”  
  
          “Yeah, sweetheart. I’m comin’ home.”   
  
He could hear the break in Ruby’s voice as she started to babble down the phone, and the tears he could clearly picture rolling down her face. Bucky let out a quiet laugh, with a few of his own tears start to fall.   
  
          “When?”  
  
          “They’re shippin’ me out as soon as possible. Won’t be long before I’m back in Brooklyn. I’ll send ya a letter and let ya know when, but I might get home before it.”   
  
          “I can’t wait to see you. I have so much to tell you, Bucky…”   
  
          “Yeah? Well good, because I’m gonna not wanna let ya go anyways. We’re gonna spend a whole lotta time together when we get back. Promise.”  
  
          “You mean it?”  
  
          “I ever broke a promise to ya before?”   
  
          “No.”   
  
          “Then I ain’t gonna be breakin’ this one.” Bucky opened his eyes again, rubbing just underneath them to get rid of the tears. The rest of the men were now talking quietly, and Bucky could see Gabe glancing over toward him every few seconds.   
  
          “Look, I gotta go now, alright? The boys are waitin’.”   
  
          “I miss you, Bucky.”   
  
          “I miss ya too. Now, put on that smile for me, huh? Chin up, beautiful. I’m comin’ home. And Ruby?”  
  
          “Yes?”

          “I love you.”

          “I love you too.”   
  
Those words sent a warmth straight through him, easing the still slight burning of his bones. If he could have her repeat that over and over until he got home and was able to kiss her, then he would have.   
  
          “See ya real soon, Ruby.”  
  
          “Goodbye…”   
  
                                                                                            **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
**  
          Though he didn’t want to, Bucky was the one to hang up the receiver first. He rubbed at his eyes to ease the tears that were pricking them and threatening to fall, grunting in frustration.   
  
          “C’mon, Barnes! Jones is waiting!”  
  
          “Just give me a minute, alright?!” Bucky snapped over his shoulder, but didn’t turn to look. A gentle pat met his shoulder and he turned to glare at whoever it was, but the look died when he saw it to be Steve. Bucky sniffed up as Steve led him away from the phone, allowing Gabe to get up and rush toward it.   
  
          “How’d it go?”   
  
          “Great. Spoke to Bec, and my Pop, and Ruby. She answered the phone.”   
  
          “Ruby? What’s she doin’ there?”   
  
          “Didn’t ask. It’s Sunday, right? She’s probably goin’ with ‘em to Church.” Bucky shrugged. Truthfully, he wasn’t putting much thought into it. Ruby had said that she would visit his father and sister often, and if she wanted to go over so early on a Sunday, then he wasn’t about to be pulling her up for it. Steve patted his shoulder once more as he brought Bucky toward a table, sitting down with him.   
  
          “So, I’ve been thinkin’.”   
  
          “About how stupid you were for goin’ so far over enemy lines with a goddamn shield for protection?” Bucky lifted his brows, letting out an exhale of air. “Because I really think ya should be.”  
  
          “Nah. I was thinkin’… I’m gonna stay.”   
  
          “What, in France? I know you’re this whole new Steve now, but ya don’t speak a damn word of French, pal. Ya won’t last.”   
  
          “No, ya jerk. In the Army.”  
  
Bucky’s heart plummeted. Steve in the army. That was the one thing he had never wanted – even now that he was the super-soldier version of himself. Bucky didn’t trust Steve to not do something stupid, like he already had done. If that was his first stunt as ‘Captain America’, what would be the next one? It was a thought that Bucky didn’t want to consider, and he knew there was only one way to make sure his best friend stayed alive.   
  
          “Then… I’m stayin’ too.”   
  
He could feel the crack that didn’t show in his expression run right through to his very core. He wouldn’t be going home. It didn’t matter how terrified he was, or how much he wanted to. He wouldn’t be leaving Steve out in the field alone, and that was the final decision.   
  
          “They said you could go –”  
  
          “Yeah, well, who else is gonna keep your dumb ass in line?”    
  
          “Ya don’t have to stay, Buck. Ya got a life to go home to.”   
  
          “Forget it. Ya came to save me, now I’m returnin’ the favour by stayin’ here.”   
  
Bucky waved his hand, forcing a smile. He ignored the way Steve’s eyes raked over his expression, and Bucky hid his true emotions under the mask that he had perfected so well since breaking out of the Hydra facility.   
  
          “Now, ya gotta tell me. Are ya gonna keep the costume?”   
  
  


* * *

 

**  
April 26 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944**

          Ruby was humming to herself as she cleaned along the surface of the piano, running her fingers gently across the keys. Bucky’s arrival home would be any day now, and she wanted to make sure that the house was perfect for him. She had spent any spare time cleaning it up, as well as preparing herself with what she was going to say to him when he arrived home. There was an almost change in her figure now, with a barely-there swell beginning to show itself on her middle. She had decided that she would let him get settled first, and get used to being home, before she would present him with a card of congratulations over dinner. Becca and George had agreed to allow them to eat alone so that she could properly surprise him – and George had been assuring her that Bucky would only take it well.   
  
          “You know, your daddy loves it when I play the piano. Would you like to hear something, little one?”   
  
Being the only one in the house, Ruby could freely talk to the baby in any room she wanted to. She seated herself at the piano, fanning out her skirt on the seat. Delicate fingers brushed across the keys once more, and Ruby readied herself to play. She opened her mouth to begin singing as the first keys were pressed, but the note died on her lips as a knock came to the door. Ruby hurried up from her seat and ran the short distance, pulling open the door with a grin.   
  
          “…Oh.”   
  
          “Yeah, I know,” the mailman chuckled. “Ya got international mail.”   
  
          “No, I was expecting – well, the man who’s written me to be knocking on the door.” Ruby blushed slightly, taking the letter from him. “He said he might beat his letter back, and knocking on his own front door is something he’d find amusing.”   
  
          “Barnes, right? I know the kid. He’s comin’ home?”  
  
          “Yes. He should be here any day now, I think. They said they were shipping him back home as soon as they possibly could.”   
  
          “Won’t be long now, then. Letters take nine days or so anyways.” He tipped his hat to her, starting to walk back down the small pathway. “Have a nice day, ma’am.”   
  
          “Thank-you! You too!”   
  
Ruby closed the door, clutching the letter to her chest. In moments, she was opening the envelope and freeing the worn paper from it, heart racing. Bucky said he was writing her with the date – and if the letter took nine days to reach her, then he would be home the day or so after, surely. Bright blue eyes quickly read over the first few lines more than once, until she was gasping. Where breaks in her heart had been fixed, cracks began to work themselves back in. The words that Bucky had written shot so much pain through her that she had to lean back against the door to support herself, feeling tears begin to prick at her eyes.   
  
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**  
  
  
**_Dear Ruby,_**  
  
 ** _Look… I don’t know how to tell you this, but… I won’t be coming home soon._**

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**Chapter 20**  
  
**  
September 30th, SSR Facility, France, 1944  
  
  
_I think I’m going crazy, Pop._**  
**  
** No sooner had the line been written was it then crossed out, and the paper crumpled beneath a rough palm. A fresh piece of paper was then pulled in front of him, with a sigh as the pen once again started to move across it.  
  
**_I forgot what mom’s name was yesterday. Winnifred, right? Took me a while to remember it. I’m forgetting everything. The names of the men at the Docks – I can only remember Tom’s name now. I’m forgetting the way to Becca’s school from the house. Is it left at the corner? I’m losing my mind one memory at a time, Pop. I don’t know what to do – and I can’t tell anyone. They’ll force me to come home. Who’s gonna look after Steve’s dumb ass if that happens? Nearly got himself shot yesterday. If I’d have missed the shooter, Steve would be coming home in a coffin right about now. Whatever the hell they did to me in Hydra, it’s not going away._  
  
** Bucky grunted at himself, spreading his hand across the paper once again to turn it into little more than a crumpled ball. It joined the first near to his rucksack as he threw it. His palm rubbed against his forehead, pushing sweaty, dark locks back from it.  
   
         “C’mon, Buck. Snap out of it. Somethin’ good, huh?”  
  
The bitter tone escaping his lips was thankfully only heard by himself. The rest of the Commandos besides Steve were recuperating – and according to Dugan, the best way to recuperate was to hit the closest bar, drink themselves drunk and talk up the pretty women that would no doubt be there too. Bucky had politely refused the invitation, claiming that he had too much of a headache to even try one drink. It wasn’t a lie – headaches were so common to him now that he had forgotten what it was like not to have one. It felt as if a constant pressure was pushing on the very base of his skull, but by now it was only a dull ache compared to the way his bones burned when they were on the move for too long.  
  
His blue eyed gaze wandered to the picture on the table in front of him, and for the first time that day, his lips twitched upward into the faintest of smiles. He had asked for the picture in the same letter he had sent to Ruby, telling her that he wouldn’t be coming home as soon as she had thought. The one he had originally had was so worse for wear thatBucky could barely make her out on it. The one he had received back from her in her very next letter was one that he didn’t dare take out with him. She was in front of her microphone at The Stork Club, smiling directly at the camera. Though the picture was in black and white, he could picture clearly the pale colour of her skin, the silver shimmer that her dress had any time she moved, and the red of her painted lips. Of all the memories and thoughts that Bucky was seemingly forgetting, Ruby was never one of them. She was the only constant and coherent thought he had; the only anchor tying him down from thinking he was crazy. **  
  
**           “Another month and you’re gonna be twenty-one, ain’t ya?” Bucky murmured, brushing his fingertips over the picture. “Twenty-one, babe. Twenty-one and waitin’ for me to drag my stupid ass back home to ya.”  
  
A smile eventually curved on Bucky’s lips. Another longing glance was cast down to Ruby’s image, and it was with an almost happy sigh that Bucky then reached for another piece of paper to start writing on. **  
**  
**_Dear Pop,_**  
**_Everything’s starting to get better now. My head’s getting back to normal again. Working with the Commandos, it’s really helping. Hey, they say they’re filming some of the stuff we do before we go out in a couple of days on our next mission – they’re gonna show it at the movie house. Think you could take Becca and Ruby for me and surprise them with it? I’ll try and do something for you guys, but it’s gonna be tough to do that._**  
  
**_Listen, I know I’m away for Ruby’s birthday and I can’t exactly send her anything over as a gift, so I was thinking…_**  
**_Could you get Mom’s engagement ring out for when I come home? I want to marry her, Pop. I want to marry Ruby. Don’t worry – I’ll ask her father for permission before I even dare ask her, but even if he says no… I’m still gonna. Can I have it? Mom’s engagement ring? I think she’d like it. Ruby, I mean. I kinda think Mom would like it too, Pop. She’d like Ruby. I know it._**  
**_  
Don’t tell Becca. She’ll only go squealing to Ruby and then ruin the surprise. It’s got to stay between you and me, alright? I haven’t even told Steve yet, but… I just know she’s the one I wanna settle down with. I’m missing her something fierce, Pop. I’m gonna write to her after I’ve finished this letter to you. And don’t worry – I won’t be going back to the jobs I had before when I get home. I’ll find something that’ll support me and Ruby. Hell, maybe even something that’ll help us move into our own place. I’m gonna do it right, Pop. Ain’t you proud of me? I’m finally growing up._**  
**  
  
**           Once Bucky had gotten into the flow of writing, the words wouldn’t stop. He filled two sides of paper before he had finally signed off to his father and Becca, promising at the very end of his letter that he would write to them as soon as possible. He briefly went over the general outline of the next mission the Commandos were going on – he couldn’t tell his father everything that he wanted to, on the very slim chance that the letter found its way into the wrong hands – but he made sure to comment on how careful he would be. As long as his father thought he was getting better, and knew nothing of the mental strain Bucky was under, his father wouldn’t try to get in contact with the General, or even worse, with Steve. If Bucky could hold it together long enough for him to get home, he had no doubt that seeing Ruby would help fix whatever was going on in his mind.  
  
          “Writing home, Sergeant Barnes?”  
  
Bucky turned at the sound of the voice, immediately straightening up when he saw the owner. A hand waved him down before he even moved out of the chair, and the woman instead joined him.  
  
          “Yes ma’am. Just finished up writin’ to my Pop, now I gotta write to my girl.”  
  
          “Enough of that ma’am business, James. I’ve told you more than once to call me Peggy.”  
  
Bucky had to grin at the tone in Peggy’s voice. She had told him more than once, but he still continued to do it every time he spoke to the woman, until he was then pulled up about it. It always drew a roll of Peggy’s eyes when he addressed her in such a fashion, and a smile was always on her red lips, letting him know that she didn’t truly mind the little game they were playing.  
  
          “You know me, Peg. Just tryin’ to be a gentleman.”  
  
          “Yes, well, don’t. It’s very unbecoming of you. If you’re going to call me anything other than my name, I suggest you call me Agent.” Peggy reached for the picture on the desk in front of Bucky as she spoke, picking up the image so that she could look at it properly.  
  
          “And this is your ‘girl’, I take it?”  
  
          “Yeah. Her name’s Ruby.” Bucky leaned back in his chair, moving his letter out of Peggy’s line of sight. He glanced up just in time to see Peggy’s eyes spark in recognition, which made his brows furrow together.  
  
          “This is Ruby?”  
  
          “You know her or somethin’?”  
  
          “Before Steve and I came here… He called over to your home, I believe. To let your father know he was doing well, and where he was going. Ruby was there too, he said. She was having breakfast with your family.”  
  
          “Must’a been a Sunday, then.” Bucky shrugged. Peggy’s eyes were still going over the picture, but Bucky’s were watching the brief changes in her expression.  
  
          “How’s that?”  
  
          “Ruby’s house ain’t anywhere near mine. She’s from the good part of town. Only goes over to my house on a Sunday so she can go to church with my Pop and Becca, my sister.”  
  
          “I don’t think that was the case. Steve told me that –”  
  
  
          “Yeah, it was a Sunday.”  
  
Steve’s voice cut across Peggy’s so suddenly that it made Bucky flinch. Peggy put down the picture of Ruby, sliding it back toward him. Steve stepped properly into the room, still dressed entirely in the Captain America uniform. Bucky’s eyebrows raised, a glance being shot between Peggy and Steve, until he was addressing Steve directly.  
  
          “Peggy sounded like she was gonna say somethin’ else, pal.”  
  
          “I must have gotten it wrong, James.”  
  
Peggy’s brown eyes locked on his blue ones for a brief moment. There was something that they weren’t telling him, Bucky knew that much. In the short time he had known the woman across from him, Bucky knew that Peggy was never wrong. She was one of the few people he trusted nowadays, and though they didn’t speak often, he knew that there was something going on that he wasn’t aware of. They knew something he didn’t – and that scared him the most. Steve didn’t keep secrets from him. Bucky knew full well that he was being more of a hypocrite than he would have liked to be, with him hiding exactly what was going on with his mind from Steve, but that was hardly any concern of Steve’s anyway. That was Bucky’s own health, and he would deal with it in his own due time. This wasn’t about Steve – this was about Ruby.  
  
          “What the fuck’s goin’ on?”  
  
          “Nothing’s goin’ on, Buck. Peggy just said –”  
  
          “Ain’t like Peggy to be wrong about somethin’, Steve.” Bucky’s tone was flat. He offered a dark glance up at his best friend for all of a few moments before he was gathering up his things spread across the desk, grumbling to himself.  
  
          “Y’know, if it’s somethin’ goin’ on with you, I couldn’t give less of a fuck, but it ain’t. You’re hidin’ somethin’ from me.”  
  
          “Bucky –”  
  
Steve’s hand reached to grab Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky turned and hit Steve’s hand away, glaring at him. The blond’s hand retracted, hs eyes flashing with an empty gaze. Peggy had moved to stand next to Steve, making Bucky’s temper rear itself back up.  
  
          “Looks like Ruby’s the only one who tells me the truth these days, huh?”  
  
          “It ain’t what it –”  
  
          “Forget it, _Captain_.”  
  
  
The name was spat so hard at Steve that he winced. Bucky shoved past Steve, unintentionally knocking him into Peggy. Anger was coursing through his veins as he stormed off to the bunkers that the Commandos were staying in for the night. Other agents and soldiers he passed quickly moved out of his way just by the mere expression on his face. He slammed the door shut so hard once he had reached the bunkers that it groaned under the force he had shut it with. Bucky dropped unceremoniously onto his bunk, shutting his eyes tightly. His body shook from frustration, causing him to kick his feet off the floor. With the force, he moved the entire bunk backward, hitting it against the wall. As soon as his head made contact with it, he was scrambling to sit up, Deep, gasping breaths then began to come, looking down at the scrape marks of the feet of the bunk across the hard floor. He hadn’t just moved it a little, he had moved it a good four or five inches from a single shove of his feet.  
  
          “What the fuck’s goin’ on with me?!”  
  
Hands dropped the items in their clutch so that Bucky could grip at his dark locks, tugging them hard enough to turn his knuckles white. His bones began to burn, every inch of his body feeling as though it had been set alight. Shudders ran through him with every harsh breath he took, trying in vain to calm himself down. It wasn’t working. His heartbeat was only growing faster, an ache beginning to form in his chest. The sound filled his ears, making it hard to focus on anything but how upset he was starting to get. Counting to ten was a feeble attempt, and trying to even his breathing pattern did even less. In a last bid for calming, one hand flew away from his head and scrambled to the pile of papers he had dropped, grabbing the picture of Ruby.  
  
          “Help… Please…”  
  
Panicked, wide eyes locked on the blonde, taking in every inch of her face. His heart continued to hammer against his ribcage, the sound of it still blocking even his own whispered pleas for her to help him out. A trembling finger stroked across the image, remembering the curve of her hip and how it felt under his palm. His mind went to focusing on the way she felt, the physicality of her. The way her lips would gently brush a spot under his ear that she knew would make him go crazy for her; the way her body fit perfectly to his; the way she felt when he held her tight against his chest.  
  
          With a painful slowness, Bucky began to calm. Keeping his focus on Ruby, his heartbeat had began to decrease its rapid pace and his mind had stopped ripping into itself. His bones began to loosen, the fire within him douzed by the image of the blonde. The last few panting breaths left him and his hold on the picture released, letting it fall back onto the bed. Bucky drew his knees up tight to his chest and hugged them, pressing his face against them so that he could hide against himself. A wave of nausea was rolling through his body, just like it had done each time he had lost his temper since he had escaped Zola. A few hot tears slipped from closed eyes, soaking into his pants.  
  
          “What’s goin’ on with me…?”

 

* * *

 

 

 **October 27 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944  
  
  
**          “Are ya sure ya don’t want anythin’ else?” George asked, glancing over his shoulder to Becca and Ruby. The two stopped their chatter, both shaking their heads at him. He chuckled, turning back to the man across the counter to pay. Ruby watched, clutching the bag of candy George had kindly gotten for the two of them, while Becca had hold of their drink.  
  
          “Is she still kickin’ ya?” Becca asked, her gaze glancing down to the swell of Ruby’s stomach. The coat around her did little to hide her baby bump, but it did wonders for hiding her hand that didn’t have an engagment ring sitting on her finger. Ruby rolled her eyes, narrowing them playfully at Becca.  
  
          “He’s not a girl.”  
  
          “Yeah she is! You and Bucky are gonna have a little girl. I did the test and everythin’.”  
  
          “And what test is that?”  
  
          “Well, see, Susan said that her sister Theresa told her that if you wanted to know what gender a baby was, ya had to peel an apple.”  
  
          “… I don’t think that’s a very scientific test, Becca.”  
  
          “I wasn’t finished,” Becca raised an eyebrow at Ruby. Ruby held her free hand up for her to continue, amused by the way the story was going.  
  
          “See, with the peel, ya throw it over your shoulder, and if it curls into a circle, then you’re havin’ a girl. If it stays as a wiggly line, you’re havin’ a boy. I tried it out. It curled up. You’re havin’ a girl.”  
  
          “Well, if you tried it out and the peel curled up, then I must be.” Ruby tried not to laugh as Becca gave her a very final look, the younger girl’s chin held high. “I don’t know how Bucky’s going to feel about having a daughter.”  
  
          “She’ll be lucky if she’s allowed outta the house before she’s thirty. Maybe even forty. But, hey, your baby will get me off Bucky’s hook. He’ll leave me alone if he has a little baby to look after.” A smirk was playing on Becca’s lips. Ruby raised her eyebrows, brushing her free hand against her stomach.  
  
          “Oh, that’s the real reason that you want a niece instead of a nephew? So you can start dating and Bucky not pester you about it?”  
  
          “Uhuh. He’ll be too busy fussin’ over your baby.”  
  
          “Becca, you keep your mouth runnin’ and you’re gonna miss the picture,” George’s voice interrupted Becca’s smug tone. “And your Ma tried that with you. You still turned out a girl even when your apple peel said you were gonna be a boy.”  
  
Ruby then couldn’t hide her amusement and started to laugh, just as Becca started to turn red. She turned around to her father, only to see George laughing as well. Becca took the tickets from her father’s outstretched hand and walked off, making her way toward the double doors where the movie they were watching would be. It had been his idea to take her out for her birthday in the first instance. Ruby hadn’t particularly wanted to do anything for it, or even go out of the house. If the truth was being told, she hadn’t even wanted the cake that George and Becca presented to her that morning, or the cards and gifts they had given her. While she was grateful and had continued to thank them as often as she could, she knew that they couldn’t really afford to be throwing her any kind of celebration, George had immediately stopped her after she went to say that she would help pay him back for the movie tickets – while Becca was out of earshot, of course – and said that it was a special birthday, and that she should be celebrating it, not worrying about money.  
  
          “C’mon now, or we’re gonna miss the previews. You like these kinda movies, right? These… Disney ones?”  
  
          “Yes,” Ruby nodded softly. She linked her arm with George’s so that the two could walk into the theatre, where Becca had been waiting and was waving at them in front of their seats.  
  
          “Bucky took me to see Dumbo when they played it last Christmas. I think he enjoyed it too.”  
  
          “Probably did. Don’t know how you’re gonna cope when he comes back home, sweetheart. You’re gonna have a baby and a damn big kid to handle.”  
  
George’s voice had lowered to a whisper as he helped Ruby into her seat, making sure she was settled comfortably before he even sat down. Becca sat herself on one side of Ruby and George on the other, leaning over to take a piece of candy from the bag that Ruby had balanced briefly on her stomach. **  
  
**           “I’ll manage,” Ruby whispered back to him. “I’ve managed with him so far.”  
  
          “Suppose you have, huh?” George knocked his elbow gently against Ruby’s. The lights of the theatre started to dim until the room was dark, and the film started to roll. Ruby’s attention quickly left George so that she could look at the images that were now starting to move on the screen. A delicate hand reached to pick out a piece of candy from the bag, only to almost choke on it when the short film in front of her started to play.  
  
  
          “Captain America and his Howling Commandos!”  
  
Ruby’s eyes widened as the voice-over spoke. She edged forward in her chair, becoming completely absorbed. From the way Bucky had described the men that were a part of the Howling Commandos, Ruby could pick out each and every one of them. There was Dugan, complete with his bowler hat. Falsworth, Jones, Morita, Dernier; Ruby knew what each of them now looked like. Frantic eyes searched as the screen showed each Commando, until it came to the one she had been waiting for. A gasp caught in her throat as Bucky’s face appeared on the screen. Tears sprang instantly to Ruby’s eyes, taking in every detail of the face she had yearned to see. He wasn’t looking at the camera, not directly, but just looking at the side of his face was more than Ruby could have asked for. He was watching Steve look over the map between the two of them, their mouths moving but the sound of their voices wasn’t what she was hearing. The voice over was describing what they were doing in Europe, something that Ruby knew about far more than whoever was talking did. A sharp kick came to her stomach at the same time the image on the screen changed. The tears that had threatened to fall now started, seeing both Bucky and Steve on screen. Bucky was smiling, looking almost the same as he had done when he had left. His hair was a little longer and there was more stubble on his face than Ruby had ever seen, but he looked happy. He was laughing, which only made Ruby’s heart ache from wanting to hear the sound of that laughter once again. Her hands slipped to her stomach, feeling the kick come once more.  
  
          “That’s right,” she whispered. “That’s your daddy up there.”  
  
The short clip was over far sooner than Ruby would have liked, with the advertisement being about war bonds. Ruby slowly shifted back in the chair, wiping at her eyes with the collar of her coat. George reached over for a hand and squeezed it, and Becca leaned over from her side to rest her head against Ruby’s shoulder.  
  
          “He looks so well…” Ruby murmured, glancing at George. “Did you know about…?”  
  
          “Told me in one of his letters,” George admitted. “Asked me not to tell ya about it so that it’d be a surprise for ya. Said he was gonna try and do somethin’ to say hi to you and Becca, but I guess it got cut out. Better than that picture you got of him, huh? Somethin’ like that?”  
  
          “So much better.”  
  
While she adored the picture he had sent her – the picture that was now resting on the dresser next to her bed, of Bucky kissing the picture of herself that she had sent him – seeing him in a moving picture was more than she could ever ask for, aside from asking for him to come home. Knowing that he was just as alive and well as he so often told her in his letters had a calming effect on her, easing the tension in her mind that she had to push to the back every day.  
  
          “He was kicking,” Ruby whispered back over to George. “He started when Bucky was on the screen…”  
  
          “He knows his daddy,” George smiled. Ruby rubbed at her stomach, allowing the corners of her mouth to twitch upward into a smile that she knew wouldn’t fade for hours. Of all the days she could have gotten the present of seeing Bucky, today was the most perfect one she could think of. Just the image of Bucky alone had made Ruby forget about her sadness over spending her first birthday without her family. It gave her a new sense of strength, seeing him. George squeezed her hand a final time and let go, nodding at her in the dark. The previews were coming to their end, and as the movie began to start, Ruby took the opportunity to lean over to George and whisper one more time, earning a gentle nudge of her elbow.  
  
          “Thank-you.”  


* * *

  
**October 27 th, SSR Facility, France, 1944**  
**  
  
**           Bucky’s rough hand clutched the small piece of tattered paper so tightly that it began to crumple. His head was resting against the wall next to the telephone, pressing his forehead against the cool of it. It was almost midnight and Bucky was finding it difficult to stay awake, but sheer force of will was keeping him suspended on the edge of sleep. As the phone rang, his mind began to conjure up images of how Ruby might have spent her birthday. Surely she had had a party, if her previous birthday was anything to go by. She wouldn’t have been drinking, that much he was certain of. Maybe her parents had rented a room out and were going to throw her a surprise birthday party once she was changed from work – which was exactly why Bucky was calling at this time. Peggy had said it would be coming close to six o’clock in the evening, which made it ideal for him to be calling now.  
  
          “Hello?”  
  
Bucky’s eyes snapped open as the line was picked up. He jolted upright, almost hitting his face off the wall as he moved. Even though the woman who had answered couldn’t see him, he found himself straightening up his clothes.  
  
          “Hello, Ma’am. It’s Bu – it’s James, and I was just callin’ for –”  
  
          “James? I don’t know a James.”  
  
          “Uh… It’s Bucky, Ma’am.”  
  
He chewed his bottom lip, praying that she wasn’t about to put down the phone. Considering that he shouldn’t have even been using it, if she ended the call now and cut him off, it would be for nothing. **  
  
**           “…Bucky Barnes?”  
  
          “Yeah – yes. Bucky Barnes. Y’know, that boy who’s datin’ your oldest daughter. See, I know it’s her birthday, and I’ve been waitin’ all day to call –”  
  
          “She’s not here.” Ruby’s mother’s tone was short, clipped, and Bucky could easily imagine the look she was giving him right now.  
  
          “She not back from work yet or somethin’? I can call back later, but I didn’t know whether you guys were throwin’ her a party.”  
  
          “We’re not celebrating Ruby’s birthday this year.”  
  
          “Huh? You’re… But it’s her twenty-first.”  
  
          “I’m well aware of how old she is, James. We are not celebrating her birthday this year and you will not call back later.”  
Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. Ruby not being at home was one thing, but refusing to let him speak to her was another thing entirely. It wasn’t exactly a call he could make whenever he wanted. His voice turned desperate, pressing the phone against his ear.  
  
          “I just wanna speak to –”  
  
          “Don’t call here again! You’ve ruined her life enough!”  
  
          “No! No, please! I gotta – I need to –”  
  
  
The line went dead. The phone dropped from Bucky’s hand, saved by only the cord stopping it from crashing against the concrete floor. Bucky stared at the numbers on the box of the phone, disbelieving. Part of him had foolishly believed he was past the dislike of her parents. When he had picked Ruby up for the very last time, he had been led to believe that they were not only on good terms, but that he had managed to impress them in the slightest way by becoming a soldier. For Ruby’s mother to end the call so suddenly, for her to be so cruel on the other end of the line, it brought back all of Bucky’s old fears. How he wasn’t good enough for Ruby, how he would never be able to be good enough for her. Her mother had said that he had ruined her life – and for the first time, he believed it.  
  
Tuning on his heel, Bucky left the phone to dangle close to the floor. The paper in Bucky’s hand was folded and tucked into the pocket of his pants, hiding it from sight. What he needed now was a drink, and a good one, at that.  
  
  
                                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
          Luckily, Dugan had exactly what Bucky was looking for. The whiskey burned as it ran down his throat, but Bucky was already holding out the glass again before he had even swallowed properly.  
  
          “If you get drunk, I ain’t tuckin’ you into your bed.”  
  
          “Just pour it, huh?” Bucky gave Dugan an unimpressed look, motioning to the glass. Dugan shook his head and poured Bucky another, then poured himself one.  
  
          “All this time and now you’re drinkin’,” Dugan said. “Wanna tell me what’s going on with you, Barnes?”  
  
          “No.” Bucky swallowed the bitter liquid, holding his glass out again. Dugan didn’t make to move the bottle, having not even drank his own drink yet.  
  
          “You ain’t havin’ another glass unless you spit it out.” **  
  
**           “You really wanna know?” Bucky stared at him, lowering his hand. Dugan continued to watch him, making Bucky grow uncomfortable and agitated under the gaze.  
  
          “Alright. Maybe I was callin’ New York. Maybe I wanted to wish Ruby a happy birthday. Maybe her mother picked up the damn phone and told me I ruined her daughter’s life. Maybe all of that shit just happened, and now I’m lookin’ for somethin’ to do so I don’t have to think about it. So pour me another goddamn drink, will ya?”  
  
The lack of response in Dugan only made anger twitch in Bucky’s mind. He once again raised the glass, waiting for some form of response from the older man. After what seemed like hours, Dugan brought the bottle of whiskey up and poured Bucky double of what he had done the previous time, sighing heavily.  
  
          “I know you said her folks don’t like ya, but that’s somethin’ else.”  
  
          “S’like they love remindin’ me that I ain’t what they expected her to end up with. Get their kicks out of it, and now I’m all the fuckin’ way over here, it ain’t like I can do a thing to fight back about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she stops sendin’ me letters. Surprised it’s took ‘em so long to intercept ‘em, really.”  
  
          “They’d do that?”  
  
          “Dunno,” Bucky shrugged, swirling the whiskey around his glass. “But after that phone call? I wouldn’t expect anythin’ less.”  
  
          “I’m sure if she’d have answered the phone, it wouldn’t have –”  
  
          “But she didn’t answer the phone. Her mother did.” Although he didn’t snap, there was a definite bite to his voice that warned Dugan off. “Forget it, anyways. I just wanna drink a happy birthday to her. Gonna drink one with me?”  
  
          “Ya ain’t havin’ any more after that, Barnes. This stuff’s gotta last us.” Dugan placed the bottle down by his feet, lifting his glass up. Bucky did the same, nodding to show he acknowledged what the other man had said.  
  
          “To your pretty little thing, on her …”  
  
          “Twenty-first.”  
  
          “Twenty-one? Well, I’ll be damned,” Dugan grinned. That brief moment of amusement also drew Bucky back into the light, taking him from his own darkness so that a smile could form on his own lips. Dugan cleared his throat as Bucky raised both his eyebrows, waiting for Dugan to carry on.  
  
          “To your pretty little dame on her twenty-first birthday.”  
  
They clinked their glasses together, both of them downing the liquid in one quick gulp. Bucky breathed out a laugh afterward, feeling the gentle effects of the alcohol after going so long without drinking.  
  
          “Y’know, if she was here, she’d chew you out for callin’ her a dame.”  
  
          “Pretty and with a sharp tongue? Geez, Barnes. Ya picked a real winner there, huh?”  
  
          “Sure did,” Bucky grinned proudly at Dugan. The other man’s lips twitched in amusement, watching Bucky sway slightly on his seat. “And I’m gonna marry her when I get back home.” **  
  
**

* * *

**  
November 3rd, Brooklyn, New York, 1944**  
**  
  
**           Ruby groaned as she struggled to stand up, having to grip the arms of her chair to help her. Bones in her spine cracked as she rose, and immediately, her ankles began to hurt. She leaned back, puffing out a breath.  
   
         “I can’t wait for today to be over.”  
  
          “I’ll bet.”  
  
Andrea came around the large desk that they shared so that she could be on Ruby’s side. The girl started to button up her coat, while Ruby envied the process entirely. Instead, she had to secure a scarf around her neck and pull her coat around her as far as she possibly could, shielding herself from the cold air of Brooklyn that they were about to step out into. Andrea linked Ruby’s arm as they left the Typing House, walking the short distance to their favourite spot for lunch. Andrea held the door open for Ruby to enter first, where they were greeted by the older woman who enjoyed talking to Ruby’s swollen stomach just as much as she enjoyed talking to just about everyone else who entered the diner.  
  
          “How’s the little one today?”  
  
          “Uncomfortable,” Ruby told her, taking her scarf off. She felt the touch of a hand against her stomach and looked to see the woman touching her clothed bump, smiling up at her.  
  
          “He keeps moving around.”  
  
          “Maybe he’s getting himself ready now. You’re almost full-term, aren’t you?”  
  
          “Not until the end of the month.” Ruby shook her head, placing her own hand on her stomach. “He better not come before then, or he’s going to be in trouble.”  
  
          “Babies come when they’re ready, sweetheart.” The waitress pulled her hand away from Ruby’s stomach and glanced over to Andrea, who was smiling. “Same table as usual?”  
  
          “If it’s free,” Andrea grinned. Ruby followed the two over to the table – one by the window, but not a booth now that Ruby could no longer fit in one – and seated herself, stretching out her legs to take the pressure off of her ankles. The waitress left to get them their usual drinks; they were there so often now that she didn’t even have to ask what they wanted.  
  
  
          “Don’t get pregnant,” Ruby told Andrea. The brunette frowned as Ruby rubbed her stomach, watching her carefully. Over the passing months, Ruby had found that her group of friends had grown smaller. Most of the girls in the Typing House now wouldn’t speak to her, though they had been good friends. Andrea was now one of the only girls she could talk to, and the rest of her friends were people who worked at The Stork Club. She had finished working there the previous week, finding it too difficult to stand through her set. The back pain was a constant, as well as her swollen ankles. Later that day, she was set to finish at the Typing House, and start her leave early from both. Everything was set at the house; she had enough clothes for the first few months for the baby, as well as everything she needed. George had thankfully kept most of what Bucky and Becca had used as children, so she didn’t have to worry about much at all. All she had to worry about now was the expected arrival – and how much pain she was going to have to put herself through in a very short time.  
  
          “It’s that bad?”  
  
          “It’s worse than you can imagine.” Ruby told her. “If Danny marries you, he’s not to get you pregnant until you’re good and ready. It’s an awful pain.”  
  
          “I think he’s gonna propose soon, y’know. I caught him talkin’ to my daddy last time he picked me up.” Andrea was beaming across the table. “As soon as I got in the room, they stopped talkin’.”  
  
          “I think he will. He loves you, Andrea. I think he might’ve been asking for your father’s permission.”  
  
          “You think so? Oh! I wanna have the biggest weddin’. You’ll be my maid of honour, right?”  
  
          “Me?” Ruby giggled, shaking her head. “What would I do with my baby?”  
  
          “He can be the ring-bearer! He’ll look so cute on pictures. Who do you think he’s gonna look like more, you or Bucky?”  
  
          “I don’t know.”  
  
          “Have you thought of a name for him, yet? I know you were throwin’ around Johnny a couple’a days ago.”  
  
          “I don’t like Johnny anymore.” Ruby shook her head, momentarily pausing in their conversation to thank the waitress and order her dinner. Once she had left the table again, Ruby picked up her glass and brought the straw to her lips.  
  
          “How come?”  
  
          “Because Johnny Barnes sounds like the name of a little hellraiser, don’t you think?”  
  
          “Kinda. If he looks like Bucky though, it’s gonna be a name he can pull off.” Andrea slurped some of her drink, shrugging. “What if he’s a she?”  
  
          “I like Johanne.” Ruby said, but waved her hand after she had placed her glass down. “But he’s not a girl. I know that.”  
  
          “If you say so. Either way, Bucky ain’t gettin’ a say in the name, is he?” Andrea laughed. Ruby had to smile, shaking her head.  
  
          “Not after getting me pregnant and leaving the country, he doesn’t.”  
  
  


* * *

 

 **November 13 th, Caucasus Mountains, Russia, 1944  
  
  
**          Bullets embedded themselves in the metal of the carriage, burrowing deep. He ducked down as low as he could possibly go behind the crates, hiding from the shooter. The empty gun in his hands was of such little use that he could have thrown it at his enemy, for all it mattered.  
Out of bullets in either gun, Bucky had to accept it. He was going to die here, on the very train that was carrying the man who had spent days torturing him. He was going to die, and there was nothing that could change that.  
  
Steve was stuck in the next carriage. That’s all it had boiled down to, the two of them. The rest of the Commandos would be too far down the train to know what was going on, and too far away to help them. There was only himself and Steve now, and even they were divided. It had all been Steve’s idea, to try and get Zola. Bucky had been all for it. He wanted revenge on the man, though the fact hadn’t been voiced. He wanted to see how Zola liked it, to be tortured until he cracked. More than anything, Bucky wanted to know what Zola had done to him. He wanted to uncover the truth of it all; the reasons for why his mind was drawing blanks at memories he used to take for granted. Now, he would never have that chance. He would die before Steve even managed to get to Zola.  
  
          “Jesus, fuck…”  
  
The words were barely a sound under the rapid fire of the gun pointed in his general direction. For a second, Bucky allowed his eyes to close. He allowed his mind to slip, just for a moment, and he allowed himself to picture Ruby. If he was going to die, then he wanted his last thought to be of someone he loved. He pictured her the first time he had saw her – dressed in red, her hair pinned up, and her smile directed at him, like he was the only person in the entire world. Blue eyes then snapped open, accompanied by a deep breath. This was it.  
  
The sliding of metal caught his attention, head snapping to the door that Steve was locked on the other side of. Only now, Steve wasn’t locked on the other side. The blond tossed Bucky his gun and didn’t even wait. He ran into the carriage, hitting one of the heavy trunks on the shelves in the middle hard enough for it to slide back, almost hitting the shooter. As the shooter revealed himself, Bucky stood and pulled the trigger of the gun. A clean shot, killing him upon impact. The lifeless body fell to the floor, ending the reign of bullets. Bucky panted, stepping out from behind the crates and closer to Steve. The thought of dying quickly left, now only thankfulness filling him – but now wasn’t the time to be thanking Steve. They still had a job to do.  
  
          “I had him on the ropes.”  
  
Bucky’s tone was flat. Steve was panting along with him, but Bucky didn’t look. His eyes were trained only on the man he had just killed, watching carefully.  
  
          “I know you did.”  
  
The sound that filled the air next didn’t come from the body in front of them. It was almost like metal scraping against glass, growing louder within seconds. Bucky didn’t have the time to look before Steve was shoving Bucky behind him, yelling at him to get down. The flash of blue hit Steve’s shield, ricocheting off of the metal. As the shield deflected the hit, Steve was thrown away from it, and a hole was ripped through the side of the metal carriage. Instantly, cold air rushed in, chilling Bucky straight through his thick uniform. Bucky’s ears rang from the sound of the impact, causing a temporary break in his focus. The shield rattled against the floor in front of him, drawing his attention. Bucky grabbed it and stood up as he heard the gun ready itself again, managing to fire two shots before the blue blast was hitting the shield again, throwing him back – but not in the same direction Steve had been thrown. The shield slipped from Bucky’s grip as he was thrown toward the direction of the hole in the carriage.  
  
          Hands gripped desperately onto the bar they had managed to catch as he had been thrown out of the carriage. A grunt left him as he tried to keep as tight of a hold as he could manage, struggling to pull himself up against the force of the speed the train was moving at. Feet dangled helplessly as Bucky fought to keep himself holding on, panic flashing across mind. He had allowed himself to think it would be okay a moment too soon. There was no way he was going to be able to save himself. His bones were burning too much from all the travel and movement they had been put through that day; and his arms had grown weak from the exhaustion. Bucky’s boots scraped against the metal, trying to find a way to climb his way back into the carriage.  
  
          “Bucky! Hang on!”  
  
Bucky’s terrified gaze found Steve, watching him climb closer. Words caught in Bucky’s throat. He wanted to scream at Steve for being so stupid, for following him out of the train. He wanted to shout at him to save himself, and to leave him behind. He wanted to yell at Steve to tell his family that he was sorry; to tell Ruby that he was sorry. Bucky’s throat was dry, watching his best friend potentially climb to his own death. The closer Steve drew, the more the metal bar Bucky was clinging to began to creak. He tried to wave Steve off, almost slipping from the bar.  
  
          “Grab my hand!”  
  
Steve’s hand was stretched toward him, reaching to pull him back to safety. Bucky knew that he couldn’t take it. The metal was creaking too much underneath their shared weight. The bar he was holding onto had begun to loosen from the carriage wall, shaking as the train continued to move. Bucky’s face contorted into a pained expression, but he couldn’t bring himself to shake his head at Steve. His heartbeat was filling his ears, blocking out the other sounds as he reached for Steve’s hand.  
  
The bar he had been desperately holding onto snapped. Steve’s hand missed his, just by inches. Bucky screamed, plummeting down the chasm between the snow-covered mountains. The last thought on his mind was of a laughing blonde, pressing red lips to his cheek.  


* * *

**  
November 15th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944**  
  
  
          Ruby was stretched out on the couch, rubbing her hands across her bump. The baby was kicking under her touch, making her giggle with each one. George was sitting in his armchair and Becca was sprawled across the living room floor, with her schoolbooks in front of her so that she could do her homework.  
   
         “You know, I think this little one’s going to enjoy soccer.”  
  
          “Yeah, we thought that about Bucky too.” George commented, glancing over the top of his newspaper. “Don’t think he ever played a day of soccer in his life.”  
  
          “Nah, he’s just a pain in the ass.” Becca murmured. Ruby laughed louder, stopping the movement of her hands so that she could look down at Becca. George’s eyebrow raised, his gaze focused on his daughter.  
  
          “He ever tell you what I did to him the first time he cussed in front of me?”  
  
          “Spanked him?”  
  
          “Made him wash his mouth out with soap. Do you wanna end up doin’ the same? Because your attitude lately is gonna get ya there.”  
  
          “I’m just sayin’ it like it is, Pop.” Becca shrugged, having not even looked up from her book. Ruby shot an amused smile at George, who only rolled his eyes at her.  
  
          “Y’know, when he comes home, he’s gonna really put ya in your place.”  
  
          “Yeah, yeah.”  
  
There was a knock at the door before George could get another word in. His head fell forward with a grunt, closing his newspaper with as much irritation as he could. Ruby shifted herself to sit up, keeping her legs stretched out on the cushions. It was late enough as it was, so whoever was calling at this hour must have been someone for either her, or George.  
  
  
          “Who is it, Pop? Because if it’s Mary –”  
  
Becca’s call fell silent as George came back into the living room, accompanied by a man dressed in an army uniform. The soldier’s hat was in his hands as he nodded his head in greeting, clearing his throat.  
  
          “Evening Sir, Ma’am, Miss. I’m Lieutenant Garrett from the SSR. Sorry to be bothering you so late as it is, but I’m here on the orders of Colonel Chester Phillips. He sends his apologies, but he didn't want to send you the news through a letter–”  
  
The soldier didn’t manage to reach the end of what he was saying before Ruby had burst into tears.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pictures that Bucky and Ruby sent each other were inspired by this post: http://lookingfornshaw.tumblr.com/post/122119053878/cremeblush-my-grandma-sent-a-photo-of-herself


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**November 25 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944  
  
**  
          “Ruby? … Breakfast’s ready. Pop said it’s your –”  
  
          “I don’t want any.”   
  
The hoarse voice answered the muffled one on the other side of the door. Becca’s hand splayed flat against the wood, followed by her forehead resting against it. A heavy sigh passed the teenager’s lips, shutting her eyes tight.   
  
          “He said you gotta eat before we go. It ain’t fair on –”  
  
          “I’m not hungry. Leave me alone.”  
  
          “Pop said –”  
  
          “I don’t care what he said!”   
  
Becca heard the movement of something being knocked over and immediately backed away from the door, shaking. A series of loud noises followed, along with footsteps that seemed to be coming closer to the door.  
  
          “Go away, Rebecca!”   
  
She didn’t need to be told twice. Becca turned on her heel and bolted back down the stairs, hurrying into the kitchen. Tears were rolling down Becca’s cheeks as she entered. George turned with the dish towel in his hands, wiping them on it.   
  
          “S-she doesn’t want –”  
  
          “Hey, kiddo. C’mere.” George held out his arms to Becca, who immediately went forward and buried her face in his shirt. George’s arms wrapped around her tightly, rubbing her back through the tears.  
  
          “She’s just upset, darlin’. She doesn’t mean it.”   
  
          “It ain’t fair.” Becca’s voice was muffled against her father’s chest. George sighed, resting his chin ontop of Becca’s dark hair.   
  
          “I know it ain’t…” George tilted his head so that he could fix dark eyes on the ceiling above, where he could hear the footsteps crossing the floorboards. “I know it ain’t…”   
  
  
  
          Upstairs, the footsteps that had been carrying the blonde from one side of the room to the other had fallen silent. Ruby’s vision was blurred as she sat heavily down on the thin mattress of the bed, holding onto the knob on the headboard. Her free hand covered her face in an attempt to force the tears to stop so that she could see properly. The hot droplets that fell rolled down her cheeks and neck, soaking into the fabric of her nightdress. This would be the fourth day that she had spent clothed in the pale pink dress – or would have been. Instead, today she had an outfit to put on that consisted of black. When she had managed to rub her eyes enough so that they held a little focus, her gaze fell upon the dress that hung on the wardrobe across from her. No matter how much she had tried to deny it, no matter how deep she had hidden the outfit in the wardrobe – it hadn’t changed what the day was. Today would be the final goodbye to the man whose picture now lay on the floor. Today would be Ruby’s farewell to Bucky. Another sob came as trembling hands came down to reach for the picture that was now face down, gently picking it up. In the anger at Becca, it had been one of the items she had knocked from the bedside table. She wiped the glass, allowing tears to drip onto it as she looked at Bucky’s smiling face.   
  
          “This isn’t fair…”   
  
The news of Bucky’s death had hit hard enough for Ruby to still not be able to recover from it. The wounds were fresh, as though it was merely hours ago that she had kissed him before he got on the train. Ruby had never expected it to be their goodbye kiss, but merely a kiss that meant she would see him later. A kiss that held a promise – that he would be coming home to her and they would raise their baby together. As the thought took a firm hold of her mind, tears began to fall quicker. Teeth sank into her bottom lip as she looked over the photograph, hearing echoes of Bucky’s laughter in the back of her mind. Her hands tightened on the wood of the frame as her lips parted, with a shaky voice starting to talk to the image.   
  
          “You promised me you’d come home. You promised… You’ve never broken a promise to me before, Bucky. Why did you have to start now?”   
  
A soft kick came to her stomach, making a fresh wave of tears begin to fall. One hand released the frame and settled on her bump, stroking shaking fingers over where the kick had just come from to sooth it.   
  
          “You can’t just… Leave us, Bucky. I don’t want to do this without you. I _can’t_ do this without you. I lost my family. I can’t cope with losing you too...” Ruby’s eyes shut tightly, making the tears burn as they struggled to slip away.  
  
“I should have told you. I should have told you about everything… I should have been selfish. I should have never kept it from you… Now you’ll never – you’ll never know about our baby… And they’ll never know you.”  
  
Her voice broke on the last word, a sob falling from her lips instead. Ruby brought the hand on her bump up to cover her mouth, trying to stifle the sobs that would surely echo through the thin walls of the house and travel downstairs to reach the ears of Becca and George.   
  
          Only moments later, Ruby heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and the door quietly open. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that George was coming toward her, and as the mattress dipped beside her, her sobs grew louder. The picture was taken from her grip, with an arm slipping around her shoulders so that she could bury her face against George’s chest.   
  
          “Shh, darlin’. I know it’s hard…”  
  
          “It’s not _fair_!” Ruby cried, clutching the fabric of George’s shirt. “Why did he have to –”  
  
          “Because that’s who he was,” George murmured, rubbing her shoulder softly in an effort to comfort her. “He wasn’t gonna let Steve go into anythin’ alone. He saved Steve’s life, remember? He’d never have forgiven himself if he’d let Steve die.”   
  
          “But he…”   
  
Her voice lost its edge as she succumbed to the tears, giving a feeble nod of her head. George was right. If Steve had been the one to die, Bucky would have never forgiven himself. She knew all too well that Bucky would blame himself for it; blame himself for not watching Steve more carefully. He would come home a hero of war, but he wouldn’t admit to being one – for how could Bucky call himself a hero when he had let his best friend meet death? Ruby knew that Bucky would have turned his attention elsewhere – smoking, drinking, whatever he could – to take the edge off of himself. As much as she wanted to believe that she would be able to help him get through it, she knew what Bucky was like when he lost somebody who he loved. It would have been a struggle from the moment he came home to her, and she didn’t know whether love would have been enough to get them both through the way Bucky would have changed. As her tears began to slow, Ruby found herself letting go of George’s shirt to rub at her eyes.  
  
          “Why did he have to be so damn good?”  
  
          “Think we just got lucky with that one,” George answered quietly. Another rub came to her shoulder before a gentle squeeze, making her pull back enough to look at the older man. Though George hadn’t cried along with her, she could see the unshed tears in his blue eyes.   
  
          “C’mon. We gotta get ready. Ya know he’d never let us live it down if we were late to this.”   
  
          “No…” A quiet hiccup of sad laughter came from Ruby, shaking her head. “After all the effort he put into being early for everything…”  
  
          “Exactly. Me and Bec just gotta finish gettin’ dressed. Ya can have the bathroom, Ruby. We’ll be waitin’ downstairs.”   
  
George made to stand, dusting off his trousers as he did. Ruby tucked her loose hair behind her ears, sniffing up for the last time. She watched as George carefully picked up the picture that lay toward the bottom of the mattress, standing it back up on the set of draws. He turned it so that Bucky was facing her, and so that her attention was on it while George quietly left the room. Only once the door had shut did Ruby sigh, reaching out a hand to trace her fingertips over the outline of Bucky’s jaw. Words were on the tip of her tongue, but were never spoken. Her hand slipped from the glass and fell limply to her side, and her gaze once again travelled to the black dress hung across from her.   
  
          “Time to say goodbye…”   
  
  
  
          As it turned out, it was a quiet affair. Save for George, Becca and Ruby herself, few people had turned up to say their goodbyes to Bucky and pay their respects. Snow had fallen as they buried an empty casket, closeby to where Bucky’s mother was buried. There had barely been anything said, save for the few murmurs and quiet words between Tom and George, and Andrea to Ruby. It didn’t change when they arrived at the Stork Club – where they would be having a last drink in Bucky’s honour. Ruby had swirled the cola in the glass as their small table was filled, keeping her eyes on the white cloth covering the table surface.   
  
          “Y’know, lookin’ like that, he’d have been gunnin’ for the guy that made ya so sad.”   
Ruby looked up from the table as a glass was placed down next to hers, seeing Danny take the spare seat next to her. She offered a sad smile before she returned her gaze to her glass.  
  
          “He wouldn’t be happy until he made him apologise and I smiled again.”  
  
          “D’ya know how many times I had to stop him from pullin’ a guy over the bar that stared at ya just a little too much when ya were up there, singin’?” Danny leaned back in the chair, chuckling quietly. “Kid woulda got himself fired on the first night if I hadn’t stopped him.”   
  
          “He liked protecting me, even when I didn’t need him to.”   
  
          “Yeah… He was always watchin’ out for ya. Even behind the bar. Talkin’ ya up and keepin’ an eye on ya.” Danny took a mouthful of his drink, sighing quietly. “Miss him talkin’ my ear off, y’know. New guy doesn’t talk so much.”   
  
          “No?”  
  
          “Nah. Got the personality of a wet mop,” Danny shrugged. The corners of Ruby’s mouth twitched upward, shooting him a glance. Although all she wanted was to feel nothing, Danny’s words were offering her a form of comfort and lightening her mood gradually.  
  
          “Never did shut up about ya, y’know. Always goin’ on with himself, couldn’t get him to stop. I swear, he gushed worse than a teenage girl. Had you up on a pedestal, Ruby. Don’t know how he ever let ya down long enough for him to kiss ya.”   
  
          “He’d say the same about you and Andrea, you know.” Ruby leaned back in her seat, turning to give Danny her full, and undivided attention. It was refreshing, almost, to be talking about Bucky – and only Bucky – not the soldier who had gone to war.   
  
          “Hey, his fault. He took her a drink over.”  
  
          “He was looking out for you. He did that a lot… For you, for me, for everyone. He made everything work.”   
  
          “He was a pretty good guy. I was lucky to know him.”   
  
          “We all were, lad.” A much deeper voice joined their conversation. Both Ruby and Danny looked across the table to see Tom raising his glass, nodding at them.   
  
          “He was a great kid, George. Ya raised a good’un.”   
  
          “Wasn’t all up to me. Ya all had a hand in who he was.” George looked around the table at the small gathering. Tom tilted his head to the side, offering a smile of agreement.   
  
          “None of us more than you, though. You and Ruby.”   
  
          “He spoke about you often. You were someone he really liked to spend time with. All of you, at the Docks. He loved working there. He loved everyone sat here, and those who I know should be but can’t right now.”   
  
Ruby pursed her lips as she finished, taking a breath as all the attention turned to her. Her bottom lip threatened to wobble, but she kept herself focused. A slim hand picked up the glass of cola, raising it in a fashion that made the rest of their party reach for their own glasses.   
  
          “I also know that he wouldn’t want us to be so sad right now. He’d tell us that we were celebrating him, and there were no tears when it came to celebrations. He would have wanted us to enjoy ourselves here and reminisce, not mourn. I know he would…” She looked to George for confirmation, who gave her a gentle nod of encouragement. Ruby raised her glass higher, wearing a small, sad smile to them all.   
  
          “Let’s drink to him. To Bucky.”   
  
          “To Bucky.”   
  
As the cool glass touched Ruby’s lips, a fierce kick within her belly brought the lightest of sad giggles that she could manage, pressing her hand to where it had come from.   
  
  


* * *

**December 1 st, Brooklyn, New York, 1944**  
  
  
    
        “C’mon, Ruby! You can do it!”   
  
          “One more! ‘Atta girl! One more!”   
  
          “I can’t!”   
  
Ruby’s voice broke, her head falling back against the pillow. Tears streamed down her reddened face, burning as they went. Her breath came in short pants, fingers digging into the sheet beneath her.   
  
          “Yes you can! C’mon, you gotta do it now!”  
  
Ruby shook her head violently, with blonde whisps sticking to her sweating skin. She couldn’t do it. For hours now, she had been in the worst pain she could have ever imagined. For hours, she had been trying to bring her child into the world – and now she was at the point of exhaustion. It was too much for her to cope with, and as she tossed her head to the other side to look up at the nurse beside her, she found she could no longer lift it up to look over her bump to the midwife.   
  
          “I can’t! I can’t do it! I can’t!”   
  
          “The baby’s almost here! You need to do it now, Ruby! One more push, that’s it!” The midwife was shouting, but Ruby was too drained to answer her. A silent plea was on her lips as she looked at the nurse, tears rolling freely. The nurse wiped back the hair that had stuck to her face and shook her head, nodding toward the midwife.   
  
          “One more, sweetheart. You can do it.”  
  
          “I – I…”   
  
Whatever was left of her energy came to form her resolve. Ruby gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, pushing on the next prompt by the midwife. The encouragmement fell on deaf ears as a scream ripped itself from Ruby’s throat. Her knuckles turned white in the bedsheets as she pushed with all her might – until a sharp, shrill cry broke her own scream and silenced her completely. Her head fell back onto the pillows, unable to hold it up any longer. Panting breaths ripped themselves painfully from her throat, with her entire body shuddering with each one. The sharp cries continued, making Ruby crane her head and almost whimper as she tried to see over her knees.   
  
          “Congratulations,” the nurse next to her patted her shoulder gently. “It’s a boy.”  
  
A boy. Fresh tears began to fall from Ruby’s eyes as she struggled to move, letting the sheets slip from her grip so that she could try to push herself up on the thin mattress.  
  
          “I want to see him… Let me see him.” Ruby looked up at the nurse, sniffling. “Please? I need to see him.”   
  
With the aid of the nurse, she was helped to sit up, supported by the pillows behind her. Her shaking hands wiped at her eyes, trying to unblur her vision so that she could see the nurses swaddling her now whimpering newborn in towels. The midwife moved toward her, cradling the bundle closely.   
  
          “Is he okay?”  
  
Ruby’s voice broke as she tried to see over the towel, but was taken back with a soft gasp when the midwife lowered her son into her waiting arms. Ruby’s vision blurred again as she finally had the chance to see her baby, watching his little eyes squint and look up to hers. A sob caught in her throat, adjusting herself so that she could stroke a trembling finger across his pink cheek.  
  
          “You look so much like your daddy…”   
  
Though the small shock of hair was more of a lighter colour, and his eyes were dark, she could see it. There were features of Bucky’s that she knew were bound to become her son’s own features, and with that thought, she couldn’t help but continue to cry. While it pained her in such an unimaginable way that she didn’t know how to put into words, it also brought a form of relief. Seeing Bucky so plainly in her newborn son’s face gave her the shred of hope that she needed.   
  
          “Do you have a name for him, sweetheart?”  
  
          “Junior.”   
  
There was no hesitation in her voice as her adoring gaze remained firmly on her son, stroking his tuft of dark blonde hair.   
  
           “His name is James Buchanan Barnes Junior.”   
  
The midwife remained silent for a few moments, giving Ruby the time she needed to take everything in. Junior gurgled quietly in her arms, his little eyes falling shut every few seconds as though he was beginning to grow sleepy. The bustle of the room was a faint hum in Ruby’s ears as she continued to look, admiring every inch of his little face. Her fingers gently slipped beneath the towel he was wrapped in to stroke the back of his hand, and touch his small fingers.   
  
          “Ruby?”  
  
          “Hm?”  
  
          “Sweetheart, I asked you if you want to let the folks outside in,” the midwife’s voice contained a soft chuckle, but didn’t earn her a glance from the blonde. “They can come in now that he’s arrived.”  
  
          “Oh, please. They’re desperate to meet him.”   
  
Even as she felt the midwife walk away from her, Ruby didn’t turn to look. Though she wanted to see George and Becca’s reactions when they walked through the door, she couldn’t bring herself to tear her gaze away from her son. His little hand had latched onto her index finger, keeping a soft hold. His eyes were struggling to stay open, blinking slowly up at her.   
  
          “Mama loves you so much, Junior. So much…” Ruby whispered, hearing the door to the room open. “And daddy would have adored you.”   
  
  
          “I’ll be damned,” George’s voice cut through the silence that had lingered after Ruby’s soft words. Only as the deep voice reached her ears did she dare turn to look, smiling at him. Becca was just behind her father, looking around him to the blonde cuddled in the bed with the bundle in her arms. Both of their faces had smiles on them, and the bright look in their eyes reflected the one in her own.   
  
          “His name is Junior.” A proud tone was in her otherwise quiet voice, turning her attention back to her baby. Becca crept around the side of the bed so that she had one side and George had the other, and they could both peer over the towels to see the little face that was waiting to see who his new company was. The two were quiet while they studied him, Becca even going as far as waving at him. A smile played on Ruby’s lips as she tilted her head, letting the slight curls of her hair tumble over her shoulders.   
  
          “He looks like…”   
  
          “Like both of us,” Ruby glanced at George, finishing his sentence for him. She earned a nod in response as George reached his hand out to brush his fingers across Junior’s forehead.   
  
          “He woulda fallen in love with him right away, Ruby.” George didn’t look at her, giving Ruby the opportunity to look at Becca instead and watch the awe in her eyes.   
  
          “Ya did a real good job.”  
  
          “Thank-you,” Ruby whispered back to him. Becca edged closer to the bed, leaning over Ruby’s shoulder with a grin on her face. Ruby leaned her head against Becca’s for a moment, taking a breath. After her exhale, she looked up at George, the smile still in place.  
  
          “Would you like to hold your grandson?”   
  
  


* * *

  
  
**December 25 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1944  
  
  
**          Eyelids drooped as arms lowered the finally sleeping baby into the bassinet, resting his head against the soft blue sheet. A yawn escaped Ruby as she made to stand again, tucking loose locks behind her ears.   
  
          “He doesn’t like sleepin’ so much, huh?” Becca’s voice murmured from the sofa, where the brunette was curled up. Ruby shook her head softly, moving to sit on the other end of the sofa. As soon as the blonde brought her legs up and got comfortable, Becca moved and curled against Ruby’s side instead. Ruby’s hand fell to Becca’s hair, patting her head gently.   
  
          “Just like his daddy. Fights sleep long enough that he tires himself out and then sleeps just fine.” George commented from the kitchen doorway. Becca chuckled against Ruby’s leg, while Ruby turned just enough to be able to see George from the corner of her eye.   
  
          “He doesn’t fidget as much as Bucky.” Ruby said quietly. “Bucky used to fidget all the time.”   
  
          “Think all the Christmas tired Junior out, don’t ya?” Becca mumbled into Ruby’s leg. The blonde turned her attention back to Becca, patting her hair softly. George chuckled and stepped into the room with them, throwing the dish towel over his shoulder.   
  
          “Wait ‘til he’s crawlin’ around next year, Bec. Then we’ll be the ones tired.”   
  
          “I ain’t chasin’ him.” Becca replied flatly, watching her father sit in his armchair. A yawn escaped her as she did, snuggling in closer against Ruby’s leg. “I’m gonna be a fun aunt, not a bossy one. I’m gonna take him to all the good places.”   
  
          “Yeah, yeah. How about you takin’ yourself up to bed, huh? Better get some sleep now while he’s sleepin’, or else you’re gonna be gripin’ at us in the mornin’.”   
  
George waved his hand over his shoulder, weakly gesturing toward the staircase. To both his and Ruby’s surprise, there was no argument on Becca’s end. She rose silently from the couch, briefly stopping to hug Ruby, and then made her way toward her father and hugged him too. As she reached the bassinet, Becca placed a kiss on her fingertip and then touched Junior’s forehead, gentle enough not to wake him.   
  
          “Goodnight, Becca.” Ruby called quietly.   
  
          “Night, sweetheart. Sleep well.” George turned to look briefly at his daughter, who was stifling another yawn.   
  
          “Night,” Becca’s sleepy voice answered them both, followed by a creak of the bottom step. George’s attention turned as the footsteps continued, looking at the small Christmas tree they had in the window while Ruby stretched her legs out along the couch and settled against the worn cushions.   
  
          As much as George had tried to make the day as happy as he possibly could, Ruby couldn’t help the sad twinge that had wrapped around her from the moment she had woken up. From the moment that her Christmas Day had started, Ruby hadn’t been feeling the spirit. It was too much of a far cry from the last one she had, and waking up and knowing that she wouldn’t see her family downstairs, ready to open presents, had only been the start of her day. There was no Sarah who came to the door with Steve, ready to sit down to Christmas dinner with them, there was no Pearl to sit by her side and open her presents with, and there was no Bucky to kiss her good morning when she woke. Only Junior’s cries had woke her, in the early hours. She had gone down the stairs alone, cradling him in her arms until she could settle on the sofa with the blanket wrapped around them both. Once he had been fed and was ready to sleep again, she had placed him in the bassinet and enjoyed another hour of sleep herself, until Becca had woken her up to open presents. There were few to open, but that hadn’t been Ruby’s concern. If anything, she was flattered that George and Becca had scraped together to get Ruby and Junior a present each, as well as clean up Becca’s old stroller for Ruby to be able to take Junior out on walks and not have to worry about finding the money to buy one.   
As the quiet, calming mood set in around her, Ruby found herself looking toward the bassinet that Junior was sleeping soundly in. It was hard for her to believe that in a handful of days, he would be one month old already. The time had flown by, and when Ruby had been at her lowest points, and telling George that she couldn’t do it alone, that she couldn’t get Junior to stop crying – she had powered through it. She had struggled her way through the first month of parenthood, with George and Becca supporting her every step of the way.   
  
  
          “Ya did pretty good today, Ruby. I’m proud of ya.”  
  
          “Hm?” Ruby’s train of thought broke, blue eyes looking to find George in the dim light of the room. A confused frown took over her expression, tilting her head to the side.   
  
          “You’re proud of me?”  
  
          “Thought ya might’ve not wanted to do Christmas. I know it ain’t got a thing on the one ya had last year, so… Thanks. Woulda broke Becca’s heart if ya hadn’t wanted to celebrate Christmas with us.” George had taken great interest in the dishcloth hanging over his shoulder, taking it between his hands and fiddling with it as he spoke. “I know ya woulda wanted to spend Christmas with your family if ya could.”   
  
          “George…” Ruby sighed, moving herself from her comfortable position to one where she could sit up and rest her elbow on the arm of the chair, resting her chin against her palm to hold her head up.   
  
          “I did spend Christmas with my family. You, Becca, and Junior. You’re my family. You took me in when I had nowhere else in the world to go – me and Junior both. I can’t thank you enough for that.”   
  
          “Ya don’t have to thank me, Ruby. You’re a part of this family. Ya got nothin’ to thank me for.” The towel fell still in his hold, now giving Ruby his attention like she had done to him.   
  
          “Yes, I do. You didn’t have to take me in, or even believe what I said. You could’ve easily turned me away.”  
  
          “And get a letter full of profanities back from Bucky when I told him that?” George chuckled softly. “He woulda never forgive me if I’d turned ya away. Woulda told me flat out that he’d got ya pregnant, if he…”   
  
          “Knew.” Ruby nodded softly.   
  
          “You still think he wouldn’t have wanted ya if he knew?”  
  
          “…”   
  
The silence that fell from the unanswered question wasn’t the same as the previous silence that had enveloped them. Instead of comfortable, there was an edge of sadness that lingered in the air. The two diverted their gazes from each other as it settled in, finding themselves at a moment they had been in so many times before. Both Ruby and George had decided not to torture themselves with the ‘what if’s’ of the last few months, as it grew too painful each time that they did. However, there were moments that bled through the cracks in the walls they had put up, which brought the dull ache of sadness into a fresh wave once more. It was a vicious cycle, and one that Ruby didn’t know if they would ever grow out of.   
  
          “Y’know… I never told ya all of the last letter he sent me. The one I got way back before your birthday.”  
  
When Ruby didn’t answer, or make an attempt to look at him, George took a deep breath. Ruby’s hands had started to fiddle with the hem of her shirt, keeping herself occupied with a loose piece of thread so that she didn’t have to look at him.   
  
          “I’ve been thinkin’ of a way to tell ya, since… But it ain’t been a good time. I know it’s still hard to think about him bein’ gone. I’m havin’ the same kind of issue, Ruby. Like I’m stuck in a rut or somethin’. Let me tell ya, the only thing I’m thankful for is his Ma not bein’ alive right now. Winnie woulda never been the same if she had to deal with losin’ him. I always knew there was a risk of it, but Winnie… She woulda drove herself mad.”   
  
George took a moment to breathe, rubbing his forehead. Ruby’s gaze still didn’t meet his – but it had wandered toward the top of the piano, where the picture of Winnifred Barnes was standing. Ruby studied the picture from afar in the dim light, taken back as she always was by how much Winnifred and Bucky looked alike.  
  
          “She woulda loved ya, Winnie. Bucky knew that. That’s why… That’s why he asked me if he could give ya this, when he came back home.”   
  
The rustling noise of fabric made Ruby turn to finally look at him. George had leaned forward in his chair, holding out a small, black box that was big enough for one thing only. Her breath caught instantly as she moved to retrieve it from George’s hand, her fingers shaking as they tried to keep it in their hold long enough for her to bring it back to her lap.   
  
          “He was gonna… He wanted ya to have it, Ruby.”   
  
Tears formed in her eyes as she opened the lid. Her eyes squeezed shut, unable to look at the object that waited for her inside. Sobs were stifled as she tried to control herself, gaining enough calm to open her eyes again and look at the ring that glinted back up at her. It was a simple silver, with a larger diamond in the centre. There was a slight pattern to the metal as it curled around the diamond, and as she pulled it out of the box, she could see smaller diamonds scattered next to the biggest.   
  
          “He was going to…” Her voice was thick as she tried to speak, but found she couldn’t finish what she wanted to say. Luckily, she didn’t have to. George was nodding, still sitting on the edge of his chair.   
  
          “Yeah. He was gonna ask. Even if your parents said no, he was gonna… I’ve been tryin’ to find the right time to give it ya. Today seemed like… You needed it.”   
  
          “I would’ve said yes…” Ruby whispered. The ring was held between her fingers, but she hadn’t dared to slip it onto her finger.   
  
          “He wanted to be with ya for the rest of his life, Ruby. It’s yours to keep. And… Y’know, you’re a part of the family, Ruby. If you maybe… Now I’m not sayin’ that you gotta, but if ya wanted… Ya can change your last name to Barnes. Like… If he had really got the chance to ask ya.”  
  
          “You’d let me do that?” Ruby looked up at George, her cheeks red from the effort she had put into holding her tears back. “You’d let me… Change my name?”  
  
          “If ya wanna.” George nodded.   
  
Ruby then couldn’t help herself. A few tears escaped and she nodded, clutching the ring tightly in her hand. She knew already that she wouldn’t be wearing the ring on her finger – she couldn’t bring herself to do that, but she could put it on a chain around her neck and always have the knowledge that Bucky had wanted to marry her. That he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.   
  
          “I’d like to change my name.”   
  
  


* * *

  
  
**May 8 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1945**  
  
  
          It was all over the news. Every newspaper across the country was printing headlines similar to each other. People were cheering at each other in the streets, the news being all that anyone could talk about. Becca would certainly know by now at school, and George would have heard it from the mailman and from the television – if he wasn’t working on the house like he had been doing, so recently. Ruby pushed the stroller along the street, stopping only to pay for a newspaper from a young boy standing close to a store window.  
  
          “Ya heard, ma’am? They surrendered! We won!”   
  
          “I heard,” Ruby smiled at him, placing the paper in the large bag she had fastened to the handlebar of the stroller, where her groceries were also being carried. The boy tipped his cap to her as she started to walk, pushing her sleeping baby along in the gentle heat.   
  
          “We won…” Ruby murmured to herself.   
  
That was all anyone could talk about – the victory of it all. The war on the European side had been won, and it was now only a matter of time before the soldiers were shipped back home and they could be celebrated as the heroes they were. The further she walked, the more people she passed that were grinning and talking about the war being over. She stopped to speak to a few of them on her way, people that she knew and even some that she didn’t, before she crossed the street and started to make her way to a quieter part of town, and one that she visited often.  
  
          “You know, you’re going to have to wake up soon if you want to feed the ducks, Junior.”   
  
Ruby brought the stroller to a halt as she moved to open the gate to the park, noting that there were few but herself and Junior there. An elderly couple that she saw nearly every day greeted her and stopped her to talk about the war being won, and to comment on how well Junior was sleeping. Ruby made small talk with them and excused herself after a while, crossing the grass to sit close to the water edge. As she stopped pushing the stroller and glanced at Junior, she knew she would only get a few more minutes rest from him. His fingers were beginning to twitch – a trait that she had noticed happened when he was due to wake. Lowering herself onto the wooden bench, she fanned out the skirt of her blue dress and retrieved the newspaper from her bag. The front page was screaming with the war being over, and the story being continued through several pages. She skimmed over them, ignoring the breeze that ruffled the edge of the paper, until she turned over the page and almost dropped it.   
  
          “Oh…”   
  
There, staring back up at her, was a picture of Steve in his Captain America outfit, and Bucky in his Uniform. It was small, barely a quarter of the page big, but the article underneath spanned to the bottom of the page. A sad look formed in Ruby’s eyes as she looked at the two men that wouldn’t be returning home.   
The news of Steve’s death had come in late January, just when they had been beginning to piece their lives back together. As much as it was a shock to them, and had brought tears – especially on Becca’s part – they had picked up the pieces once again and carried on with life as best they could. George and Ruby had been to Steve’s apartment and cleared out what both men had left behind and brought it back to the house with them – Sarah’s photograph albums, some of Bucky’s old clothes, and Steve’s drawings.  
  
          A deep sigh escaped as she ran her index finger over the image of Bucky, letting her mind wander for a brief moment. Junior twitched beneath his blanket, making a quiet sound of contentment. The paper was laid across her lap, keeping the page open while her other hand reached up for the thin chain hidden beneath the collar of her dress. She pulled on it gently, freeing the chain from under the fabric until her fingertips met the warmed band of metal that hung on the end of the chain. The engagement ring was held tightly in her palm, clutching it to herself. As George had suggested, Ruby had changed her name. The last part of her old life and family was erased as she had made the change to Barnes, and nobody had questioned the decision. She had taken a newly engaged Andrea with her while she changed her name, and only kind words had come from the brunette. Now, Ruby had the name of the family who loved her – and more importantly, had the name that her son had, too. A soft smile twitched up the corners of Ruby’s lips as she continued to clutch the ring, looking down at the picture of Bucky.   
  
          “Congratulations, sweetheart. You won.”    
  
Ruby spoke softly, hearing the quiet gurgles that were starting to come from the stroller. In a few moments, Junior would begin to wail for attention. She cast her gaze around the park that had once been her and Bucky’s spot, and allowed her mind to play through the happy memories the two had shared there; right to the one that had caused her to be bringing their son to the very same park. It was rare that she allowed herself a sad moment now, wanting to only be strong for Junior. She was managing well without Bucky, and any sad thought that came was quickly willed away so that she didn’t fall into a slump, but this moment, she needed.   
  
          “I only wish you were coming home to us.”   


* * *

  
**December 1 st, Unknown Location, Russia, 1944**  
  
  
          The light was bright even beneath closed lids. There was warmth surrounding his body, removing the cold chill that continuously travelled up his left side. His throat felt tight, burning so harshly when he tried to swallow that he attempted to cry out, but no sound came. Only then did he realise that there was a tube down his throat, preventing him from breathing on his own. Panic began to set in and he started to move, ignoring the tug from needles on his right side. Eyes fought to open, focusing and unfocusing each time he managed to lift his eyelids for longer than a few seconds. It didn’t take him long to realise where he was, or what he was on – it was a hospital room, and the softness beneath him told him that he was resting on a thin hospital bed. There were murmured voices that soon turned frantic, and hands began to push down on his shoulders to steady him as he struggled.   
  
          “Calm, soldier. Calm.”   
  
The voice that met his ears was reassuring, and as the face that went along with them came into view, he started to relax against the sheets once again. The face of the man in front of him was friendly, almost. He looked as calm as his voice had been, which made him relax further. There was a brief glance to the nametag on the white of the laboratory coat he wore, but the letters were too jumbled to make out.   
  
          “We will remove the tube. It may hurt. Are you ready?”  
  
A nod was his only answer. His eyes squeezed shut as the tube was pulled, making his throat burn all over again. A coughing fit soon followed, causing him to sit back up without the struggling this time. A cool glass was placed into his right hand and with help, he lifted it to his cracked and dry lips to take a sip. Instantly, the burning cooled and ebbed away. Once he had had enough, the glass was removed, and he was free to look up at the doctors and nurse that had surrounded him.   
  
          “Do you feel anything… Different?”  
  
He went to shake his head, but stopped in his reaction when he realised that the first doctor’s gaze was flicking between his eyes and his left side. From the corner of his eye, a glint of metal could be seen. His breath held as he turned and looked down at his shoulder, realising that it wasn’t his at all. Flesh and metal met at his shoulder, fused together. The scarring was thick and deep, and he knew that if he had looked, it would have travelled all the way around. As his gaze wandered further down his arm, he realised that the metal had replaced whatever flesh had once been there. It was also then that he realised he couldn’t feel anything there – but his fingers were moving as though they were originally his own.   
  
          “We had to take your arm. Luckily, we were able to replace it. Is it comfortable?”   
  
          “…”   
  
Words wouldn’t form. No matter how hard he tried, they were too far out of his reach. His gaze had stayed on the metal of his new arm, with a deep frown forming on his face. The doctor who had spoken first seemed to notice the confusion that washed over his face, because the gentle voice he had first used came back to ask another question.   
  
          “Soldier. What is it that you remember?”  
  
          “My name is James.”   
  
That, he remembered. James continued to curl and uncurl the fingers of his metal hand, getting used to the thought he had to put into controlling it. It was one thing to wiggle his fingers, but it seemed to be another thing entirely to make it grasp at thin air.   
  
          “And what else?”  
  
That was where his mind went blank. A deep shiver ran through him and his jaw clenched, grinding his teeth together. As he tried to force himself to remember, all he could recall was a sharp, whistling noise, and cold enveloping his skin and chilling him to his very bones.  The feeling of the breath in his lungs growing slow and steady, and his heartbeat decreasing until it was keeping him on the edge of life itself. He shied away from the doctor, reaching to clutch lank, dark hair in his right hand.   
  
          “And…?”  
  
          “…And you saved my life.”   



	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**June 2nd, Brooklyn, New York, 1945**

  
Wiping her forearm across her brow, Ruby took a few steps backward. She rolled her shirtsleeves up higher, trying to fix them into place to allow some of the heat on her to cool. The sun was beating down on her back and shoulders, but thankfully there was protection in the form of her hat and the fabric of the shirt. The front door creaked open as Ruby admired her handiwork. A grin formed on her lips as George came into view, carrying two tall glasses of water. He came to stand next to her, offering a glass as he nodded in approval.  
  
“It’s lookin’ good, Ruby.”   
  
“Oh, please. You’ve done all the hard work.” A soft laugh went with her words as she looked up at the older man, nudging him slightly.   
For a number of weeks now, George and Ruby had been working on the house. George had painted, fixed and improved so much of it so far that Becca often commented with how much their mother would be surprised at the new look. George’s latest project had been the flowerboxes, which Ruby had just finished planting flower seeds in.   
  
“What’cha plant again?”  
  
“Geraniums.” Ruby took a sip of the water, breathing out a sigh of relief as the cool liquid ran down her throat. “Geraniums, lobelias, and petunias.”   
  
“They’re gonna look good when they bloom. Done ‘em both, huh?”  
  
“Yes. I didn’t think I was going to manage before Junior woke up for a feed, but…”   
  
“Ah, leave ‘im. He’s enjoyin’ the sun.”   
  
Ruby glanced behind them, smiling at the sight. The large parasol was blocking most of the sun from Junior’s pram, where he was napping lightly. From where she was stood, she could hear the gentle snores of her six month old.   
  
“He’d sleep the whole day away, if his stomach would let him.” Ruby laughed quietly. “He’d be quite happy to.”  
  
“S’all that rollin’ around he does. I’m tellin’ ya, he’s gonna be crawlin’ before anyone knows it. He’ll be off like a damn shot.”   
  
“The only place he’ll be crawling around is the playpen,” Ruby raised an eyebrow at George, taking another sip of her water. “There’s no way I’m letting him get near the staircase.”   
  
“Relax. I ain’t gonna let him loose to go at it. Kid’s fast enough when he rolls. Think I wanna be chasin’ him when he’s crawlin’?”  
  
“Andrea’s not happy that he hasn’t started yet. She was joking that she wanted him to crawl up the aisle and bring the rings to her and Danny.”   
  
“She knows he ain’t a dog, right?” George’s eyebrow raised, looking back at his grandson. “He ain’t just gonna crawl on command right up to her.”  
  
“She’s just excited. It’s only a week off now, you know.” Ruby placed the glass down on the windowsill, starting to pull off the thick gardening gloves she had been using to plant the flowers.   
  
“That all? Came around fast, huh?”  
  
“It sure did. Are you still okay to have Junior the night before, so that I can stay at Andrea’s and help out the morning of the wedding? If it’s a problem, I don’t have to –”  
  
“You’re goin’.” George told her flatly, waving his hand to warn off any other attempt of her trying to get out of staying at Andrea’s. “Me and Junior’ll be just fine, Ruby. Don’t worry about it. Besides, it’ll do ya some good to get out the house for a couple of hours, alone.”   
  
Turning so that George couldn’t see, Ruby’s teeth sank into her bottom lip. It wasn’t as though she didn’t want to be a part of Andrea’s wedding day, not at all. The fact of the matter was that it would be the first night she would have ever spent away from Junior, and that was causing agitation in the back of her mind. Of course she trusted George with him, but it still didn’t ease her. It was strange enough to be thinking about leaving Junior for the night, let alone have to do it in a week’s time. If she was honest with herself, she wasn’t so sure that she could endure the entire night without him.

  
  
Thankfully, before the conversation had a chance to continue, there was the sound of a car drawing up next to the sidewalk behind them, and a voice calling to them as soon as the car stopped moving.  
  
“George Barnes?”   
  
“Who’s ask—”  
  
As both Ruby and George turned, each was taken back by the woman standing in front of them. She had a dark green uniform on, with a gold pin on either side of the collar of the jacket. Both of them knew the pin, after seeing it on each and every one of Bucky’s letters, heading the top of the paper. In her hold was a small brown case, brushing against the side of her skirt.   
  
“My name is Agent Peggy Carter, sir. I worked with your son James as part of the Special Forces team for the SSR. I’m sorry for your loss.”   
  
“I know your name,” Ruby commented quietly, stepping closer so that she was near Junior instead of further away. “Bucky mentioned you in some of his letters.”   
  
“And you,” Peggy nodded, allowing her red lips to twitch into a smile. “Ruby, isn’t it? James talked about you so much that I feel like I know you.”   
  
Ruby turned her face away from Peggy so that she could check on Junior, stroking her fingertip across his plump cheek. George had since nodded toward the case in Peggy’s hand, raising a thick brow at her. Without asking, Peggy answered him.   
  
“I’ve actually come to see Ruby, sir. You see, the SSR base that we were homing the Howling Commandos in has been closed, now that the war’s over. The contents of the case are the things that were left in Sergeant Barnes’s trunk. It was the least I could do to bring them to Ruby personally and offer my condolences.”   
  
“Do you want to come inside?” Ruby’s gaze landed on the small case, eventually travelling up to meet the warm brown eyes of Peggy Carter. “It’ll be more comfortable to talk. I could get you a drink, if you’d like?”  
  
“That would be lovely. Would you mind, sir…?”  
  
“Nah. Go right in.” George looked toward Ruby as he spoke, raising a brow to her. “Want me to keep him out here with me?”  
  
“Unless he wakes up,” Ruby nodded softly. It would be easier that way, she reasoned. If Junior wasn’t present, she would be freely allowed to voice herself how she wanted – or let tears fall, if they needed – in front of Peggy. With Junior around, it would only make it more difficult to go through Bucky’s personal belongings. Gesturing toward the door, Ruby invited Peggy in after herself. She started to head toward the kitchen, but Peggy’s footsteps had stopped the moment the door was closed behind them.  
  
  
“You don’t have to take your shoes off or anything; we’re not like that. Do you want tea, or coffee? I’m afraid if you want something cold, we only have water or milk. You can sit down on the sofa, too. I’ll be in soon.”   
  
“Water, please.”   
  
As Peggy’s voice drifted and gave indication that she had ventured into the sitting room, Ruby took a shaky breath and allowed her fingers to clutch the kitchen worktop, her grip so tight her knuckles were losing the pale colour of her skin. Hadn’t she already been through this? Hadn’t she been through Bucky’s belongings, and had her heart broken all over again by it? The long sleeves of the shirt that had once been Bucky’s began to slide down her arms as she gripped onto the side, slipping down to her hands. As her head bowed forward, the chain around her neck peeked through the shirt collar, dangling the ring on the end of it against the soft fabric.   
  
“I thought we’d already done this, Bucky.” Ruby’s hand came up to clutch at the ring as she spoke, shutting her eyes tight. “How much more do I have to go through?”  
  
She knew she couldn’t stand there for much longer without drawing concern from Peggy. Ruby straightened herself and wiped underneath her eyes with the back of her hand, telling herself that she had to pull it together. She allowed the tap to run cold so that she could get Peggy’s glass of water, before nodding to herself and fixing a small smile into place to enter the living room with.

  
  
“Sorry. You have to let the tap run before the water goes cold…”  
  
Ruby’s voice trailed as she came into the room, looking toward where the other woman was standing. Peggy had a framed picture in her hands, taken from the centre of the fireplace. The suitcase was placed on the coffee table, with the locks open.   
  
“Oh, it’s no trouble. I was just looking at the pictures.” Peggy placed the one in her hand back down carefully, standing it back up. “This one of you and James is… Beautiful.”  
  
“We were happy.” Ruby’s voice was quiet, making her way to sit down on one end of the sofa. The glass in her hands was placed on the only coaster on the table, close to the case.   
  
“I didn’t see James happy very often.” Peggy had started to move as she spoke, unbuttoning the uniform jacket she wore. It was placed on the arm of the chair as she sat, turning herself toward Ruby.   
  
“I know that’s the last thing you want to hear, but I told myself on the drive here that I wouldn’t lie to you. You deserve to know the truth. Especially with all that’s happened in your life, recently. I’m afraid there are some things that I expect James didn’t tell you.”  
  
“His name is Bucky.” Ruby looked at Peggy, narrowing her eyes slightly. A bout of temper flared up in her, if only for a fleeting moment. “And Bucky told me everything.”   
  
“I know you want to believe that. I know he didn’t lie to you, Ruby, but there are some things I believe he might have omitted from his letters. The unsent ones in the case might support my point, if you’d like to –”  
  
“How dare you. How dare you come here and tell me that Bucky didn’t –”  
  
“With all respect, you kept things from him, did you not?” Where Ruby’s tone had a bite to it, Peggy’s remained perfectly calm. “I don’t believe he ever knew about your son.”   
  
Ruby had to bite her tongue and avert her gaze. That was where she couldn’t argue back with Peggy. She looked toward the picture that Peggy had been holding, studying the image of herself with Bucky, his arms tight around her waist. She had been pregnant there, although she hadn’t known it. Her gaze didn’t come back to Peggy as she spoke, keeping pointedly turned away.   
  
  
“I didn’t want him to worry.”   
  
“I don’t think he wanted you to, either.” Peggy edged forward, placing a hand on the seat of the sofa between them. “Some of the things in his letters are… A little hard to read.”   
  
“What do you mean?” Now Ruby turned back to her, rolling the sleeves of her shirt down so that she could clutch them in her hands. Her stomach was beginning to churn, with every passing second.  
  
“It’ll be easier if I start at the beginning.” Peggy nodded softly. “I have no doubt that you remember the first letter you received from General Phillips, when we believed the 107th Unit to have been killed in action. Captain Rogers brought them back to our base – including Bucky. When he arrived, he was quite out of sorts, as you’d expect. However…”   
  
Peggy paused, reaching toward the case. She pushed it open, reaching for a small pile of papers that were resting on what Ruby could make out as thick, blue fabric. Ruby craned her neck to look into the case, but Peggy passed the papers toward her.   
  
“Captain Rogers informed us that when he had found Bucky, he was in a laboratory of sorts. Strapped down, I believe were the words. The Captain reported that Bucky had been repeating his name, rank, and service number – something that Soldiers trained to do under torture. The Commandos explained to us that Soldiers who became exhausted or stepped out of line were taken to Doctor Zola’s laboratory, and none ever returned. The only piece of information we don’t have is what Zola did to Bucky while he was in there. The Commandos say he was held there for around a week. They believed him to be dead.”   
  
“They tortured him?”   
  
Ruby couldn’t form the words without her voice shaking. The papers were on her lap, as she had abandoned looking at them in favour of giving her full attention to Peggy. A cold shiver ran down her spine at the thought of Bucky being put through torure, and not knowing what exactly he had been put through made it worse. Her mind suddenly began to conjure up images of Bucky struggling against the restraints, screaming and begging to be killed just so he didn’t have to go through any further pain. She was unable to hold back the wince that formed, having to curl her hands into fists at her sides. Nails dug into her palm as Peggy continued to speak, leaving crescent shaped indents on her skin.  
  
“As far as we’re aware. We asked, but he refused to tell us and insisted he was fine. Captain Rogers seemed to think that there was something wrong with him, though – and after what he had been through, it was why we gave him the choice of returning home to you. A choice he decided to decline when…” Peggy paused, an apologetic smile forming on her lips. “When he learned that Captain Rogers was staying to continue fighting.”   
  
“I know. Bucky was never going to let Steve stay and fight alone.” Ruby nodded gently. “He would’ve never let him.”   
  
“It wasn’t without Steve trying to convince him otherwise. He wanted to tell him about your child so many times, but he promised you that he wouldn’t.”   
  
“I tried to tell him.” Now her voice dropped to a whisper. Her fists uncurled so in favour of her wringing the cuffs of the shirt between her fingers, gripping the thin fabric tight. “The night he called. I tried to tell him… But he didn’t hear me. If he’d have just heard –”  
  
“Don’t blame yourself. He was never quite right after the time in Zola’s lab. Captain Rogers – Steve, he noticed a change in him. It wouldn’t have shown in his letters, but it did show around the base. He became short tempered – and I’m told that he did have a short temper before, but Steve said to have it so shot over trival things wasn’t like the man he knew. Bucky, quite often, spent time alone in his bunk after the Commandos had finished missions. He didn’t often entertain or enjoy company.”   
  
“That’s not Bucky.” Ruby once again felt her voice quiver, trying to picture everything Peggy was telling her. The Bucky that she knew would have never shied away from attention – and especially not shut himself off to be with only his thoughts. Bucky had never been like that.   
  
“That’s what Steve said.” Peggy agreed quietly. “Again, I’m not telling you all of this to upset you, Ruby. I only think that you should know the truth.”   
  
“He kept so much from me…”   
  
“It was for the best that he did. I can’t imagine the added stress of him going through that would have been good for you or your son.”   
  
“He always did look out for me.” Ruby’s voice caught in her throat at the notion. Even with thousands of miles between them, Bucky had still been looking out for her. A churn of her stomach told her all she needed to know. If Bucky had told her what was truly happening to him, she doubted that Junior would have ever arrived safely. She had been worried and stressed enough as it had stood with all that had happened in the short space of time. The idea of knowing that something had been wrong with Bucky while she couldn’t get to him, that would have been maddening. Ruby took a breath in an attempt to steady herself, only to gasp as Peggy’s hand made contact with her shoulder.   
  
“Perhaps we finish this conversation later, yes? Maybe now we could look at the rest of the things in the case. There are a few items I’ve brought with me that I know you’ll be pleased to see.”   
  
“I will?”   
  
“One or two, at least.” Peggy’s reassuring squeeze of Ruby’s shoulder gave the blonde the push she needed. Peggy allowed her hand to slip so that she could pull the case to the edge of the table, with Ruby leaning forward to look.

  
The blue fabric that Ruby had managed a glance at as the case was opened was the first item that Peggy removed from the case. She handed it to Ruby without hesitation, who instantly started to unfold the heavy fabric so that she could look at it properly. The corners of her mouth began to twitch upward once she realised that she had seen the item before.   
  
“His jacket. He was wearing this when he... In one of Steve’s films. George took me to see a movie, and they played a Commando’s clip before it.” Ruby smoothed out the shoulders of the jacket, letting it rest on her lap ontop of the letters.  
  
“He was rather fond of it.”  
  
“He always looked best in blue.” Ruby smiled to herself. “It was his favourite. Thank-you for this, Peggy.”  
  
“Don’t thank me just yet.” Peggy offered a smile, delving back into the case. From there, Peggy began to remove the contents until it was all laid across the table for Ruby to inspect, ranging from Bucky’s uniform jacket to the last item that remained in Peggy’s hands – one that made Ruby suck in a quick breath.   
  
“That’s…”   
  
“It’s hardly the last thing you want in your home, I imagine. Especially with your son, but there’s a very specific reason I’ve brought it here for you. It’s empty, of course. If you look carefully, you’ll see why I’m leaving it in your possession.”   
  
Ruby’s hands trembled as she reached for the gun in Peggy’s outstretched hand. Gentle fingers wrapped around the cool metal, sending a shiver up her spine. She was about to argue back with Peggy, tell her to take the weapon away, until she found the reason why it had been given to her. Breath caught in her throat, hands almost dropping the gun to the floor.   
  
“It’s… It’s me…”   
  
There, where the plain grip of the gun should have been was a picture of Ruby herself, held in by some kind of plastic. The picture was one Ruby hadn’t even known Bucky had taken with him – one of her at one of their days at Coney Island, with Andrea and Danny. The picture was Ruby alone, laughing as Bucky had used Andrea’s camera to take it. She remembered it well, Bucky desperate to catch the moment after they had gotten off of the Cyclone.   
  
“They’re called sweetheart grips. Quite popular with some of the men in the 107th. Sergeant Barnes took that gun everywhere with him. He called you his guardian angel. It was the only item Steve recovered from…” Peggy cleared her throat, reaching for her glass of water. “I thought you might like to have it.”   
  
“I can’t believe he did that.” Ruby shook her head softly.  
  
“I believe he told me that it was ‘safer than carrying a photograph’ around. I’ve no doubt that your picture alone was the only thing keeping Bucky going most days, Ruby. If not for your letters, your pictures… I think he would have given up in the Hydra facility.”   
  
“He promised me he would come home,” Ruby turned the gun over in her hands, not quite ready to let it out of her hold. “That’s what kept him going.”  
  
“I’m truly sorry for your loss. Steve, he… He never truly forgave himself for what happened to Bucky. It was something that none of the men recovered from, losing him.”   
  
A moment of silence followed, allowing Ruby time alone with her thoughts. Knowing that Bucky had carried her with him wherever he went brought a swell of emotion that she hadn’t felt in months. Her heartbeat grew rapid against her chest, causing her to clutch the gun in her hand. The notion of Bucky showing the gun off proudly, telling the other men that the woman in the picture was his girl, talking about her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. Danny’s words from so long ago echoed in her mind, only causing a smile to form on her lips. Bucky had her on a pedestal – and telling the men that she was his guardian angel, looking out for him in battle, only proved that.

  
  
“Ruby?”   
  
“Hm?”   
  
The blonde’s blue-eyed gaze turned to meet Peggy’s brown eyes, both of her brows lifting in response to her name. Peggy’s lips were pursed in a smile, just like Ruby’s, but she tilted her head where Ruby waited patiently for the other woman to continue speaking.   
  
“I said that you might have more visitors over the months. The men, Dugan especially, they said they’d quite like to meet you. However, there is the subject of your confidentiality, moreso now that you have a son.”  
  
“My confidentiality?” In instants, the smile had slipped and her expression was being replaced with that of a frown. “What does that have to do with anything?”  
  
“Because of Bucky’s alignment with Steve, the SSR want to take extra precaution of you. Any record of you in Bucky’s file is going to be wiped, incase the information ends up in the wrong hands. I’d hate for you to become a target for something, or someone.”  
  
“I didn’t know I was on any of the records.”   
  
“Briefly, but we’re going to change it so that you’re not on any of them. We can’t do much about George and Rebecca being listed on his file, but we can take you from it. To the SSR, it’ll be like you don’t exist.”   
  
Ruby looked toward the window, making out the pram toward the left of it. Junior mustn’t have stirred since she had left him. Her choice was easy.   
  
“If it’s going to keep Junior and I safe… Do it.”

 

* * *

  
  
**September 2nd, Unknown Location, Russia, 1945**

  
Each blow of his fist was aimed with expert precision. Sweat trickled down his brow as he continued, heartbeat drumming in his ears and blocking out all other sound. It was only moments after that the claxon blew, signalling for him to stop – which he did so immediately, grabbing hold of the punchbag that he had yet again broke a hole into.   
  
“James!” A man in a black shirt was approaching, a wide grin on his face as he stepped onto the padded floor. James looked at him expectantly, keeping his breathing levelled.   
  
“Did I do well?”   
  
“You performed as expected. The doctors, they are discussing whether you are free of your quarantine. If it is so, you will be allowed to attend the training sessions that are going to be taking place soon.”   
  
That brought a swell of pride. For months, James had been under the careful watch of doctors and handlers alike. Ever since he had woken, he had been put under a strict routine to get him to the best of his abilities. First, it had been learning to speak and understand Russian like it was his own language, as well as learning to control his new, metal arm like it was still flesh. Next, James had been put through rigorous training to get him in peak condition, both physically and mentally. He had been taught how to disarm bombs, how to kill with the most simple of weapons, and trained combat in every style imaginable. Now, James was almost ready to leave their training, and was simply waiting for the yes that he needed to be cleared.   
  
“The girls, yes?” He began to unwind the tape around his flesh hand, metal fingers glinting in the bright light of the gym that had been put together for him. The man nodded, crossing his arms.   
  
“Yes. The girls. I believe you will have your work cut out for you, soldier.”   
  
“You think so?”   
  
“They’re eager. Ready to listen to whatever your instructions will be.”  
  
“And they will be mine to train?” Once his hand was free, James scrunched the tape into a ball and began pulling on the thin black vest he had discarded before he had started his circuit of the gym.   
  
“We will work together to train them. There will be twenty-eight, I’m told.”   
  
“Twenty-eight?”  
  
“We can handle twenty-eight girls, soldier. They will be the perfect weapons for the Red Room. Nobody shall see them coming.” The man – Nikita – invited James to step off of the mat with him, leading him toward the door as soon as James followed.  
  
“They won’t.” The agreement was quiet, keeping a step behind Nikita.   
  
“They will be perfect, James. Just like you.”   
  
Nikita turned to him, putting his arm around James’s shoulders. Though he couldn’t feel the hand against the metal curve of his shoulder, the gesture still brought a smile to his lips.   
  
“I will not let you down. After all you have done for me, it’s the least that I can do.”   
  
“You are far too humble, James. You are our most prized asset. Our thanks is with you, always. Who knows, perhaps they will start to send you on missions also. For our country, to protect it. To protect our work, here.”   
  
“I will do whatever is needed,” James looked at Nikita from the corner of his eye, stopping for a moment before they stepped out of the corridor. “You saved me. I’m forever in your debt.”  
  


* * *

 

**November 9th, Brooklyn, New York, 1945**

  
The scarf was wrapped around her neck enough times for her to not feel the chill of the winter that had seemingly crept upon Brooklyn. Ruby’s gloved hands held on tight to the handles of the pram that her son was babbling away to himself in, tucked tight around his waist in a blanket.   
  
“Yeah, yeah. Talk it up, Junior.” Becca grumbled from beside Ruby, her arms crossed over her chest. Her scarf was pulled up to her nose, but the girl was still shivering.   
  
“Come on, Becca. He didn’t mean to break your favourite necklace.” Ruby nudged her with her elbow playfully. “He doesn’t know his own strength.”   
  
“He damn well does. He did it on purpose because I wouldn’t give him some chocolate milk this mornin’.”   
  
“Bec, he’s a baby.” George’s voice cut from across Ruby. He was on the other side of the pram, hands stuffed into his pockets to keep them warm. “We’ll get your necklace fixed.”   
  
“I’ll get her necklace fixed.” Ruby corrected, glancing toward George and Becca in turn. “Junior broke it, I’ll pay for it.”  
  
“Nah, you don’t have to do that, Ruby –”  
  
“George. I’m paying for the necklace. It’s not like I can’t afford it, now.”   
  
George sighed loud enough for Ruby to hear, but she didn’t comment on it. She continued to push Junior’s pram forward, letting the thin layer of snow on the ground crunch under the wheels.

Ever since Peggy Carter had visited Ruby, things had changed. No longer were George and Ruby scrimping to save money, paying for the cheapest items they could. Even though Ruby had only taken up work part-time again, money was something they didn’t have to worry about. Peggy had arranged for Ruby to be the one to receive Bucky’s cheques for his time in the army, and with the careful pulling of some strings, she had made it so that Ruby received the pension for Bucky’s death while in service. It had helped out, to say the least.   
  
“I’ll take it to the store tomorrow on my way to work.”   
  
“And then I’m keepin’ it out of Junior’s reach. I’m tellin’ ya, when he starts walkin’, I’m movin’ out.”   
  
“Where are you plannin’ on movin’? Betty’s house?” George chuckled. Ruby rolled her eyes, partially listening to the conversation going on at either side of her.   
  
“Virginia’s.” Becca said pointedly. “I ain’t talkin’ to Betty anymore. She told Sam that I liked him, when I don’t.”  
  
“You don’t like Sam? Thought ya did.”   
  
“No, Pop. I don’t like Sam. It’s like ya don’t even listen to me when I’m tellin’ ya about school.”  
  
“Ya talk faster than a movin’ car, Bec. Kinda hard to keep up with sometimes.”  
  
“You know, if you two keep bickering then I’m not going to stand with either of you when we get there.” Ruby looked around both Becca and George to check that the street was clear before she crossed it. “Junior and I will stand with Andrea.”   
  
“You’re gonna willingly stand with Andrea, with her moods like they are?” George asked. Ruby didn’t need to look to the side of her to know that the man was smirking, which only made Ruby tilt her chin up proudly.   
  
“Andrea’s doing just fine. It’s only like her standing by me when I was pregnant.”   
  
“How far along is she now, anyways?”   
  
“Four months,” Ruby answered. “Danny says she has all kinds of cravings that make him want to vomit.”

  
  
George’s laughter died out as they came to their destination. There was already a small crowd gathered, with Andrea and Danny easy to make out at the back of it. Ruby pushed Junior toward them, greeting the couple with a small smile and Junior babbling at them happily. There were a few other faces that Ruby knew, scattered throughout the small gathering. A few turned to smile at Ruby, who she greeted with a slight bow of her head. Danny, as soon as he realised that Junior was awake, had knelt down beside him to smile at the little boy.   
  
“Hey there, kiddo! Remember me? Uncle Danny?”  
  
“You only saw him last week,” Andrea rolled her eyes, playfully slapping Danny’s shoulder. “He’s not gonna forget you so quick, is he?”  
  
“I’m just makin’ sure he knows who I am. Gonna be his favourite uncle, after all.”   
  
“You’re his only uncle,” Ruby shook her head in amusement. “I don’t think you’re ever going to have to fight for that attention.”  
  
“Yet,” Danny corrected her, waggling his fingers to Junior’s outstretched hand. “He’ll have another uncle when Bec gets married, y’know.”   
  
“You tryin’ to marry off my daughter there, Danny?” George interrupted, earning a flash of a grin from the crouched man. Becca had since rolled her eyes and ventured a little further into the crowd, where her friend Virginia was waving her over.   
  
“I’m just sayin’. One day, she’s gonna go off and get married, then I’m not gonna be his only uncle no more.”   
  
“You’re getting a child of your own to be favourite to, Danny. I don’t know why you have to have mine too.” Ruby grinned, watching as Junior brought Danny’s fingers toward his mouth. She knew what was about to happen before it did, and as Danny cried out when Junior’s little teeth sank into his thumb, Ruby started to laugh. Danny yanked his hand out of Junior’s as carefully as he could, a frown on his face as he looked at him. Junior wasn’t interested in the look, and was laughing, just like Ruby was.   
  
“Yeah, you ain’t sorry at all, are ya?” Danny looked up at the laughing blonde, whose infectious laughter had caused both George and Andrea to start too. “Neither’s your Ma.”   
  
“It wouldn’t have been funny if –”  
  
“Ruby?”   
  
Laughter immediately stopped. The blonde’s grip on the pram handles tightened, pulling it backward as an instant reaction. She knew that voice all too well, though it was one she hadn’t heard in more than a year. A reassuring hand found her shoulder, easing the tremble that ran through her body. Ruby didn’t dare look up from the cream hood of the pram, not quite daring to believe that the voice who had spoken her name truly belonged to the person she was thinking of.   
  
“What are you doing here?”   
  
“I came to watch the opening of the statue… I didn’t think…” Her voice trailed off, and Ruby didn’t have to look up to know that she was twisting her fingers together to calm herself. That was what she had always done when she was nervous.   
  
“You didn’t know Steve.”   
  
“Dad and I followed the Captain America story. He liked him.”   
  
“He would.”   
  
“Ruby…” A soft sigh broke up her words. “Are you going to look at me?”   
  
Ever so slowly, Ruby finally allowed her gaze to wander up until she was looking at the face of her sister, taking in all the changes that she had undergone in the time they had been apart. Her hair was pinned up in a different way than Ruby had ever seen, making her look far more grown-up than Ruby had seen her last. It had been a long time, too long, but it had been easier that way. Ruby’s family didn’t want to see her, and that had been something she had to deal with. George had even suggested attending a different Church to eliminate running into them, and the changing of Churches had severed the last tie to her family.   
  
“You look well.” Em finally said, gesturing toward Ruby with a gloved hand. Ruby shrugged, not quite willing to take the compliment so soon.   
  
“I manage.”  
  
“And this must be…?” As Em cast her eyes down to look at Junior, who was chewing on the ear of his stuffed bear, Ruby drew the pram back further and out of her sister’s reach, should she have tried to touch him. Em didn’t reach forward though, but continued to look down at him.   
  
“Junior. James Buchanan Barnes Junior.” Her tone was firm as she spoke, watching Em carefully. George gave another soft squeeze of her shoulder, reminding her that he was there if she needed him.   
  
“How old is he?”   
  
“He’ll be one next month. December 1st.”   
  
“One already? It doesn’t seem like…” Em cut herself short, clearing her throat and craning her head around Ruby, as though she was looking for something. “Where’s Bucky?”   
  
The sound that caught in Ruby’s throat caused her sister’s eyes to widen. Of course Em wouldn’t know what happened to Bucky. It hadn’t been public knowledge – not with Steve’s death being so high profile. Bucky’s had gone unnoticed, save for the few people who had actually cared about him.   
  
“He’s… He…”   
  
“He died overseas,” George thankfully cut in for Ruby. “Almost a year ago, now.”   
  
“Oh, Ruby…” Em’s voice went soft. She stepped toward Ruby, coming around the side of Junior’s pram, to place a hand on her shoulder.   
  
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I – I just thought that –”  
  
“It is what it is.” There was no emotion in Ruby’s voice as she looked at her sister, forcing down the painful lump in her throat and the need to lean toward her sister’s touch.   
  
“We get by just fine. I don’t need your sympathy.”   
  
“I’m not trying to –”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve made my peace with it. I’m sure you’re not here on your own, either, so I don’t want to be keeping you away from your company. You should go back.”  
  
“Ruby….”  
  
“Go, Em.”   
  
The stern tone made Em withdraw her hand from Ruby’s shoulder. She nodded softly, curls falling around her face to frame it, and stepped back into the crowd that she had emerged from. Junior let out a quiet gurgle of sadness, reaching his hand forward in a grabbing motion at the disappearance of the woman who he had been inspecting moments before. Ruby hadn’t realised her breathing had grew loud and heavy until George squeezed her shoulder once more, then retracted his hand.   
  
“Hey. She didn’t know, Ruby. She was just tryin’ to –”  
  
“Don’t you think I’ve suffered enough?” Ruby turned to George. “Haven’t I suffered enough with talking about Bucky? I don’t want to go through it again, George. Especially not with someone who turned her back on me along with the rest of my family. She promised she would visit, and she never did. She dropped the last of my belongings off and never came back.”   
  
“Ya can’t blame her for that. You know what your parents would’a been like if they knew she was visitin’. It was better that she didn’t.”   
  
“She’s not coming back into my life now. They made their choice. I’m not getting my hopes up so that they can be shattered again. I’ve been broken enough, George. I won’t be able to cope if I have to break again.”   
  
Ruby pointedly turned her attention to the pram after she had finished speaking, moving to cheer Junior up. George stayed silent, casting a glance to Andrea and Danny who were still within earshot. Andrea shook her head softly at George, signalling for him to end the attempt.

  
  
The opening itself wasn’t as big as Ruby thought it would have been. Then again, there was another opening in a few months, in a bigger part of Brooklyn. For now, it had only been a small plaque with Steve’s name written on it, and the shield that had become the symbol for Steve carved underneath it. Still, it had a fair gathering of people who had known or worked with Steve before, as well as a few fans of Steve himself. Ruby had had to walk away with Junior as a speech had started, as Junior had began to cry. Rather than drawing the eyes of the crowd, Ruby took him out of his pram and walked away with him, gently patting his back to calm him.   
  
“Shh, sweetheart. I know, you’re tired…” Ruby pressed a gentle kiss to the hat covering Junior’s tufts of blond hair. “Mama’s got you. Go to sleep for me, hm? Now’s a good time to nap.”   
  
“Does he have trouble sleeping often?”   
  
Ruby’s eyes squeezed shut as Em’s voice spoke to her. She continued to bounce Junior softly, deciding not to turn to see her sister’s face.   
  
“No. He sleeps perfectly fine. He just doesn’t like the cold.”   
  
“I don’t think anyone really likes the cold.”   
  
The quiet, almost joking tone that Em used was too much for Ruby. A heavy sigh passed her lips, turning to meet a similar pair of blue eyes to her own.   
  
“What do you want, Em?”  
  
“I… I just wanted to talk, Ruby.”   
  
“You’ve had months to do that. I suspect that you only want to talk now because you’ve remembered I exist. If you hadn’t seen me today, you would’ve been content with me being out of your life for the rest of it.”   
  
“That’s not true. You don’t know what it’s been like at home. Mom, Dad… If any of us had come to see you, do you know how mad they would’ve been? It hasn’t been easy to cut you out of our lives.”   
  
“And you suppose it was easy for me?” Ruby’s eyes narrowed into a glare, daring to use as loud of a voice as she could with Junior in her arms. “To be thrown out by my family? To have to struggle by while Bucky was overseas, to go through the pain of losing him?”  
  
“We didn’t – if they knew that Bucky wasn’t –”  
  
“They’d be happy. We both know that. They never liked him.” Ruby hissed. “Where are they, anyway? Here, I’d imagine. They wouldn’t let you out on your own, this far into Brooklyn.”   
  
“I’m here with my… Boyfriend.” Em admitted quietly.   
  
“Someone they approve of? A son of a friend of Dad’s, is he?”   
  
“Look…” Em’s hands wrung together again, fingers being squeezed under each other. Ruby held her chin high as she watched, waiting expectantly for Em to continue.   
  
“I didn’t follow you over here to argue with you. I miss you, Ruby. It’s not the same, not having you around. I just… I wanted to see if maybe you’d like to have lunch sometime. You don’t have to. I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. I just thought I’d see if… Maybe I could be in your life again.”   
  
“You’re asking me now? After so long?” Ruby stared at her, the scowl never fading. “Don’t you think it’s too late?”  
  
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”  
  
“Em –”  
  
“You should go, Ruby.”   
  
For the second time, George interrupted her. Ruby looked over Em’s shoulder to see the man stepping out of the crowd, pushing the empty pram toward the two of them. A little further off, a boy with dark hair was waiting, watching Em carefully. Ruby raised her eyebrows at George, silently communicating with him until he gave a gentle nod in her direction.   
  
“Go have lunch with your sister. You two have got a lotta catchin’ up to do.”   
  
“But I don’t –”  
  
“I’ll take the kiddo home and put him down for a nap. You go enjoy yourself. You’re only gonna regret it if ya don’t.”   
  
“Please, Ruby?” Em asked quietly. “Just an hour, or something.”  
  
With Junior’s head resting in the crook of her neck, something in Ruby switched. Perhaps all the walls she had put up to protect herself could find a space where the tiniest of things could get through – and lunch with her sister might be one of them.   
  
“Only an hour.” Ruby corrected. She still held her head up as she walked toward George, putting Junior back into the pram. He cooed quietly at her, waving a chubby hand in her face. She kissed every one of his fingers, earning a sleepy smile in return from her son. The smile on her sister’s face was wide as she turned around to her, but Ruby didn’t return the gesture. Instead, she wrapped her coat tighter around her frame, casting a glance back toward the pram where Junior was starting to fall asleep. She stepped in line with Em as George started to walk away, but didn’t link her sister’s arm. The boy who had been waiting for Em stepped onto the other side of her, Ruby being able to hear him muttering quietly about going home early so that Em could spend time with her sister.   
  
“Do you still like the ice cream shop that Dad used to take us to? We could go there.”   
  
“Sure.”  
  


* * *

   
 **December 1st, Brooklyn, New York, 1945**

  
“Ma-ma!”   
  
A little voice shouted from the sitting room. Ruby immediately wiped her hands on her apron, rushing to the kitchen doorway in the process. A grin spread at the sight of her son standing up, gripping onto the cushion of the sofa. Becca was sitting on the floor behind him, ready to catch him if he fell.   
  
“Yes, sweetheart?”  
  
“Ma-ma!” A little fist hit the cushion, bringing out a giggle as Junior bounced himself up and down. “Ma-ma!”   
  
“Kiss?”  
  
Junior’s laughter only grew louder as Ruby stepped into the room, kneeling down beside the arm of the couch. Junior wobbled his way along toward her, being scooped into her arms when one hand had to let go of the sofa. From there, Ruby attacked his face with kisses, making loud smacking sounds that made Junior’s laughter continue.   
  
“Ya big Mama’s boy,” Becca rolled her eyes playfully. “Get everythin’ you want.”   
  
“Even a big cake!” Ruby laughed, finishing off her kisses. Junior slid down from her lap, crawling toward Becca to retrieve the stuffed bear that lay by her side. Becca watched him as he did, letting him use her arm for support while he bent down.   
  
“Is Andrea still comin’ over?”   
  
“I think so. She told me to put some pillows on the sofa incase she falls asleep. She hasn’t been sleeping so well, lately. The baby wants to eat at all times of the day.”   
  
“Does Pop know she’s still comin’?”  
  
“Your Pop knows everybody that’s coming. That’s why he’s in charge of the door, when he comes downstairs. You’re in charge of watching Junior while I finish up in the kitchen.”  
  
“Shame he ain’t got a friend to play with,” Becca cast a glance toward her nephew, watching him babble excitedly to his bear. “Pretty sure he could entertain himself with an empty box, though.”  
  
“Of course he could,” Ruby giggled. “He entertains himself well enough with an empty bottle, sometimes.”  
  
“Got some imaginiation on him, huh? Dunno where he gets that from.”  
  
“From his Mama. He gets his sulking moods off his Daddy.” Ruby wiped her hands on her apron once more before she rose, waving at Junior. He was far too interested to notice her leaving the room, continuing to babble excitedly and laugh at the stuffed bear in his arms. That gave Ruby the perfect opportunity to continue baking the chocolate layer cake that she had been preparing for Junior’s birthday party.   
  
The small set of first birthday decorations were already up; a handmade banner from Becca running the length of the mantelpiece, a small collection of presents up on the kitchen table which were out of the reach of Junior. George had even brought a blue balloon home for his grandson, and the three cards that Junior had already received were placed on the coffee table. Junior himself was dressed in his best clothes, a new pair of trousers and blue sweatshirt. Becca had been careful when feeding him that morning to not spill any milk onto the knitted fabric.

  
Ruby heard Junior’s giggle as she put the cake into the oven, walking over to the door after to see Becca having a hold on him and tickling him. She smiled at the sight, watching the two of them interact. Despite Becca’s moans about Junior – though they were few and far between – she was always rolling around on the floor with him and entertaining his games when she could. The knock on the door caused Becca to stop, and Junior to walk as fast as he could away from her and to the living room doorway. Ruby started to untie her apron and fold it, as George called from the hallway that he had the door.   
  
“Hey, little man!” Danny’s voice made Ruby grin, being able to see from where she was that Danny was reaching out to Junior, who was stretching his arms up to him. The door shut behind Andrea, who was having her coat taken by George.  
  
“How are you one already, huh? Just like yesterday that your Ma was singin’ her song with you kickin’ the heck out of her belly.” Danny laughed. He pressed a kiss to Junior’s forehead, before passing him over to Andrea who followed Danny’s lead and kissed the little boy’s forehead.   
  
“Look how cute you are!” Andrea gushed, pushing blond strands out of Junior’s face. His hair was getting long now, flopping across his forehead. Ruby came to greet Danny, pulling him in for a hug.   
  
“Thanks for coming.”  
  
“Like we’re gonna miss his first birthday,” Danny lifted a brow, then held out a bag for Ruby to take. “We got him some stuff, too. Gotta celebrate the little man’s birthday good and proper, huh?”   
  
“You shouldn’t have,” Ruby said, but her tone had all the gratefulness in it that she could manage. “He’s been so spoilt.”   
  
That much was true. Besides the gifts that Ruby, George and Becca had gotten for him, Junior had also received presents from Tom who had dropped them off earlier in the week after his shift, a little basket from the women who worked at the Typing House that held a stuffed dog and a new pair of pyjamas, and a small, wrapped up box from none other than Peggy Carter, who had sent it through the mail with a card for Ruby – which she wasn’t allowed to open until the gift had been opened.   
  
“He deserves to be spoilt.”   
  
“So close to Christmas?” Ruby chuckled, walking with Danny to the kitchen. Andrea had took a seat on the couch with Junior in her lap, who was patting her tummy gently.   
  
“I’m thankful that he’s so young. All this present giving will go over his head right now. When he gets older, he won’t be able to be spoilt for both.”   
  
“Ah, relax. He’s still gonna have everyone who wants to spoil him.” Danny helped himself to a glass of water, pouring one for Andrea too while Ruby placed the bag onto the table with the rest of the gifts.   
  
“You’re going to turn my son into a spoilt brat.”   
  
“Hey, you’re gonna do the same to mine.” Danny winked at her. Ruby rolled her eyes, shooing him back off to the living room. By now, George had seated himself in his armchair, Becca resting at his feet. Junior was bringing over his bear for Andrea, pointing to her lap.   
  
“He likes the baby moving around,” Andrea told Ruby. “He started giggling.”   
  
“He’s a funny little thing, ain’t he?” Danny grinned. “Just think, couple of months and he’ll have a little playmate.”   
  
“Are you still hoping it’s a boy, Andrea?”   
  
“Nah. I think it’s gonna be a girl.”   
  
“You change your mind every day about what it’s gonna be.”   
  
“Becca thought Junior was going to be a girl, didn’t you?” Ruby looked at the brunette. “I knew he was going to be a boy.”   
  
“She’s going to be a girl. Imagine that! You got a boy, I’ll get a girl.”   
  
“Are you trying to marry my one-year old off to her already?” Ruby laughed. Andrea shrugged, watching Junior walk over to Ruby and stretch his arms up to her.   
  
“Ma-ma.”   
  
“Up?” Ruby crouched to lift him, picking him up at the same time somebody knocked on the door. George made to get up, but Ruby was already walking past with Junior resting on her hip.   
  
“I’ll get it. You stay there.”

  
Junior clung onto Ruby’s shoulder with one hand, stuffing the other into his mouth to gurgle around. She bounced him gently, kissing his cheek. Her free hand reached out to the door handle, pulling it open to reveal Em standing there, with a present in her arms.   
  
“Hey, Junior! Remember me? Aunt Em? You must do, I was only here last week.” Em kissed his cheek, making him bury his face into Ruby’s shoulder.   
  
“Oh, don’t be getting all shy.” Ruby chuckled. “Now you’re just being silly.”   
  
Ruby stepped aside so that her sister could enter the house, giving her enough space so that she could take off her coat and hang it up, all the while with Junior’s head tucked under her chin. Once she was ready, Em held out a hand to Junior – who, to Em’s surprise, reached out to her to be held.   
  
“I knew you were just playing!”   
  
She swapped Junior for the present, letting Ruby take the wrapped item so that she could cuddle her nephew, much to his delight. Ruby invited her into the living room with the other guests, excusing herself to make her sister a drink.   
  
George had been right, all those weeks ago. Ruby had forced herself not to miss her family for so long that when she had gone for ice cream with Em, she found herself aching for her sister. The hour that she had said had soon turned into two, until Em had been walking with Ruby back to George’s house to continue their talk. Ruby had cried to her sister about everything, and Em had cried with her, until the two had cuddled together in silence on the sofa. Ever since then, Em had visited as often as she could. Ruby had allowed her to step back into her life, and allowed her to be around Junior, too. It was a healthy step, George assured her.   
  
“Can he start openin’ his presents, now?” Becca’s voice called, drawing Ruby out of her own thoughts. She laughed, placing down the glass of water for her sister, only to cup her hands around her mouth and call back to the brunette.   
  
“Only if you’re going to come and help me carry them!”   
  
Becca bounded in seconds later, followed by Danny. Between the three of them, they transferred the collection of gifts to the living room, placing them down on the carpet. Junior slid off of Em’s leg and wandered over to where Ruby was sitting on the floor, climbing into her lap. The look in his blue eyes made her smile, and reach for one of the larger presents for him.   
  
“These are all for you, sweetheart. It’s your birthday. You’re one year old, already.”   
  
Junior babbled back to her, patting the top of the wrapped box. Ruby nodded, pulling at the paper to start him off with unwrapping it. Junior soon grasped the concept and started pulling, laughing with each tear of the paper.   
  
  
After each present had been opened, save for one, Ruby took Junior back into her hold and held it in front of him. The box from Peggy was in her hands, along with the card by her knee.   
  
“This one’s a special present, I think.” Ruby told him. “You have to be careful with it.”   
  
The process of unwrapping once again put Junior into a fit of giggles, but ones that stopped when Ruby took hold of the thin, black box and read the embroidered gold lettering on it.   
  
“It’s… It’s…”   
  
Tears sprang to her eyes as she opened it, seeing the medal inside. Her finger ran across the smooth gold of the pendant and then the purple of the ribbon, holding her tears in. Junior had turned in her lap to pat her face, gurgling to her. By now, she didn’t need to read the letter. She knew the reason why Peggy had sent it through the mail to them, rather than have Ruby and Junior collect it in a ceremony. It helped them hide away from the public eye, this way.   
  
“His Purple Heart. Peggy sent it to Junior.”   
  
“It’ll remind him how brave his daddy was.” George said quietly.  
  
“I know,” Ruby nodded softly. “I know.”  
  
She kissed Junior’s nose and got him to turn around in her lap again, showing him the medal. His chubby fingers reached toward it, moving it within its box.   
  
“See this? It’s your daddy’s. It’s because he was so, so brave.” Ruby murmured to him. She was well aware that all the eyes in the room were watching her, so she sucked in a breath and kissed the top of Junior’s head, letting him go. He crawled back across the floor toward Becca, becoming interested in the stack of letter blocks that were beside her. Ruby closed the lid on the Purple Heart, moving to stand.   
  
“I’m going to keep it on the mantle. Is that okay?”   
  
“It’ll go wherever you want, Ruby.” George nodded. She turned, placing the box beside the framed picture of Bucky in his uniform. Her gaze lingered on him just for a second longer, until she was clearing her throat and brushing the skirts of her dress down.   
  
“I’ll start preparing dinner. Everything should be ready to put on plates now. If you’ll excuse me…”

  
The quiet of the kitchen gave her the outlet that she needed to recover from such a shock. Peggy’s letter was still clutched in her hand, still within its envelope. She threw it carelessly to the worktop surface so that she could turn off the stove, stopping the pans from simmering. The plates were already set out so that she could slip into autopilot, or would have done, if footsteps hadn’t followed her into the kitchen.   
  
“You didn’t know she was going to send you that.”   
  
“I didn’t know that he was going to get one.” Ruby said quietly. “He worked for the SSR. I didn’t know whether he was going to get a…”   
  
“Nice of her to send it to you, though.” Em responded. “Something for Junior to have from his daddy’s job.”   
  
Ruby only nodded in response. She started to put food onto plates and into bowls for the others to get themselves, and Em stepped into helping her automatically. The two worked around each other silently, the only noises being the movement of cutlery and the voices in the living room.   
  
“Ruby?” Em’s voice broke the silence.   
  
“Hm?” Ruby glanced to her, watching her place he bowl of mashed potatoes onto the table.   
  
“I… I don’t know how to tell you, but…”   
  
“Tell me what?”  
  
“It’s mom and dad.” Em whispered. Ruby stopped what she was doing, gripping the fork in her hand.   
  
“What about mom and dad?”   
  
“They know that I’ve been visiting you. I… I told them about Bucky.”   
  
“And?” Her voice was sharp. She knew that if she looked up, the anger that was clearly displayed on her face would upset her sister, but right then, she wasn’t so sure that she wanted to keep that anger to herself. It wasn’t betrayal she felt. It was pure frustration, from the thought that her parents knew everything that had happened since they had thrown her out.   
  
“… They wanted me to ask you if they could meet Junior.”

 

* * *

 

**December 25th, Unknown Location, Russia, 1945**

  
“James!” Nikita’s voice called to the dark haired man inside the small room. James pulled a dark vest over his bare torso, tucking the hem into his trousers. His boots were already laced up tightly, and with a swipe of the dark hair flopping onto his forehead, James was ready to go.   
“I thought you were never going to come out of there,” Nikita laughed as James stepped from his room, nudging James in the ribs. James batted his arm away with his flesh hand, flexing his fingers.   
  
“I needed to shower. The water is warm, for once.”   
  
“You will be needing another after the work that you are going to put the girls through, you realise.”   
  
“I know. I’m looking forward to start. They’re already waiting, yes?”  
  
“Yes. They are already sparring with one and other in the gym.”   
  
“Good. I want to watch a while before I start.”   
  
As Nikita had suggested, James was now being allowed to not only attend the training sessions of the twenty-eight girls that the Red Room had in their care, but he was now stepping up to train them himself. He had been cleared by the doctors and his handlers, and today would be his first day of training. He had found it difficult to sleep, due to being so focused on getting his first day of training set out in his mind. There had already been some that had caught his eye in the few minutes he had watched them each day since November, but he hadn’t been able to focus on one in particular with so many of them whirling around him in similar movements.   
He followed Nikita up toward the gym, passing by the room he had once trained in himself. No longer was he to be put in a room on his own to train, or put through tests and hours of problem solving. He was going to be in charge, and Nikita would only be there to make sure he got to and from his training. He was no longer a handler, but a comrade. James knew that.   
  
“How old are the girls, again?”  
  
“Teenagers,” Nikita answered. “Fifteen and sixteen. They have aleady been with us for a number of years, so they are not new to a regime.”   
  
“Good. I will not go easy on them.”   
  
“They would not expect you to.”

  
The door to the gym creaked open. James was met with the sounds of grunting, paired with the sounds of hits being landed, and flesh hitting mats. A smile played on his lips as he stepped in to see all of the girls sparring with each other, two or three of them getting back off of the ground. He walked with Nikita around the gym, watching the girls fight with an occasional nod being given every now and again.   
  
“Impressed?”  
  
“I don’t know what you expect me to be teaching them,” James replied. “They are already quite accomplished.”   
  
“They are accomplished, yes. They are not perfect. You are here to extend them to the best of their abilities, make them flawless – like you are. Would you like me to call them to attention?”   
  
“To the ring, yes.”   
  
James broke apart from Nikita and headed toward the boxing ring, stepping between the ropes and into the centre of it. In the time it had taken him, Nikita had rallied the girls to sit down just outside of it, and then joined James within.   
  
“This is your new trainer, James. He is the best we have to offer, and you will listen and follow instruction. He will be in charge of your training from now. Every day, you will come here and be trained until James allows you to leave. If he does not think you have performed well enough, he will keep you and make you continue your training until you do perform to the best you can.”   
  
While Nikita spoke, James inspected the girls. They all looked quite young, only adding to how well they would blend into any situation, should they be allowed out onto missions. None particularly stood out to him – until he came to one with red hair, and his breath fell short. He wouldn’t let the expression cover his face, but inside, his mind was screaming at him. Red. That meant something to him, but what, he couldn’t quite place. The colour had haunted him ever since he had seen the ink etched into the flesh of his right arm. Ruby, the writing underneath the inked precious stone read. Red. Ruby. There was a scratching noise in his mind as he tried to focus, and a distant echo of his own – or so he assumed – laughter, and his murmuring of the word ‘Red’. A blurred image came to mind, making him subconsciously reach his left arm across to cover the tattoo on his arm.   
  
“James?”   
  
Nikita’s voice broke through the fragmented thought. The image, which had slowly been coming into view, slipped away. James was back in the gym, casting his gaze toward the man next to him.   
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Who do you want as your first sparring partner?”  
  
“The one with the red hair.” James answered.   
  
He turned back to look at her, letting his metal arm drop back to his side. There was a quiet murmur among the girls as the lone redhead stood, walking toward the ring with grace in her every step. Nikita waited until she was only a few feet away, having come to a stop. She was small, much smaller than he, but he didn’t doubt that she didn’t have the strength to bring him to the floor should he force her hand.   
  
“What is your name?”  
  
“Natalia.” Her accented voice spoke the word carefully, her green eyes never once looking away from James.   
  
“Natalia.” James repeated back to her. Every nerve in his body wanted him to reach forward and touch her hair, but his self-control held him together. He nodded softly toward Nikita, signalling for him to leave. Natalia remained silent as James assessed her, looking her over once more. Only when Nikita was out of earshot did James speak again, low enough that the girls sitting outside the ring couldn’t hear him.   
  
“You remind me of something.”   
  
“And what is that, James?”   
  
“… I don’t know.”

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**January 2 nd, Brooklyn, New York, 1946**  
  
  
          Ruby’s hands twisted in the fabric of her skirt again, just as they had been doing for several minutes. Her gaze was focused on the entrance to The Stork Club, her nerves only becoming worse the longer she had to wait. One o’clock was the set time – and as it stood, there were still eight minutes to go.   
  
          “You’re gonna go crazy if ya keep watchin’ that door, Ruby.” Danny’s voice murmured from next to her.   
  
          “I’m going to go crazy if they’re not on time.” Ruby didn’t turn to face him, and nor did a smile creep onto her lips. “What if they’ve changed their minds? What if they’re not coming, Danny? Or worse, what if they’re only coming to tell me that they were right? To rub it in that he left me?”  
  
          “Hey, c’mon now. You’re gettin’ yourself all worked up about nothin’.”   
  
A hand reached forward to catch Ruby’s wrist, effectively stopping her from twisting her hands into her skirt again. The simple touch made her turn to him, seeing Junior playing away with the few blocks that were on the table in front of them. The sight of him playing calmed Ruby slightly, but not enough for her foot to stop bouncing on the floor.   
  
          “Am I? Danny. They kicked me out of their lives, and now they’re going to try and crawl back into mine?”  
  
When there was no response, Ruby turned her attention back to the entrance to The Stork to wait on baited breath for what was going to happen – her parents, walking in to meet her.   
  
          At first, she hadn’t wanted to meet with them. She had refused Em’s request completely, and told her sister not to mention it again – though it had been, two days later when Em tried to mention it over dinner. Ruby had excused herself from George’s table, and sat in the sitting room until Em had left. George had tried to talk to her – of course he had, but Ruby wasn’t prepared to listen. More importantly, she knew she didn’t have to listen. George didn’t push any further, and neither had Em. Both had dropped the subject, but Becca didn’t. She was the one who talked to Ruby about it, and had eventually convinced her to meet up with her parents and let them meet Junior. Becca had been the one to say that regardless of how Ruby’s parents had cast her aside, Bucky would have wanted Junior to meet his other grandparents at least once. It was Becca who reminded Ruby how hard Bucky had tried to please Ruby’s parents, and to know that they had thrown her out because of something Bucky had done would have made him feel guilt beyond belief. Becca had told her a truth that Ruby had always known, but never given true thought to – Bucky would have tried to do his best by her if he had returned from war, which included trying to mend the bond between Ruby and her parents. Ruby had grudgingly agreed to the meeting, but on two conditions: that Em was there with them, and that the meeting was in a public place.

  
  
          Em came through the door of The Stork first, and Ruby’s breath caught in her throat. Danny, who had had been watching too, reached for Ruby’s hand. He gave her a reassuring squeeze, which then turned into her gripping his fingers when her parents walked through the door. Ruby tore her gaze away before either of her parents could catch her eye. She looked down to the tablecloth, her eyes wide and darting around what she could see in her line of vision.   
  
          “Hey, hey. Breathe, Ruby. It’s okay.”   
  
Danny’s words fell on deaf ears. Ruby’s entire body had gone rigid, and her breath coming in shallow, short pants. Her heartbeat began to pound in her ears, trying to alert her to the warning signs that this was wrong – that she should have been leaving at that very moment.   
  
          “Ma-ma.”   
  
Junior’s quiet word drew Ruby back to reality. She turned to look at her son, noticing how his little face was scrunched up as though there was worry plaguing him. His arms reached for her, little fingertips wiggling so that she would take him from Danny’s arms.   
  
          “Come here, baby.”   
  
Just as Ruby reached and settled Junior into her lap, a chair across the table was pulled out. Danny slid out his chair to greet Ruby’s parents and introduce himself. Ruby barely heard the words exchanged, simply watching Junior look at the new people at their table.   
  
          “Ruby?”   
  
  
Her father’s voice made her shake. She had done well, and hadn’t looked up to see the faces of the people who had thrown her out. A delicate hand came down onto Ruby’s shoulder, squeezing softly. She knew it was Em without looking, but the comfort did little to coax her out of her panic. Her eyes still remained wide as she allowed her gaze to wander, finally looking up to see the two faces that she had taught herself not to think about.   
  
          Her mother’s expression was one of pity. There was a sadness in her eyes; a sadness that ran through the lines of her face. Ruby didn’t know whether it was because she hadn’t seen her mother in almost two years or not, but the woman in front of her looked so much older than her mother had ever looked. Her blonde locks were pulled back into a twist, making her appearance seem all the older. There were tired lines around her mother’s eyes – had she always had them? Ruby wasn’t entirely sure. The image of her mother before her eyes was an entirely different image than Ruby had from the very last time she had seen her, just before the taxi door had slammed on her and cast Ruby from their life. It was difficult to look away from her mother, but when she did, a lump formed in Ruby’s throat.   
  
Her father looked even more regretful than her mother did. Where her mother seemed to have composed herself, although not quite entirely, her father hadn’t tried at all. The sheer looks of guilt and regret were plain upon his expression, making his eyes dull and tired. The lines on his face, just like the ones on her mother’s, made him look far older than he had the last time Ruby had seen him. But, where guilt was riddling their expressions, it wasn’t on Ruby’s. She had nothing to feel guilty about, and nothing to regret. What had happened between them had been their choice. Ruby didn’t make to speak a word, but concentrated on trying to swallow the lump in her throat. In her arms, Junior was leaning back against her chest, having stopped babbling completely. Danny excused himself quietly from the table, murmuring to Ruby that he would be by the bar while Em nudged her father gently, trying to encourage him to start to speak. Her father cleared his throat, with Ruby watching as he gestured toward Junior.   
  
          “So this is…?”   
  
          “Junior.” Em encouraged. “He’s called Junior. Isn’t that right, Ruby?”  
  
          “Junior.” Ruby’s voice came out very quietly, almost a whisper. “James Buchanan Barnes Junior.”   
  
          “He…” Her mother’s voice trailed off, but Ruby knew what she was about to say. It was the same sentence on the tip of everyone’s tongue when they saw Junior – and Ruby never knew whether she was thankful for it or whether it made everything all the more painful.   
  
          “Looks like Bucky. I know.” Ruby nodded gently, reaching to stroke her fingers through her son’s darkening locks. He had been blonde for a while, but now, his hair was starting to dull and the roots had started to grow dark. Her son was looking more and more like his father every day.   
  
          “Does he talk?”  
  
          “He can,” Ruby answered her father, watching carefully as both of her parents and her sister seated themselves at the table with her. “He can say quite a few words, and he can walk. He has a couple of teeth that are through, as well.”   
  
          “He’s quiet, though, isn’t he?” Ruby’s mother commented. That made Ruby’s arms tighten around her son, holding him closer to her. Junior chewed on the toy block in his little hands, remaining quiet.   
  
          “Only around people he doesn’t know.”   
  
          “Ruby…”   
  
          “Em told me why you wanted to see me. It’s because of Bucky, isn’t it? You might as well tell me now that you’re happy about Bucky being gone, so we can get this whole thing over with.” Though her voice remained quiet, Ruby’s tone was sharp. She looked at both her father and her mother, lifting her chin up in a proud way.   
  
          “I never told him I was pregnant because I didn’t want him to worry about me. Bucky did more overseas than you could even begin to imagine. Even if he died, you know what? I’m proud of him. I’m proud of everything he did, and I don’t regret a single moment of being with Bucky. I don’t regret having my son. Bucky gave me the most important thing in my life. So if you’re going to try and argue with me about how you still think Bucky was no good for me, you can leave now. I’m happy, and I don’t need either of you in my life if you’re only going to try and ruin it. Junior has one grandparent – and one is enough for him.”   
  
Silence fell at the table, with neither of Ruby’s parents trying to argue back with her. Ruby had said her piece – and if they were going to even try and turn it back on her, she had another speech already forming in her mind. She wasn’t about to sit there and take whatever verbal abuse had been prepared for her, and more importantly, she wouldn’t have her parents speaking to her in such a way in front of her son. Her chin remained high and proud, and a challenging look lingered in her eyes.   
  
          “Ruby… we’re sor—”  
  
          “I don’t want your apologies either. Bucky is gone. I’ve made my peace with it.”   
  
          “Ruby.” Her father looked directly at her, as her mother looked down at the table after trying to speak. “What is it that you want us to say?”  
  
          “I want to know why. You didn’t bother to find me before you found out about Bucky. You were the ones that cut me out of your lives, so I want to know why you think I should accept you back into mine – and don’t you dare try and use my son as an excuse.” Ruby paused, stroking Junior’s fluffy hair away from his eyes. Her eyebrow raised, looking at her father. He looked away and to Ruby’s mother, reaching for her hand to squeeze it.   
  
          “We don’t expect you to welcome us back, Ruby. You’re right. This is our fault, but we _are_ sorry. We only wanted what was best for you, but we didn’t want to know when you had found what that was all by yourself. Parents always think they have the right ideas for their children and know best, and clearly, we didn’t. We should have never been the way we were to Bucky.”   
  
          “That boy loved you. He loved you more than your father and I could understand, Ruby.” Her mother quietly continued. “We should have come to find you long before now. We should have cared more.”   
  
          “Yes, you should.” Where Ruby’s voice had been fierce before, it had now turned into an even, reserved tone. “If Bucky hadn’t died, you would have been content in living your lives not knowing about me – about us.”   
  
          “And for that, we apologise. We were stubborn, and thought you’d come to us first. But again, you proved us wrong. You’ve made a life for you and your son, and you don’t need us. We just wanted to try, and see if there was anything we could do to fix what happened between us.”   
  
There was another silence, but this time, it was hardly as painful as the last. Ruby had looked away from her parents and down to her son, who was gazing up at her with the blue eyes that were so much like Bucky’s. Junior lowered the block he was chewing on and reached one hand up to Ruby’s chin, patting her gently.   
  
          “Ma-ma.”   
  
That one simple word from her son had her closing her eyes and smiling softly. She wasn’t doing any of this for herself – she was doing it for Junior. She was doing it because it would have been what Bucky had tried to do for them, if he were still alive.   
  
          “What you did to me might not ever heal. I will always resent you for what you did to me. But…”   
  
She kissed Junior’s little fingertips as she opened her eyes, earning a little giggle from him. He patted her chin again, trying to get the same reaction from her. She kissed his fingertips once more, getting a louder giggle in response this time. She looked to Em, who was watching Junior with a smile, and then back to her parents who were waiting on her next words.   
  
          “I won’t keep you from seeing Junior. That’s what Bucky would have wanted.”   
  


* * *

  
  
**January 12 th, Unknown Location, Russia, 1946**  
  
  
  
          “If you are supposed to be getting better …”  
  
The cold blue-eyed gaze of James wandered to meet the green eyes belonging to the redhead that he had been sparring with, only to be met with a harsh glare upon their meeting.   
  
          “Why is it that I’m still the one who has you pinned to the floor, Natalia?”   
  
Lips curled into the faintest hint of a smirk as James took pride in keeping Natalia pinned down, having locked his metal hand around her thin wrists so that he could hold them above her head.   
  
          “Maybe I’m letting you.” Natalia’s voice murmured, not daring to break her gaze from his. An eyeroll came from James, followed by him moving to stand back up. He offered his flesh hand out to Natalia, but she batted it away and helped herself off of the ground. James took a step away, giving the teenager a chance to stretch her limbs properly before they went back at sparring.   
  
          “Deception is one of the greatest techniques you can hold, isn’t it?” Natalia asked. “To make your opponent believe you’re something you’re not.”   
  
          “Deception will not work on me, Natalia. I know exactly who you are and what you are capable of, just as you know who I am and what I am capable of.” James chided. “You’re supposed to be pushing yourself to your full ability, not trying to deceive me. How can I train you if you do not try?”   
  
          “You manage perfectly well, James.”  
  
The redhead stretched her hands along her legs, touching her toes with ease. Jmaes ran a hand through his dark hair, pushing the dark strands back. He would have to cut his hair soon, he decided. It was beginning to obstruct his line of vision, and that simply wouldn’t do.   
  
          “You’re my best student at this moment, but if you continue to ignore what I teach you –”  
  
          “James.” Natalia rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like I’m a disobedient child. All I want is to learn. I want to remain the best.”   
  
          “Then follow instruction, and you will remain so.” His lips curled into a smirk once again as he spoke, reaching for the towel that he had thrown carelessly at the side of the training mat. Natalia shot him a challenging glare, making him raise his eyebrows.   
  
          “Sometimes, I believe the only reason you try to make me the best is because of what I remind you of.”  
  
Whatever hints of almost playfulness had come over him quickly fell away. The smirk disappeared, and the expression of enjoyment slipped into one that became unreadable.  
  
          “Natalia.”   
  
          “How is it that you still do not know what that is?”   
  
          “We’re not talking about it.”   
  
          “I know you think about it when you look at me. I do not miss the way you cover your tattoo when –”  
  
          “Stop.”   
  
          “There is something there, but –”   
  
          “I said _stop_!”   
  
His metal fist collided with the wall beside him, cracking the stone easily. The cracks spread wide and high, and rubble tumbled to the ground from where there was now a hole. Natalia had flinched, silencing immediately. Rough, heavy pants of breath were falling past chapped lips as James tried to calm himself. His eyes were squeezed shut, his mind desperately tried to stop the painful sounds that were rushing around it. Sounds of his own voice. Sounds of laughter. Sounds of the way the screeching noise of metal scraping against itself tried to drown out the remembered sounds. The gears in his arm were whirring to life, his fingers curling and uncurling into a tight fist. His flesh and bone hand reached up to tug at his hair, trying to bring focus to the physical pain rather than lose himself to his mind. Then, all at once, everything fell silent. The thoughts stopped. His eyes opened. His metal arm relaxed.   
  
          “James…?”  
  
          “I’ve – I’ve told you before…” James struggled out, taking deep, even breaths. “Why… Why don’t you listen to…”   
  
But Natalia’s head tilted to the side, trying to understand him. The shared language he had been speaking with her before had been exchanged for one she was trying to get better at – and one she had only heard him use once before, after another moment like this.   
  
          “James. You speak… American.”   
  
James turned to Natalia, not even registering that she had moved to stand – and stand defensively. He raised his metal hand as a signal that he meant no harm, trying to get her to relax. At that moment, James was more than thankful that there were only the two of them in the room. For Nikita to see him become so unsteady – it would ruin James. He would be put back onto the strict training regime that the Red Room had for him, and he would no longer be allowed to train the girls. It took him several moments to fight his way through the tongue he now rarely used before he made to speak again.  
  
          “Why do you try to remind me? You know I do not understand…” James adopted a quiet tone, void of any emotion. “I have told you before. Do not do that to me. If they were to find out…”   
  
James shook his head, this time allowing his hair to flop forward onto his forehead. The strands were wet, sticking to his heated skin. He made no attempt to brush them away, even as he stepped toward her. There was an unspoken sadness in Natalia’s eyes as she watched him move, almost as though she had more questions on the tip of her tongue than the one she asked.   
  
          “Does it not pain you to not know?”  
  
          “No.” James all but snapped at Natalia. He drew himself back up tall, stepping close enough to touch her – though he didn’t. He looked down at her, feeling her tense upon instinct.   
  
          “I do not remember. It pains me more to be reminded than it does to think of something I do not know. Do not do that again, Natalia, or there will be consequences. We are done for today. Do not come to find me later.”   
  
James brushed past her easily, exiting the training room. He held himself tall and stoic as he travelled back to his room, passing other handlers on his way. He didn’t utter a word, but that was something they were used to.   
  
Only when he crossed the threshold to his room and locked the door did James collapse onto the ground, bringing his knees up to his chest. Both hands pressed against his head, massaging at his temples gently. He didn’t understand it – why he had memories that he couldn’t access. He didn’t understand why he had the tattoo on his arm, or why the word ‘Red’ meant something to him. All he did know was that whoever or whatever the tattoo represented was important, and hope that there would come a day that he would remember why.   
  


* * *

  
  
**February 18 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1946**  
  
  
  
          “Junior! Stop that!”   
  
Ruby reached for the letters on the table before Junior could pull the cloth and take them, holding them high. Junior sat himself on the floor of the kitchen, staring up at Ruby with wide blue eyes, before he opened his mouth and started to cry. Ruby turned on her heel and placed the letters on the kitchen worktop, well out of Junior’s reach, before she came back and picked him up. Junior cried into her shoulder, waving his little fists around.   
  
          “I’m sorry, but you’re not having them. They’re for Peggy, and I’m not rewriting them a third time.” Ruby bounced him as she walked around the kitchen, balancing him against her hip carefully. His loud cries began to dwindle to little whimpers, looking sadly at her.  
  
          “He still at it, huh?” George popped his head around the kitchen door, chuckling. Ruby shook her head, making her way toward George, who Junior reached for as soon as they were close enough.   
  
          “Hey, now, I ain’t takin’ ya. Ya got a visitor comin’ over, kiddo. Ya gotta go upstairs with your Mama so you can have your bath.”   
  
          “Oh, don’t tell him that. He’ll only start crying again.” Ruby chuckled. “He’s started to hate baths recently.”   
  
          “Probably just him gettin’ older.” George shrugged as Ruby walked through the doorway, joining him in the sitting room. “Bucky was some damn hard work from when he was two until… Well, he didn’t ever stop bein’ hard work.”   
  
          “You’re telling me.”   
  
          “’Anpa.” Junior cast his blue-eyed gaze upon George, trying to reach out for him again. Ruby smiled, getting that same rush of pride she did every time Junior called for George. He had been starting to speak more – and ‘Anpa’ had been one of Junior’s several new words. George shook his head, taking a step away from both his grandson and Ruby.   
  
          “Sorry, Junior. Mama’s rules.”   
  
          “’Anpa!”   
  
          “Time for your bath, Junior.” Ruby looked down at him, to which she got a confused look in return. Junior’s little fists waved around again, this time with him wiggling in her arms.   
  
          “No!”   
  
          “Yes,” Ruby told him, already moving to the stairs. Junior wiggled as much as he could, but Ruby had a tight hold of him to ensure that there was no possible way he was going to get himself to freedom. “You’re having a bath whether you like it or not. You have someone important to coming to see you today, you know.”   
  
  
          If Ruby voiced the truth to George, she would have told him that she was far more nervous for their expected vistor than she was letting on. She was looking forward to it, of course she was, but her nerves were something terrible over the man she was meeting – Timothy Dugan, or as she had known him through Bucky’s letters, ‘Dum Dum’.   
The meeting had been one arranged by Peggy Carter herself. Ruby had been exchanging letters with her frequently, and when Peggy had gotten word of Dugan returning back overseas, she had arranged for him to meet with Ruby first. Of course, Ruby had been more than honoured to have Dugan visiting. Peggy had written to Ruby that the man was not only looking forward to meeting her, but that he was looking forward to meeting Junior. Ruby knew better than anyone how close Bucky had grown to Dugan. She couldn’t wait to personally thank the man for looking after Bucky like he had done. But where she expected Peggy to also be in attendance, she wouldn’t be. Dugan was visiting alone, which made Ruby all the more nervous. She didn’t know what kind of conversation Dugan would want – would he want to talk about what had happened overseas? As much as she doubted it, she also knew that Dugan was one of few who knew what had happened to Bucky when he had been captured. Ruby didn’t know whether she was ready for those kind of conversations. Bucky’s letters had been difficult enough to read, and even then, she knew that even the unsent ones had been downplayed.   
  
  
  
          Ruby had just finished dressing Junior when she heard the knock at the door. George had left a while ago – not long after Ruby had gone to bathe Junior, to give them some space with Dugan. She scooped her son from the bed, balancing him on her hip.   
  
          “Coming!”   
  
Ruby shouted loud enough so that her voice would be carried outside the walls of the house. Junior squirmed in her arms as she rushed down the stairs, giggling at the motions he was being put through. Ruby had just enough time to smooth out the skirt of her dark blue dress before she opened the door, offering a welcoming smile to the man standing just outside it. Bucky had described him perfectly in his letters – right down to the handlebar mustache, the bowler hat, and the sheer size of the man.   
  
          “You must be Mr. Dugan.”   
  
          “C’mon now. The name’s Tim.” There was a grin offered in return, as he took her hand to offer a kiss to the back of it. “You must be Ruby. Barnes described ya right to a tee, y’know. And this little fella must be Junior, right?”   
  
          “Yes, he is. James Barnes Junior.” Ruby laughed, moving out of the way so that Dugan could step inside. “Would you like a drink?”  
  
          “Water’s just fine, if you don’t mind.”   
  
  
Dugan shut the door behind himself, following Ruby toward the living room. She offered him a seat and placed Junior on the floor near his toys, excusing herself to pour herself and Dugan a glass of water each. By the time she had returned, Junior had seated himself in front of the man, watching him carefully. Dugan was laughing, lifting his bowler hat to brush at his forehead with rough fingertips.   
  
          “Looks just like him. Bet you would’ve never got him to shut up if he were here, huh?” Dugan grinned at her, taking the glass. “Thanks, sweetheart.”   
  
          “Oh, I know. But if anything… I’m thankful he looks like Bucky.” Ruby seated herself in the armchair, watching Junior with a gentle smile. Junior was crawling back over toward his toys, grabbing a few in his little hands.   
  
          “It’s nice to have such a big reminder of him.”   
  
          “I’ll bet. I bet he comes without the mouth too.” Dugan grinned. “I tell ya, your boy could swear like a damn sailor, especially when he was throwin’ a hissy fit.”   
  
          “That’s my Bucky.” Ruby giggled. Whatever doubts she had at first were long gone by now. The nerves had slipped away entirely, and for once, she found herself comfortable talking about Bucky. It was refreshing, to talk about the good things rather than the bad.   
  
          “And let me tell ya, anytime he got that picture of you out? Well, damn. Every guy in the 107th knew that you were Bucky’s gal. Loved to show you off. Always goin’ on about how you had the best set of pipes he’d ever heard. Sang like an angel, he said.”   
  
          “He always did try to flatter me so much that I’d turn red.” Ruby shook her head. “It was one of his favourite things to do.”   
  
          “I wouldn’t believe any less. That picture of you singin’? Slept with it under his pillow.”   
  
          “He did?”  
  
          “Yeah. We all had a good laugh about the one he sent back to ya. Y’know, the one where he’s kissin’ that picture? He told us we better shut our mouths, or he wouldn’t be the one dealin’ with us. Said you’d put us in our places when we met ya.” Dugan looked at her, shaking his head in amusement. “And God help anyone who called ya ‘Bucky’s doll’.”   
  
          “He knew I hated that name.”  
  
          “Yeah, he made sure we all knew you did too. We were all comin’ to your weddin’, you know. Dunno whether his Pop ever did tell you that Bucky wanted to marry you, but Hell, we were all inivited.”   
  
          “I know. George gave me the ring that Bucky would have proposed with. I changed my last name to Barnes, afterward.” Ruby reached for the thin chain around her neck, tugging the ring out from underneath the neckline of her dress. She held the chain up so that Dugan could see the ring dangling from it,   
  
          “Oh, let me tell you. He had your whole life planned out – unless you didn’t wanna do it that way. Kept on mentionin’ that.”   
  
          “He did?” Ruby raised an eyebrow, waiting for Dugan to continue.   
  
          “Yeah. Said he was gonna ask you to marry him as soon as he got home. Get a job that’d support you both, that kinda thing – but he didn’t want you to quit workin’. He said you loved your jobs. Kept you busy, and that. Had some talk about movin’ outta the State, too.” Dugan explained, leaning back on the couch so he could stretch his legs.   
“Think he was bankin’ on Indiana. Said that was where his Ma was born. Only if you wanted to move, though. He was gonna do everythin’ for you. Get ya a house that he could work on, or somethin’ like that. Fix it up for you just right.”   
  
          “… That sounds exactly like my Bucky.” Ruby murmured. Tears pricked her eyes, ones that she hadn’t even realised were there until they started to sting. Dugan immediately shifted forward, waving his hand at her.   
  
          “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t mean to go makin’ you cry.”   
  
          “No, no!” Ruby shook her head, a laugh tumbling from her lips. “It’s alright. It’s just… I didn’t think Bucky would think about that sort of thing. For him to be thinking about our future…”   
  
          “… It was all that kept him goin’, some days.” Dugan quietly admitted. “That’s what we thought, anyway.”   
  
Both Ruby and Dugan fell quiet, making Junior the only noise in the room. He was playing with his toys, though he was no longer in the corner. He had come to sit at Dugan’s feet, completely lost in his own world. Ruby did the one thing she had refrained from doing for so long – she let herself think about the future that Dugan had described. She couldn’t have imagined that it would have changed, even after Bucky had found out about Junior. She could easily picture herself in Bucky’s idea of their future, with Junior too.   
  
          “We all loved him, y’know. All of us. We all kept an eye on him, whether he knew it or not. Usually not. Got a couple of hissy fits over that too.” Dugan’s voice drew her back before she could get too involved with thinking of a future, which earnt him a smile from her in return.   
  
          “He loved you all too. You’re all in so many of his letters, especially you.”   
  
          “Must’a liked my pretty face.”   
  
The simple comment brought about laughter, with even Junior looking up between the two adults to see what was happening. He brought himself up to stand, walking toward Ruby to pat her knee, then turned to face Dugan. Ruby, still giggling, watched as Junior walked toward the man and did the same thing to Dugan that he had done to Ruby. Dugan looked at her, silently asking for permission, which she gave in the form of a nod.   
  
  
          “Come here, kid. Let’s have a proper look at ya.”   
  
Ruby waited for the struggling noises that Junior had whenever he didn’t want to be picked up, but they never came. A curious expression came over her features as she watched her son settle onto Dugan’s lap, even allowing the man to stroke back his dark hair.    
  
          “He likes you.” Ruby told him, edging forward on her chair. “He’s never that patient, especially not with new people. He still won’t let my parents hold him.”  
  
          “Still? How old is he now? They’ve never held him?” Dugan looked to her as Junior began to respond, reaching up to touch the man’s moustache. It was then Ruby realised that Dugan wouldn’t know anything about what had happened between her and her parents, because Bucky had never known. She sucked in a breath, shrugging.   
  
          “It’s their own fault. They threw me out when they found out I was pregnant with Junior. They never liked Bucky, so it was the perfect reason to kick me out of the family. They’ve only recently come back into my life. Junior doesn’t exactly like them all too much.”   
  
          “They kicked you out?” Dugan whistled. “Bucky would’ve had a Hell of a lot to say about that. Had a Hell of a lot to say on your birthday about your parents.”   
  
          “On my birthday?”  
  
          “Your 21st.” When Dugan looked away from Junior and met Ruby’s frown, his eyes widened. “Your folks not tell you?”   
  
          “Tell me what?”  
  
          “… Hell, Ruby. I don’t know whether I should be the one tellin’ you.”   
  
          “No. Please.” Ruby shifted forward again, sitting on the very edge of her seat. “My parents… If they did something, they won’t tell me. If it’s about Bucky, I want to know.”   
  
Dugan seemed to contemplate over whatever it was that he was holding back from her. Junior had moved from playing with Dugan’s moustache to reaching for the bowler hat beside the large man, chewing on the brim of it. Dugan sighed, looking back to Ruby.  
  
          “Alright. But don’t go off on your parents, alright? They didn’t know anythin’ was gonna happen to Bucky.”   
  
Ruby gave no response, and her expression went unreadable. She couldn’t promise Dugan that – not if it was something she was going to resent them for.   
  
          “He tried to call ya. He’d been waitin’ around all day, hangin’ around the base until he thought it was a good time. Your Ma answered, I think he said. Told him that…” There was a pause, but Dugan continued on. “That you weren’t there. Hung up on him.”   
  
          “She did _what_?” Ruby’s eyes widened. “How dare –”  
  
          “Don’t start goin’ off on one at your Ma, Ruby. Bucky didn’t let it get him down for long. Still wrote ya, didn’t he?” Dugan waved his free hand at her, using the other to support Junior. “A big misunderstandin’ between them, that’s all. There isn’t any point in draggin’ it up.”  
  
          “But he called all the way from –”  
  
          “He got over it pretty quick. Spent the night drinkin’ with me instead. We had a little toast going on to you. Had to endure him singin’ to us, too.” Dugan tried to shift the conversation away from what had happened, encouraging Ruby to do the same before she grew angry over what had happened between Bucky and her mother.   
  
           “Got a rendition of ‘You Are My Sunshine’. Said it was your song.”   
  
          “I sing it in the club. It’s how I close every show. It was Bucky’s favourite. It’s… Junior’s favourite too. It always helps him get to sleep.”   
  
          “Ma’ma.” Junior called to her, settling back onto Dugan’s chest as if he were settling for a nap. Ruby wiggled her fingers at him, smiling softly.   
  
          “Caught Bucky mumurin’ it in his sleep a couple of times. Hell, did we pull him on that one.” Dugan grinned at her. “But I gotta tell you, the best time we pulled him on somethin’ was over in France. We were all goin’ out drinkin’ to celebrate, goin’ dancin’ with some girls – and he didn’t wanna come. Said it wasn’t right to be out dancin’ if it wasn’t you he was dancin’ with. Even us with wives were in to dance, but Buck wouldn’t step out the damn base. We dragged him about that for weeks.”   
  
          “I’d imagine he said he didn’t care,” Ruby replied. “Something about saving all his dances for me?”  
  
          “Damn right. That kid would’ve walked through Hell for you, I’m telling you.”   
  
Ruby looked away from Dugan and toward the mantle, where the pictures of Bucky stood, along with his Purple Heart. Her gaze wandered along each one, studying Bucky’s face like she had done so many times before. A smile grew on her lips, one that she couldn’t try to hide.   
  
          “I wouldn’t doubt that for a second.”   
  
  


* * *

  

 **July 30 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1946**  
  
  
  
          Ruby straightened out Junior’s little blue shirt, as much as he was smacking her hands away from himself. She rolled her eyes, laughing at his efforts, with George laughing at the other side of the stroller.   
  
          “Mama! Mama, no!”    
  
          “You’re not going to see Lucy looking like a little mess. Now stop it and let me –”  
  
          “’Bee! Bee!”   
  
          “Don’t shout me!” Becca, who was a little way in front of them, called over her shoulder. Ruby could hear her laughing at Junior’s little shouts for help, but Becca didn’t turn to look at him. Ruby smiled down at Junior, who huffed and finally gave up.   
  
          “That’s what I thought.”   
  
  
Months had passed peacefully. After Dugan’s visit, Ruby had managed to keep in touch with the man and write him every so often while he was overseas, answering all his questions about how Junior was growing up. Ruby had affectionately called him Junior’s uncle in one letter, and it had stuck as his name. Between writing to Dugan, and continuing her letters to Peggy, Ruby had visited her parents once a week, every week. After the first meeting, she had agreed to continue them at her parents’ house, which meant she could see her siblings, too. Junior still hadn’t warmed up to her parents, but he was getting better with them. Even Ruby could see that Junior favoured George over her parents. Yet, he adored Ruby’s siblings – especially Em, who also came to George’s house to visit on occasion. There was still tension between Ruby and her parents – but she hadn’t brought up the phone call Dugan had told her about. She kept that to herself, following what Dugan had said. It hadn’t bothered Bucky for long, so she wouldn’t let it bother her either.   
  
But, that particular day was different. Ruby had dressed Junior in some of his nicer clothes for the occasion – though he had fought it all morning. George kept reminding her that he was coming up to the ‘terrible twos’, which she was dreading. Becca and George had dressed up too, as well as Ruby herself.  All four of them were making their way to see Danny and Andrea, and their month old daughter, Lucy. It wasn’t the first time they had met her, however. Ruby had taken Junior to see Andrea and Danny barely days after Lucy had been born, and she had been around more often than not to help them out and spend time with them. Junior had taken to Lucy almost instantly.   
  
  
  
          “Hey, is this their house?” Becca called over her shoulder, barely turning around to look.   
  
          “Jeez, Bec, shout a little louder, huh?” George teased. “Bet folks over in Manhattan didn’t hear that.”   
  
          “I can shout louder if ya –”  
  
          “So it’s you that’s yellin’ out here?!”   
  
A deep voice beat Becca’s, making Ruby grin. Of course she would know that voice anywhere. Even Junior was clapping, wriggling in his stroller to be freed so that he could run toward the man who was now coming down the street to them. Becca hugged him as he drew close, making Junior make an indignant noise in his stroller.   
  
          “Did I wake her up, Danny?”   
  
          “Nah, she was up anyway. She had her nap about an hour ago.”   
  
          “We would have been quicker, if someone hadn’t been struggling out of his stroller,” George told him, looking over the hood to Junior. Junior’s little hands were stretched out to Danny, struggling against the straps that were holding him in.  
  
          “Alright, alright! I got ya, little man. Quit strugglin’.”   
  
          “You’re only going to have to put him back in there,” Ruby crossed her arms, watching Danny lift up Junior. “You can’t push your stroller if you’re carrying him.”  
  
          “Andrea can push it.”   
  
          “S’like you don’t wanna see your daughter gettin’ christened,” George laughed. “You think Andrea’s gonna agree to pushin’ Lucy when she just carried her around for nine months?”   
  
          “… Yeah, you got a point.” Danny held Junior in one arm, stepping in line with Ruby. “You’re gonna put him back, right?”  
  
          “Nope. You got him out of the stroller, and you can put him back in.”   
  
          “But he likes me!”   
  
          “I’m tellin’ Andrea.” Becca announced on her approach to the door that Danny had left open. She darted inside before Danny could catch up, making him groan. Junior laughed, patting Danny’s cheek. Ruby leaned over and patted the other side of his face, chuckling. Danny tilted his head to the side and looked at Ruby, raising an eyebrow.  
  
          “You’re still set on bein’ Lucy’s Godmother, right?”   
  
          “Of course!” Ruby slapped his chest lightly. “Why wouldn’t I want to be her Godmother?”  
  
          “Just checkin’. Andrea didn’t wanna ask. She felt stupid. So I drew the short straw in askin’ ya.”   
  
Danny shrugged as they approached the front door that was still left open, only to be met with Andrea holding a baby wearing a white dress and bonnet. The baby was gurgling contently in Andrea’s arms, and as soon as Junior noticed that Lucy was there, he started to reach out for Andrea.   
  
          “Oh! Can I hold her?” Ruby looked at Andrea hopefully, who laughed and handed Lucy over to her almost instantly.   
  
          “Be my guest. She’s bein’ real fussy today.”  
  
          “Well that makes two of them.” Ruby cradled Lucy, rocking her back and forth gently. “Hello, beautiful.”   
  
          “Mama! Mama!”   
  
Junior wiggled again in Danny’s arms, stretching out across him so that he could get to Ruby. Ruby shook her head, earning a huff of protest in response from her son. Danny shifted Junior over so that he was on the other side, and could now look down and see Lucy clearly.   
  
          “Mama, kiss.”   
  
          “You want to kiss?”   
  
          “Yeah!” Junior went to struggle again, but Danny lowered him enough so that he could be close to Lucy. Junior took one look at the little girl in his mother’s arms and kissed her forehead, making both Danny and Ruby laugh.   
  
          “I think he likes her a little too much.” Danny commented.   
  
          “Hey, don’t go gettin’ any ideas about my grankid.” George warned from behind them. Ruby glanced back to George, as did Danny, and Junior even waved his hand to him.   
  
          “Oh, c’mon. Y’know Bucky would’a been sayin’ the same thing.” Danny grinned at George. Ruby shook her head at Danny, practically able to hear the way Bucky would have exclaimed the exact same thing that Danny had said.   
  
          “Alright, alright. Let’s go to the Church before you get too involved.” Ruby passed Lucy back to Andrea, who disappeared further into the house. Becca then reappeared at the door, coming out to join her family. When Danny went to hand Junior back over to Ruby, she backed away and raised her hands.   
  
          “Oh no. I told you, you’re putting him back into the stroller.”   
  
Danny looked at a loss for words, until Andrea’s shout from inside the house had him dropping his head in defeat. Ruby, George and Becca began to laugh, all taking steps out of Danny’s immediate range.   
  
          “And you’re pushin’ ours!”

 

* * *

 

   
**September 2 nd, Unknown Location, Russia, 1946** **  
  
  
**           _There she was again.  
  
The figure was blurred, like always, but he knew it was her without even hearing her voice. He was yet to see her face, but that didn’t matter to him. There was already something within him telling him that he knew what she looked like, and when he finally did manage to catch her, he would remember. She beckoned to him, getting him to follow her as she ran through the snow. Her steps were easy to follow – until they came to a clearing. Suddenly, the footsteps had vanished, and red droplets decorated the snow instead. He whipped around, looking desperately for the woman. He opened his mouth to call for her, but the sound of screaming stopped him. The screams began to grow louder, becoming shriller with every moment that passed. He fell to the ground, gripping hair in both fists, trying to drown out the haunted screaming.   
  
  
_          James bolted upright instantly. The thin sheets on his bed were tangled around his legs, furthering the panic that had washed over him. His heart hammered against his chest, drowning out any other sound around him. A thin sheen of sweat covered his body, droplets running down his bare chest. His flesh hand came up to wipe his brow, which he then pressed against his forehead in a vain effort to clear his mind.   
For weeks now, he had been having similar nightmares. Images of the same woman were conjured up in his mind, and he was yet to see her face. Who she was and why she was important were things he didn’t know, but he never lost the faith that he was going to find out one day. For now, the nightmares were a secret. He couldn’t tell any of the handlers, or even Nikita. Not when he was terrified of being pulled back from training his students, and being taken from his newly appointed missions that the Red Room had him taking on. He enjoyed all he was doing for them, and he liked being praised for how well he was doing. The Red Room had done so much for him that now by repaying them, James felt as though he was doing something worthwhile.   
  
  
          After he had untangled himself from the sheets and abandoned his room, James found himself in the training room. When he couldn’t sleep, he was easily found in the same room he taught the girls in, and it was never out of the ordinary. Nikita knew of his erratic sleeping patterns, as did other handlers. They never questioned it, and so, James never had to explain himself. The only thing that he would have ever had to explain about was the one person that had entered the training room about an hour after he had done. His redheaded student was silent in her movements, coming to sit on the training mat while he continued to beat the punchbag in front of him.  
  
          “Nightmare?”   
  
          “Same one as yesterday.” James answered her quiet question in between his punches.   
  
As much as it had to be kept a secret from the handlers, he hadn’t kept the nightmares from Natalia. Over time, she had slowly become his confidant, and he, hers. He trusted her more than he trusted anyone else in the Red Room, even moreso than Nikita. She never asked about his nightmares, but rather waited for him to tell her. If he didn’t want to, then she never pushed for information.   
  
          “She was there again.”   
  
James grabbed hold of the punchbag, stopping it from swinging after his last hit. His breaths were still even, as if he hadn’t been working out at all. James leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the red leather of the bag, shutting his eyes tightly.   
  
          “You still don’t know who she is?”   
  
          “No.” His tone was laced with defeat. “I have not seen her face.”   
  
          “James…”   
  
          “I know what you’re thinking.” James let his arms drop uselessly by his sides, the cool metal of his left arm a welcome contrast to the heated bare skin of his torso. “I would know if it was her.”   
  
          “But you do not know who Ruby is.” Natalia answered him quietly. “Maybe she is your Ruby. It must be a bad memory, James. That’s why your mind will not let you see.”   
  
          “You’re wrong.” James finally peeled himself away from the punchbag, leaning around it to look at her. “I would know if it was her.”   
  
          “James…”   
  
          “I would. I would know.”   
  
He moved away from the punchbag, moving toward the ring in the center of the room. He gestured for her to join him, which she did without question. Natalia instantly went for him, aiming to take his legs out first. James didn’t hold back and neither did she, not until they were both panting and lying on the floor. They were lay side by side, his flesh arm pressed against her left.   
  
          “I think you do not want it to be Ruby.” Natalia murmured. “Because you do not want to accept that you have forgotten.”   
  
James stayed silent. The idea that the woman in his mind was who the tattoo was for was an idea he had thought about more than once. What if she was Ruby? What if he had forgotten her? Surely Nikita would have told him about Ruby. They must have assumed James already knew, which was why he hadn’t mentioned it. Perhaps they had told him about her before, and James had forgotten. Perhaps something terrible had happened, and that was why they hadn’t told him. Perhaps he had killed her because they had asked him to. Perhaps he had lost her years before. His eyes closed, trying to bring about the hazy image of the woman that so frequently haunted his mind.   
   
         “… I think you’re right, ‘Talia.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say a thank-you to every single reviewer that's read and become involved with this story over the past few months. Your support means so much!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These violent delights have violent ends  
> And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
> Which, as they kiss, consume.

**September 8 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1949  
  
**  
            “Mama! Mama, hurry up!”   
  
            “We’re not going to be late –”  
  
            “But I wanna be _first_!”   
  
The incessant tugging on Ruby’s right hand in Junior’s attempt to make her walk faster made her sigh in amusement, but nonetheless, start to keep up with the pace that her son had set.   
  
            “Junior, we’re going to lose Grandpa if you keep walking like this.”   
  
Ruby watched as Junior almost stopped, but then decided against it entirely and instead, shouted over his shoulder to George, who was a few people behind them on the sidewalk.   
  
            “Grandpa! Hurry up!”   
  
            “You just keep goin’, kid. I’ll catch up!”    
  
            “George!”  
  
Ruby could hear the laughter even with so many people between them. She rolled her eyes as Junior continued to pull her along, with his little legs carrying him at the quickest walking pace they could manage. Even Junior was giggling, which in turn, made Ruby laugh. She hurried along with him – or that was, until Junior stopped completely in his tracks and started to rock on the spot in sheer excitement.   
  
            “Look, Mama! We made it!”   
  
            “We certainly did, sweetheart.”   
              
  
            Ruby smoothed out her son’s dark locks as she gazed upward toward the building that Junior had stopped just outside the gates of. For days, he had been waking up and asking if that morning was the morning they could go, but of course, none had been, until that very day. That particular day was a day that both of them would remember, for two entirely different reasons.   
  
            “Are you ready for your first day of school?”  
  
            “Uhuh!”   
  
Junior beamed up at his mother, easing his little grip on her hand. Ruby took that as a sign to step inside the gates, where other parents were standing with their children. Junior’s attention was immediately off of his mother as he looked around, desperate to see everything that he possibly could. Ruby watched him, feeling pride start to swell within her.   
  
             “Now, remember what I said?” Ruby asked him.   
  
            “Uhuh.”   
  
            “What was it?”  
  
Junior turned back to Ruby, with his blue eyes widening, and his bottom lip disappearing under his top in a look of sheer surprise. Ruby shook her head softly, proceeding to crouch down so she was the same height as her son.   
  
            “Remember your manners, and play nicely with the other children in your class. They’ve never been to school before either.”   
  
            “’Kay.”   
  
            “You layin’ down the law already? He ain’t even got in there yet!” George’s chuckle from behind her made her smile, and made her rise up once more, with Junior’s hand still in her own.   
  
            “I’m just telling him that he has to be nice to the other children. Isn’t that right, Grandpa?”  
  
            “Course it is. Ya gotta be nice, unless –”  
  
Ruby then gently elbowed George in an effort to get him to stop talking. When George looked at her, Ruby arched a brow.   
  
            “… Unless you’re bein’ the bad guy in your games. Then you gotta be mean, but remember – it’s just pretend. Alright?”  
  
            “I don’t wanna be the bad guy.” Junior shook his head. “I get to be the soldier, ‘member?”   
  
            “Yeah, yeah. You can get someone else to be the bad guy, huh?” George agreed with him. Junior gave him a nod, though his attention slowly started to move from George and Ruby, and back to the yard around them.   
  
            “Uhuh. Like Lucy is.”   
  
Ruby looked toward the doors, where other parents had now started to take their children inside. She brushed her thumb over the back of Junior’s hand, then smiled down at him.   
  
            “Would you like to go inside? We can meet your teacher.”           
  
             “Yeah!”   
  
Junior started to try and drag Ruby along the moment that the question had been asked. Ruby looked back at George in amusement, allowing her son to lead her along into the school. After they had breached the doors, however, Junior stopped and looked up to Ruby.   
  
            “Um…”   
  
Without her son even speaking, she understood. There were parents and children wandering around the hallway, disappearing into different, open doors. As such, Junior had had to stop because he simply didn’t know where he was going – but that was okay, because Ruby did happen to know.   
  
            “Come on. It’s this way. Do you remember what I said your teacher was called?”  
  
            “… Miss Jackson?”  
  
            “That’s right.” Ruby led their small group a little further down the corridor, until she reached the third door on the left. Junior looked up at her, gaining a nod of encouragement before he then became the one to lead Ruby and George right inside the room, where several other children were with their parents. A woman with hair that was starting to grey stepped toward them, offering Junior a smile.   
  
  
  
            “Hello, sweetheart. What’s your name?”  
  
            “James B’chanan Barnes Junior.” James nodded, still clutching at his mother’s hand even as he smiled up at the new woman. “But my mama and everybody else calls me Junior.”   
  
            “Ah! James.” The woman looked at the papers in her hand, eventually placing a tick onto them. “There you are. I’m Mrs Jackson.”   
Junior turned to Ruby, giggling. Ruby smiled back at him, tucking his hair behind his ears. Mrs Jackson smoothed her skirt out, looking up at Ruby and George as Junior turned back around to look up to her.   
  
            “You must be Mrs Barnes, then.” After Mrs Jackson had shaken hands with Ruby, she then turned to George. “And you are…?”  
  
            “That’s my Grandpa,” Junior interrupted.   
  
            “There ya go,” George laughed, offering his hand out to Mrs Jackson, who shook it. “George Barnes, ma’am.”   
  
            “Aunt Becca’s busy,” Junior then continued. “She’s not here. An’ Danny, and Lucy, and –”  
  
            “Junior,” Ruby chuckled, offering Mrs Jackson an embarrassed smile. “I don’t think Mrs Jackson wants to know why everyone isn’t here. There are lots of other children that she needs to see to, and she won’t get a chance if you keep talking to her.”   
  
            “Your mother is right, Junior. Perhaps you’d like to go and have a look around the classroom, and maybe meet some new children?”  
  
             “Mama?”   
  
For the first time all morning, Junior seemed to be apprehensive. Ruby immediately knelt down beside him, cupping his face between her hands so she could brush her thumbs over his cheeks.   
  
            “It’s alright, Junior. You can go and play. I’m sure there’s lots of children here who want to make new friends.”   
  
            “… You’ll come get me after school?”  
  
            “Yes.” Ruby smiled at her son, nodding while she did so. “I’ll be right here to get you as soon as it’s time to go home.”   
  
            “Promise?”  
  
            “Pinky.”   
  
Ruby and Junior locked their little fingers together and shook them. Her other hand let go of Junior’s, and she expected him to simply go charging off to play with the other children, but he didn’t. His little arms were thrown around Ruby’s neck as soon as their hands had let go of each other. Junior pressed himself against his mother in a tight hug, which she returned. She felt his face bury into the nape of her neck, making tears come to her eyes, but she held them back for Junior’s sake.   
  
            “I love you, mama.”   
  
            “I love you too, sweetheart.” Ruby moved so that she could kiss his cheek, gently pulling his arms from around her neck. “Now go and have fun, okay?”   
  
            “’Kay.”   
  
Junior detached himself from Ruby and made his way over to George, quickly hugging his Grandpa’s leg. George ruffled his hair and tapped him on the back, getting him to let go. Junior gave Ruby one last look before he started to wander across the room, toward a small group of other children. Ruby wiped under her eyes out of habit, though there were no tears to wipe away.   
  
            “You’re not the first mother to look like that.” Mrs Jackson commented. “Don’t worry. He’ll be perfectly fine.”  
  
            “Oh, I know.” Ruby waved her hand softly at the older woman. “I just don’t like to leave him behind.”  
  
            “C’mon, Ruby. You’ll see him in a couple’a hours.” George put his arm around Ruby’s shoulders, pulling her in. He offered a smile to Mrs Jackson, who in turn, gave him a smile back.   
  
            “We’ll take good care of him, Mrs Barnes.”   
  
Ruby nodded, allowing George to lead her back toward the classroom door. She took one last look at Junior, who seemed to be talking with two other little boys – and looked happy as he was doing so. Ruby smiled, waving though he wasn’t looking. George chuckled, gently pulling her along with him, away from the classroom.   
  
            “I can’t believe he’s going to school,” Ruby murmured.   
  
            “Seems like it was just yesterday that he was crawlin’ around in the kitchen.”   
  
            “That was yesterday,” Ruby rolled her eyes, giggling quietly. “Remember? He was pretending to be a dog.”  
  
            “Oh yeah.” George then started to laugh, shaking his head. “Bec nearly tripped right over him.”   
  
The two of them continued their laughter until they reached the school gates. Ruby quietened and stopped, looking back over her shoulder at the building she had left Junior in.   
  
            “He’s growing up so quickly…”   
  
George knew where the conversation was going to turn if he continued to allow Ruby to slip into her own thoughts. Over the years, the talks about Bucky and the small comments they would share in had slowly begun to dwindle. They had moved on with their lives, because they had to. To dwell on the past would only cause pain. However, there were still moments when there would be a silent understanding of something Bucky would have either said, or would have done. George had seen how those small comments, even so many years after, could tear Ruby down for the day, and so, he tried to stop them as often as he could. His hand upon her shoulder offered a reassuring squeeze, trying to draw her mind away from her thoughts.  
  
            “C’mon. Quicker we get ya to work, the quicker ya pick him up from school.”   
  
            “… I suppose so.” Ruby looked up to George, nodding softly. “I’m sure he’ll have a good day.”

 

  
            Ruby was the first parent to arrive at school at the end of her son’s first day, waiting outside the classroom patiently. For the entire day, she had found herself distracted by thoughts of her son. It had taken all of her willpower for her not to have walked across to the school on her lunchbreak and see how Junior was getting on, and whether or not he was even enjoying his first day, but she had resisted. But, she couldn’t have resisted being the first parent there. Other mothers started to gradually appear, talking amongst themselves quietly. Ruby shifted her weight from one foot to the other, trying not to listen to their conversations out of politeness. They looked to be around her own age, and for a moment, Ruby had to wonder if any of them were in the same situation as she was. Did any of their sweethearts die overseas, and had left them with a child? Even if that was true for some of the mothers, they were all hiding it just as well as Ruby was. They were all laughing and smiling with each other, enjoying their own conversations. She smiled at a few as they entered and lined the walls, just as she was doing, until one woman with red hair came to stand next to her, wearing a bright smile.   
  
            “Your son’s first day, or your daughter’s?”  
  
            “My son’s,” Ruby answered politely, smiling at the woman. “His name is James – but we call him Junior.”   
  
            “It’s my son’s first day too. Thomas,” she said, holding her hand out. “I’m Helen.”   
  
            “Ruby.” She shook Helen’s hand as she spoke. “Nice to meet you.”  
  
            “Nice to meet you too.” Helen then looked around, weighing up the other mothers. “It looks like they already know each other, doesn’t it?”  
  
            “The only other mother I know isn’t even here,” Ruby told Helen. “Her daughter’s younger than my son. They’re good playmates. It’s a shame she isn’t just as old as him, so they could go to school together.”  
  
            “We don’t really know any other mothers, either. Didn’t seem like a lot of people were havin’ babies when I was pregnant.”  
  
            “It didn’t.” Ruby agreed, smiling. Having someone new to speak to was, to put it simply, refreshing. Even though it was small talk, it still made Ruby feel more comfortable than standing alone in the hallway, while the other mothers talked amongst themselves.   
  
            “I wonder if our sons made friends?” Helen giggled. “That’d be pretty funny, wouldn’t it?”  
  
Ruby went to answer at the same time the door to Junior’s classroom opened, effectively silencing her. Mrs Jackson stepped out, smiling at the mothers and inviting them in with open arms.   
  
  
  
            “They’re all very excited to tell you everything they’ve done today,” the older woman told them. “We’ve had a wonderful first day. Come in, come in.”   
Helen nudged Ruby gently and nodded toward the door, leading the way. Ruby followed before anyone else could, making her the second in the room. She barely had time to look around before she saw Junior running at her, stretching his arms up immediately to be picked up.   
  
            “Mama!”   
  
            “Oh!”  
  
Ruby picked him up in an instant, wrapping her arms around him so she could cuddle him close. She felt his little face press against her neck and she laughed, rocking him slightly while she looked at all the other mothers now coming in to collect their children. She could see Helen stood not so far away from where she was, with a little boy in front of her with the same shade of red hair, holding out a picture.   
  
            “Did you have a good day, sweetheart?” Ruby murmured to her son.   
  
            “I wanna go, Mama.” Junior mumbled into her neck, attempting to further bury his face against her. A frown formed on Ruby’s face as she continued to hold her son, with worry building in the pit of her stomach.  
  
            “What’s the matter? Did something happen today?”  
  
            “Mrs Barnes,” a soft voice spoke. Junior whined against Ruby’s neck, almost squirming in her arms. Mrs Jackson came into Ruby’s line of sight, interrupting her watching of mothers leaving with their children.  
  
            “Mrs Barnes, I’d like to have a word with you, if you don’t mind.”   
  
            “Why? What’s wrong with my son? Has someone bothered him? Because if they have, then –”   
  
            “It’s not that, Mrs Barnes, but…” The woman trailed off, waiting until the room had mostly cleared. Over the teacher’s shoulder, Ruby could see Helen giving her a small wave as she led Thomas from the classroom. Mrs Jackson invited Ruby toward her desk, inviting her to sit down in the only other chair in the room meant for an adult. Junior stayed curled up on Ruby’s lap after she sat, resting his head against her while she ran her fingers through his dark hair.   
  
            “James has been upset quite a bit today. It started just before lunch, you see. James was…” Mrs Jackson paused, glancing between Ruby and Junior. “He and the other boys were about to play a game. One of the boys wanted to be Captain America – you know how that game goes. James wanted to be a soldier, and then went on to tell the other children that his father knew Captain America. The other boys teased him, and James got rather upset about it.”   
  
            “They said I was lying, Mama! About daddy!” Junior looked up at Ruby, with tears pooling in his eyes. Ruby hushed him, putting her arms back around him to cradle him against her.   
  
            “After that, James didn’t want to play. He was incredibly quiet this afternoon. He’s kept to himself.”   
  
  
            “… He’s not lying.” Ruby finally said, meeting the gaze of the teacher. “His father did know Captain America. His father was Captain America’s best friend. He fought alongside him during the War.”   
  
            “Oh.” Mrs Jackson’s eyebrows shot up, shock etching into her features. Pink began to colour her cheeks, letting Ruby know that she hadn’t believed Junior, either.          “I’m sorry. It’s just that, well, it’s –”           
  
             “Hard to believe. I know.” Ruby nodded softly. “But Junior’s father was part of Captain America’s Howling Commandos. His father died before he got to meet him.”  
  
            “I’m so sorry.”   
  
            “Junior doesn’t understand that people won’t believe him. He’s grown up listening to stories about his father and Captain America, so of course he would want to tell other children about it. He gets so happy when he hears of something brave that his daddy did.”   
Ruby smiled, feeling Junior’s little clinging hand slip from holding onto her cardigan tightly.  
  
             “But I like to keep it quiet. You understand, don’t you? The Howling Commandos are almost as well-known as Captain America. I don’t want my son bothered by people. I want him to grow up normal.”  
  
            “If it happens again, what would you like me to do?”   
  
            “What you would do if Junior was any other child. I don’t want him treated any differently. I’ll talk to him when we get home, and explain to him. But please, don’t tell anyone about his father.”  
  
            “Of course not.” Mrs Jackson shook her head. “It’s confidential information. But, I’ll keep an eye on him over the next few days and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”   
  
            “Thank-you.”   
  
Ruby slipped Junior off of her lap before she stood, but only to be rewarded by him clinging to her hand tightly. He hadn’t looked back at the teacher once, and had curled into Ruby any time that Mrs Jackson had spoken. Ruby ruffled her son’s hair, then gently stroked under his chin.   
  
            “Say goodbye to Mrs Jackson, sweetheart.”   
  
            “G’bye.”   
  
            “And what else?”  
  
            “…Thank-you.”  
  
  
With the last word so mumbled and hurried, Ruby didn’t have the heart to ask him to repeat it. Mrs Jackson simply smiled at Ruby, walking to the door with her. Nothing was said between the two more than a polite goodbye, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable between the two adults. Junior remained quiet – until the school doors had been breached, and he and Ruby stepped into the sunlight.   
  
            “Not a good day then, sweetheart?”   
  
            “They said I was lying.” Junior quietly told her. “’M not lying. I wanted to tell them all about daddy, but they didn’t listen.”   
  
            “Nevermind. You and I know all about daddy. That’s enough.”  
  
Junior fell quiet once more, walking alongside his mother while still clinging to her hand. She swung their hands softly, making it so there was enough of a motion to keep their hands moving in the air.   
  
            “Mama?”  
  
            “Yes?”   
  
            “Can we go see daddy?”  
  
            “Right now?” Ruby glanced down at him, meeting her son’s blue eyes with her own. “You want to see daddy before we go home?”  
  
            “I wanna tell him about school.” Junior shrugged, gazing up at his mother. “And all about my friends.”   
  
            “You made a friend? Who?”  
  
            “I made two, Mama.” Junior giggled, finally beginning to perk up. “Mary and Tommy. Tommy’s daddy died too. Tommy said he went to fight like daddy did.”  
  
            “I think daddy would like to hear all about your first day at school.” Ruby smiled softly at him, carefully pushing the dark locks from her son’s face that were certainly ready for being cut soon, as they were almost in his eyes.   
  
            “Can we get ice cream too? Please?”   
  
            “Before dinner?” She chuckled at Junior’s dragged out plea, rolling her eyes. She looked down to see Junior’s big, blue eyes looking up to her expectantly, and she knew she couldn’t deny him what he wanted.   
  
            “Just this once. But don’t tell Becca when we get home.”   
              


* * *

  
**September 20 th, Minsk, Belarus, 1949  
  
**  
            A leather-gloved hand reached for the tumbler on one of the mats on the surface of the bar, holding it as if the fingers underneath the worn, black leather of the glove were flesh and bone, and could feel how fragile the glass truly was. Cold, empty blue eyes wandered around the extravagant room with a feigned look of little interest, though in reality, he was scanning the room once more. Several checks had been conducted in the time he had spent sat at the bar, watching the move of every person whose picture had been in the ledger he had been given twelve hours before.   
  
A flash of red broke free of the black suits and dresses, allowing James to see where Natalia was amongst the crowd. This was her mission – he was there simply to cover her back, should she need it. Though, both of them knew that she wouldn’t. Natalia was more than capable of protecting herself while getting what she wanted. She didn’t need James to protect her. She never had, for that matter. James had made that point clear over the years to his handlers, and hers. His praise had gotten Natalia out into the world on her own, completing her own missions while he was sent to do his, but there were times that the two would be sent out on a mission together – and this was one of them.   
James didn’t turn to find her in the crowd again as he drained the dark liquid from the glass in his hand. Instead, he turned back to the bar and requested another drink, though there would be no impact of the alcohol unless he drank and finished every bottle that the bar had to offer. The glass was wordlessly given to him, and James took it without so much as a nod toward the bartender. His interest remained soley on the glass in his hand, until a voice seemed to wash over the room and quieten the noise from the couples that had filled the dancefloor.   
  
  
            James turned to cast his gaze to the small stage that was just beyond the dancefloor, and as soon as his wandering eyes caught sight of the woman whose voice had filled the room, his breath hitched. Singing in her own language that James perfectly understood, was a young, lithe, blonde woman, wearing a deep red dress. She had barely gotten halfway through her first song before James was completely mesmerised by her. The rest of the room seemed to be forgotten as James began to move, leaving his full glass at the bar. He moved through the throng of people easily, slipping around couples and avoiding contact and only stopping when he was standing directly in front of the stage. The blonde smiled at him, directing her attention toward him for a moment while she sang. James continued to stare with as blank of an expression as he had worn at the bar, completely absorbing her performance. Every line she sang, every movement she made, he couldn’t help but stare. But, the longer his stare continued, the further he grew disconnected from the room around him. His left hand raised, rising so that he could wrap his hand around his right bicep and squeeze.   
  
            “Sunshine.”   
  
            His eyes glazed over after the lone word had slipped from his lips. The woman who was singing became drowned out by the voice inside his mind, who sang so beautifully.   
  
            “You are my sunshine…”  
  
The voice that was filling his memory was as soothing as it was angelic, singing in a language that he rarely heard anymore. The music accompanying the voice was soft, and as James swayed to the voice, an image began to form. A dark room, a small dancefloor, and a stage toward the back. The band were dressed in fine suits, playing their instruments expertly. In the centre of the stage was a woman, wearing a dress of glittering pale silver, as if diamonds themselves had been strung together to make it.   
  
            “My only sunshine…”   
  
As the image in his mind wandered upward, the music that had surrounded him drew to a close, making the image slowly disappear before James could see the woman he had been thinking of.  
  
            “… Don’t take my sunshine away.”   
  
A deep frown set upon James’s features, furrowing his dark brows together. His mind became blank, even the voice slipping away from him to leave silence in its wake. She couldn’t be gone – not now, when he was so close to remembering her.   
  
  
            “James.”   
  
Natalia’s voice brought him crashing back down to reality. Only when he was drawn out of his own mind did he feel the pressure that his left hand was causing to his right arm, the numb feeling running up to where his own grip was cutting off circulation. He immediately released his arm, turning to face the redhead by his side. James could see the concern written into Natalia’s eyes, though it didn’t quite reach the rest of her features.   
  
            “We have to leave.” Natalia’s hand slipped into his gloved one, pulling him with enough force to make him begin to move with her. His gaze wandered from Natalia and toward the stage, where the blonde was still singing sweetly. She offered James a subtle nod and even a wave of her hand as he was led back through the crowd. A smile twitched upon his lips, but with how Natalia was pulling him along, James couldn’t do anything more. His line of sight with the blonde broke, drawing him back to Natalia and their easy escape through the doors of the hotel they were in.   
  
            The cold air instantly bit down on him as they broke into the world outside the hotel doors. Natalia let her hold on his hand drop, turning to face him with a look of unbridled anger now directed at him.  
  
            “What were you doing?!”   
  
            “You don’t understand,” James tried to tell her, but Natalia held her hand up to silence him. James grunted, but did indeed fall silent, grinding his teeth together instead.   
  
            “I have the information I need. We will go to the safehouse, and you will tell me there what happened to you in that room.”   
  
James looked away from her. Natalia took that as his agreement – not that she had left any room for him to disagree – and began to move away from the front of the hotel. James followed in silence, without his steps making as much as a sound upon the paved floor of the street.   
  
  
            Thankfully, their safehouse was close-by the hotel. In mere minutes, Natalia had checked them in at the front desk and they had made it back to the room without a word spoken. Only when Natalia closed the door behind them and locked it did James turn, exhaling deeply.   
  
            “It was Ruby.”   
  
Natalia’s eyebrows raised as she turned to face him. Her mouth opened slightly as she went to speak, but James shook his head. He knew what she was about to say.   
  
            “Not the woman on the stage. But I remembered…”   
  
There were no doubts in his mind that the woman he had pictured was who he had been trying to remember for years now. It had to have been her. It had to have been his Ruby. He would have finally been able to put a face to the voice that haunted his dreams – if he hadn’t been pulled out of his mind so soon.  
  
            “What did you remember this time?”  
  
            “She was American.”   
  
Ruby had been American – but he wasn’t. He was Russian. That brought questions of how they had met, and how she had come to mean so much to him that he had her name tattooed upon his arm. James shrugged off the black jacket of the suit he wore, throwing it carelessly onto the bed.  
  
            “If she was American, then –”  
  
            “I don’t know.” James shook his head, tugging his tie from around his neck. “All I know is… She was American. And she used to sing to me. A song about sunshine.”  
  
            “James…” Natalia sighed, walking toward the bed so that she could begin removing the heels she was wearing. “This isn’t the first memory you’ve had of your Ruby.”   
  
  
Natalia was right, of course. Throughout all the years she and James had known each other, James had been desperately trying to remember the woman he had once known. Every broken memory, every frazzled piece that he remembered, he had confided in Natalia. Every night without fail, her voice spoke to him while he dreamt. But even now, he had never seen her face in his memory. He had only ever seen her running away from him, and he had never managed to catch her. He knew very little about Ruby, but that didn’t mean that his hope had ever faded. Nikita hadn’t ever mentioned a Ruby, nor had any of his other handlers. The only person in his life who knew about Ruby was Natalia, and he knew even she wished that he would give up hope. It had been too long since he had first started trying to remember her.   
  
            “I loved her. I know that I did.”   
  
That was something that James knew as truth. He had loved Ruby. Perhaps he would have still loved her now, if he could remember her. He had spent so much of his time wondering what had happened to her – whether he had lost her tragically, whether they had simply grown apart, whether it had been a forbidden kind of love. Now, knowing that she had been an American, he had to wonder if they had met only briefly and she had stolen his heart. He didn’t even know whether she had loved him – but he knew that he had loved her. That was a truth that he knew he could hold onto.   
  
            “I know that you did. But maybe…”  
  
Natalia moved, coming to stand in front of James. Her hands carefully came up, brushing back the locks of hair hanging over his forehead that were beginning to grow long. His eyes closed as he bowed his head, while Natalia’s hands gently moved to cup his face.   
  
             “Maybe it’s time to let her go, James.”   
  
**  
**

* * *

**June 2 nd, Brooklyn, New York, 1950   
  
  
  
**             Ruby listened to her son’s laughter, watching him run around on the grass with a red-headed boy the same age as he was, and a little girl with blonde hair. Ruby rolled her eyes from her seat at the picnic bench, turning back to the other mothers with a look of amusement on her face.   
  
             “I can’t imagine what they’re playing now.”   
  
             “Come on, Ruby. You know they’re going to be playing armies.” The redheaded woman beside her laughed, waving her hand. “Tommy was telling me all about it this morning on the way here.”   
  
             “Mary was tellin’ me how she gets to be Captain America.” The other woman at their table – Mary’s mother, Edith – smiled. “James gets to be his daddy, Tommy gets to be his, and Mary’s Captain America.”  
  
             “She does have the right hair for it.” Ruby shrugged, making Helen laugh again. Edith shook her head, watching the three children run around. Mary was at the front of their small group, with Junior and Tommy following behind her. Ruby shook her head softly as she turned to watch the children too, with smile playing upon her lips.   
  
             “They’re so happy…”   
  
  
  
             After Junior’s first day at school, Ruby had a hard time taking him back the following day. Junior had asked to stay home with George, and had even tried to ask if he could come to the Typing House with Ruby instead of going to school. It had made it all the more difficult for Ruby to take him and leave him behind, having to see him look so sad when she had walked away from him in the classroom. She had dreaded picking him up that day incase anything more had happened and upset him but to her surprise, when she had gone to pick him up, Junior had been laughing. He had immediately taken her hand and pulled her toward a little redheaded boy and his mother – Tommy and Helen, the very same woman Ruby had been talking to the day before. Junior had excitedly introduced Tommy and then dragged Ruby toward another child in the room, this time a little girl who had her blonde hair pulled into pigtails. Ruby had then introduced herself to the little girl’s mother, while Junior enjoyed an animated conversation with the little girl, and then the little boy who had joined them. All three women had looked at their children and started to laugh, watching them talk and laugh with each other. Any doubts that were in Ruby’s mind about Junior attending school were settled, as she had watched him with his friends.   
  
As time had gone on, Junior had told Ruby all about the other friends he had made in his class – but Tommy and Mary still remained his two best friends. At least once a week, the three women would get together after they picked their children up from school and spend time together. Sometimes, Andrea would join them with Lucy, and other times, like that particular day, Becca would join them after she had finished her day at college.   
  
  
  
             “Hey, Squirt!”   
  
Ruby was laughing before she even turned to see Becca being jumped on by Junior, closely followed by Tommy and Mary running over to her too. Becca pretended to be weighed down by her nephew, struggling to pull him off.   
  
             “Got ya, Red Skull!” Junior shouted, clinging to Becca’s leg.   
  
             “Why am I always Red Skull?” Becca laughed, shaking her leg to try and remove him from it. “Get off me, ya little pest!”   
  
             “Nuhuh!”   
  
             “Then I gotta call reinforcements, huh?” Ruby watched as Becca grinned, calling over her shoulder. “Hey, Matthew!”   
  
Ruby’s attention turned to further down the pathway of the park, where a tall, dark-haired man was walking toward their little group. Ruby waved a greeting at him, to which he nodded. Then, he dropped both of the bags he was carrying and ran at the group of children, making them shriek in laughter. Junior released Becca’s leg, running away from both of the adults with Tommy and Mary in tow. Matthew rolled his eyes and looked at Becca before he started to chase after them, earning more shrieks as he went. Becca, having picked up the bags that the man had dropped, then came to join Ruby and the other women at the picnic table.  
  
             “If he gets them all riled up, he’s in charge of trying to get them to eat their dinner.” Ruby playfully warned Becca.   
  
             “Good. He needs all the practice he can get.” Becca giggled. “How’s he gonna control an entire class of kids if he can’t even get three to eat their vegetables?”  
  
             “And you can get kids to eat their vegetables?” Helen asked, amused.   
  
             “Duh. That’s why I’m gonna be the better teacher. Everyone will be wantin’ my class, not his.”   
  
             “I don’t think I based Junior’s school on whether or not they could get him to eat his vegetables, Becca.” Ruby laughed. Becca scrunched up her nose, sticking her tongue out at Ruby.   
  
             “Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna be a better teacher than Matthew.”   
  
But Becca’s attention had shifted to the man chasing the children around. Ruby watched Becca’s expression change into one that was filled with nothing but affection, and couldn’t help but smile herself.   
  
Matthew had been brought into their lives in November. Ruby remembered Becca walking in one night after college with the dark-haired, brown-eyed man and introduced him as a classmate. Matthew had stayed for dinner, and had been talking to George long afterward. At the end of the night, Matthew had told Becca that he had asked George’s permission to take her on a date – and their relationship had only grown from there.   
  
             “Bet you haven’t told him that, have you?”   
  
             “He already knows,” Becca responded to Ruby, turning back to face her. “We’re gonna have all kinds of bets goin’ when we both start.”   
  
             “How long is it now?” Helen asked.  
  
             “Couple of months,” Becca shrugged. “Should be startin’ work in the Fall, if we can find any.”   
  
             “Would you both be looking at the same school?” Edith then continued.   
  
             “Think so. It ain’t gonna be Junior’s school, though. Don’t go worryin’ yourself, Ruby.”   
  
             “You know Junior wouldn’t care.” Ruby paused, raising her hand while she did so. “Actually, that’s probably for the best. He’d be a little hellraiser if he knew you were there, too. He’d undermine your entire authority in your classroom within an hour.”   
  
             “I’m tellin’ ya, that little devil was put here just _to_ irritate me.”   
  
             “Is that any way to speak about your nephew?” Ruby chuckled. “You’d break his little heart if he heard you saying that.”  
  
             “Oh yeah, the kid’s a real sap.” Becca shook her head as she made to check her wristwatch. “Hey, Pop’s gonna be home from the Doc’s soon. We gonna head back before he gets home?”  
  
             “Is today he’s getting his results?” Helen turned to Ruby. Ruby nodded in return, smiling softly. She made to tuck a loose lock of blonde hair behind her ear, shrugging her shoulders.   
  
             “Hopefully, everything will be fine. He’s just been running himself ragged lately, between us all. He does so much around the house for us that I don’t think he lets himself have a break.”  
  
             “Yeah, but if you tell him to sit down, he’d only tell ya off.” Becca chuckled. “Pop’s always been like that. He’ll be fine. Been through a war, two kids, _and_ Junior. Nothin’s gonna get to him.”   
  
              “You’re right.” Ruby chuckled. “If Junior can’t knock him down, nothing can.”  
  
             “Well right now, your little hellraiser’s tryin’ to knock down Matthew,” Becca gestured over her shoulder, where Junior was indeed, trying to drag the man down to the ground by pulling on his leg, with the help of Mary and Tommy. Ruby rolled her eyes and glanced over to Becca’s wrist, checking the time on her watch.   
  
             “Junior! Come on, time to go home for dinner!”  
  
But Ruby’s shout fell on deaf ears as the children managed to drag Matthew to the floor, and began to dive all over him. She rolled her eyes, watching her son climb onto Matthew’s stomach and sit on him triumphantly.   
  
             “That boy…”   


 

* * *

  **  
March 10 th, Unknown Location, Russia, 1950  
  
  
**             James swallowed nervously, hovering outside the closed door. One hand was raised and ready to knock on the dark oak, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. He had worked himself up to where he was now all day, or at least, he had tried to. Perhaps it would be in vain, for Nikita might not be able to tell him anything that he didn’t already know. But perhaps Nikita could finally give him the answers that he had been searching for for so long, without ever asking. **  
  
** His teeth sank into his bottom lip as he drew the courage to finally have his knuckles make contact with the door, while his heart pounded wildly in his chest. The rush of adrenaline, the fear that began to gnaw at him, and the impatience of the moment soon began to add up, bringing James to a level where he didn’t know whether he wanted to run back to his quarters and lock himself in until the morning broke, or stay and await whatever information Nikita could provide him. But he remained rooted to the spot, until the door opened. James shuffled backward, looking to Nikita and taking in the concerned look directed to him.   
  
             “James. It’s late. What do you want?”  
  
             “I wish to talk to you,” James fell considerably more quiet than usual. “… About myself.”   
  
             “About yourself?” Nikita’s eyebrows furrowed, but James had to let out a sigh of relief when the man invited him inside the room. “What is it about yourself that you want to talk about, James?”  
  
  
James waited until Nikita had shut the door and invited him to sit on the small sofa that was inside his room. He noted that Nikita’s quarters were considerably larger than his own, with far more to them. James didn’t mind – he didn’t have many possessions to begin with. His weapons were his own, as were his clothes, but other than that, he was provided for. James shifted upon the sofa to look at Nikita, clasping his hands together in front of him.   
  
             “… Have I always been here? Like the girls?”   
  
             “Of course you have.” Nikita’s voice was slow. “Why would you think differently?”  
  
             “I…”   
  
He cast his gaze down, looking away from his handler. What he was about to say wasn’t easy, and therefore he had to word it correctly. Nikita had been so kind to him – he had trained him, he had been there whenever James had needed him. To make it seem like Nikita wasn’t telling him the truth seemed like James was being ungrateful.   
  
             “… I sometimes think that I had a different life from this one. Where I was a different man. Where –”  
  
             “James. You have always been here. This is your home.”   
  
             “Then why do I have this?” His left arm came up to settle upon his right arm, directly over the tattoo etched into his skin. “Who is Ruby?”  
  
             “It doesn’t matter who she is,” Nikita shrugged. “She’s dead. You don’t remember because you do not want to.”   
  
             “But I do remember. I remember her. She was American.” James licked his lips, pushing forward. “Why would I know an American?”  
  
             “She’s dead, James.”   
  
             “But I –”  
  
             “Enough.”   
  
Nikita’s tone was sharp enough to make James stop and bow his head in submission. He fell silent, letting his hand drop away from his arm. He hadn’t received the answers he wanted – but he didn’t dare try and continue asking more about his past. Nikita had told him what he already knew – he had always been a part of the Red Room. He wasn’t going to get more than that out of the man.  
  
             “I apologise. I just wondered…”   
  
             “All you need to know is that we have given you everything you are. You were nothing when you came here. Understand?”  
  
             “Yes.” James nodded quietly. “I should go and rest. I have a mission tomorrow.”   
  
             “Goodnight, James.”   
  
Nikita made no attempt to move, which let James know he had been dismissed. He quickly walked across the room and left, keeping his head bowed all the while. Quiet footsteps took him back to his room, where he shut and locked the door behind him. James slumped against it, sighing heavily.   
  
             “What did he say?”   
  
James opened his eyes, glancing to the figure in the dimly-lit room. Natalia was already awaiting him, standing only an arm’s reach away. James slid further down the door, sitting down. He stretched one leg out, resting his head back against the door. Natalia came to sit down in front of him, in the space between his legs. It wasn’t often that Natalia visited his room – nor he visited hers. They worked together as flawless team both in the field and in the Red Room, but their relationship didn’t stretch beyond Natalia being his closest confidant. She was the one he told everything to – which was why he answered her question so easily, with such a defeated tone.   
  
             “That she’s dead.”   
  
             “That’s enough, then.” Natalia said quietly. “You know what happened to her.”   
  
             “I’d know if she was dead. I’d feel it. I don’t feel like she’s dead, Natalia. I know she’s out there somewhere.”  
  
             “You’ve tormented yourself for years, James. Maybe you just don’t want to accept it.”   
  
Natalia’s hand reached out in an attempt to let her fingertips brush against his face, but he caught her wrist in a tight hold, preventing her from touching him.   
  
             “She’s not dead.” James growled, glaring. “I would know.”   
  
He shoved her hand back, but Natalia didn’t draw back further. Her hand dropped to her lap, but she continued to stay sat in front of him. She stayed quiet, waiting for James to speak first.   
  
             “Ruby is alive. I know it.” James told her. “And one day, I’ll find her.”   
  
             “James…”   
  
             “I will.”   
  
               
  
             Nikita shoved both doors open to the conference room, barging in without even awaiting permission. The men already in there turned, but their glares didn’t stop Nikita from moving, nor did it halt him speaking.   
   
            “I apologise but – it’s important.” Nikita’s voice was hurried, panting slightly. “It’s James. He’s starting to remember.”   


 

* * *

 

  **November 14 th, Brooklyn, New York, 1950**

 **  
  
**              Ruby hummed to herself as she slung the dishtowel over her shoulder, making her way from the kitchen and to the front room. Junior had been dropped off at school already, and Becca had already left for college. Ruby was soon about to be off to the Typing House too, but she was still waiting on George coming down the stairs so she could give him the list of groceries to get.  
  
             “George! I’m going to leave, are you coming down?”  
  
When she received no answer, Ruby rolled her eyes and started to walk up the stairs, only to slow down when she heard violent coughing coming from George’s room. She stilled, her heart beginning to pound against her chest. The coughing stopped, followed by a thud. Ruby ran up the remainder of the steps, rushing into George’s room to find him kneeling on the floor – and a bloody handkerchief in front of him.   
  
             “George!”   
  
             “R-Ruby, don’t –”   
  
His hands waved to stop her from dropping to the floor with him, but it was too late. She was already there, pulling her cardigan off to wipe the blood dripping down his chin off of his face.   
  
             “We have to take you to the hospital –”  
  
             “No!” George pulled away from her, falling backward so he was no longer up on his knees. “No, Ruby. You don’t.”  
  
             “George, this is serious!” Ruby fumbled with her cardigan, still trying to wipe the blood from him. George pushed her hands away with his arm, not wanting to touch her with blood-covered hands. He was panting heavily as Ruby panicked, but he didn’t seem to be as concerned as she was – and that worried her.   
  
             “Ruby, stop.”    
  
             “No! Look at you, this isn’t normal! The doctor said you were –”  
  
             “Dyin’.” George said quietly. “… They said it’s cancer, Ruby. An’ they can’t do anythin’ about it.”   
  
Ruby fell silent, but her eyes went wide. Tears began to form as she grew more confused with each second that passed. George cast a sad look toward her, shrugging softly.   
  
             “You said that he said you were _fine_.” Ruby’s voice began to break. “You told us that you were–”  
  
             “I didn’t wanna worry any of ya.” George shook his head. “You’re all doin’ too much to be worryin’ about me. I couldn’t tell ya. Especially not Junior. I went back to the Doc a couple of weeks ago. He told me straight.”   
  
             “So you lied.”   
  
             “Thought it’d be easier.” George chuckled softly, which then turned into a cough. Ruby flinched, reaching for her cardigan again, but George pushed it away.   
  
             “Look, I’ve got a couple of months still left.” George offered her a smile, though she could see that he was trying his hardest not to let it turn into a sad expression. Tears had begun to fall from her eyes, and she made no attempt to stop them. George just couldn’t be dying. She wouldn’t believe it. After all they had been through, George couldn’t be taken away so cruelly from them.   
  
             “A couple of months isn’t enough.” Ruby’s throat felt tight as she tried to talk, making her speech come out slurred. “We need you. Junior needs you. How are you going to tell them?”   
  
             “I’m not gonna.” George shook his head. “And you’re not gonna either, Ruby.”   
  
             “We can’t not tell them, George! This isn’t something small, this is –”  
  
             “Please.”  
  
That one word made Ruby stop and truly look at him. Now that she knew, she could see all the little details in him that had begun to change. She now realised that he had looked more tired than usual, and that he had began to grow thinner. She had put it off to George growing older – or maybe she hadn’t noticed at all, because hadn’t wanted to think that anything could possibly be wrong with him at all. She had accepted George being told he was fine by the doctor – and now that realisation was setting in, she couldn’t take it. But what she was feeling, she knew that she couldn’t inflict the same feeling on Becca, and certainly not her son. Junior wouldn’t understand the situation – and to have to try and explain it to him would only make her more distraught. She would have to respect George’s wishes – even if she didn’t think it was the right thing to do.   
  
             “... Promise you’ll tell them at some point.” Ruby looked at him, with tears still in her eyes. “Please.”   
  
George seemed to hesitate, which only worried Ruby further. She looked away for a moment, casting her gaze down to her now bloodied cardigan and the handkerchief that lay nearby, until George’s answer made her look back up.   
  
             “After Christmas.”   
  
  


* * *

  
**December 1 st, Unknown Location, Russia, 1951  
**  
  
  
             In the months that had passed, James hadn’t mentioned Ruby again. He was more than aware of Nikita keeping a careful watch on him, but luckily, he was able to stay one step ahead. He performed again and again to his highest ability, completing solo missions and missions with Natalia to perfection. Yet, even with James performing so well, there was always Ruby singing in the back of his mind.   
  
Natalia, of course, knew. She was the only person that James still trusted completely, and she had been entrusted with all his thoughts about the American woman that was still so mysterious to him. She had gone over what little information he had about Ruby with him, engaging him in his lost thoughts and struggles as he tried so desperately to remember her. But, like it had been for so many years, it was all in vain. Though he wanted to find his Ruby – she had to be alive, he knew it – he didn’t have a place to start.   
  
  
             “James!”   
  
Nikita’s voice shouted across the training room, where Natalia and James were sparring. James raised his hand to halt the redhead as Nikita came toward them, wearing a grimace.   
  
             “What is it?” James asked as soon as Nikita had come to a stop in front of them. Natalia threw James his white vest, which he slipped back over himself, where it started to stick to him from the thin layer of sweat covering his torso.   
  
             “There is a man to see you.”   
  
             “A man? Who is he?”   
  
             “He says you will know when you see him. He’s here to… Improve your skills.”   
  
The hesitation had James tensing, but he relaxed just as quickly. Nikita couldn’t see that James was showing anything other than cooperation. He could feel Natalia’s eyes raking over him as he turned fully to Nikita, nodding his head.   
  
             “I must meet this man, then.”   
  
             “Yes. Follow me.” Nikita paused, then raised his hand to Natalia. “You do not need to come. Stay here.”   
  
James turned to her briefly, shooting her a look that she knew all too well. It was a silent instruction for her to remain as normal as she possibly could be, and so, Natalia turned her attention to the punchbags behind her. James then turned to Nikita, gesturing for him to lead the way.   
  
  
  
             The laboratory was a place that James detested the most of all in their facility – and it was exactly where he was being led. He had to make monthly visits, so that his arm could be tuned and occasionally brought up to the newest update. James couldn’t quite decide on what it was about the laboratory that he hated – the large, metal chair he was forced to sit upon, the binds that went around his body to stop him involuntarily lashing out, or whether it was the way the room seemed too familiar, though it wasn’t at all.  
  
             “You must get in the chair, James. The doctor wants you to be calm.”   
  
             “Of course.”  
  
Even as a shudder ran up his spine, James didn’t respond in any way other than what he knew was correct. He had never fought the chair, or the binds. He seated himself as comfortably as he could get and looked to Nikita for guidance, while doctors worked their way around him. The binds that usually restrained him weren’t put on, leaving James sat in the chair, awaiting whoever the doctor was that wanted to see him.   
  
  
             “There you are.”   
  
James instantly tensed. He knew that voice – and he knew it well. Both of his hands curled into fists and started to shake as he sat up straight. His breathing had begun to come in shaking breaths as he looked at Nikita, not quite daring to turn around just yet.   
  
             “James, this is Doctor –”  
  
             “Zola.” James cut Nikita off.   
  
             “Sergeant Barnes.”   
  
All it took was his name. James’s mind began to burst with thought and memory, dragging him so far into it that James started to shout. His fists suddenly uncurled, desperately grabbing at his hair in an attempt to try and stop the pain that was surging through his mind. His entire being felt like it had been thrown into icy water, and was struggling to find a way back to the surface. Memories burst across his closed eyes, filling his mind with noise and himself with too much sudden emotion. His heart felt like it was going to rip right out of his chest with the way it pounded. Someone was shouting his name – but not his real one. In a flash, his metal hand had reached out and found Nikita’s throat, beginning to squeeze upon instinct.   
  
             “James –”  
  
Nikita didn’t get another word out. James continued to squeeze even as the doctors surrounding him rushed around, trying to fit the binds over his arm to stop him. Every doctor tried; all but Zola, who was watching James with an almost proud smile.  
  
             “My name isn’t James.”   
  
No, his name wasn’t James.   
  
His name was Bucky.   
  
And he remembered _everything_.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I updated - but thank-you for all your comments and reviews.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by this song, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mHWvwx1kK4, and a handful of brainstorms with the inspiration behind Red.


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